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Mar 2015 · 494
Campaign
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
On the day of the election, he is nervous
He's prepared his victory speech
He's prepared his consolation speech
He's dressed in his sharpest suit
He's ready
And, as he stares at himself in the mirror
He says:
"Love isn't supposed to be like this"
Mar 2015 · 624
Synonyms
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
Love
Truth
Beauty
Hell
Mar 2015 · 1.1k
Garfield Fanfic
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
PANEL 1:
Jon and Garfield sit at the same living room table in complete silence. Jon struggles to keep the weak smile plastered to his face.

PANEL 2:
Jon begins sobbing uncontrollably. Garfield stares. He says nothing.

PANEL 3:**
Jon continues sobbing. Garfield eats a lasagna.
I wanted to make a Garfield mini-comic once with a couple of strips like this. The cover was gonna be Garfield sitting on a throne made of corpses of other Garfields.

I regret not seeing it through.
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
I've been digging this pit my whole life
Mostly I just lay around down here
It feels like the only time I'm not lying around is when I'm digging it deeper
It's lonely down here
But that's the funny thing about being all alone
You have so much space
It's really spacious
You could fit down here if you wanted
Do you want to?
Do
Don't
I can't figure it out, either
Even if I could, I can't decide for you
Should I?
Decision was never your forte
Should I become that person for you?
I can't decide

There's bugs down here
Bugs and worms
Most people don't like bugs and worms
I like bugs and worms
I think you like bugs and worms
They've been down here for a while
I started naming them, but then I remembered it doesn't matter
Sometimes I let the bugs crawl in my mouth
Just 'cause I know it'd freak people out
They'd say I'm weird
But they're not down here
And they can't see
So it doesn't matter

What a fine pit this is
Mar 2015 · 583
Qevax Lbhe Binygvar
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
V'z cerggl fher V ybir lbh
Coded messages we send back and forth
Lbh gryy zr nyy gur gvzr
I hope you've been tuning in
V qba'g guvax V oryvrir lbh
'Cause this one's for you
Vg'f bxnl, V'yy or svar
Mar 2015 · 470
Riddles
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
I speak only in lies.
This statement is false.
I've stopped caring.
Mar 2015 · 783
Obituary
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
The obituary read "lost at sea"
His ship was found one evening, dashed against the rocks
The obituary read "lost at sea"
It didn't tell the story of what actually happened
The obituary read "lost at sea"
And no one would ever know the true story
The obituary read "lost at sea"
And no one would ever see him again
The obituary read "lost at sea"
The siren had simply sung too sweetly for this one
The obituary read "lost at sea"
Mar 2015 · 284
Untitled
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
You're fine
I'm fine
Neither of us really are
Which means we both are
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
You're just like someone that I knew
In oh-so-many ways
Somebody who had promised me
Her love for all my days

Forever's what we'd hoped for
Forever's what we'd planned
You're just like someone that I knew
I hope you understand
Mar 2015 · 766
You Can Do Better, Honey
Jonny Buttcheeks Mar 2015
I know that there's a guy you like
I know him very well
And I wish you didn't like him
And I wish he'd burn in Hell

'Cause I know you think he's sweet
And I know you think he's kind
And I know you like the stupid thoughts
That bounce around his mind

But I wish you wouldn't like him
And I wish you wouldn't care
About his cigarette-stained teeth
About his stupid hair

About his pretty, careful words
About his ****** smile
He uses to conceal himself
Despicable and vile

I wish that you'd believe me
I wish you wouldn't scoff
When I wish you'd never met him
Because you'd be better off

I wish that you would listen
I wish that you could see
You could love such better people
Than someone such as me

— The End —