It would have been a whisper
A voice dancing on your eardrums
A slight breeze trough your hair
It would have been easy
Watching love blossom in the winter
Wild flowers goring through feet of snow
I should have just ended it
Walked away from everything
And never look back on all this
Was it a mistake....?
No....a learning experience
So I'll never get close to another person
I'll become the ghost I always was
In the hallways of your fleeting memories
Should I have ended it?
What would have been the point?
You broke my heart
I broke your sanity
Guess we're even
Not like I had anything going for me
Goodnight
Thought I'd just write my thoughts
One more time
Before I paint them on the canvas
The corner of my room has become

A smile
So brightly aimed at me
Elated I was beyond belief
Just to think someone was finally noticing me...
me.
My presence had unconsciously formed a smile on someone's lips
And for once I felt...
Pretty

Suspicion quickly replaced
His joy surely mirrored on my face
Reality began to resurface
Someone must have paid you
Why are we speaking?
Complete reassurance
Embarrassed at my foolishness
I'm sorry self-doubt rules my life

Insecurities sharp as knives stab at my brain
Jumping around, replaying all the words I've ever heard people say
All the times I've been judged by the size of my waist
Before it was even thought to ask my name
Talking myself down
Building myself up
Anyone would be lucky to know you
You'll never be good enough
You're so fat
It's just more to love
Finally convincing myself to reach for the chance I deserve

Another smile in the hall
I wave happily
Switch to confusion when I see you don't do anything
I wondered what I did
Where did I go wrong
Until I notice her and understand all along
While I convinced myself to be brave
Once again I remained unseen

I'm starting to think you don't know me
The sweet words you say unarm me
Leaving me feeling wanted
I thought you understood when I told you I hated compliments?
Especially when I don't know if they're true

You break the rules
I have written around my heart
You open your mouth and I start
Wondering foolishly
falling apart
Crumbling Into feelings
I might never get out of

You wonder why I can't make up my mind
One day I'm happy next day I'm "fine"
All the while changing , trying not to find
Flaws in what's too good to be true

I roll my eyes
In defense
Hoping you won't see past the pretense
Looking Into their depths
And seeing the hope that lies

I'm fine with being alone
I can keep my heart closed
Do me a favor?
Next time you think those sweet words?
Bite your tongue.

difficulty strikes
and you run
turning tail
sailing away
far away

far away
no words could sway
your inner pain
support dismissed
kissed goodbye

hurt not yet realized
outer shell sterilized
showered in luxuries
surely you will someday realize
that little girl u beat
would grow up with inner heat

this heat would grow
growing never fading
the father who was never present
fueling that heat

are you honestly shocked I chose her over you?
she may be a *****
but she would never ditch
leaving because of disagreements
always staying

supporting
punishing
training
for the future
finer things not present
and not important
struggling but staying

you gave up the right
and the sight
of that scared little girl
growing into a young woman

oh! you think the way im being raised is wrong?
that's ok!
you have no say
she's doing a bad job is she!?
like you could have done better?
ha! that's funny!
you fail to realize I have changed
and you are to blame

that shy sweet girl is gone
never to return
ashes long since burned
makes your stomach churn
missing all these milestones

but you were absent
it may have been a god sent
that anger never present
personality never suppressed
all because of your issues

pregnant by 16 you say?
im smarter than you think
freedom doesn't equate to mistake
why make this complaint?
as if you cared

did guilt rear its face?
its about time you showed humanity
worry less about vanity
its harmful to your sanity
wishing for clarity

your absence not forgotten
used to strengthen
you were absent
u don't even realize
you will struggle worse that I
I have few memories of you
you will miss me
its not my fault you ran like a *****

Chasing seagulls shadows
As the breeze slithered through my hair
It was love at first sight
Sunsets tracing rainbows on the murky waters
The sea truly is a mystery
But the love I feel is even more of a mystery
I can still hear the roaring of the surf
Tides coming in slowly
Full moon tonight
Softer breeze and a lot less noise
No children laugh
Parents yelling to stay away from the jellyfish
Just silence
The perfect love affair
It was love at first sight
When the sea breeze kissed me
The salty water wrapped its arms around me
The sun setting fire to Pacific blue water
Moonlight chasing dolphins as they fly through the air
Stars reflecting off the rippling water
It was truly a love affair set in motion at first sight
Now I dare you to fall in love

That's always going to be your name to me
It means perfection
It's a symbol of hope and peace
Adreishka Moonlight
My only light at the end of every tunnel
The only reason I'm abl to sleep peacefully at night
But with your disappearance
I'm finding myself lost in the dark again
Adreishka Moonlight
Just a nickname to who you really are
My One And Only
Guess I'd be insane if I didn't tell you
And I don't care if my girlfriend gets mad
You mean more to me than a petty fight
Adreishka Moonlight
The real you is the mother of our son Warrin
And I really miss you

One push one step
All it takes till they're all weeping
Horrified by the morbidity of my depression
This is what you all did as you watched in amusement
As flesh turned to stitches
Stitches turned to masks worn daily
This is the consequences to what you think is funny
Laughing at the gay guy
Picking on the nerds
Wedgies and swirlys
After school beatings
Lame excuses for the reason their noses are bleeding
One bullet away
And it's your conscious getting locked up
Guilty...Guilty...Guilty
It's all your fault
Your to blame for the red walls
Once painted a baby blue like the sky
Where they all found comfort in the clouds
Now they're waiting patiently
To assist in dragging you to hell
My depression is that of everyone I've lost
To the unreasonable bullying
You pathetic ******* just don't see
The torment your behind the back laughter
In the face fists
Face to **** stained porcelain
Maybe you should taste what you prescribed
For every gay, ****, *****, nerd, underling you so pleased
Priding yourself with their tears
Not realizing it wasn't the only thing you caused to cry
A wrist, a thigh, a chest
Now I'm filling graves you dug
With the bodies of my beloved misfits

I love you
I know I do
But I can't feel it
The numbness has reached my heart
No matter how hard I try
No feelings break free
They're lost somewhere
In the darkness

I don't know how else to put it
I don't have words to explain
It's just these chemical imbalances
I hope you'll understand
I love you
I really do
I just can't always find it