She's the one
She's my need
She's my want
She's my everything
I love her
I still love her
I always will
She stole my heart
My shattered heart
It's still in her hands
She broke it more
Many times
But she's the one
Samantha Lee Saxon
She's my one true love
The one I need
I can't live with out her
She is my love
For my love is her

Leave me alone
Stop making me think of you
I remember everything about you
Your smile
Your laugh
Everything
But get out of my head
I don't love you anymore
Or do I
No I don't
I love her
She's the one I love
She's starting to notice
Somethings on my mind
And she can't find out
I've been thinking of you
I love her
I love her more than anything
But why have I been thinking of you?
I can't figure it out
My heads a mess
I can't think
It's all just one big mess
I wish I could clear it
Just please stay out
I think about you
But I don't love you
I'm with her
I love her
Why won't you get out if my head

He is sad
He is hurt
He is dying
He is alone
He is lonely
He is a mess
He is judged
He is ignored
He is suicidal
He is stressed
He is confused
He is ****** up
He is depressed
He is misunderstood
He is tired but still living
He is hurt but doesn't show it
He is screaming but silent
He is in pain but still smiling

I look alive
I'm dead inside
My heart has holes
And black blood flows

Death, cry, suicide
Maybe I will laugh in time
1,2,3,4 suicide is asking more
5,6,7,8 maybe this is my fate
9,10,11,12 my body dies and silence fell
12,11,10,9 and now they all cry
8,7,6,5 my mind is going on a ride
4,3,2,1 we hang ourselves and they run

You did this to me
Your the only one I ever trusted
Then you cheat on me
I've stood for a lot of ****
Took beatings for you
Stomped *** for you
But I have a line
And you crossed it
I forgive a lot of ****
But I don't know
If I can forgive this one
You went to far this time
I will never forget this
I hope you know
You might loos the best man
You will ever find
I love you
I always will
I love your daughter
I love her like my own
I will never stop doing for her
No matter what happens
I will do and do for her
I love both of you
More than anything
But I don't know
If I can stand for it anymore
My body can't take anymore
I have no heart because of you
It's gone
You ripped it out
Crushed it
And stomped it in the dirt
And I still don't know why
Please tell me why

I'm not afraid
I used to be
Not anymore
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid of death
Not afraid to see blood
Not afraid to see my blood
Not afraid of any of it
It doesn't scare me anymore
I've learned the hard way
Don't be afraid of anything
Don't be afraid of anyone
It does no good
Fear is a veil
Thin and see through
Fear is nothing
Nothing to feel
Nothing but emptiness
I'm not afraid of death
When it's my time
I'll go with no problems
I'll have regrets
But when I go
I go
Death doesn't scare me
It shouldn't scare anyone

Cuts so deep, blood so red
Clean it up, go to bed
Cry to sleep, dream of death
Wake up though, stop your breath
Starve your body, plague your mind
Keep it up, don't look behind
Throw up food, work all day
Watch your world fade to gray
Never can talk, silence is key
To far gone, nobody stop me
Take some pills, go to sleep
No one cares, you silently weep
Nothing left here, escape your head
Fly away angle, your already dead

It wasn't my fault
It's yours
I didn't ******* over
You ****** me over
*******
I hate you
I hope you burn in hell
Leave me the **** alone
I was happy
Until you ****** it up
I want nothing to do with you
I hope you ******* suffer
It's all your fault
I'm done with you
I'm done with all of this
*******
I'm done
Bye

That's the question
What is a baby
What is a child
What is it to you
What does it mean to you
A baby is the gift of a god
Trusted to you
It is not a burden
For it is a privilege
To be a parent
I wouldn't know
But I've seen
It seams wonderful
The gift no one deserves
But a few
It is the ultimate sacrifice
But the ultimate gain
Nothing can compare
Nothing is the same
Nothing ever will be
It's hard work
Sleepless nights
Wondering if your good enough
Thinking your not
Thinking how am I to do this
How am I to raise her
But this gift
Is given to those who can
They don't always want to
But they can
I've gotten a taste
A sample
And i fell in love with her
Her beautiful blue eyes
Her shining blonde hair
Everything about her
I want to do everything for her
Protect her
Be there for her
Everything
I want her in my life
I want to be in hers
I've laid awake
Many a nights
Thinking what if I don't do right
What if I'm not good enough
I know there's no turning back
I know there's no giving up
And I'm willing
To take that extra weight
I want to
I'll do anything for her
I'll do anything for you destine
I swear
Your not old enough yet
But when you are
I pray to god I'm still there
Because I'll never leave
I could never
The only way I'd leave
Is if I was forced by one person
And she knows she has that power
I pray she doesn't use it
For I love her
And I love you
When you read this, destine
Remember in your heart
That there is nothing
I will not do for you
I swear

Run your fingers through my soul.
For once, just once,
Feel exactly what I feel,
Believe what I believe,
Perceive as I perceive,
Look, experience, examine
And just for once,
Just once
Understand.

If I die
Who would miss me
Mom?
No she doesn't trust me
Dad?
Jordan was always the favorite
Tash?
He always hated me
Allie?
She always did to
Jordan?
He probably would
Samantha?
I hope she would
All these people
All my friends
My family
All have
At least one thing
Against me
But who
Would miss me
A piece of southern trash
Good for nothing
Good at nothing
Samantha deserves someone better
So does destine
I'm not good enough
I never was
I never will be
I was a fool to think I was
Nobody would miss me
I'm sorry
To everyone
I've hurt you all
And now I see it
And I'm sickened by myself
I love Samantha and Destine
But I'm not good enough
So if I did die
Who would miss me?

One day
I'll hold you tight
In my arms everyday
Go to sleep with you
Every night
Wake up with you
Every morning
Tell you I love you
Everyday
Hug you
Kiss you
Every day of the week
One day
It will all be worth it
All the separation
The endless nights
Missing you
Not seeing you
For weeks
It will all happen one day
I swear
I'll make it happen
We will be together
In each others embrace
Nothing holding us back
No one pulling us apart
I swear
One day, my love
One day it will all happen
It will all be worth it

Riding to meet my mom
Driving her home
As I got farther and farther away
I thought
I miss you
I miss her kiss
I miss your hug
I miss you in my arms
I want you back
I miss you
The hole in my stomich is back
The one only you can fill
We had fun
But I want you back
I miss you so much
Now I'm in my bed
I want you here
It's empty
I'm alone
And I want you here
I miss you
I love you

*******
You don't let me do ****
I have no freedom
I can't see my love
Because if you
I don't do ****
Because of you
*******
I want to leave
Move out
What if I do that
It would be your fault
You ran me off
They can tell you
"It's not you fault"
I'm here to tell you
It's all your fault
So *******, *****
As soon as I'm 18 I'm leaving
Moving out
You won't see me for a while
And keep it in your mind
That it's your fault you lost a son
That's why on of them
Doesn't talk to you as it is
Because you do nothing for him
Well I need clothes
I've needed them for month
I need money for school
I need books, pens, shoes and more
I've needed it for months
But do you help?
No I get the money some how
I'm 15 I can't have a job
But I get the money some how
All you do it is buy your pills
And buy for your little baby
My 10 year old sister
So *******.
Your nothing but a dope headed *****

I'll die
We all do
Most die of stupidity
Some die peacefully
Not me
I'll die on my terms
I'll fight for my freedom
I'll fight for my girl
I'll fight for her daughter
I'll fight for my family
You hit me
You better pray
I go down and don't get up
If I do
You better run
I'll fight
I'll never back down
I won't win because I'm the biggest
I won't win because I'm the strongest
I'll win because
I have something worth fighting for
I'll go down swinging
I'll die with my finger on the trigger

This isn't a dark poem
This isn't a love poem
This isn't an angry poem
It's just fact
Yes I can feel
Yes I can write
I've proved you wrong before
I'll do it again
I'll prove I can have a happy life
I'll prove we will have a happy life
I'll prove I'm strong
I'll prove I can protect them
I'll prove all of this
And more
Have a problem?
Tell me
I'll listen
I'll help
**** me over
You'll regret it
This poem is random
But I'm just stating facts
So guess what
Read it
Remember it
And never doubt me

You made up your mind
You chose me
I'm happy
The first time in weeks
And all I can say is
.......................
I'm speechless
Thank you
I know you made the right choise
I promise
I'll treat you and your baby right
Do everything in my power
To make y'all happy
I swear

As day turns to night
As dawn turns to dusk
I think what do I deserve
Do I deserve what I have?
All the **** I've done
Hearts I've broken
Virginitys I've taken
Not a second thought about it
Do I deserve what I have?
I've hurt people
I regret it
But I can't change it
I hate my past
But it's a part of me now
And it's not changing
I hope you learn it
And still accept me
Still love me
I haven't told you
Because I'm scared you wil leave
I will tell you
Just know
It's the past
It won't happen again

I haven't in two years
But now I can't stop
I don't tell you
Because I don't want
You worrying
I love you
And I don't want to lose you
I can't talk
I can't breath
I can't do anything
But I want you happy
And I such a *******
Because I know
Your going to read this
Should I press save
No
I should delete it all
Never speak of it
I should
But I can't

I just want to scream
It hurts so bad
I just want it to end
I can't think
I can't focus
It's killing me
I haven't eatin in days
I barley sleep
It's going to **** me
But............
No never mind
I'm not going to finish that

It hurts so bad
Those painful thoughts
That you might leave me
They hurt
But I try to withstand it
Hoping you won't
Hoping you realize
You love me more
That I'm better for you
I'm better for your daughter
Or that it's all a sick joke
And everyone is in on it
I lay awake every night
Crying
Praying
I haven't eaten in three days
Slept four hours in three days
Because I'm so scared
I'll lose you
I love you
I always will
No matter your choice

"Hey jonah call me"
That's the first text
You ever sent me
I called you
Thinking
Something's wrong
"Is everything ok?"
"Yeah I just wanted to talk"
I think
She called me
Just to talk?
"About?"
"I'm bored"
"Oh sorry I'm at work"
"Aww ok bye"
"Bye"
I got in trouble
With my boss
But I didn't say anything
I worked all day thinking
She called me
Just to talk?
I ended up
Not worrying about it
I still remember the first call
I was asleep
I heard my phone ring
I wake up
It's 11:30
I have to get up at 5:00
I answer it
"Hello?"
"Hey jonah"
"Samantha?"
"Yeah"
I was prepared
To tell who ever it was
I have to get up
At 5:00 bye
But no
I said
"Hey what's up?"
"Nothin can't sleep"
"Oh. Dam that *****"
"Yeah. What you doin"
"Talking to you"
"Besides that"
"Sittin in my bed"
"Oh well I'm tired now"
"Ok good night"
"Night"
I loved you then
I love you now
I was hunting
Sittin in my deer stand
I look at my phone
Your calling me
Anyone else
Id text
In the deer stand
Can't talk
But no
I answer it
"Hey jonah"
I hear you crying
"Hey are you ok?"
"Robert left me"
And I sat there
Listened
Got you to stop crying
Then called him
And talked three way
I was glad you called.
I still remember all of that
I love you
We were best friends before
I always wanted more
That was two years ago
Now it's more
I'm the happiest person ever
That's three months ago
Now I'm about to lose you
I can't lose you
I'll go insane
I love you
I'll do anything
I swear
I'm in so much pain
Pain I don't care about
Because I want you to stay
I throw it aside for you
I still remember
That first text
And that first call
And I always will

I hide it from you
The only thing
I've ever hidden
From you
I hide the pain
I swallow it
Because I don't want to hurt you
I hold it in
Keep it to myself
I don't want you to see it
But you peek through the cracks
You see within me
Though not enough to know
I don't want to let you know
And scare you away
You ask what's wrong
That's why I'm writing this
But I'm scared to click save
Because I know you will read it
I'm scared you will see how damaged I am
And leave
I'm so close to losing you already
I can't lose you
I just can't
I love you
That's why I hide it
You can hear it in my voice
And you want to know
So I'll tell you
It's the pain
The painful thought of losing you
I haven't cried in years
Now I cry every night
It feels weird
But I'm willing to do anything
Just to keep you
I don't want you to go
I'll shake his hand
Tell him I respect him
Please baby
Please don't leave me
I'm begging
I'll do anything
I hide the pain for you
I protect you from it
But you want to know
So I'll tell you
My insides burn
They rot
I don't want to lose you
The thought of it
Makes me want to die
I love you
And I love destine
Remember that

I know what it is
All the *******
Pilled  up inside
Cramer in to a bottle
And shoved down my throat
But I did it to myself
I put it in the bottle
I shoved it down my throat
I caused it all
The bottles cracking
But I seal the cracks
Because I don't want to hurt anyone
Some of it leaked through the cracks
I say things
Things I would never say
To my brother
To my sister
To my mother
To my friends and family
I seclude myself from them
I stay away
I lock myself in my room
And I sit there
I could **** myself
But I can't put that guilt on her
Her, the love of my life
The one I might lose
The one I want to keep
The one I can't lose
My insides burn
And my heart
What's left of it
Is falling apart
I'll do anything to keep her
I'll do anything for her
But I've said that
A million times before
I'll let her choose
I can promise her anything
But it's her choice

Who you chose
It's up to you
I love you
If you chose me
I can promise
A life of happiness
A life of pride
You will be able
To say my man is there
Anytime I need him
I will give you what you want
I will take care of your daughter
I'll be there when she needs me
I swear it
I have your ring
I plan on marrying you
Spending my life with you
It's your choice
I just hope
You make the right choice

That pain in my gut
It feels like something's
Eating me away
Wearing me down
And I don't know why
Is it all the loss I've suffered
All the people that are no more
The ones that are no longer my family
The ones that are no longer my friends
Is it because of her
The guy she's talking to
Is it just pain
An endless burn
Sting
Throb
Rot
Decay on the inside
It kills me every day
And I don't know why!
Just end it!

I trust no one
I have and it ended badly
So I'm done
I'll never trust anybody
I always get lied to
I always get ****** over
All I have to say is
I'm done trusting people
Never again

Everytime I try to help
It comes back on me
It always backfires
I get ******* over everytime
I do the right thing
But I get the short end of the stick
I get called names
I get picked on
I don't do anything
Because it's not worth my time
But now I'm tired of it
**** y'all
Every single person
Who has ever hurt me
******* me over
Lied to me
Every last one of you
I'm nothing because of you
The happy little kid I once was
He's dead
He's gone
I'm an empty shell
Incapable of feeling
A sucidal freak
*******
You made me this way
Your dirt
No your worse than dirt
Your hated by everybody you meet
Nobody likes you
Nobody loves you
I'm sitting here
With this gun in my mouth
And if I pull the trigger
It's on you
You deserve it
No you deserve worse
But no
I won't
Maybe another day

You, my love
Are my everything
My heaven in hell
My diamond in the ruble
My star in the night sky
I love you
Your the only one for me
The one I love
The one I cherish
I'll take your burdens
And make them my own
Make your problems mine
Love your child as my own
I already love her as my own
Your the camo to my stand
The bullet to my gun
The doe to my buck
Our true country love
The greatest
The strongest
The truest
Of all

I can't see the scars
I can't remember how many
I'm asking you
How many do you think
How many times
Have I drug a blade across my wrist
Hoping it will end
Hoping this is it
Do you remember why I started
Do you remember what you did
How much pain
Was locked inside
Waiting to be let out
A monster within
Clawing at the gates
Each cut let a little out
But killed me a little more
I was hoping it would end
But it didn't
Like always
But **** it
It will happen one day

I'm a redneck
Anyone can see that
I don't have street smarts
I have dirt road smarts
Shotguns and beer
Jacked up trucks and mud
Cain pole and and a pond
My baby and me
That's my idea of heaven
I don't want easy
Easy is to boring
Give me duck tape and nails
I can fix anything
I've done stupid things
I've smoked ****
Drank to much
Broke hearts
****** random girls
I regret it
I fought anybody
For no reason
I've stolen cars
But I'm done
I can't change it
Even if I could
The only thing I would do
Is tell them all I'm sorry
But it made me who I am
Even though
I don't like who I am
I'm proud of it

Well your back
Thank god
But you doubt us
I live you
I don't want you to leave
But I don't know
What to do any more
I'm just an empty shell
In capable of feeling
But for some reason
I feel a love
Stronger than anything
For you
But what you did
It hurt
The worst pain I ever felt
Times a million
But I don't say anything
Not anymore
For fear if hurting you
I'll just slap on a fake smile
I've had plenty of practice
I can do it again
Believe me I love you
More than I love god
More than I love life
I just hope you know

Love never fails
That's the saying
But I think
They need to change it
To love always fails
I quit
I'll never make the mistake
Of falling in love again
Because when she left
Well let's just say
I can't wait
Till I get the key
To my gun case back
Because when I do
Everyone will see
How much I hurt
Never fall in love again
I won't
It hurts to much

All I've done
All the family I said ******* to
My dad
Brother
Sister
Mother
Friends
Family
Lost
I can never go back
I'm stuck in the void
The nothingness
Stuck between death and life
Between heaven and hell
You held me to earth
It was an easy job
Just to be there
But you let go
And now here I am
Hoping death takes hold
An pulls me away

I bought it
Thought you loved me
Its a nice ring
Lot of money
But wait
I threw away the receipt
Now I'm stuck with it
It's your size
Fit for your hand
Perfect for you
Thought I'd marry you
Have children with you
Spend my life with you
Guess I thought wrong
So what do I do with it
Can't return it
So what
I guess it's just going to sit there
Next to my bed
A forever reminder
Of the only love I'll ever have

I'm dead
Or soon to be
My body is alive
But I'm dead
My body will soon follow
My soul is crushed
My heart is shattered
My inside is decayed
I'm nothing
You left
You wanted out
For what
Some *******
That won't love you
As I did
Fine
I've said it before
What ever makes you happy
Even if it means my death
Fine
I'll never be happy again
But I don't have to worry about it
I'll be dead soon anyway

All I can say is
..........................
Nothing
Not a word
Bye

I see it now
I was wrong
I'm not going
To give you some fake
"I'm sorry"  
When I say it
What I really mean is
Please
Please
Please
Forgive me
I ****** up
I'll never do it again
I'll do anything
I'll do anything you say
Just please
I'm begging
And I've never begged before

Nobody knows what I'm afraid of
They think they do
I'm not afraid of snakes
Or rats
Or spiders
Or fire
Not even death scares me
There's only one thing
And that one thing could end me
Could **** me
My biggest
And only fear
Is loseing you
If I lose you
I'd go insane
Crazy
Lock myself away
Put a gun in my mouth
And pull the trigger
I love you
You have no idea
It's impossible to say how much
But I'd do anything for you
Anything at all
I swear
Nothing will make me leave
I'm sorry for what I did
Baby please I'm sorry
I love you

**** this *******
I'm done
I quit
I give up
Your drunk as ****
Don't know your own name
Don't hear me talking to you
And after all this
You never said
"I'm sorry I lied to you"
I told you I'd try to forget it
No matter how much it hurts
To just hold it in
I still do for you
I'm done talking about it
Because all you do is say
I know
I know
I know
Then I find out
You trust him more than me
Yet you say
Your in love with me
Well you don't show it
No apology
No remorse
No regret
Nothing
I'm not leaving
But what if I did?
Any other guy would
Robert would
Trey would
Joey would
Everybody I ask
Say they would end it
Right then and there
Because if I lose you
I'll put a bullet in my head
I love you
But I don't see it from you
I want to marry you
Have kids with you
Spend the rest of my life with you
I love you
More than you will ever know
And I hope you do to

You trust him more
But you love me more
You can't love someone
With out trust
You trust him more
Do you love him more?
Who do you love?
Answer that question
If you love me
the way you say you do
You sure haven't showed it
Then let me ask you this
What if I left you
Told you I love you
But didn't believe you loved me
What would you do

All of this
I did for you
I gave up friends
I gave up family
I gave up my father
My brother
My sister
I almost lost my mom
For you
All this and more
I did for you
I'm there
when you need me
I'm there
when you need something
Anything you need
Anything you want
I'll get it
Half my family
Ive known my whole life
I said **** them
For you
And this is how you repay me
It's ****** up

What if I
Did this to you
What if I
Trusted another girl
More than you
What if I
Said I wouldn't
Talk to her
But did anyway
What if I
Hid things from you
What if I
Hid my past from you
But told this girl about it
What if I
Acted like it was all over
But it still eats me away inside
What if I
Didn't hid anything from her
But I did from you
What if I
Told you I love you
But you had a hard time believing it
Because I do
And it hurts

I've watched it happen
Morning glories blossoming
In the still dead of the night
It's not possible
I've watched us blossom
Into lovers transcending friends
Our love became divine
Worshiped by the bed sheets
It's not possible
Marvin Gaye wrote his songs
With our kind of love in mind
It's not possible
Theirs nothing I'd rather do
Than hold your hand as we talk
Silent glares screaming the passion
We want to erupt
In the cold sands
Of yesterday's arguing and "I'm sorry"
This is how we make up
This is how we tell the world
We're in love
Even death couldn't break that bond
It's not possible
To admit it
But you're the one who could end this
I could never
Not even fathom the possibility
That the day will come when we part ways
No longer the divine lovers
Heaven and Hell wishes to understand
It's not possible
For anybody to grasp this amount of passion
It's not possible
To ever stop loving you

I've drug a blade
Across my wrist
Many times
Felt the blood
Seep out of my body
Felt the flesh tear
And the veins rip apart
As the blade dulled
Felt my body grow cold
As my life leaked away
But when I meet you
I lost the blade
The cuts healed
My body grew warm
Then when we kissed
For the first time
Heat coursed through my veins
My head grew light
Then that special night
When we showed our love
For each other
I knew
Never again
Will I swallow pills
Put a gun in my mouth
Drag a blade on my body
My life will be yours
What's mine will be yours

So tonight
When you cry
Whisper the cutters lullaby
Hush a bye baby
Your almost dead
You don't have a pulse
And your pillow is red
Your family hates you
An your friends let you bleed
Sleep tight with a knife
Because that's all you'll need
Rock a bye baby
Broken and scared
You didn't know
That you life would be this hard
Time to end the pain
That hid you so well
And down will come baby
Straight back to hell

Walls closing in
Space getting smaller
A tug in my gut
Head about to explode
Let me out
Free me
Fine *******
I hate you all
When I'm out
You will die
Give me freedom
Give me liberty
You want the best for me
Prove it
Let me make mistakes
Let me live a life
I don't need
Your over protective *******
When I get out
And I will
You will regret it
For the rest if your lives
You will feel pain
You will feel hurt
Let me out now
Or I'll find a way out