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 Dec 2013 Jonah Lavigne
AJ
I wasn't taking advantage of her vulnerability.
It certainly was not a pity ****.
She was crying, and clinging.
It was the only way I knew of
To make her feel good.
To give her a release.
Does that make me a good man?
What makes a man?
I don't know.

It is never an issue,
Until it is uttered out loud.
Now we both know
That she will open her legs before she opens her heart.
I'll told her that is stupid,
And that she is not stupid,
But still beautiful.
Does that make me a good man?
What makes a man?
I don't know.

I'd make her mine if I could.
As far as she's concerned,
She belongs to the weeds on her front lawn.
When she was five and three fourths she picked a dandelion,
And her father told her no matter how pretty it looks,
It will always be bad,
It will always be toxic inside
She never got over that.
So now she looks very pretty,
But she fills herself with ***** and ******* and all things
Toxic.
Long awaited fate
Death's hand reaching out to me
Should I grasp it
What would happen
Would the boney fingertips guide me
Deep into the pits of hell
Or lead me into the life I was living already
Will I ever reach the place I was condemned to be
Or will I forever walk the same corridors of this everyday life
Passing masked faces that seem to think I'm still human
I died so many years ago
Is it sad that I await my fate
To be rapped by the trident in the right hand of the devil
Speared through the chest
As my body begins to be fed on by the tormented souls
I can consider my brethern
Don't ask me why but I want to go to hell
Bask in the flames of malice
Let my decadence for the last millenium
Burn and melt from my bones
I'd rather let the rotting souls
Feast on my sins
Then bear to watch them add up
Will I go to hell or live forever
I'd prefer living forever in hell
And everyday I'm not sleeping eternally
I'm living that dream
 Dec 2013 Jonah Lavigne
Lizzy
I close my door
Reach for my blade
And begin the routine motions
That now feel meaningless
Like my black and white past

I still look for silly reasons
Any excuse
To justify my actions

Just to get a quick feeling
Of anything at all
Even if that means it will hurt
Because if I'm numb for much longer
I might just...
 Nov 2013 Jonah Lavigne
Lizzy
Another cut
Another tear
Another dosage increase

My life seems to be going in the same cycle
Over and over
I'd do anything to break free

Free from the medication
From the scars
From the hopelessness

Yet when you feel worthless
There really is no point
So I come to realize
*I'm stuck here in the dark forever
 Nov 2013 Jonah Lavigne
M Clement
I regret when I write romantically
It catches me off balance,
And, upon looking back,
I catch myself feeling disdain
For a me that was far too feeling than stoic
For a me who couldn’t see the future for what it could be
For a me who was caught up living in the moment
And not watching for the downward spiral

That being said,
I’m imagining a life with you
But I hardly know you yet
If at all.
I've written a great deal of feeling within the medium that is poetry, but I almost always find distaste in it. This is particularly the case with "love" or "infatuation" pieces. This is a not-so-subtle reflection on such, but the desire to give it up is filled with nothing but false will.
Age 13 your heart called out for attention
Bed sheets stained with your innocence
Every tear flooding out the cotton fibers of your pillows
New Orleans had it bad with Katrina
Yet your tsunami desires for love
Hit harder than Haiti's tsunami
Quicker than the loss of life in Pompeii
I'm sorry age matters in this world
I'd take you in my arms
Hold you close and hope your wings develop
In the safety of my nesting heart
Age 15 and you're already being considered a *****
Tattooed, branded with the titles of ****, *****
And the constant question of guys 4 years older
"Can you **** my ****?"
I'm sorry I was never given the chance to love you
Tell you how much you mean
To me and my world of death and pain
I understand
17 years old and I'm labeled a psychopath
Only because I love the sight of horror
I'm crazy because I dissected an already dead cat
Insane because I stabbed my brother with his own knife
We're outcast in today's society
Because we don't conform to the fashions
The styles of tomorrow
Instead we bask in the glory of our demise
Praying to every god in every book
To take the blade another 6 cm deeper
To have the alcohol in our liver
Erode the burning emotions
We were blessed to have yet cursed to never be reciprocated
I'm sorry I was never given the chance to love you
I would have loved you the way an angelic demon like yourself
Always dreamed of since the age of 6
Shame you're a thousand miles away
Dancing on the rose pedals that wilted on your grave
I should have sent a bouquet
You would have known you were loved
The sky must be in love with another soul
It's raining the affection
In the form of rose pedals
Wilting as the truth becomes clear

That soul sent itself to hell
I don't know if I'm even able to love
I don't know if I'll ever meet you
I only know that if I was given the chance
Hell would freeze
Heaven would know pain and sickness
Death would flourish
Just for me to reach you
So you could teach me
The true meaning of love
I don't even know if I'll live past 18
I don't know if the world will even care
I just want that good morning sunshine feeling
That heartbreak when we fight
That love is more important conversation
When we make up
I want a love story made perfect
I'm not asking for miracles or fantasy
I'm only asking if we could share something
Nobody can ever understand
A love on a new level
To the love of my life
I want to be true
I want to exist
And if that feeling comes only from a blade
Then I know this life isn't worth living
If pills and bottle become the most affectionate
Then I'll dance in the darkness as I slowly erode
I don't want only death and darkness
I want a love I can call mine
I want to make love
I'm tired of just *******
I want kisses that mean something
Not kisses from the thousands of thorns
That cover my flower bed
I'm looking for something impossible
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