I heard a man
cry out one
day,

"for what reason
does she
burn?"

& thought if the poor soul
had to ask

he'll be sorry when
he learns

for from that depth
one never quite

returns

she could sense it in the cool
November night
in the tiny red dots
that gave the horizon
its ominous light

it was something like
burning
it reminded her
of him
& it reminded her of
yearning

the turbines
grow closer with
the glow of
ambition
we grow amongst
ourselves
but with fear of
God's perdition

& it's something like
burning
it reminds us of
them
& it reminds us of
yearning

"you promised, you
promised!"
the child cried in
despair
& it bled from his
eyes into
his tired mother's
hair

someday he will learn, she
would tell herself
despite
the fact that paths, they
must be altered
when there's bridges to
ignite

& mama it's something like
burning
he reminds you so
much of
him
& he reminds you of
that yearning

I'm sorry that you
suffered
from the weight of this
sick earth
I'm sorry that a
bullet
was the way to end
your curse

I'll miss you every
moment
through minutes
through hours
through days

I'll see you in the forest
trees
through sunsets
through storms
& through gray

& baby

it's something like a
burn
it'll always remind me
of you
& the reason why
I yearn.

she forgot she
was at war
& just how much
was at stake
she swallowed the
bullet
but failed to find
just how easy
the shell was to
break

gunpowder turned
corrosive
eating through her
armored skin
--
the world turned
sanctimonious
& she became the
sin

but goddess is as
goddess does
with a promise she
takes to the
grave

"the torches they light
underneath
my feet
shall never burn
enough
to entice me to
cave."

it's mad season
here
& we cling to the
trolley
but who taught
this girl
to fight fire
with folly?

she's painting the
town
she can't stand the
aesthetic
she won't be held
down
she's unhinged, she's
frenetic

we seek shelter
from storms
she stands calmly
within them
the thunder her
song
& the lightning her
emblem

we should have
known better
than to leave her to
weather
but how do you
harness
a girl with no
tether?


one day I asked her
"of what is your
pain?"


she whispered
"my darling, it's all in
the rain."

there are two
libras
(or were they wolves?)
there is a fight inside
of me

which one do I have
courage to
starve
& which one do I
feed?


down this gravel
I know I've
been
so frequently
before

do I walk
stability
or one that's
been at
war?


felt I have the
loving hands
of the former's gentle
grace

but touched was I
by the latter's wit
& the dreams
of his embrace


there are two
libras
(they might be wolves)
that follow me
today

the one the wind
will always
love


& the one it
cast away

I am lucky
for a few days'
lucidity
before my newfound "normal"
overcast


I am lucky
for the ability to
laugh
with barbed wire
in my chest


I am lucky
for the home I
fought
with primal screams
through jagged teeth
for


I am lucky
for being loved
by others
while the sensation
feels so foreign to
me now


I am lucky
for the voice i have
waited

so, so long

to sing of all these
sorrows

time
like a record
with moments of harmony
within the ridges. there are gaps within them that make you feel as if the silence
has come to claim you,
but before you pull the needle, you start to hear the music again.

wait.

create your own patience
if you must,
my dear.


your new song has yet to
reach you.
but it will soon,
so you must fall in love
with the stillness
until then.

who would have thought

as star-like cinders
fell into the
river
the broken bridge would
at last one day
die?

& all the recollection
circling through
her mind
was her own hand
clutching the
can of gasoline
as a desperate prisoner
clutches cellhouse
bars

she didn't know why.

"it was already in flames
before you arrived,"
they would tell
her

she didn't know why.

she watched stoic
as it all collapsed into
the water
the last iron beam
that fell
ripped out a piece of
her soul
& took it under with
the wreckage

she now wanders the
weathered country roads
bare feet kissing gravel
the only affection
for miles

the vernal moon
begins to rise
& she harbors no offering,
no plea, no barter
not one word
to the unmerciful cosmos


but the bridge that
was her dying
heart

they say absence
makes the heart
grow fonder

can't say that
I agree

to me
absence makes the
heart grow

smarter


with each love
from which it breaks
free.

tears in front of
the ancestors' tomb
again

you'd think at
twenty-eight
I'd learned all my
lessons
but Lynn & Gretta's
littlest girl
lost the chips she thought
she'd win

stuck between an atrophied,
near-calcified heart
& a hard place
good lord,
she's still fighting to
salvage face

to keep her name

but all these pitfalls
are none but hers
to blame

never a gambler


but ever still playing
the game

go.
clear the drawers of
all the compartments
you constructed
from scratch that were never
stable enough
to hold purpose

clear my taste from your
devil tongue
while I attempt to burn your sea-fared
gaze from my sight

the gaze that still lingers
in dreams
& seeks to pull the life
out of me

know, soul seeker
this is not a war you
will ever win
& one I cannot afford
to lose

your reckoning
will come
whether or not I aid
in its cause

I can only hope I'm
around to witness the flames
surround those
ocean eyes

I am no longer captivated
by this element
of surprise
I foresaw it within your
sea storm eyes
the crystal clarity only
assisted
but don't you dare get
it twisted

my veins course with
resistance
in this the game where
the rule book is
laden
with blank pages
love, I swore we left
our cages
& traded them for
passion
but no one taught you
how to ration


& I'll still melt within
your smile
if you'll still mold within
my wild

it's too ******* hot
in this tavern
& I'm the designated
poet laureate
that had no time to
adequately pregame

there are too
many angels in this
devil sky today
it's like beckoning
a barter
for just a *******
breath

I can hear Satan's
laughter over
Eric Clapton
but it no longer
shakes my
soul
I've seen inside that one
& I know better
yet I remain none
the wiser

the tiny staple
placed upon
the geyser
& this hell on earth
knows just where
the blood will
likely flow
unto the depths of
these rock-laden
pearls
& all of
what we were granted
to be gifted

& *******
*******
fuuuuuck you
for being so chauvinistically
nonchalant
I am your forgotten
paid for shot
of Tuaca
your half-smoked
cigarette
on the edge of the
patio table

I am hell
in suburban purest
form

lady luck deleted
& blocked me
like all the others
& I can't see her posts
any longer
we'd become distant
for some time
now

I find my comfort
in dimly lit
spaces
& bottles of hard
liquor
with occasional love
affairs with
men
who can't be bothered
to be held
down
they all float down
here
in the land of all
the disillusioned
& unenchanted
it's a rough go of it,
Georgie
& it ain't getting better
from here

I'd be Edward Elric
give an arm
& leg
to pull you from
the grave
& ask why you
went away
but it wouldn't be
the same
they only come back
when the audience
least expects
never when you
beg and beg
when you claw your
nails into the
carpet where you last
embraced
every time you start
to lose your
head

because you said we
were going to do
this together
& I didn't *******
believe you

all ******* in a
gaze of satin
my god, does he know
what's happened?
& the tide is
rushing in

am I the sea or
the one who
waits beside it?

hell and heaven both
know that I'd
rather be a siren
dancing with graves
& secondhand glances
as I sing him toward
my waves


perhaps I was not meant
to save


so to hell with the sea
it's his fire that
I crave

your hand grips
mine
in the desert night
& I have to
count
how many times
you've led me
down this
line

the law need not
banish you,
love
as you, yourself
have done

but the fickle
rain
& this sordid game
can't wash what
has
become

oh, anything of nothing
first create

why must you scavenge
all my love
& pay me back with
hate?

the late season tortures
with cold breath
& kisses weary
bones

wherefore art thou,
cast to
hell's depth,
who slew my weakened
soul?


I'll keep your
grip
as you keep mine
along our sullied
stroll


but I've half a
mind
to prove how
time
can truly take its
toll

oh, fight or flight
my old familiar fiend
come you to taunt me or
have you come to
feed?

recall a year ago
when I fought so hard for
love?
& now I'm clenching fists
just to keep my head
above

I long for the haven I
may never be blessed with
again
thanks to this jaded heart
& the loss of dearest
friends

am I being punished?
am I being tried?
& here I thought the worst of it
was buried when he
died

"Gold Dust Woman"
comes on
I must remember me.

the worst to come
cannot be measured in
how it makes you
bleed

it can only be held
against the strength of
everything you've
managed to
survive

I suppose that's why I've
endeavored to somehow stay
alive


though this wretched year
has left me with
every will
& intention to
die


I am still
in some way
given the grace
to allow myself to
shine.

a kind of
vibrant, violent
wave
hits the thick atmosphere
with puzzling
poise
& divine undertones

she tries not to drink from
the many glasses
offered to
her
but his had such a
taste of rose
& she'd forgotten she
didn't care for
floral gifts



she'd prefer the drink
instead.

it had become
quite clear
that her escape plan
lacked ingenuity
when she was drafted into
the coldest war in
her history,
her only armor
being her
slow, simmering
rage

but not a single weapon of
words

it was the cool,
unseasonable August breeze
that crept into the nape
of her neck
warning her to
speak not


for the art of effort
is poetry
alone

i see your lemon juice
in the fridge
with the instructions you
wrote to remind
me to drink more water
because you knew
i was a jaded
lush

i want to expel it
and christen it as garbage
but i don't, as
i hope you'll be back for it
someday

i put too much faith
in people
who don't really
give a ****
or simply aren't
required to

i put too much soul
into things
left behind here

the devil in the details

the almond oil left on the nightstand
by my son's father
who took his
own life
just last May

the striped journal i still
haven't written in
from my dearest friend
who abandoned me
because I loved my demons
too much

as a human
part of your survival
is to encourage
self-love
& my cup runneth
*******
empty


my memory is an endless
loop of love
that is long gone to me
now


when you've driven them
all away
where do you drive?


& would you choose water
over wine?

the trees perform
in the soft denim light
& my handwriting
could stand to
be prettier
but I am drunk on
sadness
& lack of fortune

I feel you in
the air
for once I confirm
I am not alone
although I *******
am

will it blend?
will it
mend?

the only two stars
remaining
helped me to
believe it
may

take a sip
take a breath
make a deal
& prepare to face
your depth

we've been dancing on
the fault line for
weeks
the earth crackles
beneath my
toes
& all you've left to
give me
is nowhere else
to go


hell is the earth on
which we've chosen to
live
& all my worldly desires
you can't want
or care to
give

the feeling of muted
rain
while standing beneath a
forest canopy
is the closest I've felt to
being alive
in many, many years

air thick enough to taste
& the sound of
your breath
playing in time with
the chorus of
all the life that sang
around us

& how I've given trust
to time
did not for a moment
reflect in the
longing for what could
never quite be
mine

but you still gave me
the courage
to shine
& I bared my
soul
without asking
a dime


now lend me your
wild
while I sing you
silver lines

I helped your mom
clean out your
apartment today
I thought I'd be
reliving
a nightmare
but baby, your blood
is all over this
city
& I can barely
breathe
in it

days, they melt
& mold and
settle
into weeks from
the night
we sat outside on
your front step
& you told me how
strong I was
but you were so
scared
that I was too
forgiving

you said you wanted to
take me and Davy
& get the hell away from
here

I laughed and said you
wouldn't last a day
with me
& my "crazy"
but you didn't believe
me, baby

guess I didn't realize
other peoples'
demons
are stronger than our
own

guess I didn't realize
I'd be doing this
alone

guess I didn't realize
some days are
better
& some days are
skin and bone

the wind breathes
a balance
of lunacy and jubilance
& almost carries
my black hat
along
with it's grace


today I've learned
& earned more
love
& less desire to
save face





& you ought to see
this beautiful
place

I've waited too long
to write to
please
now I've transformed;
meet
amitryptyline me

should I talk about
my life?
because I don't really
want to
I'm just trying to
fill pages;
to fall into a better
groove

what fresher breath of air
than one that's born
anew
I've had this book for
three years
now
& it's time I changed
the tune

sleep and drink have
welcomed me into
their
toxic arms
if I appease them any more
would you please set
my alarm?

sometimes the highest hopes
can pull you from the
darkest depths
& I fear
we're at the bottom

I'd like to climb my
tree
& live in it for a
while

& maybe someday
I'll come
down
& maybe so
will you

the grass won't be
so brown
& my eyes won't
be so full of
moon

her breath
was lost in the
beauty
of woodwork
that housed
the contents of
her previous
heart

every beat was
a gasp for
the air she so solemnly
beckoned

a taste of its
pressure before all
that broke
her

well, the ****** thing
was locked shut
in a former haze of
lunacy

& she'd taken full
advantage
of lush-ridden amnesia
to summon the
combination

cirrhosis sounded like
a fantasy ride
compared
to a resurrection of
the past year

& she can't open
the safe
she cannot open
what was
safe

but she's grown enough
to cling onto
courage
like it's her last
cigarette


& she doesn't even
smoke

the cobwebs in the
moonlight
snatched her up while she
was sleeping
we didn't see her for
months

she fed on dust
& old photographs
when she rose she looked
more beautiful than
she ever
had


bathed in silver
& memory


she never forgot her place
in the line of
the earth
& every whimper kept me
tethered to her tears


in the winter she was lost
again




this time it's been for
years

there exists not much else
I could beg for other
than the sight of
his candle-lit
skin
draped sparsely
with sheets

a sculpture in
waiting
a Romanian
king
blessed with the full lips
of all that monarchy
brings

I would roll in gold
with him
just as I have rolled in
dirt


I shall never part his
side



even underneath
the earth

came here into
nothing
gave in with the
ghost
we live in silent
mornings
& white russians
with our toast

she peaks at night
a delicate dance born to her
dreaming
she twists her toes
improperly
but I love her when she's
scheming
so gently into my pulse's
heavy beating

god probably sold her those feet
on clearance
'cause heaven only knows
where she found such
cadence

a tiptoe into my
whisper
a beckoning for a
fire's stir
to her screams do I awaken
only to find
absence
& a fear left long
unshaken

allow me to spill into your
fire-fed circle
like dust amidst our heap

let me live within
your deep

may your soul breathe full
against my brine
a fortress carelessly built
along the edges
of my spine
& may every touch I taste
coalesce
with blood and wine

may your eyes be my
beckoning
until all kingdoms come

& may all your
whispers
beneath my skin seep
through
& come undone


ik houd van u



you are my
truth

lips of amaranth
dripped decadent language
through weakened teeth
she gave all she had
to get there
& she's forgotten where she
left her pieces

fear of fate follows
her around as
vines held tightly to
her wrists,
waiting to prepare it's most
nefarious dish
so that she may be
tempted
to break loose
& put a pen to her
pain
but seldom does the
ink flow
for the fear makes its
bed in the nest
of all she doesn't want
to lose
settled in the leaves
of ivy
a prisoner she remains

but
would you declare
Stockholm Syndrome
if you truly
belong?

look
oh, look
what have we here?
a scene of
Fate's young rival

with twists and turns
& pirouettes
she's kept up with
survival

she danced on coals
of hit and miss
with feet bare as
temptation

to land upon the
other side
with no room for
revelation

I shall forever fear the
fiends
that would dare to tear
apart your
ribcage
if you failed to lend them
their desires
for I've a heart that
can ache for
miles

as it often has for you

et tu,
wild blue yonder?
I've not been
fonder
of another

you sink into me
as thunder


an echo


& a quake

the shifting season engineers
my essence
sighing becomes more
articulate
& less derived from
aching

our rugged hearts
still manage to
sail above
the cresting waves
& the spice of laughter
at dusk
fuels our late lit
flames


I could ask for nothing
more

sunlight lips
haven't brushed her skin
as harsh today
& the valley behind corporate
America
doesn't smell as vile

she longs to pick wildflowers
& gentle silence from this
green shelf
& take them home to her
sweet boys

if only the rush of autumn
were enough to quell
trouble

the insects still greet
her skin
with urgency
& she still greets
her days far too late and
lazy for comfort
we call her
The Midsummer's Lass
the one who'd be grand if
she'd get off her--

well, you get the picture
where the paint is still dripping
& she only has the energy
to dab a few spots

in a comparative sense
all is grand
when pinned beside last year's
endeavors:
an unhappy heart
a verbally broken home
& an unrequited pining that
seemed painfully
permanent

it was around then that
The Wild Blue Yonder-Eyed Boy
emerged from the garish
sun-stricken sky
to stake his claim in
Mother Earth's
weary embrace for
eternity

his breath continues
to thwart away drought
& death
his skin is her
lullaby
their hearts will always carry
a heaviness of sorts,
for such are their dreamy spirits,
forever in search of a better
land instead of the
mundane
& nerve-aching

but their love
oh, love

is
a season all of its own

learn to love & learn
to live, for this is the art
of how to forgive

cheap whiskey slides
& collides
milky veins
forfeit of precedence
never thought I was any
better anyhow

I'm just here for the
ride
& for the taking
he can bet on his bones
that I'd love to leave
him shaking

his tongue to my
cheek
they'd say bravery was
for the meek
I'd give it a week
before those fingers start
aching


one more taste


oh, chérie...

I will not let you go to
waste

I love his little bursts
of excitement
the sound of delight
resonating
in the back of his
throat

the languor of love
that lingers
on his tongue
like a slow-spun record
on a hot humid
day
when all there is to do
is just
dance without
clothing
& listen without
loathing

'cause
for hate we've not any
vacancy
in our third-story
palace of
peace

I want to taste
patience
from the palm of
your hand
& I would wrap
determination
around my finger to
remind me that
wherever the grass is
growing
won't always be
greener

& when you lock
your lips with
mine

I get this *****
urge to become
cleaner

I am perched upon a
ledge of absolute
indifference
& very little alcohol
money's tight and I haven't
put up much of a
fight
to melt these mindless
thoughts down
into words

when will it come?
how will it come?
will it even come at all?

I want to make it come
to ride atop the
embodiment of creativity
crashing & moaning
sighing & stopping


but my body only
rests with the
sky
& he's a far better
lover
than poetry could ever
dream to
be

his eyes spark a
life -- hell,
they ignite courage
that I never thought would
come

from me




so let it come

its probably about time
I wrote in this ****** thing
or bothered to write
at all

I had an eyelash on my fingertip
& no clue what to wish
for

you are fast asleep in the
submarine
& you told me I hadn't
had much time for
silence
so I poured a margarita
& listened to you
breathe

my house is clean
but I fear I'm no
longer a
dream machine
instead dancing on the pinpoint
of stability

where did my soul go
if I've had
one?
we're both in the know
& we're both on the
run

is it all in the crook
of your bones
or used up to keep
from being
alone?

when was the last time
I ever did spend on
my own?

mismatched jigsaw
pieces
& burdens to
atone


I must be better
without being bitter
I must be better
without being bitter


I must be better
without being bitter.

I nearly wrote in the year
as "2010"
where is my mind
once again?


tangled up in bed sheets
& the mess of his
hair
his scarf smells like an
old house
& cold mountain air


he arrived with
bare feet
a pharmacy in his
backpack


I kissed his clammy
forehead
& traced my fingers
down his
back

come and dive into my
aching bedspread
& I promise I'll give you
room for a proper
rest

your chest is pulsing
symphonies
in coordination with my
left breast

& your tongue is ever
as clever as
the weather of which
I possess

I hope that one day
you'll believe my
breathless
finesse



& I'll kiss the pain
and pleasure from
the aching in
your chest

the room with the
big oak table
is filled with windows
& she always keeps them
open to borrow a
breeze
from the warm countryside

the house always smells like
a summer rain
& he always kisses her
neck
when she sits on the
kitchen counter

the music is always
just low enough
to quietly swell the love she keeps
deep within her
bones

oh
he makes her feel
like home

where the city can't
cast enough
color


& the stars aren't so
alone

basorexic beauty
truck limousines for hire
I use the rain to
drive away
& I still can't calm
the fire
nestled deep within
my sigh

let's sleep beneath
Louisiana sky

I'll sing to you in
French
as we walk down
Bourbon Street
we'll dance our way
into Metairie
until we cannot find
our feet
amongst the life
within the
night

& we'll rest underneath
warm Southern
starlight

you have this subtle curl of hair
just behind your ear
& I always see it when you're
driving
'cause I can't ever look right at
you
your gaze is pure heat
& I may begin to
evaporate
given enough
time

your pedestal
is made out of innocence
as well
& I cannot help but wonder
if we were always meant
for a lost boys
sort of life
never truly growing
old

we could paint our own
dinners
we could stop cashing in on
the cold

I could age gracefully as long
as I live by the
water

where the sun is always
warm
& my skin is made of
gold