touch your tongue
to my
inner monologue


if only it paid
to feel so at
home
in the crook of your
elbow
'cause all I got left are
pennies
yet I'm still not very
worried
& its a mystery to
me




the grey cloud days
will always come
& go
but when I rise back to
the surface
I rise with a wiser
glow

someone will be tired
one before the
other
that's just the way
it is

I wait for impatience
in my lighthouse of uncertainty
& doubt is diverted
through sunlight-kissed waves
nearly the precise hue
of his eyes

someone will be tired

how could you love anyone
with such a hidden
temper?
the kind who stalks herself
through the night
never fully satisfied with
destination or
decision

she wakes, inadequate
& improperly
rested
the day is a haze of
unpaid bills
empty cabinets
& her rebellious toddler

don't be her

don't be tired

don't say a word

the imaginary harbor of hurt
shall subside with the
rush of
tomorrow's tide

& she'll still wonder when he'll tire

you could blend my blood
with the edge of your
lips
& watch our unspoken words
go to battle for a
sip

its the push and the pull
you could swear
I was full
but I haven't danced nearly
enough in such a
reckoning
mood
& my frail fingers have
yet to trace my
absence of
food

just as I'll never know
yours
you'll not ever grasp
the war within
my head
& above all else I shall
always ache for
your bed

no matter of the
weather
I could promise I'll get
better



but darling
some things are far
better
left unsaid

I remember you were
calm
once the ashes were
long gone
& I never gave notice
'cause all I ever noticed was
all wrong

worn out matchbooks
& wildfire eyes
steadily fixed upon the glow
I've come to borrow
from the
sky

I'll find rest in my
burdens
I'll find vitality in my
fate
& the air you've lent to my
aching lungs
is the life I shall
create

in rare moments of
instance
I find myself longing
for paintbrush strokes
& ink lines
pressed far down the length
of my spine
your willing human
canvas
at the cost of a loosely
carried dress
I hope you didn't mind
inviting all of my
mess
if at all you could
forgive my
shadow hurricane
I'll grace you with the
weather
& you'll be the king
of all the
rain.

when no one is around
& the silence
surrounds

I can still hear you whisper
"close your eyes"

even in my wildest
day trips
& lapses from time

I never quite imagined I would
find a more intoxicating
drug to condone
than the skin above your
collarbone

or the intensity of your
gaze

but our lips at last
have met
oh, will me unto death!


for I'll beg
& beg
for them
for
days

I'd like to be indefinite


a bird that sails
on its own
wings


I'd like to fall asleep
& never wake
again


it creates the sort of
illusion
that I may cradle
myself
into the arms of
eternity
& never consider the
consequence


it creates the illusion that
I might truly be
blessed


& to hell with all of
the other
mess




I'd like to think you could
see me



fly





& lament that you
never really
tried

I stole a sliver of
your breath
& tucked it underneath
my pillow
for safe-keeping

you know, sometimes I think
I'd like to watch you
as you're sleeping

so I could acquaint myself with
the arch of your
brow

& know there are times
when you're as
scared
as me now


my dream was that with
each kiss
you transform -
cold and unforgiving


thus my lips brushed upon
your frozen hand

to assure myself you were
still living

she wanted to strip off
her shoes
& sprint through the
field of dying
wheat
glistening orange stalks
in the setting
sun

unraveling her delicate
bandaged wings
she reminisced upon how
she had never liked
to run
but it was all this
day
had to offer


"when will we stop being so afraid?"


her hair flew like dark sails
out from behind

brief footfalls on the
pavement
& she had half a
mind

to never stop


billions of stars blazed in
the sky
on two separate nights


& she had yet to
wish upon
that first falling
light


her lungs gave out once she
reached the land of
buried bodies
carefully planted near her
home


but at last she felt a glint
of hope



that much was left
to roam

she single-handedly manufactured
her own hell
& she'd be ******* astounded
if she ever made it
out

though she could always
keep the instant
replay

mausoleum steps in
mid-evening
city lights cast upon the
blanket of blackened
trees

sips of warm heavy
wine
& cigarettes lit fifty
times
as the wind sang so
recklessly over the cemetery
hillside
but they sang too
& for a brief moment the
whole wide angry
*******
world



had vanished



speak of past lives
superpowers
& trains she wishes she
could hop


her thoughts spin so
wickedly
& she wants nothing more
than to
stop

to engage in vocal
agony
leaves no repose

& we've fought as far
as the altercation
goes

now please my
dear



won't you leave me
to my own?



I'll place my gilded cape
on the ground

& step far from
our throne

coordinates were set
toward a
blistering star
they thought they might
make it
but they never got as
far
as they'd hoped

sometimes its just too hard
to give up on your
ghosts

you breathe out in
profanities
& there's never enough
rope
to climb out from
the bottom

some day you'll have your
freedom

I'll eat it
too


& you can sing out of
tune
if you wanna catch my
mood

the film reel eases into
the crease of her
elbow
weaving effortlessly into
motion

she could no longer keep
a weather eye
on the silver screen
she kept her back to the
projector
& kept her hands
clean

call her careless
call her blue
but she didn't dare place
two cents
toward what she already
knew

at times she felt her
life might be playing in
reverse

the colorful ending as
the opening
& the conflict as the
curse

as the orchestra begins
to swell
she'll breathe in
& escape



they'll wonder why
she never chose
to keep her heart on
tape

a fool of a man
threatens me with his own life
demanding I yield

I can never really sleep
so I guess I never
will
I'd give you a bit
of my heart
but you'd probably
take your fill
& that's far more than I
can currently
bear


once upon a
time
I thought I could
share



now I'm not quite sure
where
I put the ******
beating
thing


they all stand
before me
with pointed fingers
& furrowed
brows



how dare you allow yourself
to be beaten down
& change your
mind?


how dare you shut out
the spirits
& drink the cold
blushed
wine?



the earth is no longer
kind



& it eats up my vision
as I begin to
unwind

she’ll conserve your leverage
if you invade her
interest

you aren’t bargaining
for devotion
& she isn’t waiting for moths
to eat away at her coat

shouldn't you have
realized
that we’re in a ******
rivalry
this time around
where beautiful grapes
are never ripe
& she isn't infinite
enough for your
tongue
& sense of divine
chivalry?

compassionate knight,
haven’t you known
yourself
to stumble so often
until now
when she has finally freed
you of your
combat burns
& cherished wounds?

call her intuitive, but
she caught you
long ago
through a forest clearing
with a box of
cigars
& too many dreams


you told yourselves you
were too much
alike

quick -- hand me your
clinical nest
so easily disguised
in the form of
beautiful
white tears that
glisten with hints of
subtle blue

they tend to find easy
refuge
on the edge of
my lips
when they see the
leaves
are falling

honey, don't you know
if you keep the
window open
eventually I'm going to



fly away?



we can't count our
courtesies
as often as our
conflicts
& you were never there
to know
the difference

one day you'll stop trying
to predict my
wings


& I'll stop trying to
remember
how well you
could

she took the next
train
& forgot to check the
destination

she skipped her
last meal
& left her deathbed
at the station


she jumped from the
middle car
after a few drinks
& a stranger's
dare


now she'll forever roam
the woods with dirt
& flowers in
her hair

let us sink into the
gleam
of the holy unknown shaking
deliverance
that is a cold hard kiss
to the neck

a shivering dream


what fervor!
she casts her breath out
in a panicked
fever


pure ecstasy
with a bold-pressed silent stare
that echoes




"more."

a beacon shone onto the
cold stone steps
like an escape stripped of
human consequence

she felt the warmth
but dared not tread upon it

he could breathe life into anything
he touched
& she prayed they'd never
have to shake
hands



though she still sang into
the kitchen sink
if only to remember
that she
could still carry
a tune

& perhaps
the tragedy of it all
was that reality
never seemed to be a
bother
compared to her sense of
pareidolia

if at any moment she caught
a scent of any
deeper meaning
she took to the tips of her
toes
& stalked it





until the
silence
became too great

to bear as
tried and true
fate


then down came her shoulders

down came the flood gates

fueling the catacombs
of her
nerve-endings
with any drug that was
welcoming

sleepy days
& lucid nights

misplaced whispers
& constant fright



"something must have remained"

she'll tell herself
on the seldom, solemn
cigarette days





"some piece must have stayed"

sleep will not yet come
& the air is thick
with memories of all my
wrongdoings

an argument left without
pursuit

confrontation is key
but I lose those
**** tiny metal things
all the time
& I'm not really sure what
my point is
'cause in truth I'm quite terrified
to ever speak
at all

the world passes
we all age
our children are babes
& I still cannot say
a thing
to save my life

the autumn wind rises
in its full, achy
swing

I wipe my nose on
my jacket



& sometimes remember
to sing

the whole self-help scenario has never worked
well for me

I spent my days in
& out
of conscientiousness

forever fueled by what my heart
hungers for

& nothing on the table
is worth a
bite

my glass is not filled
with enough
drink
to ripen my anxious
tongue

my bed is a battlefield
of lost sleep
raised voices
& blurry dreams


I could dig myself to the
other side of the
Earth


& never feel any more
unclean

narcissistic, cruel


but you always keep your cool


with me as your fool

she left the pen on the shelf
for the last few days
afraid of her own mistempered tongue
& the way she felt so alone
in a crowded
bar

to dive in
with nostalgic hope
is to die
in heavy-laden glances
from the stage
& realize that this is all
you will ever have
left

& it is hell
yes
as it may always be

but you must let those eyes
gaze upon you

until you realize
you must walk away
with heightened
shoulders

'cause honey you were never
good enough
to stand up there
in the laughter
& the groovy depth


never good enough
to sing along


that
& you really ****
at the two-step

she emerged from the
small home
into the thick
late afternoon air
she could feel a storm
in the close
brewing just along
the tips of her
fingers
obscuring the horizon
looking up for a
while
she daydreamed of
happier things

like the way lightning
looks
in darkened shades
an arm around her
shoulder
& a glass of pink
champagne

a beating heart
within her head

but it all ends up with
rain instead

tell her tall tales
& she won't worry of
your height

unless you are the monster
she's been dreaming of
at night

if you witnessed the Earth
dry up beneath
your feet
with every step
& all that you breathed

would you will your body
to become
a permanent post

or risk the heavy drought
of all that was
your worldly host

praying that the vague
& volatile sea
would grant you at least
a bit of reprieve?



you never seem to leave

& honey
it worries me
the way your tone beckons
for my company




then falls into ashes
whenever
I come clean

we could have danced upon
the levee with the tips
of our bare
toes
for many ages
& still not be rid of
the bitter taste of anxiety
& horror that at any
misfortune-filled moment
the river would swell and swallow
us whole

the feeling of fear is like nothing
in this world
& sometimes I don't think
I can shake it
his eyes are resting on my
collarbone
jesus christ, man
I can't take it

make-believe misgivings
cigarette sweet
took residency in my ribcage
& I swear they'll never
leave

so if we got all we
came for
its best we take to the
unforgiving streets


while I silently observe
as you practice
& you
preach

my cunning wit
has vanished into the waves
& the uncertain deep

I want you to really see me


even as you sleep


I wanted to be carved within
the whispers
behind your teeth

I want to be the prey beckoning
the slow mellow
creep



& I want you to feel the
fire as I drag you
underneath

what did you give
that I could never take away?




how could you
ever love





& then so swiftly shatter
faith?

he'd left her lips
pulsing red
at the very thought of him
sharing his
bed

all was left unsaid
she took her pills
& sought solace in her
head

there is nothing in the
world
more difficult to wake
than the dead
aside from
the ghost in her
conscience
& the sorrow she
fed



nothing more to dread



but the road she has not yet
the courage to
tread

we got into it about me going to visit my mother on Friday
he said that my mother
& all of my friends in Cedar Vale
are a bad influence on
our son and he doesn't want me
going there
& that it didn't matter if I loved them
because they treat me
like ****

all of my friends do, did
you know that?
because no one ever comes to see me
so that means that nobody loves me
except for him
of course


'cause you always tell someone
you love
that you'd leave her if she ever
got pregnant again

that the way she behaves is
stupid *******
that her panic attacks are
stupid *******
& you yell in her face and
corner her
as she starts to have one
& she cries and gasps and cries


then she opens the window to breathe in
the cool stormy night
& breathes out


"This conversation is over until we have a mediator. That is final."

everything turned to nothing
summer simmered down
blood boiled up

I can scream into my pillow
the whole world will still listen
& pretend not to hear

I've become everything that
I feared

stupid
lazy
child-like


I built a house of hate
drop of a hat
insta-rage


coffee doesn't sharpen
wit
& liquor left me little
lip



lost hope for the one who
knew better

but never
quit

turning tables
now you're the one
left in the midst
of the depth
& the dark
like a scorned yet
desirous lover
frantically picking at
flower petals

"he loves me"

"he loves me not"

by the time you've reached
that last pluck
you've become so unsure
of a heart's
folly
that you toss the
tortured daisies
& reach in the grass
to start
anew

swept underneath tide
horror ride
lungs salted
screaming
& tried

they'll never know what
broke her
for each story has a
side


but there'll be those few
feeling fellows
who could read her
through a
sigh


breath flow like
pen to paper
so carefully applied


my dear, how much
did you bleed
out

to let them know
you died?

wake up
get real
stop living in this cloud where you think
you don't have to clean
because you do
every day
yes, every single day

you are not your mother
you don't have to live in a hoard house
'cause life hasn't gone your way
yet

it will

but you have to demonstrate patience
& strength
as well as stability

& a girl who can't take care of
herself
isn't very **** or
impressionable

so get with it
clean your house
smile
get some sun
before the weather gets
cold


& remember how to be
alive

the weather starts to turn
her eyes start to open
a bit
from the retreating sun
the prairie starts to cool down
& she looks around
to catch his gaze in the
strangest way

like he'd been looking for her

heart pulsing like
a nightmare dream
she pretended to be invisible
& ran back into the
trees
he followed to the other
clearing
hoping she'd be
nearing


but oh



she kept on
running




she'll never see the
beauty of
burning eyes into the
back of her hair


& he'll never have to wonder
if he ever played
fair

his shouting at some game
woke the baby
woke her
fury

& hers is a silent type
latent and laced
with a promise that
it'll come back to him
someday




someday never comes




she wept into the porcelain
edge of the bathtub
believing she was at fault
for all her faulty
relations
who'd want such a
fragile mess
in the
first place?


she thought she heard his footsteps
& quickly wiped her
tired eyes



"its a bad night to be
alone



but that's the way it
goes"

the drought has taken her
clever words
& scattered them in the
dust

there's no life out here
the winter kills
& the summer kills
leaving us
with warm, briefly pleasant
intermissions

wait for me by the shore







I gotta get the **** out of Dodge

she will force herself
to wake with
the day


& contemplate why
she has always
obeyed


she wanted to drink
until she was
numb


but the heart can't push
what the devil don't
shove

at night
you seem to come
to me
through the warmth
& the quiet dark
between
the narrow slit
of the moon
& the cold champagne
that rests glassed within my
fingertips

I've seen you too often
in the day
& there aren't many words
as we burn
underneath our angry
sun

you look your most
handsome
when you dress in
black
& I would never dare
turn my back
upon you




even if I promised
my own heart



that
you weren't worth the
wait

history of want
desire deep in her breath
"say you need me too"

they lived on the corner of
Honest
& Shameful


their days were spent
gathering pennies
for food


& then at night she
would
have herself a bottle
then sink into his
left pocket
lips patiently resting
upon his
collarbone


he never asked her
what for
& she never asked him
what for
so they lived happily
ever after
even if she lost temper
one day
or he left his things in the
wrong **** place
again


they lived
& they lived
but this was a dream
invented in a few
minutes


reality


the many
words she won't
ever say
about skin on skin





& how you never leave
her heart
as soon as you
waltz in

I was careless enough
to leave him in
the garden
alone

he carved himself
out through his
own skin
& bone

I know now to keep
a weather eye on
that clever
boy

all the plants have been
eaten away

& all
the bloodied roses
destroyed

I like it when you make
things
personal
the disregard for space
between
bodies
the shift in your
hip
the quiver in my
lip

there was an art to your
comfort
something that couldn't be
printed into text
the look in your eye
& the tone of your voice
sincerity cannot
draw
on this board

you're too kind to the girl
who envies to the
core

you're too ******* yourself
when love is at your
door

a mildly disturbed mind
with a proper dose
of humor
draws her in
as the light of a fire
would to a trepidatious
moth


she can hear both sides
speak of the future
as if it were a
heaven

days in the mountains
days by the sea side
promised to her
as a medicinal solution
to her dead-set dark
& cynic prophesies

she sees no peace within it
'cause if all you got to
give is sanity
then she'll jump the
cliff
or she'll walk the
plank


just give a little
reality
& tell her there's
no hope
so let's drink and
sing all the good songs
until we
die

she took you for
granted
on the edge of the
meadow


said you'd never
want her
'cause that's not how
far
a friend would
go


& the silence
rang
through the cool
night in late
winter


I just wish you could have
seen her


how many sighs have
made their
farewell descent
past her blushed
& bothered
skin


to protect the impression
you've kept her
within?

to all lost within the
night
to all left behind in
the firefight


she became a caged bird
sullied and shamed
brave enough to sing
through bars in
whispers


the moon pulsates in
the clear dark
& gives her warmth and
wanderlust


she dreams about dancing
in sunlit prairie
meadows


she'll never tell you where
the wind goes
when it steals your hat
& never bothers
to tell you
goodbye


we must all roam the earth
a few times
before we ever come
back home

your sense of self control
is seductive
I long to dance in your
imagination
& drink with your
wit

you can place as many
cards as you want
in front
of me, baby
but I ain't ever played
the game
& I can never tell if
you're bluffing


its only when your skin
touches mine
that your walls seem
to fall


so let us seize the
moment
& pour ourselves
into the last
call

she would watch for you
while you were at
sea
tangled in the scratched
& forgotten mess of
CDs
you would leave past
the door

all that harmony
you were wishing for
plays in the back
of her head
& she becomes a
land-locked
siren
crying out in
melodies
for you to come
back home

the chaos has come to
collect her now
the dust surrounds in
thick black clouds
fueled by fury

& it creeps up her
spine
to whisper into her
ear
that all is lost to
Father Time
& she doesn't have a
prayer's chance
of ever keeping you
near