You once told me that
I reminded you
Of Icicles.

They were cold like my hands
And short like my tolerance
For you.

I never enjoyed the taste of them,
But I liked the idea of them.

Remind me that icicles have no taste.

I'll recommend you try one
That is holding onto
An Automobile.

You'll tell me that you already have.

I once met a boy on the school bus I used to ride
I find it ironic that I was walking down the aisle
When I saw him

---

He had a girlfriend and charisma

I had a heart and innocence
In one weekend he took both of them

---

That Saturday I snuck out to see him
Alcohol had him intoxicated
Infatuation had me

---

A single cloud hung in the sky
An entire galaxy composed of water droplets

He pointed at it "If I wasn't so wasted,
I'd swear that's the Milky Way"

"We're standing on the Milky Way"

---

"I want to kiss you right now"
"You don't even know me"
"What don't I know"
Everything "Name a hobby of mine"
"Writing"
Lucky guess
"My favorite actor"
"Ashton Kutcher"
I shook my head
"Leonardo Dicaprio" then "Patrick Dempsey" then "Ryan Gosling"
"He was"
"Past tense - Who is"
"You are"
"What role have I played"
"A role in my life"

He laughed then insisted that he wasn't playing anything
He promised me that he wasn't acting

---

"You won't even remember this in the morning"
"If I do"
"If you do, tell me-"

"Last night we were standing on the Milky Way"

"Yeah tell me that"

---

"Last night we were standing on the Milky Way"
He laughed when I tilted my head
"You remembered"
"Everything"

I folded those words and put them in my pocket
He folded my heart and placed it in his

---

But his promises were
Shorter than my nails.
(When I bit them)
And that evening, his mother found
My heart in their washing machine

A victim to the rinse cycle

---

He deserves an Oscar.

I feel like my inability to tie shoes in Kindergarten was symbolic
Because that was the year I learned to cut strings
Rather than to knot them into something elegant

And now I wish I had been taught with all of the other children

Because if I had
Maybe I would have known
Better
Than to take the red string
That kept him tied to me
And cut it

If I had
Maybe instead
I would have known
How to tie us
Into
Something
Beautiful


But I didn't
And I couldn't

And now I'm completely
Consumed
In my repulsion
For having
Done it
All
Intentionally

But at the time
It seemed so rational

Because the string was cutting off my circulation

Because I felt trapped
And claustrophobic
And tied down

Because when I was five
I was too busy playing with balloons
Rather than learning how to tie my shoes

And because
When I let go of my balloon at that festival
After I had finished crying
And once it had disappeared behind the clouds
I concluded that strings are meant to be cut
Because when you hold onto them
You disable flight

(I wanted to fly)

But I was only five

And my theory didn't account for
anything that wasn't lighter than air

And I'm heavy hearted

I before e except after c
But I wanted to be
Next to you

There is a kid who sits behind me in third period

His name is Blake

Blake who matches brown with black
Blake that carries ballpoint pens
And Blake that chews on the ends
I know because borrow them

I never have pens
I never carry anything permanent

Blake has a voice that never changes pitches
But his voice never speaks less than the truth

The truth
I'd ask to borrow that too
But it's silly to ask for something you can't possibly obtain

---

Today Blake pulled out a pen
And wrote out the word Depression

I turned around and looked at it

"Maybe I'm depressed"

He replied with silence
I swallowed the idea
"No, I laugh too much to be depressed"
I turned to face forward again

Later, he tapped me on the shoulder
And he handed me the truth
Inscribed on a small piece of paper

"The most depressed people appear to be the happiest"

I laughed

My thoughts are being served to me like breakfast
Scrambled

They stopped coming over
When we stopped answering the door

If good things come to those who wait,


















You're welcome.