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I let you into my heart
Find a place to get comfy
Kick your shoes off
Take ya braw off
and pants
And get comfy
And just stay
Just stay
Please
Stay
 Aug 2014 jessica Philpott
Jordan
Nobody knows the girl
The girl that hides behind a mask
The girls that is broken
But continues to smile
Until she gets home
Away from everyone
Where she is alone
When she is trapped in her deepest thoughts
And nobody can save her
That girl
That girl is me.
This is the colour of my anger:
A white hot searing fever
Tearing through my veins like amphetamine;
A surreal dream that keeps replaying in my brain
Over and over again...
Life is pain enough
Without other people
Making it tough. Guess I ran out of luck:
Top of the class and surrounded by  dumb *****
Whose only qualification is knowing how to trigger
The ticking bomb I've strapped on
In my anger.

This is the colour
This is the colour
This is the ******* colour

This is the colour of my anger:
This weird red mist with its fingers
Coiled around my brain,
Blurring my vision as I allow it
To make my decisions
For me. Again, it hands me the gun, then runs,
Leaving me to get the
Damage done. Well, aint this fun?
Three, two, one, and it’s time to take cover
I won’t get any sleep
Until I’ve shown you the colour
Of my anger.

This is the colour
This is the colour
This is the ******* colour

This is the colour of my anger:
A smouldering orange lava
That laughs at the wrath of the sun,
And I feel like the risen Son
As it pours out of me, heavenly,
Reducing everything in its path to the
Sum of zero
But this is just a fraction of what it’s capable of.
Hot and full of hell is my fury. ****'s getting gory.
It's time to remove the canker.
No more bluffing, I’m all in -
Let the games begin
With my anger.

This is the colour
This is the colour
This is the ******* colour

This is the colour of my anger:
The cloudless blue of my eyes
As I admire my workmanship,
Reflecting upon the new *******
That I have just ripped for you.
My smile spreads from ear to ear, like a slit throat,
Beatific in my ecstasy as this anger drains out of me.
The adrenaline that pumped so furiously
Now dumps its load in me, bringing me to my knees.
Enough, I say, as I see how small you stand there;
Let's call it a day, now be on your way,
Just remember the colour of my anger.

Don’t ever
****
With me
Again
a dedication...
Gagged and bound
Hemmed in by eight swords, stabbing the ground
I'm afraid to make a sound
Alone and afraid
But at any point I'm free to walk away
And yet I choose to stay
Each sword a negative thought
A harsh word that I believed and bought
I am anxiety fraught
Not doing what I ought

My arms are tied
A red blindfold covers my eyes
I am trapped by my own mind
No one but me -
The only thing stopping me from walking free
Is my refusal to see
This persistent denial
Holding on to past hurts like a child
preferring darkness over light
It's time to reclaim my sight
Inspired by the  tarot
Let the orange flames lick the life out
of high hopes and grand schemes
until all that remains is
nothing..is nothing..is nothing is
what it seems
What the f**k's happening?
I'm 18 again, and nothing has changed
I'm in my room again,
Thinking of a family
Who've forgotten my name.
Cut out of the frame,
I wish someone would explain
You all look so guilty
Yet I still feel to blame.
Thought I was healed,
That I'd bled it all out,
Now I just want to scream
But I can't find my mouth.
Time is no healer
It only helps dull the pain,
Though the pain is no less
When it flares up again.
Have you come bearing answers
Or some salt for my wounds?
Either way, there's no hope of
Rebuilding these ruins.
I'm just picking up the peices
A bit at a time,
Building a wall
To keep you out of my mind.
you lie
each time
you look at me
and inside
my pride
wants to kick the ****
out of me
for allowing myself
to be so pathetic
to believe
that anyone
could ever give me
something real
in this ever shifting world
how can I ever expect
to find something I can grip
something worth holding on to
something unbreakable
and true
I thought it was you
I thought it was them
See the pattern emerging
againandagain
It should've been me
but I'm empty you see
I'm all out of feelings
So just let me be
i am surrounded
by such beautiful faces  
and delicate bones.
and to come
across the thought
that there is a
broken heart
behind their comforting eyes,
makes me weak.
and behind fragile arms
are scars.
and i dont feel any pain,
or the need to  f a d e  away
but why are such beautiful faces,
so far into the obscurity?
and why do they have the most
insecurities
and
incomplete happiness?
you have the same
dwelling eyes,
as i remembered.
and you have the same
soft lips
and although you are much
older
and taller now,
you are still the same
little girl i remembered.
i know daddy left
and mommy is struggling,
but you are still the same,
strong
little girl i remembered.
and i know you are
much more involved
in what you think
love is, but
you are still the same
strong,
emotional,
little girl i remembered.
and although you have changed
and you are not
very little anymore,
you are still the same
beautiful girl i remembered.
i guess
it was quite foolish,
to think
i could have
warmed your heart
as you did for me.
and maybe to think
that you noticed me
every time i smiled at you,
was stupid, as well.

because a part of me,
knew that you would
eventually leave me here
with mixed emotions
of emptiness and obscurity.
and here i am,
listening to love songs,
about how you could possibly
leave me
with such brokenness
in my heart
and tears
in my eyes.

but the more i think of you
and how selfish
i thought you were,
the more i look at myself thinking,
"why?"
why didn't you
leave me any
sooner?
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