I miss the heat of your body cuddled into mine on that unusually cold November night.
your soft lips leaving kisses of fire down my neck
your arms wrapped around my waist like you never wanted to let me go.

I miss your deep brown eyes,
and the way you always touched your nose and lips when you were nervous.
I miss the awkward, yet comfortable silences as we just stared at each other .

My god, you were so beautiful..
why couldn't i make you stay?

you used to always call me your innocent girl,
one to never break out of her shell.
never once taking a sip of alcohol, or touching the blunts you would roll with your best friend.
you used it against me when you left me hanging in the rain.
i did drugs today.
i downed the fifth of whiskey my roommate kept under her bed.
i smoke one of those blunts you swore i'd never touch, or two.
i tried to send every memory you gave me up in smoke.
i tried to forget how you left me, alone and vulnerable
and how my heart was almost ripped in half.
i threw myself into a substance-induced oblivion to where i couldn't even move without falling right back down
into the deep dark hole that you shoved me into.
and even though i should have forgotten all about how you're brown eyes tore right into mine, or the way you called me 'baby'
i couldn't.
i couldn't stop hearing the sound of your voice.
or see the rugged glimmer of your smile.
or taste the black coffee what was always on your lips
i couldn't erase your memory,
even though you didn't even remember mine