self destruction like burning bridges you know full well you'll drown without
being reckless with your rafts and your lifesavers
and feeling the heat of the fire prickle your forehead,
beads of sweat teasing your skin
and making it impossible to ignore the deep water already lapping at your feet,
clearly prepared to completely engulf you in liquid darkness.

self destruction like inhaling the fumes of a hundred toxic promises,
made to you by old would-be lovers;
sugarcoated words and lies roughly covered in white,
feeling the poison seizing up your struggling lungs,
fingertips flicking through dictionaries with cracked spines:
desperate to find a word that isn't even there.

self destruction like breaking hearts that aren't yours for once,
just to hold the power of corruption and allow it to make you bloodthirsty,
much like slaughtering ants beneath magnifying glasses,
watching them struggle and turn to unrecognisable ashes,
whimpering half hearted apologies whilst trying to convince yourself
that you are not a bad person, but simply a broken soul.

I hate myself.

I never thought I would.
I wish you loved me.
Like you love them.
You threw me aside.
And made me think
What’s wrong with me?
I want.
What they have.
Because
If I had
What they have.
Maybe you would love me.  
Are they’re all throwing it away.
Life.
Everything is hard now.
So much harder than before.
It hurts to breathe sometimes.
It hurts less to cry.

I hate myself.
I never thought I would.

I was born on a belt
In the factory of man,
Rolled into a home,
Labeled and stamped.

My life was made honest
By ink on a page,
And my future controlled
By a system of wage.

My whole life thus far,
Two decades of lame,
Incompetent bureaucratic,
Institutional reign

Has seen us shuffled down
The educational lane,
Made unified products;
For unified gain.

somedays i think about the stars
and how insignificant my feelings are
when im six feet under the universe wont care who i loved
my brain is made up of minuscule neurons
infinitesimal to the galaxies swirling around us

but somedays i think about my mind
and how my emotions strive to pull me under
i remember how much ive learned about the universe
and the capacity my brain actually holds
its the most powerful thing ive ever known,
and ive only discovered a fraction of it
and then i wonder if there's a universe underneath my skull


my mind is a black hole
******* in information i'd be better off not knowing
enclosing on me with darkness until i want to die
it blocks out all the light and leaves me blind

my mind is the sun
bright and glowing
overflowing with delight
giving warmth and energy to everything in sight
racing faster than the speed of light
so fast i feel my head will explode
and sometimes i wish it would.

my mind is an empty space
filled with neither joy nor pain
just longing for a star to form
or a black hole
anything at all

you cruel humans
all of you are
with your chapped lips
stinging words
crooked teeth
poisonous giggles
worming their way into
pure innocent hearts.
how dare you
point out anything that you
believe to be wrong.
it's not wrong-
the girl in your class with the unruly hair
go ahead snicker and taunt,
the boy who always smiles,
even if he is the **** of the joke,
and you think these people are the monsters,
disliked and far from normal-
   but beauty rests in their souls
and it only intensifies with every jab you make,
and your skin begins to rot and your flesh falls away
and your organs are infected with black holes
where your humanity used to be.

Everybody's like oh hey it's John
When you gonna turn your light on?
Do you have a cloud to lay on?
Where's that feather pillow you punch on?
Do you know what path you've turned on?
Oh get over it come on, come on

When the sky turns purple turns red
Nothin seems right up in my head
Fly away, leave, go, but I've already fled
What was it that day you said?
About those balloons that were made of lead?
I can't think no more in my bed

Oh well, oh well, can't do nothing bout it
Wanna climb to the roof and shout it
This door has closed ain't no doubt about it
What a pretty girl if I've ever seen it
The way she talks, my inside she burns it
Owner of my heart, never thought I'd say it