I am myself in shadows
Forsaking the dawn
I am myself in darkness
Among a crowd of one
A solitude of plenty…
I am the words to
A rounded song,
A song to a husky voice
A voice to an empty silence
That I can not hear…
What do I fear?

This magnitude of life,
I wish that it had passed
Me by…
If I had been an ordinary lad,
Then maybe I won’t be so sad.
my end would not have been
So bad,
In my listless ,senseless compulsions
Brewed an endless stream
Of addiction,
Far worst than I could ever have
Imagined, in all the years
That I have survived..
What do I fear?

One happy thought,
Just one happy thought
I had none..
All is gone…
Alone
Louder, and louder
The deafening nothingness
Leaves me alone
Do not leave me alone…

Do you fear me?
Do you fear what I had become?
I had everything
That is nothing
Of true value
But everyone has a price
So I must pay the price
Of my folly..
My castle is my prison
An asylum for my kingdom

Long, long time ago
I used to know a different man
But he was gone before
I could remember his name….

I heard a call
an echo towards the sun,
come forth my heart
thy wounds lay restless,
narrow seeds
upright among distorted rainbows
into darken storms do shroud
the forsaken road
alone and far away
a dream in death despair
the value of true love
the wisdom of its feel
has lost its touch
time's eager hands did block

I'll never know
the kiss of fever pitch
thy cheeks best stole
the song no lyric
ever wore

calmly....
ascending and descending
through fame, fortune and death...
such is your dignity

you fill my heart
with so much nostalgia
that sometimes I think
we have met before, in time...
through ripples in time....

the moment I knew of you.,.
I have loved you...
It's as if I knew you
long before I truly existed

and in this very special occasion
of your solemn birth...
one hundred fifty four years ago...

I wish to thank you....
for gracing us with your presence
for teaching us of life and love...
for making us proud as a nation
despite our failures, faults and
insecurities...

you gave us your name...
your intelligence and your love
in the purest form and sense

so now I say to you...
happy may this day be
for us all
as Filipinos, we must never forget
for it is a sin not to remember
a beautiful man such as yourself
that gave rise. meaning and relevance
to the word "Filipino"

I chant your name like a mantra
Rizal- my hero, my icon, my poet
and the love of my life....

'Tis the morning
to surpass all mornings...
The faint light of dawn
bathe its whispers on your face,
The beats of your heart
are controlled and deliberate
'Tis a recalcitrant heart
that has a mind of its own...

As you walk the path
that leads to the slow dance
that is your death,
your feet are firm
your eyes, alert
'Tis as if, it is not death
that you come to greet
But the passionate embrace
of someone, so long ago ,
you have loved....

Farewell, you say-
farewell to this world,
this nation and this people...
that cost you both
pleasure and pain

-But no regrets-

This morning, you die
willingly and with
poetry on your lips
"It is done", you say...
'Tis time to rest
Dear hero of mine
Tomorrow, you wake again,
looking towards the blue of the skies
challenging the blazing sunlight
if it can,
to eclipse the very essence of you....

It is still your name that we speak
with reverend sighs
your name that is forever etched
in the soul of our race...

Worldly passions arise
In this abstract distraction
From a faraway land
In his gaze
I live my life in fantasies
For his many splendoured
Smile…
That goes for many
Many miles
Of pure pleasure
Almost spiritual in nature
When I look upon
His countenance of joy
Erased are the pain
That becomes my past
Never more to besiege
My lonely heart
In this troubled life
I see only nature in its
Constant beauty
My abstract distraction
Is a form of distinction
material and immaterial
Perhaps in another galaxy
Or another lifetime
But for now,
I revel in the rapture
Of his being
And his silvery presence
On a screen
That projects a form of poetry
In my soul….

I don’t write verses
to suit purposes
I don’t use words
To nail their rhymes
To fit a song
To fill a book
To foster riches
Or gain control

This massive universe
That I may never know
Is, to me….
The only force
That I can call a home
And just like those
Who lived here
Before me
So I must live
To die
And to give way……..

Thus, we see things
Pass before us
Creating, destroying
Those that surround us
Believing we’ll live forever
Believing our spirits
Return in different forms
Invisibly grotesque
To frighten the living
We’ve left
After we’ve lost this life
That we shall live
Only once……

All matters
Matter only
When our hearts
Learn to unravel the truth,
When we seek for love
And love only
For love itself,
Never to succumb
To the ravages of time
Never regretting
The passing of youth
Moving on
Without ever looking back
Surrendering all our joys
And pain
To the One being that made us
Never bothering to question
The other loads
Laid out before us
By time and space

I only write verses
I only sing songs
I never use them
As they never use me

I can fill no books
I can foster no riches
But I can love you
And love you so…..

That is all I can do
That is all I can say….

What is peace?
Reduced to ashes,
It is now synonymous
With chaos and violence
It is death and destruction
To one and to many

Where is peace??
Does it reside in the
Deserts of Arabia,
Is it in the cafes of Europe
Or the woods of America
Or the seas of Asia?

In this twisted age that
Spawned terror
Peace is an oxymoron
For peace can not exist
With out Love
And to live a life with out love
Is to have no understanding
Of compassion and respect

So now we shall  travel in
This vicious cycle
A merry-go-round to nowhere
And nothing..
Barefoot in mind we walk
Our hearts beating without cause
Without meaning

And if you ask me again
what or where or when
Is peace...
I shall look you in the eye
and tell you i don’t know
for i have never  seen
it in its true form
all i see are compromises,
and false propaganda
i shall cross the yellow line
and smother my mind
with the pillow of comfort
that I know nothing
i can no longer feel anything..
except force myself
to stop talking...
someone is pointing a gun
in my mouth

05 December, 2015

#jeanrojasforterror2015

Into the night I seek
The silhouette of chance,
Black merges into white
A flight of dances
Step into the light
To erase the shadows
Of a man
Whose face over voice
In melancholic range
Now weeps beneath dreams
Of reckless prose
eager to know the birth
Of another dawn
In the arms and wings
Of past future strides…

The deadly dark of the
Running night
Is everywhere in sight
From bars to bedrooms
Juxtaposing
Each irreverent line of
Tomorrows yet to come
But has nothing to offer
That is of consequence

Forget the deranged sorrow
I say
Night has its blessings for sale
Turn your head to this side
And derail the empty wail
A breathtaking flight
Is a plight that is borrowed
From fateless time

Oh aphrodisiac nights
When the heart seals
The worldless spirit
I caress your face
With the touch of my mind,
I have known these moments before
When the throat runs dry
And feelings are high…
A song is conceived
By the magical sighs
Born to grow
With the sweet breath
Of love
Night blossoms
And withers into morn
The stars swoon
In the slumber of the moon
Maybe again
Your face will I see
As the creatures of mystery
Celebrate their
Change of colors
Outrageously
Into the night…..

Standing alone in the rain
I look at all my pain
My life has gone through middle age
And I feel I am in a cage

Your music came to me one day,
The high pitched sounds along the way,
Soothing my soul in the words that you say
I relinquish my sorrows where I may

I have loved you all these years
And the echo of your voice I hear,
Songs of sensuality, unclear
Passionate verses without fear

I have lusted for you all this time
Making love to you in rhythm and rhyme
In my fantasies ,your lyrics are a chime
Your notes ,the dearest pantomime

You are mine but never mine
You were a star ,way too far
Down below and oh so low
I lie alone ,in motions of slow

You are human too,
You know agony as well,
Bled like mortals
Fell like mortals
Aged like all of us
Changed like all of us

Yet, to me,
You will always
Be the same
With your golden
Hair, flowing in the wind
As you crooned and cooed
Your long tall frame
Blending with the bars
Of the drums , the bass
and lead guitar
Your body is my altar
Your voice, my vision of hope

Nothing lasts forever
Nothing remains the same
Not the singer nor the song
As we move in life along

But in my mind I see only you
Singing the blues in blue
In all colors and hue,
With you, I am young again
With you I am new again

Your voice is my song of hope.

deep set eyes of mystery
you give a solution to this misery
in a sad world of disenchantment
i see no end in disappointments

fair-faced being of the sand
so straight in time you stand
of principles so thorough and deep
you fight for all creatures that weep

poet of kings
you create a thousand rings
around my saddened heart
i only live by what you impart

i see tomorrow in your eyes
that never knew the burden of lies
teach me the way to fly
and all the things that answer why

and as i read your words of rhyme
i hear the bells that chime
to herald the coming of an age
to release a bird in a cage

shall i, to you, speak
and hear my voice so weak
so you may feel my hungry touch
that wanted you so much

or shall,i here, in any place stay
never to move or go away
absorbing colorless dreams
imbibing lifeless beams

if i had not known you, i will not be whole
a master of words, soul of my soul
i beg to meet you in a place
that defy all measures of time and space

The winds grow like wild flowers
in the Avenue of Liberty
sunlight kissing park benches
and statues of means
I have mingled with its people
The village fools,
The beggars,
The old men...
Retired to their places
in my river of memories

A swarm of street cars pass by
and I hear the soothing sounds
of the Portuguese tongue
But I missed the sight
of the purpose of my flight
even though the joys of her beauty
has become Lisbon's lullaby...
I have had my share of tears
In the Avenue of Liberty

I tried to drain the
sorrow of my pain
through bottles of
foreign liquor
in drunken passion
I laid myself
into a wishful slumber
yet nothing can erase
the shadows that tormented me

In the deep of the night
with pictures of your face
in my dreams
then all was dead silence
at the stroke of dawn
But the Avenue of Liberty
gave me no moment of peace
and the river of my memories
ran like arrow
eager to pierce its mark

A piece of my heart
will always remain
Down in the Avenue of Liberty
where you and I were so apart
yet, somehow, in spirit
we merged through the wires
In conversation and distance
we loved as we danced
The dance of fate
that pulled our strings
in a masquerade of feelings
into a labyrinth of consequences

Body and soul
I still long
for the hours I've spent
though alone,
though weeping,
in that haunting park
at the back of my French hotel
There in the liberty of Avenues
The Avenue of Liberty....

Blue sunrise,
Purple sunset
Our minds play
With colors in the sky
What we see is
Not always what is,
And then we cry
After the laughter
And the bliss…..

Your face, I have not seen
And yet your goodness
Comes clean
Through distances and time
Your soul burst forth
Like the light of the sun
Your heart of gold
Will never grow old
For you, these lines
Do virtues find…….

Values never die
Compassion runs high
It lives in you,
In your childlike mind
Always the innocent,
Unaware of the sorrows
Of this world
Your smile is sweet enough
To open up a flower’s petals…

Those who fail to see the sunrise
Turn around to face the sunset
Those who leave for fear
That they won’t understand
Are the real lost causes

You are nature’s love child
Cradled by the blue sunrise
Born out of a rose’s bloom
In the arms of the windy clouds
You will stay,
Never to stray,
Never in pain
Your laughter flows
With the gentle rain….

Truly blessed you are,
No sin can ever mar
Your beauty that I love
Here and from afar
Give me the honor
Of  knowing your name
To me it is more important
Than fortune or fame

death can not touch you
for in the bliss of your
innocence
lies a power so great
that it defies all things temporal

your purity is your beauty
your humility, a tender reminder
of the ecstasy of living
that none can mar..
truly the light of morrow
shines in your eyes
and what can not be seen
by common vision
can be felt by the softness
of your youthful heart

I can not stop looking at
Your face,
For it is a countenance
That speaks of ages
Yet it is not old
And it will never be old
For you are like a song
That lasts forever
With words that save
The souls in dark oblivion

Therefore sing- and unto the night
Cast a light to shine upon us
Save us from this dreary depth
And lift us into heights of higher grounds
For it us you who knows the way
Out of this dreadful maze
Guide us with your soothing voice
Unto your memory let us rejoice
And through the eye of the day
Teach us the goodness of your way...

My beloved commanded clouds
With his wings spread wide
Beneath the sun
In his silent rapture he ran
Rings around the moon
With speed unheard of
In altitudes untested
He was the uncontested
Prince of the blue skies

My beloved’s eyes
Reflect the yellow horizon
At the end of the ocean wall
He was fearless in his quest
He was a cut above the rest
His daring knew no boundaries
He had no fear of the unknown
Way out yonder ,there he flew
Where no other ‘s ever been before

My beloved’s ways up in the
Air was never wayward
There among the white formations
He was unsurpassed
A venerable hero of his generation
He had set his mark so steady
In the echoes of history
And though his life upon the ground
Was less than perfect
Up there,  he was without equal
And this is how
He’d like to be remembered
For he carved his name
on the soft cotton clouds
And though his magic chariot
Now lies majestically still,
he is truly,
ever truly
the beloved son of
the great big blue skies

My dearest Danny,
delicate young angel
with yellow hair..
sweet innocent child
that is not so innocent
redeem me,
from the ache that
gnaws through my bones

Where do you go?
when you want to feel safe?
Where do you hide?
to be invisible
and out of reach?
take me to your secret place
for I want to be there with you...

Life has not been kind
to you,
dearest Danny
experiences have aged
you far beyond your years
and yet you cope,
you recuperate from
the scars that blur
your identity
How soft you still are
how fragile,
not hardened nor embittered

How do you still go on?
standing up after every fall
Then falling again
Then standing up again.....
The bruises that covered your soul
have healed,
but at what price...

And yet,
here you are before me
blindingly beautiful
with a tainted innocence
and such a trusting heart
I miss that waywardness about you
I miss the weakness that
makes you unintentionally strong

Take me to your secret place,
Danny...
And heal me...
make me whole again....

the man will stand
and take my hand
stop the band....
he has a magic wand

look, the photos click
in place, like a tick
of the clock so chic
is it a trick?

or are you an illusion
to my sad delusion
is it merely infatuation
or is it simply frustration?

you are so richly debonair
a quality so rare
of grace magnificently fair
i love the color of your flair

you don't intrigue me
by what you have, you see
it is though these things three:
your face, your smile and thee...

Death hides a stranger
Into the *****
Of the night
And like a freon smile
It beckons to beguile
Leaving us empty
And with shame

Death knows no blame
And fathoms any danger
Like a whiplash
It scourges our pride
So in the end
We leave
Without a benefit to claim

In life we taste
A little of the sweet
But bitter pungent
Do we meet
And all favors
That we pray for
We must pay for
They are debts to settle
In a square

The sky is clearing
And i see
The clouds that hung
And clothe my stars
They are not mine
Those that i seek
And all i know,
I’ll soon release

Death hides a stranger
And so
A stranger i shall be
Gone and unto my grave
to fall
The rocks
The rain
The vultures all
For stranger still is truth
When unto me
I finally meet
The stranger that is hiding
Behind the mask of death....

You can not **** the hummingbird
And think that there
Will be no repercussions

You can not silence
His lips
With the barrel of a gun

You can not bury his memory
By stonewalling and
Distorting the evidences

You can not erase his ideals
By destroying his name…..

Extinguish not his memory
By firing the shots,
It is an act that only
Fans the aching flame

You think he is forgotten
But he lives………
Healthy in the hearts of millions
You thought are but a few

Someday we will sing his song of love
Someday he will rise again, defiant!
Daring to fly, as high
As the burning sun
And you can not stop him
Or **** him once again

For the hummingbird shall endure
The compassion of men shall sustain him
And he will conquer this death
That you have inflicted upon him

So you can **** the man and his body
You can blow his face all away
You can trample him with your
Angry tyranny
But you can never, never
**** his soul!

The hummingbird defies you
The hummingbird lives on and on and on………

glass slippers
lost forever
in a world where
no one sings
no one dares
and no one dreams
only puppets
ride their strings

hiding faces
without traces
of a single blemish
or anguish
****** like walls
stemmed from calls
of unproductive falls

shapes and sizes
epitomizes
love so lost
to hate embossed
wary a world where
trust would die
consumed into ashes
where heroes
once lie

faced by reality
without the possibility
of ever having tranquility
is a sad feasibility
in this ever-growing incredibility
of a world without sound durability

must i go on with my mockery
or shall i show you reversibility
continuing this charade of nobility
we are but dust in anonymity

in the middle of the night
we said our goodbyes
among the smoke-filled rooms
across a wall-papered hall

- I am lonely -

knowing the pain that
comes from parting
a lost season
in a now loveless life
I do not want to bid you
goodbye
and kiss your cheek
with my aching mouth

misty eyes
that can't hold back
the tears
my shadow slumps
on an artificial wall

words escape me
I am empty now....

I did not want
to let you go
but my voice was
wandering in unknown
backstreets

never wanting to show
always putting up a show

i have lost that one chance
in a lifetime

we said our goodbyes
and I bid you farewell
with the cold formality
of a handshake
and a nagging feeling of
a sad and sorry state
that I could have done
something to keep you
but I let you go away
from me instead....

I  speak your name
I touch you
from the cold you emerge
have I known you?
has it come to the point
where hearts must bleed
before they sing?
I can not believe
that I have loved you
for so long
and yet not see
what went wrong along the way
that the door between us
just snapped shut

have you suffered
cruelties that I
did not forsee?
and with a heavy load
that wanted to unburden itself
I cried....
long ago and far away
I seem to recall
you cradled me in your arms
the feeling stuck
to always haunt my mind
I ache with longing
for your touch
when was it born
this bitterness in our hearts?
why have we nursed it deep within
only to find shadows
climbing on our backs
clawing their way into the
very essence of our togetherness
somehow I believe
you must have loved me too
but that is gone now
and everything is through.....

I see you in my rose-colored dreams
Embedded in a fluid glass
Surrounded by musical notes
The sounds of laughter
Reverberating on the halls
The smell of fresh strawberries
Hung heavy in the air
My closed eyes perceived this all
In one unaccustomed glance
On the far corners of
A pleasant memory
That has come to pass….


I feel the force
Of your mighty grace
A supernatural aura
That glows on your face
The flower of beauty
Blooms in your eyes
And the enchantment
Of your smile
Will always hold me enthralled…
I have known no other man
Who has held his reins of power
Over my heart
Like you have..
And how…..

My  fleeting dreams,
They are all I have at hand
Somewhere along the
Folds of my brain
Your image begins to interfere
I am a captive
And I have no strength to let go
I am , in this desperation, grow…
A fondness for your face
That always steals the show

I have no will to resist
I keep within
This burning hope that flames assist
A crowning glory
A maze aglow

Here within my *****
Warm and deep
I count my blessings
In my sleep
For sleep alone can
Make you stay
And so to this
I truly say
From the first moment
That I saw your exquisite face
Lips knew not and words did stray
Bound to wonder, this I pray
No man can be as beautiful
As the sun’s golden ray
Yet, somehow, you managed to be
Far more stunning than
A tranquil sunset in Manila Bay.

Someone is worshipping
The fallen idol
Whose sorry pieces
Are strewn all over
The strawberry walls
There is blood
On its wounds
And tears in its eyes
But the prayers
Never stopped
Till the mid-morning sun
Shown its face from the clouds

Someone can hear
The green notes
Terrorizing the lobby
But the emptiness
Is magnified..........
The eerie harmony,
Fed the notes
That are out of tune
They silenced the laughter
When the song ended in pain

Where are the broken icons?
The windows of regret?
To fading memories
Forced a muffled scream
Prayers are only heard
When a crowd comes to cheer...
A star that is dying..
And her voice is cracking...
Destroyed and long gone
No longer the angel in the choir
She is silently weeping...

Such is her destiny
And thus unraveled her story
Let this fallen idol
Rest in peace....
Let her savor the happiness
Denied to her here in this
Miserable earth
Let her sing for joy
In the altar on high...
Let her tears dry
And her sorrows fly...
Let her voice fill the rainbows
Parading in the sky..

My fearless general
Full-blooded son of our nation
I call you
In these uncertain times….
I need your courage
And extreme nationalism
For I am surrounded by
Anemic Filipinos,
Merely like myself,
Unable to act and speak
No dynamism-
A lack of principles

Where could you be, my general?
Surely a man like you will never hide
No wound, no bullet, no threat
Can ever make you bend your knees
I hear no cried nor pleas
From your revered lips
My strength is failing me
I need your blood
Alone, I cry
Believing myself to be incomplete
Embrace me, for you are magnificent
And there can be no other

Through the years
I still remember
How I leafed the pages
Of history just to place your name…
Maybe time ran so fast
But to me you were never last
Because you last….

Tell your brothers what you
Could do for love of country
I know and I have felt
You are my first
And  foremost general
And I shall carry you
Upon my shoulders
And stroke your head
While you sleep on my lap
Because you make me want
To tell the entire world
That my general is a Filipino
And I am proud to be his comrade!

I am flying up to love
Soaring high upon the heavens
I can not fall into love
For love can not spiral
And tumble to the ground..
It moves upward to perfume
The air of it’s mist and magic
It lives to guide the stars in their
Twinkling warmth and brilliant glow..

Any definition of love
Will surely be met with
Utter failure
For love itself is its own definition
No measure of words can reason
Its existence into being
No science nor art can definitely declare
That love is this or love is that…
It is neither here or neither there…
But love fills the heart and feeds
The soul of beauty everlasting…,
Of peace that reigns in the bounty of nature…
A canticle of colors that can not be seen
But can be felt by the nakedness of the human
Vision…
Like the breathtaking display of the northern lights
That captures one’s imagination and attention…
A certain calm that possesses
A sort of liberation from the drudgery of this world…

So love only for love’s own sake
And do not equate love with material
Things or possessions..
For love indeed, can conquer,
If it conquers at all…
And there is nothing more that one needs
If one is to live
A happy and fulfilled life
Than  to love fully and truly and be truly and fully
Loved in return

For the least time
I held your stare
Traveling the distant nowhere
In the outer recesses of space
Brief moments of gaiety
Are but overused
Memories to be replayed
Silenced the night whose
Stillness can be heard
Loud and clear.

For the last time
I embrace the shadows
Hovering about you
Memorizing each trace
Of darkness
Each line and each
Hallow vision
Savoring the few minutes
Of private contact
With your negative image

For the last time,
I thought
I came so very close
To you
Advancing in inches
And inches so near
Conquering the barriers
Of fear
And demolishing the
Brick walls of time
Command now this life
That was lived
In the briefest of happiness

For the first time
Before the dust
Shall blot out
All memories of today
Let the past give way
And the future stay
If only to rectify mistakes
And restore your good name

But life goes on cruelly
And like a theater’s curtains
Must fall
On us all

So for the last time
I said my goodbyes
Remembering your stare
Out of nowhere
Remembering your shadows
And your pain
Never have I felt
Your presence more strongly
As I kissed your shadows to rest
For the very last time……

Gentle Stockholm, in my mind
Tender city with its laid-back ways…
Sun-kissed, snow covered days
A sleepy lover’s eyes along its bays
There I was, a foreigner
Gasping at the breathtaking view
A beauty simple and true
Learning to walk through
Its cobbled streets….
Singing and humming
To its sensual beats…
Like a lover, it strums my body
It’s fingers knowing all the cords
To play……
And I pray,
I swear, I will return
To this unforgettable place…
That has invaded the space
Of my peace
Like its trees…
with leaves of,
Green, yellow and brown
Four seasons of  harmony
Boring holes through my senses…
It’s memory stored through the tenses…
Stockholm in the summer, winter season
Through the autumn’s rise and fall….
flowers bursting in bloom at spring's hall...
Always will I remember it’s
Echo’s call…..
Into my heart….
It will never part…

You broke the chains of
My sorrows…
Lending me the promise
Of many tomorrows,

Stockholm, gentle ,Stockholm
Sing to me your songs of life
Set me free
and make me see,
But never let me be…..

God’s little bud of rose
Reflects like a dainty prose
In lines that so sweetly glows
From veins that so lovingly flows

God’s little doer of deeds
Into souls might her goodness feed
The scroll of life
Unfolds and then reads
She is what this hopeless world
Sadly needs….

In life she moved a hero’s pace
Without doubt on her pious face
She who felt that holy embrace
Now is done with her ultimate race

Quietly rest, tender rosebud
Nurture that love in your heart
For us mortals alive,
We must continue to battle
The wars in ourselves
Never to know
When our precious sanity ends…

Fragrant rosebud of white
Gone-but not forgotten
You lived as soft and mellow
As the morning rain
Sowing your seeds of knowledge
And gain
As God’s own champion
You died not in vain…

there is a hole in my heart
that is narrow,
though it is not big
it is only shallow
still it leaves
my spirit hollow
like the loss of a limb
or death of a sparrow
leaving me alone to wallow
in my preposterous sorrow
taken to tears i will shed
until tomorrow.....

vaguely i recall,
a sorry encounter
loving an angel
a rogue in disguise
little mistakes
to carelessly caution
the heart that sells
emotions by auction
how am i able to stand this?
he has no compunction

the same mistakes
i keep on repeating
promise my heart
that it would stop beating
but never it could
though seriously wasting
we have no control
of all our excesses

in reckless precision
i root my position
in lying ambition
the fire of ignition
burned my back
for courage i lack
to vehemently deny
this false recognition

what causes me to act
like keyholes in doorlocks?
always the passive answer
to a resistance?
can i not shine on
my own accord?
must i dream of luxuries
i can not afford?

i see myself
standing on my head
discarding the robes
like snakes in the shed
lying in my bed
and lying to myself
i am boring a hollow
but shallow hole in my heart

perhaps i deserve
the idiocy i create....

Her name is Catherine Eddowes
and it rhymes with meadows
of green fields and moon's shadows
but in the street she wallows
in the darkened danger that swallows
through the London fog that follows
her every movement and her sorrows

Oh Catherine, my dearest
come to call in nights severest
of pain and pleasure without rest
strike you like a luckless jest
you are who you are, that's your best

I am looking at you and memorizing
your ****** features that are tantalizing
I do not hear if you are coming or going
But I never want to hear you crying

Her name is Catherine and pray,
do not forget
She is far away now,
much to my regret
I miss her but
I must not be upset

Someday ,perhaps, she'll
grace me with her presence
she'll look at me with no pretense
she will show me emotions intense
I'll smell her perfume like
fragrant incense

Hello and goodbye,
dear Catherine Eddowes..
a name that rhymes with meadows

If I am not beautiful,
Am I not bountiful?
...........The problem with beauty is
that it gets old
after that, it can not be sold
it is a fleeting commodity
it will never, never last

If I am not successful
am I not relevant?
If I am not rich,
am I not important?
does money really talk?
and can fame
equal true , unspoiled
happiness
or peace of mind?

If I am not powerful
am I merely anonymous?
do I contribute anything at all
and do I matter?

We are living in a world
that does not tolerate mediocrity
it dwells in mores of hypocrisy
and so it breeds profanity
it encourages deception
and if you want to have your
name remembered,
take a few lives in your
gun powdered hands
they will splash your face
all over the papers
and you can hide behind
the curtains of insanity

how sad to be lonely
but these are the
scenes that we condone
plastic caricatures we are
living in lies and
false smiles
we have died while
we are still alive
inhaling the polluted air
that we so happily create

i had a dream about the world
that it was light
without a trace
of evil, of darkness and pollution
only the freshness of air and
the tolerance of nature exist
and it was wonderful to be alive

i had a dream about the sun
its rays extend to one and all
no race,no creed
was spared from warmth
the sun envelops the entire
surface of the earth
and it was bright but
do not burn the skin

i had a dream about a race
that it was black in figure and face
but then, no peoples would discriminate
only brotherhood would emanate
and it feels good to walk hand in hand
with all the creatures of the earth

i had a dream about a man
whose force was strong
and principles were fair
who has the spirit of wild flowers
who feared nothing and
feared not then to dream
and he stood for the good and the right
and he was not afraid to fight

i had a dream about a dream
alas! only to be awakened
by sharp screams that wrecked
my senses
and then i realized,
that he was gone......
felled by cruel men with angry bullets
but his dream still lives on
and all that he stood for
shall never be forgotten

I know your name
And that is all I have
Of you
But in some strange way
You and I are the same
We are nobodies
In a world of somebodies
Lacking in social graces, we are
Obscured by oblivion
Sans the thrill of appeal, we are
Confined to the solitude
Of our loneliness
No true love will touch us
Even though we tried
And tried our very best
Our beauties are unattended
Because no one sees
What's inside of us
But I see you as a delicate flower
Your aura surrounds
Me with splendidness
What's in you is truly good
Though no one understands
And no one ever could
You and I,
The tears we shed are one
Though in this lifetime
We will never be popular
There is another world
That exists far beyond us
And there we shall stay
Without judgment
In men's eyes
Nor jest on women's lips
Friends we are and
Friends we'll remain
Until the sun tires of rising
And the night frowns its gloom
On all our doubts and
All our fears....

Come away with me.....

the easiest words to say
are the hardest to live by
mere words they are ,
and yet,
could very well remind us
of our fallibility
and inability
to hang on every word
we ever spoke in promises

we often say
"I love you"...
we hear it now and then....
the soft tones
our voices emit
are, in reality,
only that...
with nothing else to spare

the hardest words to live by
are the easiest to understand
but how can they be said
with truth conquering lies
when the eyes connive with hearts
to allow lips to
utter mere syllables
bereft of meaning and
lasting joy
that it's true pronunciation can evoke....

The hour has come for us to sail
Away in the lonely sea
Fine memories replace the evident
And guilt is washed away by tears
I want to say a word that touches
Before I go to sleep
And raise a person to the level
Of the wind and the sky
To make forget one lonesome thought
Erase the fruitless years
I want to say a word that touches
The floor the earth expands
The minutes pulled the hours
Till short of time we stand
The brink is near
But, what ,the way…
Is closed today of mud….
I see the sun but shineth not
Nor rays- do they extend

Enclosed the lifeless breath
The clouds exhaled
And leaves the boat
On a standstill…

I want to say a word that touches
But words do rhymes deny
This pointless search
This mask of struggle
Have not touched a single soul
I touched today…

Sounds of a guitar
Sliding through the chords
Of my heart
The music is rock,
But it feels like
Free-flowing tenderness,
The gentleness of rain
As it drizzles through
The mellow pavement
Voices singing
Fiercely melodious
Of melodies untrained
Yet well contained
In a pool of unforgotten
Memories.....

You were the gentlest
Soul I have ever known
Straight as an arrow
In principles not wanting
Sometimes your stance
Was misunderstood
But you only bother
About what is good,

“A loving husband...
A doting father......”
Your epitaph may well
Be written with
These simple words....

I hear your whispers
Loud and clear
From the spiritual side
Of a non-physical world
I wish I could say more
But words could
Flow no more...
All I know is time stood by
When you breathed your
Last worldly sigh....

So here I am
Alone and awake
In the middle of the night
With  music in sight
An empty room and
Two electric fans
That could not quench
The stifling heat

Sounds of a guitar
In a well organized
Chaotic music that rocks
The loneliness within me

And then I realized....
I really, really miss your presence.....

warm English eyes
a provocative smile,

Long limbs of fragile masculine beauty
touch my heart
and reach my mind
in depths of boundless measures

technicolor dreams
of sylvan delight
satin rains in sheets of
melancholy blue
whispers of lines
on a filtered silver screen
love know the actor
in a pious sensual sight
many ,many moods govern him
and many more have sought him
but illusions mask reality
and the truth just slips away
in private meditation
undisturbed

have i loved in substitution
knoweth not ,in ignorance have pledged
this mountain of emotions
this ever growing presence
out of control
yet slowly subsiding
in the noon of midnight
in the morning of evening

here i love without caution
loving an image with
a poet's imagination
loving his English eyes, his smile
and his sacred power to convey
in animated gestures
in artistry divine
his is the face my memory
would not abandon
for him are these words
and these words have become
his soul on my paper
his fire on my pen....

language of love......,
words that could brand the spirit
with tempest or surrender
spoken with lips of enticing hue
colors of life
that fly into hearts
language of love,
send my soul to light,
I beseech..........

Spanish tones of dreams
and romance
melting the ice
with the passion in his eyes
lover that claims
and lover that heals,
language of love.....
sing this melody......
that cradles my hunger
for a kiss........

these words spread wings
of their own.....
words that caress like hands
of wine and gold
letters that spell
of embraces so bold,
never to melt
the strength of desires

they sustain me in my
hours of self -pity
hurl me to worlds
I've never ever known
these words that my
forefathers spoke in their dignity
are the words
that haunt me endlessly

flowers will bloom
for eternity's sake
rivers will rise
in their journey so wise,
mountains will bend
valleys will sigh,
the beauty of nature
never will die
if lips must reply
let sentiments go by,
the language of love
is the language of life......

Mary Ann of the morning
with your bright hair
flowing in the wind
If I stand still, long enough
I can see your eyes moving
and your fingers dancing
It's, as if you never left....
this maze of sorrow
we all call our world,

Is that your voice I hear?
filled with the joys of youth
and the innocence of goodness
I miss your smile
and I am reversing time
in a perpetually slow motion manner
denying and not obeying
the circumstances of fate

Once again I witness,
the sunlight bathing the
features of your ever-beautiful face
How I wish for these sacred moments
to last forever
so we can share both conversation and coffee
in the early hours of a delightful dawn
with the knowledge that there is
safety in hope
a life fulfilled with unconditional love
that grows wildly like the
courageous flowers of the forest
and the mountain tops glazed
with the whiteness of snow,
dear Mary Ann of the morning....

Blue jeans and bangles,
Mr. Bo Jangles
Black shirt and pendant,
A rebel unrepentant…..
Dyed hair and wrist bands,
Henna in your hands……..

But I am not blind,
I see you in my mind………

A confusion in rhapsody
A contradiction in harmony
Changing colors, off-key hues,
Syncopating off-beat cues…….

I want to see you in tuxedo
Where no crossovers,
Cross the line…..
I want to see you as you were
No make-over,No pretense…
When the fusion ends
And the fugue begins…..

For no matter how they change you
No matter what they say,
Your tuxedo origin will show
And there, your heart will go…..

Back to where it all began
Back when you were just a man….

No fame,
No game,

I love you now
And I will love you more,

Back then,
Back when,

You were just a man
Behind the piano

Beloved brother
My comrade, my mentor
You see so much in me
That I do not see
Within myself
And you believed
In me when no one
Ever did,
When the road was rough
And the tunnel long
And arduous…
Dark, dense, humid
You taught me the power
Of love and unity
You showed me the tenderness
Of compassion
You made me a brave warrior
Trekking the thorny path
Being unafraid to fail,
To succeed, in the final analysis
There is a flower of hope in your eyes
In your heart there can never be lies
I can have no better friend than you
No better champion than you
Knight in shining armor,
When the days seem endless
And the nights, raven black
Together we weathered the storm
Together we braved the unrelenting
Torrents of rain, in this world war
Called life
There are no words to thank you
And as a poet
I now stand without words
For you are the words to this poem
You are the lyric of my songs
as we travel towards the end,
Of our hard won race,
As we lie below the grasses,
Beside our revered ancestors,
It will be an honor
To mark my tombstone
That I was she who had
A beloved brother
A comrade
A mentor
And  the most precious
Gift of a friend
Called
My beloved brother

my Lord speaks through
those that do not have voices
He sees through those
who do not have eyes
He needs no words to convey
His meaning
He is all music and movements
and mathematical equations
mercy tempered with justice
that is what He is
passion and compassion
reigning in His heart
His beauty is indescribable
He is the dark matter that
holds the universe in place,
though unseen
the stars and moons and suns
and planets
give homage to the One
who made us all
And ,though we do not
hear His voice
we feel him everyday
and everywhere
through Mother Nature
through the love
that bears His grace
through His spirit
that lives among the innocents
and the light from the sun
that shines on all our faces

my Lord speaketh and I hear
not through my ears
but through my mind
in His gentle telepathy
of faith and peace
and His wonders
that never cease.

the day is passing like a riot
a cloud of people
chant the jailbird's song
a string of placards
encircled the throng
a meteoric rise in the atmosphere
has reigned in the souls of many a fist....

the heart of a crowd
is listening wildly
to speeches and voices
emphasizing a point
and views that each and
everybody shares
a unity that binds the masses

there is one man
that head the arms and bodies
of this throng
and he comes on strong
to those who have done
the nation wrong
a slim and simple being
seeing, seeking and wanting
some changes
some soothing replacement
to this scourging arrangement

the sun shines through him
and although wounded with scars
knowing one cell to the other,
he keeps the challenge
in his soul
and tried to reach a porch
in the sun
for his people, for his children
and for all that will come,
after him.....

One glimpse and gone forever
never to see the face of day
one night together and
nothing more
one attempt to share each
others bodies,
for so long I have remembered
one glimpse of the inner room
above the sky
and that is all...
it closed before I could really see
that you and I are just
playthings in the wind
and the circumstances shall
forever rearrange....
what the first and the last
in chronological order
really means, sans deception
of eager perception
is that I shall never behold
for the second time
what the first glimpse had given me

        a little taste of ecstasy
        a little knowledge of the extreme
        and a random thought of
                                       what might have been.......

Neither fire nor storm
can wash the tide away
it is this earthy season
that takes the most of may
i plucked a seed from
whence it came
to plant a new breed
of unknown origin
i know not when i shall return
for every reason that is bare
i only know the beach is free
and the entrance must be so
it reminds me of wooden shells,
of starfishes and swimming trunks
can make an afternoon
an aftershock
of things that happened
and things to come

i walked the silent beach of home
with but one tragedy
i am alone......

Golden droplets of the sea water
Mist my hands and hair with sighs
From mountains of flourishing splendor
Far away from battle-scarred grounds

Bring me to sea
Where all through the way
Fishes delight
And corals in sight
Catch up in time
To rest on the rails
Dissolving in thoughts
Of pleasures surrendered

Moving in lines
Choreographed by the wind
Sky-cloaked
And sun-soled
And fishermen’s nets
Living like creatures
Adorned by starfishes
Forgotten in time…
Just relying on compasses
To never get lost

You and I,
Our ships gliding
Through the night
Both never knowing
We’ve come face to face
Both of us longing
Tranquility’s strength
Lost in our own thoughts
Or company’s joy
Never alone and yet,
So alone……

Denied by the truth
In lands that we live
Grievously grieving
Though laughing in vain
Hiding, pretending
As masters behave

Only at sea
Do we begin to see

You were a lover
Who sailed through the seas
I am a dreamer
Who sees through the sail
Never together we were,
And never to be
Two fields divided
In two roads diverted

I’m strange to be longing
For someone not known
Strange that I ponder
What lies yonder
Thoughts of you
So clearly I see
Thoughts of the night
Then, your images flee

Only at sea
Do we really
Begin to see……..

on the shores of sorrow
over the threshold of pain
my eyes indulge figures
only to perceive
the harshness of a cruel reality
that now exists and revolves
in synchronized rapidity
with the earth
there is so much fear i feel
so overwhelming
so full of problems haunting
tormenting the human race
nothing but diseases and calamities
to mar the much-treasured
peace of mind and happiness
such are no longer in consonance
with what is, today....
i do not know just when or where
some twisted minds convulsed
to form mass murderers and calloused
criminals
gathering the seeds of massive destruction
hurting and terminating
one's own kind
why this useless treachery and
waste of human lives?

on the shores of sorrow
i cling to maintain my sanity
the long walk home is laden
with thorns and shards of
broken glasses
my feet are numb ,my heart
in emotional turmoil
i gather my  inutile strength
to come to the point
confronted by eternal loneliness
i can only say
that sorrow is my comfort
and love, the only sustaining feeling
which keeps me alive
never to forget
that i am still a human being
and out there, is a heaven somewhere
with a promise of another life
in another kind of world..

Pieces of the shadows
Of the dying sun
Lie on the face of
The ever-moving sea
Tinting water with
Its orange hue
Rippling figures in
Shades of green and blue

Darkness hides
With unknown fear
But living legends
Live on a spear
Bravely facing enemies
Unseen and unheard
A deafening blast
Took its toll
And found its mark
But she lives….
Spilling blood
On  turbulent soil…
Temperatures rise with
Fists, to a boil…

I only see
The light in her eyes
Feel her passions
Like the fragrant breath
Of the willowed wind
Know her courage shall sustain
Her country on the run
In ruins, underneath the sun…

She is Pakistan’s muse
And she lives…
Her legend cries to be told
From far and near
It shall be heard….
Echoes of her voice
Casting shadows by the sea
She will persist
And none can resist
For then, we will know
That she will not go
Deep in our hearts
She will thrive
And survive
For legends like her
Shall always be alive….

She is  Pakistan’s muse
Her name is like a prayer
Say it softly and it soothes
Whisper loudly
And it moves
Like the pieces of the shadows
Of the sun
On the face of the ever-moving sea…

On the road
I thought of you
Through flying clouds
And powder blue skies

There is a feeling
I can not comprehend
That makes my mind
And will bend……
What meaning, unto me,
Do you want read?

Lined trees alternating
In shades of green
Moving on ahead…

I cried

‘twas a long, long route
To a destination
I had no control of,
The pain and the pleasure
Intermingled in my breast
My heart was not at rest

I remembered…..
For so long
I finally did,
As I realized
There are fewer and fewer
Memories to live with……

I know your tears now
For I have shed them myself.

I hear your voice
and I see.....

A burst of sunlight
dancing with a kiss
of the breeze....

Flashes of fireworks
cascading through the
illuminated sky...

waters falling
in the seas
like sweet and mellow notes
sung by children in
a choir of perfect harmony.....

the mysterious moon
shining over souls of lovers
swooning and dreaming,
blessing their sighs
with surge of emotions
so strong yet so frail
so beautiful beyond words...

the world in an hourglass
revolves carelessly
in the palm of your hands....

sands of Sahara
turning into silver and gold....

The sensual splendor of Rome
captured in the tender curve
of your smile....

The magnificent majesty
of the vast galaxies
of the universe
is enhanced in the
language of your eyes....

day embracing the night
and night surrendering
into day,
all in a second
through the gestures of
your body....

These I see and so
much more...
for you have given me wings
to soar through
heaven's immeasurable heights

And I say to myself
this must be love...
my heart can not deny
This must be love..
It must be true..
and it is such a precious pleasure
to fall in love with you

Paris....
romantically calm
lovely in January
Lights up
when you arrive
at her doorstep...
you promised me a postcard
but it sounded to my ears
like a promise of springtime
and roses,

Then I say to myself,
This must be love...
What else could it mean...
All my being arrested
with a word from your lips..
this must be love, my darling...
It must be so...
and it is such a precious pleasure
to fall in love with you...