I handed her my cigarette
Half burnt, and my last one for some time
She pulls it to her lips, drags,
and exhales slowly through her nose
All the while, she didn’t miss a step on the ice stained pavement
I can see her lipstick-less grin
stained against the filter
By some means which i can’t understand
She throws the **** down in front of her
Waiting a solid 4 seconds for her foot path to meet alignment with it
I tried throwing out words, but all I could hear was a bunch of stuttered sobs
cutting in and out in between my breathing
She’s leaving tomorrow
Packing everything she owns into a truck
Just to later unpack, wait, and pack those things back into a similar truck
I step toward her front walk
We exchange a subtle wave, and a slow goodbye
“Trying to fight this urge again” as i thought
But my body takes control, disregarding my thoughts
And grabbing a hold of her small nimble fingers
I find the strength to speak
“I’m really going to miss you. You don’t understand how much it hurts losing
such a fantastic friend.”
Her face was turned aside, shielding my view of her cheap makeup rushing for her chin
She replicates my words, and body language
But i heard nothing she threw toward my ear canals
“I love you” and i can’t believe that I said it at that
Her sobs start to thunder, echoing to the end of her street
“I’m sorry I ****** up. I knew you had better use for my friends than I”
As much as I wanted her to stay, my heart begged her to get on the earliest flight to
the middle of nowhere
Her crying reminds me of a jet engine, roughly 2 days after September 9th, 2001
“You’ve been here for everything. Why do you have to give up now..”
I know this is a bad time, but her blubbering brain won’t let her think
We hug, and i turn backwards as fast as I can
“Remember me when you spend 6 hours alone on a one way street to nowhere”
And so she left

Let's see if you remember
The night we let our ears bleed
Hoping that Nudge. would play again
Let's see if you remember
Running out to the woods
Young and in love
Or was it young and nothing more
Let's see if you remember
Every last gift
Be it physical, or a promise
That all got burned in a house fire last night
Now let's see what I remember
I remember a lot of things
But most of them don't involve you any more
That house fire burned a lot more than just gifts
It burned all of the sins that we committed in that room
That we laid upon the floor
Just step on
And walk all over in the morning
Shameless, and still in love
I'm sorry for lying to you
I guess I just don't remember anything any more

As I reach into the fridge
I Hear a door slam behind me
It was you, pissy yet somehow smiling
That ****** looking grin you constantly had
You always looked like that
I pull out a beer, and set an extra one out for you
Busch Light, of course
Storming into my kitchen, I can smell your perfume
Worn away with the cigarette smoke emanating from your body
I can practically taste it
I watch you as you lazily lay your jacket on the floor
Or throw it, as normal people would say
You always did that
I started for the bathroom, as I heard another door
Your boyfriend
Or as I knew him, your "best friend"
He pulls the same routine
Smiling his ****** smile
Throwing his jacket
Smelling of Newport Menthols
Just like you, he always did that
Me being myself, I ask how his day was
Ignoring the already stagnant smell of whiskey on his breath
Fine, he says rather aggressively
It always was
I forget about my trip to the bathroom,
and head for the kitchen sink
Washing the dishes that you never got to,
and watched your reflections in the window
I saw smiling, and love, and happiness
I always saw that
You threw your can on the ground
In the disrespecting manor that you treated everything
But I was used to it by now
You tell about how you were going to hang out with friends
You both always did that
I said my goodbyes to both you,
and your friend
As you walked barefoot out of the kitchen
I watch you close the door, and come back into my line of sight
Through the large windows in the front of our house
You exchange a glance
You exchange a touch of hands
And I say nothi9ng as you kiss in the illuminated darkness of the street
I grab my beer, and return back to the kitchen
Because that's what I always did
And that's why you did that