I try to get away
But the darkness pulls me back
It's really hard to say
How to get right on track

People like to trear me down
Why the **** should I care about them?
What comes around goes around
They'll get theirs in the end

I try to live a life of peace
But the chaos is all around
It has me on my knees
Praying for higher ground

It seems I'm lost out to sea
The boat has crashed
No one around to rescue me
Life is kicking my ***

I reach out for the sun
But only end up blind
Heaven is left to no one
Hell envelopes the night

The days are going by so quickly
And I'm left feeling out of place
No more sacrifices, just trickery
And I'm falling far away from grace

I can't see the light
Farther into the night
The darkness reigns in
The terror begins

Falling far from grace
Further into the waste
Tortured in the soul
Don't have no where to go

Trying to find the key
Life is a mystery
The day turns into mud
Oh, how I have become numb

Slowly killing yourself
the pain seems inevitable
like clouds hiding the sun
you want to be somewhere else
but life had felt undone
You want the world
but the world doesn't want you
Life seems like it's falling to pieces
and there isn't much left to do
then to accept the inevitable
Pain, misery, it's all for you
you don't want anything else
then to feel so sorry for yourself
and cut deeply, making these wounds real

Even though I have lied
I cannot lie no more
I'm trying to escape the fire
and unlock the treasures
behind this door

It's pointless to wallow in my tears
nothing good comes of it
I've been broken a thousand times
and can't seem to get a ******* break
in life

Nothing comes for free
even though I've taken so much
something always tells me that
this world is falling from grace
and I can't see

Falling to pieces
can't seem to cut a ******* break
Falling to pieces
it all fades a **** away

I see my reflection
I want to break the mirror
there is no affection
just love lost and love so unclear

Searing, burning
My eyes staring into the dark
With the world turning
Everyone wants to feed on the spark
I kiss goodbye the daylight
And reach out to the night
Finding a home where I go
Realizing I'm never alone

Feeling blue, a little down
Feel like the pressure is weighing on me
So much anguish, it's hard to see
Where did I put my dignity?
Flash! A bolt of goodness
Where did it come from?
I'm not feeling blue no more

The time melts away
like plastic in a fire
a mentality gone astray
nothing seems worth while
all hope hides its face
from the light that could be within
a distraction in place
not knowing how to begin
there are so many senseless acts
bravery is hard to come by
it's hard to get on track
and make it a wonderful life
the pressure is building up
how much I feel like crying
hardly anyone to trust
and I feel like dying

I blamed you
For the way I turned out
My depression
My anxiety
I felt betrayed by you
So many ******* tears
I just wanted to run away
Climb a mountain
And jump off into the deep
I felt worthless
A *******
The hatred seeped in
And I wanted you dead
I prayed again and again
For God to release this pain
But nothing came
I cried for a lot of many days
Years of wallowing in self-pity
Filled with a hate that wouldn't go away

The power has died, nothing left in me.
No words to come by, hardly can't accept what I see.
What's the sins I have held onto, the loneliness is where I'll be?
For into the void of a heartless soul, the sun seems not to shine on me. I can't escape what I'm feeling, hell is a place I've created in my
Surroundings, and the final destination is a ****** up world.

I walk amongst the dark,
struggling to find my way.
I have played the role,
and then I strayed.

I look into the sun,
blinded by the fire.
I can't run much longer,
my life hasn"t got any brighter.

What the hell am I suppose to do,
I wannt to grab at the light
but I'm stuck, feeling unglued.
I have goodness in sight
but the darkness takes me down
to a place I don't want to go.

I don"t want to go.
No, not that way.
I want to take it slow,
and find myself.

Find myself in the music of the spheres.
Find myself in mother nature.
Find myself in the mirror,
and let it all become clear.

I sit outside
I stare up at the sky
And ponder who's in charge
I know it's not me
I've taken great pains to see
How wrong I can be
I try to choose what's right
It's so much better than not to
I want to live a better life
So much better than I have been doing
I trace my problems to the past
So much **** that I have said
And done has a fingerprint on my mind
Telling me I'm better off being on the good side

There's a devil on my shoulder
An angel on my other one
Weighing me down like a boulder
Lifted up like the rising of the sun
What course do I take?
Is it that hard to decide?
Karma has giving me a break
Telling me I'm better off being on the good side

Society has a means
To plow me over
No freedom of speech
Just hiding out in the dark
Waiting to be released
Like an animal locked in a cage

The time has come
To take up my guns
And fight for what is right
The revolution isn't here yet
But I would bet
It ain't going to be much longer
Until we all must band together
And ignite the flame of justice

Reflecting on honesty
Has kept me safe
The turmoils of self
It's really not about the chase
Possessions, money, and glamour
What does it all mean?
If I'm not true
Then happiness is but a dream
Then everything I have attained
Is a stone throw away
From being forever lost in the way

To love
puts a cringe in my heart
to open up
changes everything of who I am
to care
to have companionship
it's complicated
when I just want to be alone
and forget about all these feelings

What the ****
Get hit by a truck
That would be my luck
I feel stuck
Pass the buck
And let me die alone
In this old age home
So ****** of what I've sown
It ain't much to be shown
Take the razor to my wrist
And let the note be my final list
Of the **** I should of done
No more wishing under the sun
It has always been number one
Can't find no woman to ***
Has it always been this way
I just want to forget these days
And hope very soon I decay

The damage has been done
How can you ever trusted me again?
I kick you out and then accept you back
Why is it I can't make up my ******* mind?
You really haven't done nothing to me
Only the fact you're with a guy like me
So ******* confused about everything
I have no ******* clue about anything
The only thing I'm doing right is staying sober
I don't want to go back to that he'll
Nothing will work out if I'm drinking
Everyone and everything will be gone
So very easy for me to lose it all

I wish I was strong
But I have no strength in me
I'm a torturted soul lost out to sea
Can't take much for very long
I pray everything will work out
At ******* times I don't know what it's all about
So out of focus I can't see straight
I pray it's not too late
To fix what needs to be fixed
And go on from here with compassion
And understanding, hoping you can
Forgive a guy like me

So many things that are scary,
I don't think I have the courage.
The world frightens me,
and the people in it irritate me.
So much anger aimed everywhere,
it seems like no one is living in peace.
it seems like no one has a care,
just living life so selfishly.
Oh, how I want change,
but it only happens in fairy-tales.
I see the flaw in my makeup,
just a rotten human being who-
can't have his own way.
I have searched everywhere for-
happiness, only to come up empty-
handed, not realizing until years-
down the road that happiness is a-
by-product of right living. Oh, how-
I have failed numerous of times but-
I keep picking myself up and trying-
again and again. I have to realize that-
I have no control of others, they're going-
to say and do things that I don't like-
likewise,
I'm going to say and do things that they-
don't like.  
But we need more peace than-
what we are giving out, so much mindless-
acts of cruelty that keep us in fear, locked-
up in cages in our own homes. Well, I want-
to break free and shout it out, just like in-
the movie Braveheart, "FREEDOM!" that's-
what it's about. Not our petty differences,
it means more than that. Let us take a stand-
for our nation and wear freedom on our sleeve.

It's really hard to open up
Share the most personal thing going on
Then to find the one to trust
Others will use it against me
Try to make me look weak
Try to dominate me
And think they're so much above me
They can't see themselves
They're not aware
They don't know what makes them tick
They don't even care
They're out there to get theirs
And they'll stomp on people's toes
To let them know to get out of their way

Is that how I should be, an *******?
Is that how I should act, with no consideration?
My mom taught me from right and wrong
And church set me on a good direction
Now I'm not religious by no means
And can't tell you how things work
But I'm not a ******* by no means
I can act like a ****
I can act like an *******
Everyone has that temptation
I try to think good thoughts about people
But most of the time I have lost faith in humanity
I haven't lost faith in the Universe
But when it comes to the behaviors of others
I'm kind of lost for words
I can't be too ******* others
Because I have acted out in one time or another
And I'm still learning how to tame my ego
But when people just don't care about someone else
And doing all their power to make trouble
That's where I lose faith
Isn't there any hope in humanity
Or are we just ****** up individuals trying to make a name?
A good reputation is good
And a bad one is good
Just depending on how the person views it
It's still attention
And I feel that's all people care about
They want that attention
It should be on them
Good or bad
It's still attention
I know I was that way at a time
It's called being a child

So all the ones that are troublemakers
Go **** yourselves
You're nothing to me
Just a **** in the wind
We're all going to return to dust
Skeletons buried in the ground
Or taken to the fire
Either way
What should it matter?
Go **** yourselves
All the attention seekers
Grow the **** up
And leave me out of the drama

It seemed like a good idea to say what I had to say,
only a fool would listen to someone talking under their breath.
I've been out there, not as much as I would like, seeing my face
in the mirror, not a care in the ******* world, buying time until
my ******* death. I've wasted years upon years listening to bull-
****, realizing later down the road I was spitting it out more than
anyone else, trying to puff up my ego, making a complete *******
out of myself. My words fell on deaf ears, it's no wonder with all
the lies I've told, avoiding responsibility from the open door, only to
come up short in the long run. So many fears I had, still have to a certain degree. The darkness wants to tear me down, and I'm running on ******* empty.

My life seems so much ******* better than I ever thought it was. I try to be ******* positive but there is so much **** out there that isn't. I try to have a positive outlook on life but what the **** is right when I turn on the news and see ******* killing each other and ending life. Who are you to ******* decide to take out someone but if I was in your position I probably do the same thing. There are so many ******* that need to be hung, a bullit put to their brain and their blood spilled all over the rug.  **** it, shoot them out on the pavement,  line them up and have a firing squad blow them the **** away. I want to be like a serial killer, so many ******* that need to be dead today. I see them walking the streets, I hear it on the radio, turn on the news, I see them taking advantage of me and you. Getting rid of the nuisance would be so much better.

It's hard to say what I have become,
A lot of many days went by where I-
Dreamed away my existence, nothing-
Special I have done. It seekers like I did-
More complaining than anything else,
Wanting more and. more of everything-
That wouldn't come my way, envious of-
Others that seemed like they had it all-
Together. There wasn't a day that went-
By I didn't have a burning hate inside.
I hated you for having a good job. I-
Hated you for having a nice house and-
A car in the garage. I hated you for-
Having a family as I sat alone not doing-
Anything about my life.
It takes a lot of pain to realize a change-
Must take place, glancing into the mirror-
And not liking the look on my face. I just-
Want to break free of the chains holding-
Me down, I see life out there and I want-
Every part of it. I notice how much others-
Are enjoying the day as I wallow in misery.
I see the look in their eyes and I'm ready to-
Give up the hate inside.

I hear the birds singing
Their melodies touches my heart
I go where the wind takes me
Farther down this road I tred
I have wished a lot of things
Thousand upon thousand times
I have prayed in different ways
And have gone overboard in my life

The funny thing is life can throw stones
But the more I have faith in the good of
Humanity, the more easier it is to accept
The things the way they are and live life
Peacefully. Wars are happening as I speak,
And that's just the way it is because there
Are people out in the world that all they
Want to do is destroy what's right and pure
and we as a nation have to stand up together
And fight against the ones who are out there
Killing others as a means to get to heaven.
So they claim. I want no part in their
Religion. What needs to happens is a nuke
Dropped upon them. Take these mother
******* out!

My mind is cluttered
And I feel like ****
All I want is to feel better
But everyday is a struggle
Struggle to get up in the morning
And stay awake
All I want to do is sleep my life away
My depression has me in its grips
Wanting to cloud everything
And make it dark
I want to break free
And smile once again
Even faith as tiny as a mustard seed can be a spark
But most days I plug along
Hurting inside with these dark emotions
Wishing I could just disappear
Be forever lost in the nothingness
Though I know the Universe isn't out to get me
I need good vibes to win me over to the lighter side
I have to stay focus on what is right
And that's love will conquer all
Love of life
Love of family
Love of a pet even
Love.

The worse is love
Deadened by time
Wishing it was over
And the look is in our eyes
Finding excuses to run
No more fun
Just two lonely hearts
Becoming undone
All twisted up inside
The feeling is in our gut
Can't escape this rut
So it's time to call it quits
And move apart from here
Go our separate ways
Make time come clear
For it's better to be alone
Than to be together in misery

I smoke a cigar as I try to write
I jot down what's up during the day and night
Things I feel others can relate to
Ideas and feelings that want to break through
Mostly, I'm very selfish when I put pen to paper
I enjoy way too much talking about myself
I don't feel like searching my mind to what ryhmes with paper
Caper, hater, what am I talking about?
But my favorite subject is me
Without me, there wouldn't be you
I feel and believe we're all destined to see
That there are realities that are right and true
Things that are secure in the making
Beauty that makes sense
And all are gorgeous in my eyes

Is it my suffering that I persist to go on?
Watch the birds fly overhead, and only
Can dream of touching the sky, too scared
Of heights anyway. So down on the ground
I kiss the dirt. I suffer because I am human
And pain is a cornerstone of happiness,
Without such I wouldn't be grateful for
Any ******* thing. Watch myself bleed
The blood of righteousness, it will only
Cause me a problem in the end, if I am
Too proud of myself, puff up my ego, so
I must stay grounded if I am going to live.

What the hell are these dreams for?, I need to put action behind my words
and let everyone know who knows me that I'm not ******* around this time.  I've had my bouts with practically everything imaginable, don't know what the hell I would be if I didn't hurt inside, conjuring up images of suicide in my mind, I reach for the knife but always something rescues me from doing the same thing I see others do with impunity. Christ, I'm not alone in this ******* world, everyone has a bad day here and there.
Try a lifetime of trying to fool others to believe I'm something when in reality I'm not, just a survivor like those around me, trying our ******* best to exist. Though it's different now, can't play the ******* game like I did before, it's time to grow the **** up and leave the ******* out the door. Who's to say where I'm going to be ten year down the road? I just pray that my family will be with me and will be better off then we are now.

Dad, was you there for us?
I don't even know anymore
It was your personality
That I fell in love with
Even though you was a crazy *******
Time went by, you did the best you can
While mother did everything else involved
I heard the screams of mom
Hiding away in the ******* bathroom
While your anger simmered down
And left everyone else alone
Older brother and you got into fights
Had to hear it upstairs
Did I want to attack
Hell yea!
That's why I pumped weights
You''ll never lay a hand on our mother again
I'll protect you mom
Fight for you
You was such a good woman
Never deserved what you got
And then dad died
Suffering from cancer yourself
Is there such a day title the both of you
**** no!
It's like father's need a day
A mother needs her day
What if the two ******* messed up with the mess
Caused their children so much confusion?
Is it one or the other?
Happy ******* father's day
While mother did it all
Raised us kids up
Cooked and cleaned
Did the ******* laundry
Hung them out to dry
On the clothes lines
While dad had his issues
Provided as he did
Is there a day
For the both of them?
I guess not
I missed mother's day
So happy ******* father's day
You *******

The beauty lies within
And seemingly outside the realm
Of unexpected experiences
It is there I find hope
A better way of life
By looking back into my past
And realizing it wasn't worth it
But sometimes it was a happy
Medium to a place I like to call darkness

Seeing so much in life
Has me wondering
It has passed the twilight
And reached the pit of my soul

I sit pondering
And try to find
An example of mystery
To listen to the heartbeat
Of society and reach out
Unselfishly...

Why do I even bother?
What is the hold up?

I turn away from the flames
Look into the heart of justice
If there be any love out there
May it find this black heart of mine

The day is flawed
No time for you
The answers are raw
Letting the hours slip askew

You want to be by my side
It seems like 24 seven
The day isn't saying much
Only to touch a part of heaven

I want to tell you everything is okay
But you can see the truth in my eyes
I reach for divinity in the day
Only to find hell by my side

My mind eploding
with vulgarity
What the **** just happened?
One minute, everything is fine
the next minute, everything went to hell
in a handbag

Hello stone...  It's not hard to see
how much we are alike
I see your shape, how rough you are
and I wonder if this is a dream
I pick you up and toss you aside
like any other day
this time it's different
I wonder where you've landed
I try to search for you
but I can't find you no where
So I feel lost without you
the likeness was so strange
how much it's all so clear
that you were meant to be in
my pocket

The heart cries out for relief
but the darkness has a hold of my hand
leading me toward the abyss
The discomfort will never cease
it's written on walls in far away lands
and hell's fury blows me a kiss

My consciousness seem to float away
With no effort of mine
It wants to think morbid thoughts
Like the snake
It doesn't want to awake
Rather it wants to stay in limbo
How does it know?
Where did it come from?
I feel things will never be so
I feel the pressures of being undone
I want to sprout skyward
Into the realm of the eagles
Peace and love alludes me
But I want to feel the peace like a warm breeze
And find true love like Mother Earth provides
How can we all get along when all we want is more?
More of everything. More materialistic than anything else
I want to search the heavens, touch the Stars
Maybe then my consciousness will come alive
And break free from all chaos

Journey into another realm
Visions are at the helm
Crossing over to the other side
A being introduced to life

A burning couldron
Cascading a flame of disbelief
Intent on higher premises
Looking onward pass a dream