Take this anger
Take this rage
It's been pent up
Like a ******* tidal wave
Let it all ******* go
This world of chaos that's mine
For i have been insane
Lost in a world of ****
No course of happiness
Nothing remotely like it
Only stuck in my own grime
Let it all ******* go
And let the joy finally shine
Use everything negative
Turn it around for the better
Make a new ******* course
One of peace and kindness
Looking toward a new future
One that will enlightened others
And set others on a new footing
While I myself learn the right direction

Enjoy moments
Time goes so fast
I was a child
Wanting to be older
A grown up, big
I blinked my eyes
Now I'm 43
I have a child
Started out late in life
I blinked my eyes
And now she's 4
Me and my woman
Started out on a high
Now it has leveled off
Like it should
It's been a bumpy ride
Filled with chaos and joy
I blinked my eyes
And we've been together
For six years

Life is risky
That's the way it is
Hardly know what's next
But it's the moments
In each day that count
Those precious moments
That stir the soul

Oh, how funny life is
I blinked my eyes
Now me and my woman are through
I left her because of she wouldn't make a decision
But I guess she really did by not making one
Just wanted things to remain the same
Things can't! That's the certainty in life
Life is always changing, moving, growing
Expanding. I blinked my eyes now it's haunting me

Frustrated, life seems out of balance
Or is it me, walking on tip-toes,
Trying hard to forget the past
And make the future stand for
Something. But I get lost in the woods,
Branches come out to greet me and smack
Me in the face, arms and then my nuts.
Am I going in the wrong direction? It
Must be because the darkness hovers
Over me and I can't see the beauty out
From the woods. Lost. Seeking guidance
Through praying but answers haven't come.
What do I do now? Do I stay or go? The
Answer has always been from within my
Gut, just too scared to make the leap of faith.
I must go. Where ever the path leads me.

The line has been drawn in the sand
There's no way I'm ******* backing down
You can try to sweet talk me all you can
But can you see this expression of a frown
It's telling you you better change
I'm working on myself to be a better person
Where are you in a!l of this
Not showing me ******* consideration
No respect for my wishes and wants
It's all about you and your wants
You talk way too much about yourself
Trying very hard to puff up like a balloon
Are you that ******* insecure
That you have to make out like you're so much better
But the truth is you're hurting
Though you don't need to take it out on ******* me

Reflecting on honesty
Has kept me safe
The turmoils of self
It's really not about the chase
Possessions, money, and glamour
What does it all mean?
If I'm not true
Then happiness is but a dream
Then everything I have attained
Is a stone throw away
From being forever lost in the way

It's official,
I don't know much of anything,
The sky is blue at times,
And then turns to grey
The sea is blue at times,
And then turns to a murky film.
The fish die off,
At our own hands,
But what does society understand?

I hear the cries from little ones,
Shot because religion plays a role
They all claim good tidings,
But these ones have no soul.

And then myself,
Searching for answers from the past,
Have no clue what it takes to belong.

I hear the beckoning of words lost
Searching for the key to unlock this heart of mine
Do I seriously have a word to offer,
Or am I just drowning in my own misery?
Thinking too much of myself,
I'll never understand these winds of change,
Cost much as it does, it will always feel misfortune.

Dad, was you there for us?
I don't even know anymore
It was your personality
That I fell in love with
Even though you was a crazy *******
Time went by, you did the best you can
While mother did everything else involved
I heard the screams of mom
Hiding away in the ******* bathroom
While your anger simmered down
And left everyone else alone
Older brother and you got into fights
Had to hear it upstairs
Did I want to attack
Hell yea!
That's why I pumped weights
You''ll never lay a hand on our mother again
I'll protect you mom
Fight for you
You was such a good woman
Never deserved what you got
And then dad died
Suffering from cancer yourself
Is there such a day title the both of you
**** no!
It's like father's need a day
A mother needs her day
What if the two ******* messed up with the mess
Caused their children so much confusion?
Is it one or the other?
Happy ******* father's day
While mother did it all
Raised us kids up
Cooked and cleaned
Did the ******* laundry
Hung them out to dry
On the clothes lines
While dad had his issues
Provided as he did
Is there a day
For the both of them?
I guess not
I missed mother's day
So happy ******* father's day
You *******

It has come to my attention
Due to my hand
That life is awkward as it stands
Why do I flirt with the flames
That has burned me over again
Time after time
By my distorted eyes
I plague the barrier in my heart
I look forward to the frying pan
Get burnt like only I can understand
Come to to a place only dreams swelter
This by far is the end of my nightmare
Over seeing what can be passed down
It hurts to think I infest the rights

Send me down to the pit of despair
I wish I didn't have to go there
Through the thorns of agony and pain
Once again I've caused my own misery today

Is there somehow to take away this death
I don't want to ever take my last breath
I am amazed Everytime i wake up alive
The grim-reaper didn't take me during the night
I thank God that he has giving me another day
What will I do with it is hard to say
I can be as miserable as I want to be
Or I can try really hard to sow happy

But as with most days it turns out a battle in my mind
Cringing for the fear that any day now I can lose my life

Where would I go from hear?
Not much is certain or clear
Is there a heaven with all of its bliss
Or a hell that wants to give me a kiss?
Or is there even a God?
A devil?
Angels and demons?
Or what happens if there is just nothing?
Never wake up again

So many questions I want answered
But for right now I guess it will have to do
And I'll be on my way hoping, always hoping
Something is true
That holds substance
Weight and depth
That will pierce my heart
And wake me up to immortality

It just wasn't meant to be...
But I am exactly where I'm suppose to be at this very moment-
To come to accept it takes work, believing it with my whole heart,
Not denying it but facing it for what it is-
Life.

I am such a ****** man
Learned it through growing up
I write particularly about much of nothing
My heart cries out that one day I will succeed in my dream

I know I am stubborn about love
But I have to love myself to give it away
I am prone to write about the ugliness of life
So much tragedy we all see daily

I am not fond of the road I have chosen
It seem like one wrong turn will do me in
If only I could be as strong as others I see
The ones who I admire that look at darkness and only laugh

These are the ones I would like to be like
They fill my heart with joy and they don't even know it
They put pen to paper and write an awesome poem I can only wish to write
I read these words from them and I can only feel better about myself and my day

Not so when you read one of mine
Darkness clouds my mind
I even give it a try
But am lost for words in these darken eyes

I write about death and pain
I talk **** about love and how chaos has ruined my day
If only I could write like my heroes
Then and only then I would be at a place where I would know

Things aren't that way in this perspective of mine
Beauty is all around me but I look at the garbage cans
I stare up at the sky and wish a storm to pass by
Maybe a bolt of lightning would electrocute me

One could only hope for things to go right
But here I sit not doing much of anything with my time
It's difficult to find my sanity with the way I feel
Wondering if it isn't just a dream and not much is real

Love.

Why is everyone concerned about it?

Does it make you feel good writing about it?

All the ones that's been in your life,
The ones who are important to you,
The ones that make your stomach quiver,
And then are gone like it was a dream.

A dream.

You awake to new perspectives,
Like these loves had a way to teach.
But really it isn't love at all,
Just a feeling.

Who's to say what you're feeling,
Is is compassion or is it admiration?
Just another stumbling block,
Take that love and shuv it!

I can care ******* less about your love,
Too many ******* people don't know what it is.
I can care ******* less who's beside you in bed,
Can't you ******* write anything worth while?

Talk about anything ******* else than his lips,
Talk about anything else than her heart.
Who ******* gives a good gooddamn?
Waste my ******* time reading your ******* ****!

I don't ******* understand,
Why anyone would persue love?
I, myself, choose death,
The black dharma of the night.

Here comes the pain,
And ******* love had nothing to do with it

So keep writing about love,
You'll get it sooner or later.

Unless the boogieman gets you first!

My taste buds are dying
As I try to feed my palate
Nothing is freeing my eyesight
I'm as blind as can be
So hellish from my dreams

From the North comes a storm
The lightning is striking out in the distance
The thunder banging loud like drums
And there still isn't a sign of you coming home

I can't feel you anymore
My touch has gone to waste
I am perplexed
I grab hold in haste

Deafening sounds fill my ears
The silence is so hard to break
I'm not sure what is clear
I am lost for words
everything was at stake
But now all is flashing goodbye
Like the lightning in the sky
The sound of laughter no more
Like the sound of thunder
Once there
Then fading as I close this door

I feel God shows up through people
What happens when there ain't no one showing up
It's all selfish and ego driven
People out there not caring about others
They are out for themselves
And they ******* say one thing and do another
So where is this ******* God I here about
I don't see it anywhere in others
No one is speaking the ******* truth
It's all ******* lies
Little ******* white lies that they think
It's okay to ******* tell me because it's not too bad
No. This ain't going to take me to hell
I'll be alright saying this to James
He ain't that important anyway
He ain't going to ******* mind
Besides, he's a ******* anyway
Where is this ******* God you talk about so much
You cry to me about your ******* problems
Thinking I can fix what so ******* bad with your stupid life
At least I'm trying to find something for real
And I haven't found it ******* yet
Apparently this ******* God doesn't show up through people
Well, anyway, he sure the **** hasn't been in your world
I have watched you and heard the things you've said
Just don't pretend you know something you have no clue about

I have come to realize that suffering and pain go hand in hand
The struggle is to make life as comfortable as can be
There is truth in finding a passage to honesty
And connect to hope that life really isn't a veil of tears

I'm not perfect by no means
I don't intend for you to be
I will ask though for decent courtesy
I will show you the same in return
Too many people want their cake
And eat it too
I just hope your not those types
And I'll extend
My hand to help
If any reason you need it
But don't pretend
That you're one way
And then stab me in the back
I will show you the same courtesy
Because I know I'm not one of them

Something is wrong with me
Can't figure it out
Can't put my finger on it
Swirl it around like an ice cream cone
All wishing has disappeared
Can't take another breath without hating
Something has gripped my heart
And ******* won't let go
What the **** is it?
I call it insanity
My mind aching with suicide contemplations
Wouldn't it be nice to do myself in
But I am such a ******* coward
So I guess i'll live this struggled life
And keep ******* about it
Woo, woo!

How can I make you see me that i'm not
Really a *******, though it feels that
Way in my heart? I try really hard to please
You but haven't done so yet, whatever i've
Said and done to deserve your evil stare
I'm sorry, what can I do to set matters
Right? Even though I tend to be really
Selfish at times, I do care about you.
I don't mean to be such an *******,
Life has been really ******* me or I've
Made life really hard for myself. Either
Way i'm trying to make life beautiful
Again, you know, when we were kids
And everything seemed such an
Adventure, until life came along and
Cut us down. It was such a mystery back
Then, full of hope and faith, love came
Ten folds and the sun seemed to shine
All day long. What happened to us as we
Grew older? so much baggage we have
With this Relationship that I can't take it
Anymore. Will it ever be right? I don't
Know but if I don't ever change my
Attitude nothing will change and life
Will always remain the same. Why
Don't you Join me in the journey?

There goes my sanity
Watch it go down the drain
No reason to beat a dead horse
Or maybe that's the answer for today
My will to preserve gets in the way
These instincts are running rampid
I try to find hope, exerting myself
But nothing seems like it's working
Maybe I need to do God's will

Here I am a cursing like it's going out of style
Like I can't write without using a curse word
It feels so good using bad language
Maybe I can get my point across better
I wonder if God condemns for fowl language
I really don't believe he finds it offensive
If he does then I'm going to hell
Cause I can't stop saying how I feel

At least there is truth to what I write
It may not be the best but it's my thoughts
And nobody can tell me how I should think
No one has a right to say how I should feel
Too many people trying to poison me
Trying to tell me what I should believe
What gives them the right to take away my hope?
What gives them the right to take away my faith?

It's all driving me crazy...

I need to really listen to others
Watch how they live
And act like them
It would be so ******* easy
To live a life of crime
Hell, I've lived a corrupted  life
Making others want to **** me
Beat the **** out of me
I don't ******* blame them
I thought I knew it all
I thought I could handle the street life
But all that did is harden my heart
And made me ****** at the world
******* world, what the **** did I ever do
To make the **** hit the ******* fan?
Can't you understand
I'm just a ******* phony living a lie
There's no way I could commit a crime
Maybe terrorist threats, talking a lot of ****
It would be better just to ******* fight
And get it done and over with
Come, take a swing at me and see what you get
I'll put my ******* face into your fist
Fall down and bleed all over the ground
Get up and run away from the action
Cause I'm just a ******* *****
And there is no attraction
No applause in what will take place
Someone could get seriously hurt
And that someone would probably be me
So I'll leave and turn away my face
Cause this is such a ******* disgrace

But the morbid thoughts that are in my head
I wish the whole ******* world  dead
I don't want to act out how I truly feel
One wrong word and I could **** you
That why I'm such a *****
I don't want to do a life bit
Maybe it's self-preservation
I don't know but it feels good to be
Outside of the prison system
I have so much freedom
It feels like a party inside my head
I'm in there ******* dancing to a beat
It feels so good I think I'll retreat
And follow after my ******* dreams
All it will take to ruin it all
Would be to act out on my brutality
And all would be a ******* waste
So much to do that I haven't done
Things I haven't seen
I want to make it all ******* real
But one wrong move could end it all
And people will truly see what I'm capable of
So am I truly a ******* *****
Or just trying to protect society
And keep a distance from the rage that's inside

Something is taken hold of me
An evil I don't want to let in
But it is here nonetheless
I want to hide from the darkness
I don't want to act on my thoughts
Or everyone I despise will be dead
I cringe to think of the devastation
A lot of blood would be spilled
I try to hold back these thoughts
Wondering if I'm extremely ill
No, it's this darkness surrounding my head
Wouldn't it be nice to sacrifice these ones who deserve it

Blood splatters as I run this blade through
Your heart explodes with red liquid running out
Drip, drip, drip, I want to drink your blood
But wouldn't that be too strange?
I don't know, just wiping this knife with my handkerchief
I stare into your lifeless eyes, wondering why
Wondering why you had to push it too far
All the mockery and making fun
You had to push me to the breaking point
Now you end up with the devastating result
I'll end up in prison forever
But I still made your face an expression of shock
Thinking you can really get away with everything
The answer has been my blade in your heart
Now you probably wish you never said anything
Now you probably wish you never did anything
But it's too late for all of that
Might as fall down and just bleed out and die
Sorry you had to take it too far

Demons have my lot
How wrong can it be?
My tortured soul casted out
Down into the pit of hell
Will you find my heart
Blackest as blackest can be
Death I summon with a voice
The howling of the cold winds
Marks a pathway into the abyss
And there I shall reign forever

Is it destiny that has you in my life
Or is it just pure luck
I count the days we've been together
And wonder who really gives a ****
Are the stars aligned in our favor
Or is it just blind faith
That keeps us moving forward each day
Would people congratulate us
Is it really any if their concern
I feel it's better to leave it to trust
And keep the world at a distance
Watching our crosses burn
And make it worth while
To feel the power at a glance
Letting others know it is the way it is
How that happened can only be by chance
Or is it more than that

So many people talk about love
Do they really know what it is?
I feel I'll leave that feeling up to God
He's bigger than my corrupted heart

I loved once a long time ago
We were young and full of *****
But things changed like they always do
But get me to understand that

Life isn't fair
I am aware of the pain
So much of it
No beauty to be seen
Just the darkness all around

I look out my window
And the darkness hits me in the face
My eyeballs want to pop out of their socket
So much craziness to be seen
Just way too much chaos for me
Way too much drama people are causing

Life is too short for that ****
But it is here nevertheless
I see the sky falling
Raining blood all over the streets
Too many kids dying
For **** that ain't right
Because of the chaos
Because of the drama

You talk **** to me
I'll ******* shoot you
And not even think twice
Do a life bit
And die in prison

My mentality ain't right
Corrupted to the extreme
I'll run the blade through you
And leave the scene
Get caught days later
And do a life bit
And die in prison

It doesn't make much sense
I don't have an answer
Too many parents in tears
Another kid of theirs ends up in jail
The coroner is making his money
The preacher is busy praying
What the **** can we do
To protect the ones we love?

How can we survive a life of crime
Especially when it's at your front door
Can't we all just put away the guns
Stop talking **** to one another
And be a role model to these kids
But it's just a dream to hope that way
Because life is not that simple
There's always going to be people killing one another
It's been that way since the dawn of time

I will always watch the news
And hear about another ******
Another kid put in their grave
Way too early in life
Where are the parents at
That's the ******* question
They're the ones committing the crimes
And these kids have that too see as role models
It's no wonder why they turn out the way they do

It's hard to believe I will ever feel happy
Like I was when I was a young boy
Playing tag with my next door neighbor
Or feeling the excitement on Christmas day
It's hard to believe I will ever feel content
Like listening to old records on my stereo
Or writing poetry at the age of nine
Everything back then seemed so innocent
Everything back then seemed so fine

But it wasn't...

It was just trying to hold on to life
And make the best out of it without going crazy
So much dysfuncftionality ( even if that is a word )

Dad going insane
Older brother malesting me
Younger brother a whimp
So much chaos
We all just wanted to quit

Nothing going right
Mom getting hit
We all pretended everything was okay
Come Christmas time when presents were being open
Then you had Easter, waking up to go to church
Sitting at the pew and praising a God we hardly knew
I thought many times to run away
Forget everyone and try something different
It would be better  than all of this
I even tried it once but got scared and ran back home

How the hell did we all survive?
I wish there was a manual to do life
I would of done things differently
Said things differently
It wasn't at all fine
Now we all have scars
And have turned out different this time

Mom is dead
Dad is dead
Older brother a minister
Which I think is ironic
Younger brother a talker
And me trying to find my own way

Sending out a prayer to the Universe
Hoping my friend will survive cancer
He had it once before and beat it
Now it returns in full force
And wants to **** him
He's going through treatment
Very weak in his battle against it
I pray he won't give up
For he has been a treasure in my life
And in the lives of others
I pray this prayer find it's way
To the right force and cures his ails

I awaken to a brand new day
May the universe hold true
And find it's way to my heart
I'm mostly an arrogant *******
No humility within my soul
I take so much for granted
And it's hard to let go
I find the wrong in situations
Not looking for beauty
And my mind is so negative
May the universe find it's sway
Help me to get through this day
And I will surely do my part
What that consists of only heaven knows
But if I look to the universe
Surely things will get better

Down and out
Feelings of loneliness
Flying high on the wings of despair
Can't seem to live a peaceful life
Everyone wants to **** with me
Who knows what tomorrow will bring
Maybe I'll burn the whole ******* down
Cause what comes around goes around
I'm ******* sick of it all
Want a better way of doing things
But you got me tied against the wall
And there isn't a point in smiling
Nothing to smile about here
I just have a no energy left anymore
Nothing to be sincere
I'll just close this ******* door
And find a way to disappear

It's hard enough to live
Without jumping from this bridge
Call it an original sin
One that can't be taken away
But sometimes the thought crosses my mind
And I wish for the ******* end
Though I know I have a purpose
Or I wouldn't still be here
I have tried to commit the act
Through other ways
But I have survived only by God's grace
Why I'm not really certain
I guess I'm not too much of a loser
And just have got lucky in that respect
There is a wall I have built
That a certain amount of people get in
Maybe I should open up this wall some more
And let a variety of people get to know me
That is if they would want to
And if not that's okay too
I won't try to judge this go around
I hope I won't get judged back
But if so that's okay too
I'm still just a freak
Freaking out half the time
I just don't want to lose my life
For stupidity anymore
It's better to let the darkness go

I can be such a phony
So fake, such a fake
I wish I could turn back time
The world wouldn't of got a hold on me
But it's too late now
The world is my master
And I'm just a slave to it
Better give in like I always do
And dream of a better view