Sometimes you see yourself
Can't help but to ask yourself
Did you do things like that
But if you feel it most likely
It's too late it's been done
Appreciate on another
Never take things for granted
Single or relationship doesn't matter
As long as your happy nothing else matters
Do what you love let them talk
Feel good about yourself
Respect and take pride within
Smile and laugh true luxuries in life
Passion like fire keep it burning
Love your self others will go the same

I close my eyes hoping the pain will pass
Excruciating
Numbing
Wiping out my conscious thought.
I should be used by now,
To the patterns it follows.
Betrayal,denial, anger.
How could you?
You couldn't.
I could hit you.
Is it possible i didn't know you?
That you were different for a while?
I probably saw what i wanted to
Between lunacy and desperation.
You see, i was afraid to be alone.
The sounds that keep me up echo
Wishes that it hadn't ended
Care for my shattered heart.
Dying on the floor where you tossed it
Am not perfect but i was right.
I dunno how to be strong and go on
when i miss you with every breath
Every thought rotates around your face
Swimming in and out of focus
Of my glazed mind.
I seek release in hot tears.
Falling like from the sky
Will they obliterate the pain?
Or my resolve to stay away?
It wasn't meant to end this way.
I was your love,or so you said.
We all expect love to last forever
Instead it shackles us and makes us slaves.
I don't feel free though.
I would rather be with you
And ***** the consequences.
Oh gosh it hurts so much
Am rolled up into a ball
Sobbing out my love.

Two years ago today
I threw them away
It was really easier
than most people say
just a simple decision
then a little action
I found myself free
from a very bad addiction

I feel so much better
having a new direction
not stuck in the middle
feeling oh so little
to be a slave to anything
is really bad enough
but something  that is that small
how can it be so tough

I see my friends and wife too
******* in the fumes
filling them with poisons
killing them too soon
I know that freewill
is what we have
to make our lives complete
but the free will that is giving way
to enslavement isn't right

The money, oh the money
wasted just to make
yourself a little sicker
then you were yesterday
watching you wrinkle up
slowly fading away
standing outside freezing
just so you can sate
the demon that has you in its grip
is not that big I say
I defeated that lowly imp
two years ago today

What if
     I
turn out to be
    one
who sees

I feel like i can see
after a moment of sightlessness.
Delighting in the little things
Like an unexpected smile
An all encompassing hug.
It fills me up and i float
On a cloud of meaning,
A little less that i don't know.
If nothing makes sense anymore
At least i can muster a smile.

I want to listen to the wind sing
Dance as it blows the figs and leaves.
I want to fly,
I could almost step off a ledge.
Drawing on strength from within
Absorbing pain from without.

I shudder from the pain of the oppressed
Unable to step out of jail
Shackled to hopelessness
Stuck in a third rate jail.

You hold the key to Destiny
If only you could cut loose your fears
Of failure, rejection and doom.
You need a friend to believe in you,
Share your dreams.
Go out to the highest point you can find
Rage at the world.
I am here! I belong!

Walking in the rain
it has this cleansing quality about it
so I walk with my face pointed up
and open mouthed
hoping to wash away
the sins of yesterday
with a one two step
I march down endless concrete sidewalks
counting each drop of water
as it splashes against my untied shoelaces
laughing like a little kid
splashing in the puddles
because rain means new beginnings

"I shouldn't be drinking really,
my family is full of alcoholics
so I try not to drink"
It was the first thing she had said to me
then she downed her ***** cranberry
and smiled devilishly at me with her eyes
a demon girl for sure
best to keep my distance
but I'm coming down from the mushrooms
and I'm well on my way to being **** drunk
So I asked,
"what's your name sweet thing?"
and she smiled
and shook her head
"my lips are sealed"
then she kissed me on the cheek
fill up my cup
because teenagers and sobriety
haven't been on good terms for a while
and yeah it was kind of annoying
when you called me Harry Potter
but at the same time
I could already tell
that soon enough we would be sharing a bed
and sure enough
a couple minutes later
you whispered in my ear
"let's go to bed"
and we did
and it was my first time
and it was more than a little awkward and clumsy
and I'm sure it wasn't good
and to be perfectly honest
there were so many drugs inside of my system
that I never quite made it to the finish line
but I was relieved
because in high school it was a big deal
which I had finally gotten out of the way
and tossed to the side
to rot in the gutter
and I never saw the demon girl again
never even learned her real name
and if you asked me today if it was worth it
well I guess I'd say no
but deep down
I'd say yes

people seem to forget
that for every "good" person
there is an equal "bad" guy
just like night to day
yet nobody thanks the sinners
they go on,
knowingly corrupted
self sacrificed souls
they challenge the good
to step up and hold them in place
the universe runs off of balance
so for every brilliant man
who killed without heavy heart
who stole, begged, pillaged, lied
I offer up a thousand thank yous
because if it wasn't for you
Jesus would have just been a carpenter
so keep on sinning
and keep on losing

Pictures present
an angled view
actions reveal
the real you