one day
we stayed up
'til 3:45 am
talking and
sending stupid pictures
and then you said
good night
and i couldn't sleep

you and i
but this time it's only
me

dear angel,
i've been meaning to ask
how do you survive
in this hate-filled world?

the countless whispers
asking for me
but i don't want to leave

sometimes she wonders why
there's so many scars tattooed across
her flesh
and so many bandages in the trash can

how do you
describe
the glittering eyes
of sequins
and
pink skies

where do you
place
lavender,
between right or
left?

the essence of
fresh pastel pink
and the voices of opera singers
covering the distant
background

the spice of cayenne
and fragrances of
depression
but in the background
sounds of
happiness

one time
the sun exploded
and you couldn't look at me
anymore

"are you mental?"
are you mental?
are you mental?
are you mental?
are you mental?
are you mental?
are you
m
    e
         n
             t
                 a
                     l
                         ?
are you-
am i?
am i mental?
well, darling.
let's find out.
a game, perhaps
you ask if i'm mental?
are you?
that's the real question
questions,
questions
you were a question
you were a blink of an eye
so am i mental?
or am i extraordinary?

you're clever enough
to make me fall

i keep forgetting you exist
the memories we shared are still prominent in
my soul

a flicker of a star
a glimmer of the moon
a fragment of love
a remnant of hope
a shred of picture
a sliver of memory
never to come back
because you left
us
to be in the pearly but
twisted
galaxy
you left
me
to be in the
star-speckled
heavens
i will miss you
when
no one else
does.

have you ever been betrayed?
it's a silly feeling
it's one where you can't decide
if you're happy you had so many memories with them
or
where you're puzzled,
because you don't know
if those memories were even
genuine

the quiet squeaks of her sneakers against the floor
and the green aroma of flowers covering her
tracks

maybe if a hand reached out to
save me
i wouldn't be in so
deep

i can’t breathe
his cold eyes stare
into mine
i don’t want you
i cry out
helplessly
oh but darling,
he whispers
the heart wants
what the heart
wants
oh but what if
i don’t want you?
i murmur
i can’t breathe
his cold eyes stare
into mine
i cry out
helplessly

i would love to say that i'm not held down by you
but chains don't fall off so easily, do they?

i
i guess
i’m not her
i’m nothing to you
i’m nothing to them
i’m not her
i guess
i

the stars are spread out on my vision
you said you would stay until infinity but
nothing lasts forever

they said
"can't erase what i wrote in ink"
but i wrote in
tears

lately, i just feel
irritated
but i can't let the facade drop
i'll stay 'happy'
i'll stay 'calm'
but it's never going to work forever
this
this i already
know

the lavender growing in front of my house and
the sweetness of broken smiles

swaying in the wind
the poison you left
  running through my
veins

one day i'll
remove my chains and
leave

how are you so bitter
but so sweet at the same time?

i assumed that you meant everything was okay
and looking back
everything was not okay

my revelation :
i'm sorry for what thing i've done
whatever it was, whenever it was
honestly, i don't even quite know what i did
to make you hate me so much
so what i'm the youngest?
so what that you think i'm acting 'quirky' or 'funny'
i'm not
i never was
the only thing i was ever acting about
was being happy