girls that laugh & dream & love
i've seen you whole, i've seen you broken
ripped right in half down the middle
listen to me, girl
stay strong, and don't be afraid to show the world your edges

boy,
oh, i don't think you know what you're doing
don't look at me like that, don't touch me
i've heard what you say about me
look boy,
you don't stand a chance

all those men on the street corners wish
uh, that ain't happening
to the boys who yell
on my heart,
never will you touch me
on my heart,
my body is not your plaything
you can wish and yell and dream all you want

- but you'll never have me.

pick a card,
any card
oh, dear me
you've picked bad luck,
see?
well, you might get a bad parent and severe depression,
but nothing too harmful
at least your family doesn't have alcoholism run through it
it does?
oh.
well uh, at least you ended up with a guarantee
that your parents love you
he doesn't?
oh well, pick another card dear,
maybe this time you'll return victorious.

you allow yourself to want
to want to be whole again
to want to love again
to want to be happy again
you've always wanted
you haven't wanted in awhile
to allow yourself to want hurts
it hurts
but you allow yourself to want
because if it doesn't hurt
then how will you allow the pitcher to fill you up?

don't go, you said
don't go, you said again
i won't, he replied
not now, not then, not ever
it was a lie.

you were stupid, stupid, stupid but
i loved you the same
dumb elementary, middle school love
why did you infect me so?
i hate you but i hold on
because i never want to forget

i don't think i'll ever forget you
you'll move on, and i'll be stuck
i'm not bitter,
i just remembered
how much you made me feel

i hated you and i loved you
you were effortlessly beautiful
you stole my breath away
but you weren't meant for me

i wish
to be released from the chains of my gender
being feminine is exhausting,
wipe your mouth like this,
sit like this,
wear makeup or no one will love you,
don't play a sport, stay in the kitchen
i wish
that being reprimanded for not sitting carefully enough
or walking up the stairs a bit too loudly
was acceptable

i thought tape was supposed to keep things together
lately, the world has come crashing down over
our heads
why are you so angry?
what have we done wrong?
she said you changed after she died
but this big of a change
doesn't seem like it's as healthy as it seems
does the world come crashing down for you too, 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?

i'm constantly
thinking over our conversations
you're bringing me down
you're hurting me without realizing it
it hurts, it really does
so i've decided to cut ties with you
this was never meant to work out
i want to say that i want to stay
but this isn't good
this isn't right
goodbye

what a waste of time
waiting for you when you don't come
the world comes crashing down

Kerosene instead of gasoline
I always knew we were meant to crash and burn
Endings, endings, endings,
No texts, no laughs
Exit, exit, exit,
Nothing feels good about you

it's been a long time since i've heard from you
i suspect it's my fault this time
it's always my fault.

champagne bubbles
smoke hangs in the air
and you say you're just fine

it was at that moment
that i realized
hearing you laugh
was the only thing i truly lived for

oh, please
don't try and trick me
this time, you've fallen for my puzzles
rhythms and rhymes
the next time i'll intertwine my fingers with yours
the next time i'll let you lay a hand on me
is when hell freezes over
oh, but wait;
you'll have to wait a while for that.
next time?
don't get so cocky, love.

smoking sand
and drinking the view of treacherous waves
nails aflame
interlaced in panic
mixed up love
their future entangled together with a tragedy

in case you haven't noticed
the sadder side of me
dear family,
just let me go

the child with her head in the clouds
came to be the one who was
grounded the most

his words were intoxicating;
sweet but bitter
his voice was terrifyingly lovely
and he was breathtaking
quite literally did he
take my breath away

maybe if i said that
you were all i had;
nevermind, it was a silly thought.

sent messages,
the subtle hints and nudges but then;
she realizes she's the prey
and they're the predator

dear best friend:
i lost you
but you weren't mine to lose

dear best friend:
do you ever think of
what might've been?

twisting vines
unrequited love but
silvery tears and golden stripes

tears in eyes
laughter behind closed doors
and realizing
you'll never laugh like that with me

every time we say goodnight
we exchange 'i love you's' but
i think we both exchange them
for different reasons

'i'm pretty'
the red words upon
my veined wrist

am i supposed to be yours?
oh sorry, darling
i wasn't made to be your toy

i was a mere speck of dirt in your
mind while you
were a plague in mine

but you're too good for me
and i wonder
why can't i get you out of my head?

mostly, i just wish
that i could be there for you
as much as you were for me

somedays i didn't need you
but you didn't have to cast me aside