Jack R Fehlmann

Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2021

Easier

Because it is easier
to tell myself I will never have again.
And to close that part of life
with imagined hope for what was.
Because hurting once was enough.
yet, knowing for too long following
a sense of never being enough
and viewing each day since as proof
of such.
Truthfully, the more difficult is this
life lived closed and guarded
knowing what isn't coming back
knowing, and choosing to live
accepting a sorrowful loss
cause it is easier than moving on.

Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2021

Please Say to Me

If one finds, they have found
one day,.. Me,..
and that seemingly, it is not to be
Yet, that here, I must be
...still?
searching?
Obviously set upon one
and they remain
unwilling to witness
Such a sad scene?
please say to me,
stop friend.
enough.
make me see
how life then is
what this quest has cost.

and tell me truths brutal
so I am to feel them.
use words
that do not miss
then leave me to wonder
why am I
torn and forced to accept
How
No One
is worth so so much
such as I've given.
Not I.
Not even,..
Them.
please say to me
i am not
so great as
to never know another.

Say I am
only as great as I am
willing
so that I may come
to the ruins I've neglected
and begin a new,
building but for me.

Please say
I am capable
if only I accept
and move on.

I know this,
but to hear it.
Passed the lips
that once promised

never again,

whisper
i am

better

than this.

Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2021

am i

if i seem out of touch
am i lost in search of
are my reasons
alone as i too often seem
my own to be held dearly
against my chest my secret
leading me in search of
a place or being
to fit and be part of once was
is that then me lost
or in need of that which is
what was and was lost?

Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2021

Unknown Knowing

Fear in this
Possibilities endless
No solid proof
Leaving us to guess
On which do we then
Place our faith
Does it matter?
Until then
Guessing is best.

Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2021

One is done

In the grip of this
Two minds, each
Lost
Blind to the needs
Of each other's
Wants
Circles, repetitive
Scene seen countless
It seems
Hopeless and broke
When did we
This isn't fair
To hurt and need
To plead
Neither heard
Listening only if
Our answers are spoke
There comes a point
Love,
Each needs to
Do what needs
But don't want
So one does.
Culminating love
Done.

Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2021

Manifestation lost

I can see
these
Things I want
Thoughts
Tricky as they be
Trail off.
Manifestation lost.
Hard use of
This abusive need
And thoughts cost
I see these things...
I will not give up.

Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2021

Good Morning Shade

The morning arrives as it does
While I sip and process the state.
Weather holds, my day is filling
With some good, other less things.
I process those and recognition comes

Good morning Shade. Another visit today?
My hand reaching for the bottle of pills.
I am quite alright without the need or the want, to focus on the negatives. But negatives and I securities, they are all you ever bring with you. If I do not entertain your notions and paranoid delusions, you cause trouble or increase the imagined problems until I succumb. And I stay inside, safe as you say while my life and my responsibilities become really are in tatters when I'm once again free of you and your depressing methods. I will not play this circular game. To you I say good day. As I take the pill and affirm you away.