Jack R Fehlmann

Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020

Untitled

This is Me
I have half
Behind
Less in clear
Memories
Untold in front
As nobody
Knows
Before that day
And I
Have never known
Real love
I only thought
Maybe they
I might one day
That was counting up
Numbers decline
daily for me
And I'm done
Hoping to meet
I'm getting on with
Giving up.
I'm damaged goods

Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020

When I least expect... *******.

Don't pretend to understand
The pain from my angle.
To your living you cannot
No matter how pure you are
Good intentions and Well wishes
Are expected where as she,
They will be along
when least Expected.
I've given up so that proves this
As complete *******
Doesn't it?
You've got some one,  holding you down. I am only now starting to see
They all are better off without me.
Only now dealing with never knowing
Real love, from the type to walk away.
It's hard to be alright with if I die alone.  When.  I meet far far less that actually see me

Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020

When

Looking up from the inward way that I had been facing,
I found my hands upon the wheel and that the dawn was fast made real.
The distance between consciously steering and commanding my purpose
And the autonomous routine I was living was becoming Less and less.
When did I want this?

Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020

Good Thoughts Writing

Real, these moments of self
Though channeling
By being broken inside
Beautiful, missing deeply
A way of living, better
Days hidden completely
In loves intoxicating throws
Lost all now but
These the countless hopes
Cherished pleas, borne of loss
Secrets laid bare upon paper
Altars to the kindred suffering
Painful and brave, sharing
To feel the good thoughts
Pouring back through
Portals to the soul.

Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020

Mahic

A little spec of dust
Casually drifting
Floating, bathed in sunlight
Falling lightly
To a gentle rest then
Upon my heart
Right there
On a shelf cluttered
Alongside pride
Ego and reason.
Bottled tears, volatile
Layered in the dust
Of the forgotten
Magic that is her attention

Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020

Crossroad

Nothing remains new
       He told himself
Alone, even now, again
      Once great roads
In and at the end after all
       Lead him here
A crossroad of change
        Named Let-go
Or Die-alone-forgotten

Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020

Lonesome

I am a problem yet mastered
Admittedly difficult
Too old to be flawless
Younger then if parted
Never vowed to nor for
Best man runner up
More than one chosen
I can be great but I'm not
I'm this way, this place
Too broken and not worth it
I'll probably never be the one
For any I come to love
I'll bore or circle talk away interest
I will die like this.
Lonesome.