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Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Don't they say
They know me
But I don't
know anything
Now that is
Off and out of place
Yet I am here
Where my heart is
Mattering nothing
To very very little
If at all
Leads me to then
I am impatient
Mostly tired
Sick throughout
Endings are lasting
Hellos require judgement
I am simple
And I am tired
Me here alone
Always within
And literally
In the present
Home comes after
After is the door
With no latch
No handle
Enter by invitation
None without
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
In an amazing fashion today
Emotions broiled for lack of medication
The daylight as seen behind my closed wet eyes
A complexity's riddle of swirling reds, melting shades
Of midnight blues to explode against my lens yellow
A kaleidoscope of so many runaway misconceptions
I thought and lost hold then filled the role of passenger
Witness within without control watching
The systematic sabotage of something good being broken
It was my voice, but all too strongly laced with malice
My words sent by my device and typed out by hands like mine
Hurtful accusations that I knew could not be true
Blame and shame and petty thinking were tools that ruined
I fought, but I couldn't make my mind stop racing
Only break up a little more inside know the consequences
She would hate me, put up walls and take away new roads
Rightly so, I know how unstable my cursed and hated self
Looks to those that stand too close when it gets out
I've more than once lost and had to go alone following
Each time I've been made a passanger witness within
Again and again and I know, that connection it broke
Is gone for good, I hate him I hate that I am him to the world outside of my skin.
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
I cannot say
I saw things could
Ever would
Play out this way
Life can be crazy
It can change
The way we do
Ways we think
We Better off
Long passed pain
The crushing weight
Loss brings
Pulled too far along
Out of reach
Caught up in
The day to day
Making we
Nothing but
An after thought
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
So sick of the woes
The pep talks
I want to die
A little more
Every lonely night.  
Reasons are dwindling
How will I know it
If I never meet anyone
How I feel is truth
Nobody holds me
They love and they
Don't.
They say they know
But I know nothing
But hoping and holding
To be alone 6
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
All I try

Nobody beside me.

The reason

I lay awake

I'm not alright.

Tired and

Not finding life

No joy

So lonely inside

Contemplating

Why not me?

Can't I?

Don't like this

Darkness

Thoughts and sighing

Solitary and used

Qualities

Meaningless as asking?

Alone.

Terrifyingly ready.

Myself.
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Show me a scale that
weighs one's mind.
Placing my dreams and my
Thoughts and acts of love
Gently on one side
Then then on the opposite
There goes counterbalancing
Lows, and selfish lies
Along with my inner dialogs
My darker wants and
Private browser time
Watch them rise and drop
See how they never stop
Evenly Unbalanced
Neither good nor bad
Ever changing mind of mine
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Who am I, but buried
Beneath the incredible weight
Of Her growing shadow
The farther along on forth
Her sillouette exponential
Pours over,my body
Pressing down this fragile heart
So completely, as it breaks,
Those peices sink,
drifting beneath
Off and away
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