Looking up from the inward way that I had been facing,
I found my hands upon the wheel and that the dawn was fast made real.
The distance between consciously steering and commanding my purpose
And the autonomous routine I was living was becoming Less and less.
When did I want this?

A little spec of dust
Casually drifting
Floating, bathed in sunlight
Falling lightly
To a gentle rest then
Upon my heart
Right there
On a shelf cluttered
Alongside pride
Ego and reason.
Bottled tears, volatile
Layered in the dust
Of the forgotten
Magic that is her attention

Nothing remains new
       He told himself
Alone, even now, again
      Once great roads
In and at the end after all
       Lead him here
A crossroad of change
        Named Let-go
Or Die-alone-forgotten

I am a problem yet mastered
Admittedly difficult
Too old to be flawless
Younger then if parted
Never vowed to nor for
Best man runner up
More than one chosen
I can be great but I'm not
I'm this way, this place
Too broken and not worth it
I'll probably never be the one
For any I come to love
I'll bore or circle talk away interest
I will die like this.  
Lonesome.

In an amazing fashion today
Emotions broiled for lack of medication
The daylight as seen behind my closed wet eyes
A complexity's riddle of swirling reds, melting shades
Of midnight blues to explode against my lens yellow
A kaleidoscope of so many runaway misconceptions
I thought and lost hold then filled the role of passenger
Witness within without control watching
The systematic sabotage of something good being broken
It was my voice, but all too strongly laced with malice
My words sent by my device and typed out by hands like mine
Hurtful accusations that I knew could not be true
Blame and shame and petty thinking were tools that ruined
I fought, but I couldn't make my mind stop racing
Only break up a little more inside know the consequences
She would hate me, put up walls and take away new roads
Rightly so, I know how unstable my cursed and hated self
Looks to those that stand too close when it gets out
I've more than once lost and had to go alone following
Each time I've been made a passanger witness within
Again and again and I know, that connection it broke
Is gone for good, I hate him I hate that I am him to the world outside of my skin.