Eyes seem less caught by
My own though constant desires
Variables could not deduce
Could be its me? Changed
As all before and all around
Less youthful and wanted
Grey hair and lines meeting corners
Of my eyes i view the world with
Poor me.  I had so many choices
I thought betrer was coming
I thought not rush give it time
I did with ignorant youthful abandon
more and more
As it went by only as fast
as the day
The month
The years... Years....
Looking half heartedly
Being picky and choosing rarely
Giving too much to the ones chosen
What if the one
My ever after better half
Walked by or one of them was the one
And i foolishly did little to try?

Down
     Down
          Down
My half-hearted finger motions
As the lonely 'others' scroll passed
                                                         Out of sight.

To be replaced
Over and over
By countless 'others'

Still, down
   Down
        Down
On and on and on
There is no end
        No bottom

Attention failing
with my hopes fading
Set to search again

        Another day...
                 perhaps?
Then...
   An unbelievably attractive smile
Perfect, brilliant eyes
Stealing my own
Owning my full attention

Timidly my finger does touch

There.

She is the entirety of my vantage
All about Her
All she feels she wants me to know
Is taken in with such ease

She smiles up at me
Like heaven is real
Braile as each word i feel
They are humble and sincere
Real

I feel my way
Down
   Down
      Down
She seems so...
Exactly as...

My thoughts racing
Entertaining my own qualities
Checking off her wants
As hers my own

Dare I?
She truly is so
So so so
Lovely.

Maybe?

No.  I remind myself
My 'less than' sides
Insecurities and defenses
End those fantasies.

She is above
   Too
      Too

                 Far above

Me...
Out of my league.

Pwr btn... Goodbye.

The steam it takes me
To reach each 6p.m.
Is unsustainable, exhaustingly so
With knicks and clotted flesh
Bruises aging brown
mix with, overlap the latest
Deep purples and ill hued blues
I am beaten by my own doing
Little to nothing is compensation
But the things i have touched
Broken made new again
From raw to finished, tangible
My hands, rough, scarred,
Talented and beat up
As is my body. Nightly.
By the end of the week i am a sight
Too tired to want morr from life.
Filthy and sore, single, alone
There has got to be more to life
Then the beast of burden i resemble
If not be the ending too soo
See i am beaten at the end
Tired...
Goodnight.

Love
Was all it was.

All it is.
When too too often
I
The hardest choice
An awful decision

The reason.