Even If & Ever After

Even if...
we don't last.
I know I will,
love you
Clear through,..
ever after.
Even after,
ever isn't in you.
I know this
about myself,
even if...
I struggle to understand
my gift, curse,...
the way
of my nature.  
Ever after...
with or with out...
My thoughts are on you.

You,... flew away
tempted but one day after
to ruin,... less solid ground
crumbling to leave me
then this labrynth
all of its walls, memories
Vinegar and wine, salt and water
rain from cloudless heights
desert vistas, tear drops
forgiveness
what of you and I?
Over, gone, done, forgotten
why can't i?
asked in lonesome reflection
countless times.

Breathe brought in, with it sickness
Cause enough, it can all crumble
two pieces, more, four exponential
Onto the ruined floor of morrows
There they get ground down finer
by the ones that through words like love around
So very, very off are the scenes
Of a life, of first tries, of smoking puddles
Far off now is that guy, that person,
just but now only a reminder of poor choices
And it can and will crumble
cracking and falling away, into voids
much like the need, and want of breathing
sitting so close to the smoke that rises
each breath feeding and igniting
Foolish are the eyes that believe and abuse
salty water, vinegar for the wine we waste
when all of life crumbles around you
and you find the endless, unlit labrynth
fed by bridges burnt down just after your crossing
until no exit, No route, No saviors are found
the sickness comes in shards that turn to puddles
and this then burns to smoke, and ruins

Laying naked
Just beside, intertwined
Panting,  smiling,  lieing
another accomplishment of mine
To have it,  take it, ruin
Something so precious as a body
Another meat machine with needs
Deseases,  urges, weakness
Wanting only the fleshy salts and juices
I ****** you,  now you are...
Unless,...
So now if i grab your hair
I, confess these dark lustful urges
Beg, coherse, guilt work
Saddness then there is anger
Hurt,  and insecurity
Childish fear is that as is darwin's
To *******,  filling the vessel
To do as promised,  programmed,  built
So that when i am caught,
My life over and the gurney beneath
Shall an invisible piece remain.
But honestly,  right now...
I am arroused and you can feel it
Open your mouth,  i too gladly taste your fluids
I promise,  our secret,  just one time...
Penetrated and found it lacking
Spine,  self control,  or courage not to trade morals
right then, right there
I had you.