They say they a perfect memory
Is a memory that's never remembered

Strange as that may sound

But if that were true
I'd bury this memory of you

Deep into my brain
Never to be found

Then, someday, many years from now
I could open the lock  and look upon it

savor it

indulge myself in the unmarred recollection

in the final moment between me and infinity

Max didn't even want to be there.  His coworkers had invited him, and he hadn't had an excuse handy.  

In truth, Max's coworkers didn't want him to be there, either.  They had secretly hoped that he wouldn't come.  Everyone else was going, though, so they felt bad not asking.  Now they wished they hadn't

Here he was, though, sitting around a table in a seedy local pub, waiting for "The great Garbo: Magician and Hypnotist".  Probably just another hack who was filling time between kiddy birthday parties.  The show was supposed to have started ten minutes ago, but hadn't, and now Max was being forced to socialize with people who he spent a great deal of effort trying to avoid most of the time.  It was crap, and he wasn't happy about it.

In truth, Max was very unhappy in general, but in a way that his brain was unable to put into concrete words.  He'd been unhappy for so long, in fact, that he didn't even recognize that he was unhappy.  He had just long ago come to the conclusion that the world was unpleasant, and he was the only person who understood that.  Everyone else was a foolish prat who could barely keep from being distracted long enough by the next shiny toy to notice.

He regarded his mostly empty beer that he had been nursing.  He heard his co-workers talking about some new superhero movie when the lights finally dimmed and a man walked onto the beer-stained stage and threw his cape (the **** had a cape!) dramatically over his shoulder.  "Good evening, my fine ladies and gentlemen!  I, the Great Garbo, welcome you.  You may have seen so called 'magic' before, but I promise you that when you leave here tonight, you will be filled with awe and wonder!"

Max yawned, rather loudly, to glares from his co-workers, as Garbo continued his spiel.  He looked lazily around the room, hoping to catch the eye of the waiter for another drink.  If he was going to be forced to watch this swill, he was going to at least be liquored up.

By the time Max looked back towards the stage, Garbo had wrapped up, and was starting.  He began with a number of standard tricks with rings and never-ending handkerchiefs.  Each time, Max would mumble something under his breath.

"...Obviously had it up his sleeve"
"Trick ring, there's clearly some sort of mechanism there"
"...had that deck set up before"

Meanwhile, his co-workers shushed him as they attempted, in vain, to enjoy the show.

Soon, though, the magician got more creative, juggling a set of ***** that turned into doves, which then flew back into his hands as ***** again.  Then he turned his entire coat from dingy black to a brilliant  red with a wave of his hand.  Max remained steadfast in his desire to remain unimpressed.  Surely this was some sort of electronic trickery.  He stifled another yawn, then decided to go to the restroom.

He got up, and tapped one of his co-workers on the shoulder.  Was it Reed?  Or James.  His co-worker looked at him warily.  "Hey James, I need to take a ****.  Need to get through".  He looked annoyed.  Must've been Reed.  "Can't you wait until the act is over?".  Max rolled his eyes, and then mustered up as much sarcasm as he could (which was quite a lot). "I'm sure the 'Great Garbo' won't miss me.  I'll just be a minute".  Reed (yes, definitely Reed) sighed and got up to pull his chair back so Max could get out.  Max picked his way through the surprisingly large crowd towards the bathrooms, not apologizing on the way, when he heard a voice.  "You sir, you would like to volunteer, would you  not?"

Max turned, and Garbo was looking at him expectantly.  He hadn't heard what Garbo had been talking about. He recovered his wits and responded "Nah, I'm sure one of these simpletons would love to, though".  From the crowd where he had left he heard someone yell "Oh come on, Max, maybe he can hypnotize you into having a sense of ******* humor".  Max gave the finger in the general direction of the voice, earning him a few boos from the crowd.  Garbo put his hand up to calm the crowd.  "Come now...Max, is it?  Surely you've been impressed with some of the show tonight?".  Max scoffed.  "I'm impressed that you're able to make a living off of parlor tricks", he said, before turning back towards the bathroom.

"Max, I think you need to come up here"

Max suddenly stopped.  He felt like he had been going somewhere else...but that couldn't be the case, he was supposed to be going onto the stage.  He turned and amiably made his way up the few stairs

"Now Max seems to be unimpressed with the show.  Shall I show him some real magic?"

The crowd clapped

Max wondered how he'd gotten on stage.  He had been going towards the bathroom....he needed to...

"Max, you seem unhappy to be here.  I think I know what'll cheer you up, though."

Garbo reached into his pocket, and pulled out a small rubber ball.  

Max suddenly came back to himself.  "I don't know what drugs you gave me to convince me to get up here, but this show is over and I'm leaving.  I'll be sure to let the police know that your show relies on your audience being high"

Garbo grinned a toothy grin as Max walked away, and then spoke right before Max got down the first step, dragging each word out carefully.

"Who's...a...good....boy"

Max stopped and considered this.  I mean...he certainly wasn't bad.  There was certainly room for improvement, for sure, but he wasn't bad, so he must be good.  He slowly turned and stared at Garbo, and was surprised as his mouth started moving.

"I am."

Wait. What?  Max's mind reeled and his eyes widened in fear, but he did not run.  His legs didn't want to move.  His eyes seemed to be locked onto the ball.  That looked like a really nice ball.  He wanted it.

Garbo took a step forward.

"Who's a good boy"

This time Max answered more confidently.  "I am.  I'm a good boy"

The crowd clapped and whistled, though they weren't sure what they were seeing.

Garbo moved the ball back and forth, and Max watched it intently.  
He wished Garbo would throw the ball.

"Who's a good boy!"

"Me! I'm a good boy!"

"Whosagoodboy!"

"I am!  I am!  I'm a good boy!"

Max had fallen down on all fours at this point, though he barely noticed.  Everything seemed to be growing in size.

"Who's a good boy!"

I am!  

"Who's a good boy!"

(I am!)
Woof!

"Do you want the ball?!"

(Yes! Yes, throw the ball!)
(Oh god, what's happening?!)
Woof! Woof!

"Do you want it?!"

(Make it stop!)
(Yes! Throw it!)

Max could smell so many things, now.  He smelled the beer, he smelled Reed's aftershave.  He smelled the strangeness that Garbo reeked of.  Garbo scared him, but Garbo also had a ball.

Garbo finally relented and threw the ball, and a yellow streak flashed by him as an excitable Golden Retriever ran to intercept it.

Max picked up the ball in his mouth and stood proudly.  There was still something scratching at his brain, though, and he couldn't figure out what it w--what had happened?  Everything was wrong.  He couldn't stand up.  Max wanted to yell for help, but to do that he would need to drop the...

...ball!  He had the ball!  The man who threw it was calling for him.  He ran back towards the man, who pointed at the ball.  The man wanted the ball, but Max didn't want to give it back.  It was his ball.  Suddenly, the man had a treat.  Max dropped the ball and took the treat.  He heard a loud sound and he turned to see...

..the crowd.  The crowd was up on their feet cheering.  His mind filled with fear again as he realized that something was terribly wrong.  He felt wrong, everything looked and sounded and smelled wrong.  He was a....

"Good boy, Max.  Good boy!"

Max received a pat on the head, and the scratching at the back of his head faded a little.  "Crate, Max", said the man, pointing to a small crate at the edge of the stage that several people in the audience could have sworn wasn't there at the start of the show.  Max ran to the crate, where he found a bone and a squeak toy, which he bit into to hear the satisfying noise that it made.  Laughter echoed from the outside of the crate as the man closed the door.

"Everyone, a round of applause for my assistant Max!"

Suddenly Max resurfaced.  He was acutely aware now that he was in a cage.  Fear gripped him.  Surely his co-workers had noticed!  He strained to look through the bars of the crate.  He spotted them, and they were applauding excitedly.  He saw, with trepidation, that his coat was no longer on the chair where he'd left it.  He had been erased from their memories.  A guttural terror crept up through his stomach which became a frightened whimper as the sound was forced through his new snout.  No one seemed to hear him.

Max lost track of time, but eventually the show ended and everyone left.  They wouldn't remember what happened, only that they were left with a feeling of awe and wonder upon leaving.  They wouldn't remember Max.  At this point, Max was curled up in the back corner of the crate, unwilling to move even as Garbo opened it, reached in, and started scratching his head.  

Suddenly, as if the final structural support of a dam had been breached, the endorphins from the scratch overwhelmed what remained of Max.  He was filled with the warmth of something he had been unable to feel his whole life.  His tongue lolled out of his mouth and he started panting excitedly.

Max was happy.

It's that flittery fluttery
legs feeling buttery
     suddenly stuttering
         feeling I'm feeling
that's reeling me in
    I'm falling, quite breathless
and careless
into your arms where I rest
to slowly let the air
back into my chest

I'm overcome with sadness

It's not the biting sadness
  The choked sobs
that are brought about
by the jolt of a sudden death
or the fresh sting of
a broken relationship

It's not the aching sadness
  The somber introspection
of missed opportunities,
of wasted days
of long lost loves

It's not the oppressive sadness
that depression brings,
wrapping around your head
in suffocating silence
that leaves you numb to the world
that makes you believe that happiness was
only a fairy tale

Rather...

It's the warm sadness
as the tinges of autumn begin to show
and you realize that the summer
was never meant to last forever

It's a familiar sadness as you realize
that everyone changes
and the person you once were
no longer exists, for better or worse

It's the sadness that nostalgia
tows along with fond memories
of summer vacations
of drunken antics
of foolish lust
of fading friendships

The sadness that tells you that
"Things will never be this way again"

But also reminds you that they were never supposed to be

   and that's perfectly alright

When you look into my eyes
can you see the starry skies?
Soaring high above the clouds
as we cut ourselves from earthly ties

With your arms about my waist
we'll leave behind this lonely place
searching for the hidden keys
to unlock the riddles of time and space

So Allons-y and Geronimo
through the unknown vale we shall go
your fingers interlaced with mine
we'll dance the stars 'til they lose their shine

I've got that itch
that feeling
that maybe I've outgrown
my little section of map

It's time to blur the state lines
It's time to expand the boundaries
United States of whatever the hell I want.

There isn't much to it, really...

Just me and a gas pedal and a general direction

a little classic rock to keep me company

Simplicity.

Driving is so much more enjoyable
when you have nowhere else to be

Chasing the sun
Until the moon catches up

**** roads.


Bring me that horizon

Lewis had taken his date antiquing.  It seemed the kind of sophisticated, adult activity that he felt would reinforce the fact that he was, in fact, a sophisticated adult.  Never mind that he knew next to nothing about antiquing...except that it was a thing sophisticated adults apparently did.

It was clear within the first twenty minutes or so that she wasn't really feeling it.

She was friendly and amicable, but it was clear that she was being polite for the sake of being polite.  It was the kind of polite that meant she wouldn't be returning his phone calls tomorrow.  For his part, he didn't make a fuss.  He played his role and continued the date as if it meant something.

He even went so far as to purchase an ornate mirror at the last shop they visited.  A mirror he'd probably never have even looked at on a typical day.

Lewis dropped his date off at her flat, insisted on walking her to her door (had to keep up appearances), and gave her a brief hug before going back to his car.  The mirror was wrapped up in the back seat of his small Toyota, making it impossible to use his rearview mirror.

He didn't even bother taking it out of the car when he got home.  Perhaps, he thought, someone would steal it and save him the trouble of pitching it.

The next morning, to his annoyance, it still filled up his back seat.  He had to go to work, and he figured he'd have to get it out of the car sooner or later, so he pulled it out and awkwardly managed to get it into his front door, where he left it leaning against the wall of his front hallway.

Lewis walked by the mirror almost every day for a week before he finally decided to hang it up.  He had bought it, after all...might as well make use of it.  He hung it up in the hallway and then largely forgot it existed.  It wasn't until several months later that he discovered its strange properties.

He had been running late for work, and in his hurry had spilled coffee over his shirt.  His initial annoyance at having to change was replaced with a sharp pain as the hot coffee burned through his shirt.  He was haphazardly unbuttoning the shirt while walking by the mirror when he stopped.  He looked again.  The coffee stain had disappeared.  Lewis finished unbuttoning the shirt and looked at his chest, where he found no mark or sign he had even had an injury.  Thinking himself crazy, he ran back to the kitchen to find that there was, indeed, spilled coffee still on the table.

That had been the beginning.

The power had gone quickly to his head, as power is wont to do.  He could change just about anything in his environment, so long as he was clever and could do it in front of the mirror.  The more he focused, the more accurate the results were.  He imagined that he was holding the deed to a mansion that was for sale downtown.  He found that not only was this the case, but the mirror had taken care of all the pesky details that would have otherwise conflicted with this.  He imagined his bank account filled to the brim with money.  Lewis imagined a whole new life for himself.  

It was at this point that he decided to test the limits of his new found power.  He stood at the mirror in his underwear.  Not horrible looking by any means, but definitely not an attractive man by most standards.  His hair, oily and unkempt, fell listlessly down on his forehead.  a paunch belly accentuated knobby knees and elbows.  His face was rather round and a bit pudgy, though fairly average overall.  He looked himself over disdainfully, and begin to concentrate.

First his stomach started shrinking, as if someone was letting the air out of it. It flattened, and abdominal muscles etched themselves into the skin.  The rest of his body followed suit, transforming itself into his ideal.  An alpha male.  A leading man.  At the end of it all, he stood in front of a stranger.  Even his eyes had changed.  They looked back at him through the mirror, full of confidence and a spark of defiance.  He almost caught a mischievous smile playing at his lips.

The change was immediate.  Between the money and the new face, he became social elite, hosting parties, attending events.  The mysterious newcomer, whose fortune seemed to have appeared out of thin air.  He relished every minute of it.  Instead of chasing people, begging to be noticed, people were begging to be noticed by him.  It was everything he ever wanted, until she came into his life.

She was an environmental lawyer for a large law firm.  She had it all.  Intelligence...strength...beauty.  Her name was Claire. She could stare right through him.  She didn't care about his power.  She didn't care about his charm.  The more he tried to win her over, the more she pulled away.  That, of course, did nothing to deter him.  If anything, it made him desire her more.  It was driving him insane.

Things finally broke down.  He was at yet another party, but he was no longer enjoying himself.  He hadn't been enjoying himself for weeks.  He sat at the bar, downing glasses of alcohol almost carelessly.  He saw her outside on the balcony, and he stumbled his way over to her.  He managed to slur out something along the lines of "Hey baby" along with some semblance of a crude pickup line, which earned him a martini hat and five red marks across his perfectly shaped face.

He drove home, managing to get his car mostly in his driveway (that poor mailbox never saw it coming).  He lumbered into his house, intending to fall asleep, when he walked by the mirror.  Suddenly, his inebriated brain had an amazing thought.  Why should he continue chasing her?  He had a mirror that granted him anything he wanted.  

He stood in front of the mirror.  Once again, he almost imagined that his reflection was sneering at him, but he put it out of his mind.  He imagined Claire, in all her perfection, deeply in love with him.  He continued to focus, as much as his mind would allow him, when suddenly he felt hands around his waist.  He turned around, and found her standing behind him, beckoning him forward.

She led him up to his room and laid him upon the bed.   At first, he was ecstatic, but as the night continued, he became uncomfortable.    She was wrong.  She was not natural.  She was focused fully on him as she had her way, but he was unable to meet her gaze.  Every time he did, her face seemed to move out of focus, like a dark shadow was covering her.  He couldn't linger there long, and it filled him with dread.  Eventually the alcohol took its toll, and he fell into a fitful sleep, with her wrapped faithfully around him.

The next morning, Lewis went back to the mirror and wished her away.  Then he panicked.  He called one of his acquaintances and discovered that the actual Claire was still alive and well.  It had not been her.  He felt relieved, but this quickly turned to depression as he fell into a chair, racked with guilt at what he had brought into the world, however briefly.  Unfortunately, he wouldn't get a chance to make any more mistakes.

The next night, Lewis found himself awake.  It was about 3 AM.  He hadn't remembered waking.  Nor did he remember walking down the stairs to the mirror, but here he was.  He stood and stared at the mirror, back to the man he had become.  He smiled that mischievous smile.  Wait.  He hadn't smiled.  Why was he smiling?  Lewis attempted to move away, but he was stuck in place.  The mirror version of himself allowed its smile to widen, and Lewis felt his mouth tugging upwards to accommodate.  The reflection raised its arm, and Lewis helplessly raised his arm as well.  

Lewis vaguely noticed the entire room he was in filling with a dense fog.  The rest of the world blurred out into obscurity except the mirror with the devilish face of Lewis's counterpart.  The reflection spoke, and Lewis's mouth moved along with the words.  "I sure appreciate you helping me out of there.  Hope you don't mind hanging out for awhile."  He flashed that terrible grin.  "I'll see you around"

Lewis waved goodbye, and his reflection stepped away from the mirror...leaving him in darkness.

He was always a quiet man,
never seemed to look up...

as if his eyes were afraid of
what it might mean to
see the sky

His gaze seemed neither
fierce, nor soft.
Neither attentive or lost

He would never look at you,
it was as if he was looking everywhere
except where you happened to be.

I never saw a smile cross his lips
I never heard a laugh escape his lungs
I never heard him curse
I never heard him yell

When he spoke, I could hear the dust
falling off his breath

It wasn't a monotone sound, but I imagine
he sounded like what trees or mountains
would sound like, had they voices.

He existed in the loosest sense of the word

He was an oddity and an enigma
His quietness and unobtrusiveness
could be somewhat offputting

Yet...he was often able to blend into
the background like a rain drop
in a storm.

You can imagine our surprise
when he stumbled into town one
hot afternoon, clothes looking like
he'd fallen into a vat of red paint.

Splattered. Head to toe.
In between his head and his toes,
cradled in his arms, was the
body of a young girl

He had found her in the woods,
he had said, voice devoid of emotion.
She had been lying off the path,
in a pool of crimson.

An investigation turned up nothing
The people, in need of a murderer,
settled on the only man they could.
The man who hadn't shed even one tear
over the death of a young child

The trial was a farce
The kangaroo court adjourned
Death by hanging

The man remained silent throughout
the proceedings.  Quietly answering
the frothing prosecutor's questions
with the same demeanor as someone
would use when discussing the weather

He wasn't defensive
He wasn't derisive

He didn't plead, nor pray
when the verdict was announced

On the day of the execution
nearly everyone in town was in attendance
Most of them couldn't tell you why

The noose around his neck, he stared
back at the crowd.  Stared through them,
as if they didn't exist.

When the rope snapped taut,
The man flailed as his body
involuntarily spasm'd.

When he finally passed,
his body swinging lazily
under the gallows,
I caught the hint
of a smile

Only for a moment.

I found it odd

That he would only show
a sign of life
as it was ending

I've come alive
    with the night
young, fresh, and unspoiled

I see the pale, naked moon
    as it peeks at me through
          a window in the wall of clouds

            it basks the streets in ivory hues,
          competing with the sickly yellow
        of the street lights

I'm alive
I feel no desire nor obligation
    to sit quietly, to stare meekly
         my veins trickle with intoxication
             electricity in my fingertips

I'm seeking
allowing my heartbeat
to lead me
                to feed me

             My gaze cuts like diamonds
           my grin gleams like steel

      When you look into my eyes
tell me, what do you feel?

is your heart just like mine?
    Do you feel them beating in time?

We're tripping
   We'll fall
       We're hitting the wall

Your skin tastes like velvet
    My dear
        you have me enthralled


        We have only begun
   We have time 'til the sun
Wait and you'll see

how to be

                   Alive

Just like me

As I look over the ledge
I wonder what it's like to fly
and though I know it's a foolish thought
                 I can't help but want to try

...It isn't that high

You can be the sun
    and I'll be the moon

Locked in an eternal dance
                Never given the chance

To be together....


Until you expand into a Red Giant, destroying me and everything else in your path for millions of miles before shrinking into a faint white dwarf next to a planet now devoid of all life.

Hmm...

Perhaps I took that metaphor a bit too far.

Hey you there, hands in your pockets
where were you walking?
You look mighty suspicious,
I'm just being judicious
lest you're malicious

So it goes every day
Yet we look the other way
as if to say that it's all OK

Until they found their voice
Until they made their choice

Now we're no longer afforded
the right to ignore it
they're standing in front of us,
the ones who have bore it.

They'll yell and they'll swear
we'll stop and we'll stare
They will make us aware
that they'll bear it no more

You're like a beautiful poem, my dear
it's plain to see
it's plain to see
I'm now caught within your verse, I fear
I'm lost at sea
I can't be free

You've trapped me in your sonnet
each syllable draws me deep
like a lilting lullaby
that carries me to sleep

You've written this beautiful world, my dear
I've fallen in
I've let you win
but the story was never about me, I fear

I'm reading the lines meant for him

Have you ever stopped and thought
about the winding path that we're along?
This labyrinth of lefts and rights
that will bring you into my arms?

Years before our lives had been cast
before our very first breaths of air
plans were made that would set our paths
on this crash course that we share

Millions of choices have been made since
that have led us to where we stand
Will it be millions...or only hundreds more
until we're hand in hand?

This army of Chinese butterflies
that patiently flap their wings
are leading us ever so much closer,
if you choose to believe in such things

I've waited for years, my love
for this maze to lead you home.
And when it does, as it surely will
I hope that you enjoy this poem

It's difficult to say when the spring finally ended

The only thing for certain
is that it did end, as we slipped
blissfully unaware, into winter and darkness.

From the highrise apartments in Chicago
to the mud huts baking in the African Sun
From the smiling skulls in the Paris Catacombs
To the open deserts of the great Outback

The wind whispered in the silence
past our giant walls, our empty monuments

past piles of leatherbound books
their pages continually flapping
as if begging to be read, just once more

The hard lines of the cities softened
as the carefully manicured lawns
grew out of check,
turning the skyline green


The human race liked to think we were driving the car
That we were in control
In reality, we were the child in the backseat
with the toy steering wheel

We expected to go out
with an awe-inspiring bang
with a roar of thunder
befitting our importance


Instead (or rather, accurately),
the planet ended silently and without much fuss

a mere footnote in the universe

So focused on your beauty
   that forgetting how...make...words

What would you do

if you found out that the truth was

that destiny was real

that your choices were predetermined

that an omnipotent being in the sky
had his big omnipresent hand
up your tiny unimportant ***

using you to act out its plan
each and every day

All your hopes and fears and special moments really did not belong to you

Those feelings of love, of hate, of excitement, of hopelessness existed only to move the story along, and it was not your story.  It wasn't any of ours.

What would you do?
What would you do?

**Exactly as you're ****** told

Every now and then
I'll wake up
with the sensation of not
knowing where I am

It's a very disconcerting feeling

to open your eyes and stare about the room
with new eyes

What is this place?
How did I find myself here?

I truthfully find it rather exciting.

Those few moments have an intoxicating intrigue.
I have a mystery set before me.
A new place, ready for new discoveries.
A fresh start

What does it say about me that
I sometimes find it rather....

disappointing

when my brain catches up to my body
and I glance around the room
that is suddenly not nearly as novel
as it was before.

Do you suppose the essence of humanity tastes like cinnamon?
Does ecstasy destroy anticipation?
Have we ever lived?
Does the hurt fool reflect by drinking and shooting his gun?

I enjoy laughing at my missing lack of wealth....or was it health?
I definitely kept steady figures, in either case

This makes no sense, but at least it kept you entertained for a few minutes.

That was rude.

The rain filled my drink for days
As I lay on the bridge
staring slowly at the stars

The space between my memories
covered my brain, leaving little room
for love, passion, or beauty

I knew my feet could still stand,
that my hands could still grasp

But I was small, far away
trying to fight the depths
of my desires.

I thought of better times
I wanted happiness

Alas

No use sitting and hoping,
thinking these idle thoughts
I suppose it's for the best
that I finally get a move on

Is there a word for the disappointment felt when looking a picture that you had taken in a beautiful place?  

The work it took to get that spot, slowly trekking through hills and valleys, leaving mementos of sweat along your path.  The moments before you reached the pinnacle, the heightening excitement.  The absolute awe-inspiring majesty that filled your being, as you stood there slowly taking it in, wishing the moment wouldn't pass.  Praying that it wouldn't pass.  Taking a picture of it, so you'd always remember it.

Then, looking at the photo months later and realizing the camera could in no way do your experience justice.  The flat, lifeless piece of gloss before you could not store your emotions, the wind at your back, the thoughts racing through your head.  Those pieces of the experience are now mere echoes, reverberating through your memories.  You realize that when other people look at this picture, they will not see what you saw.  They will see a pretty landscape.  Nothing more, nothing less.

What a melancholy thought.

There should be a melancholy word to go with it.

I see the tempest approaching.

It's coming towards me, black clouds with
      tendrils snaking
        thunder snarling
        Eager
        Hungry
    Coming for me

I welcome it.  Bring forth the pain, if you dare

I care not

I grow tired of being a leaf in the wind
with my destiny blowing me
any which way
every day

I fight to remain in control

No more.
No more.

I will plant my feet firm in the soil
as the tempest, she's boiled, she's wild
she's fitful and riled
she wants to defile me

I will stand, lean into the wind as it tears at me
tears my clothes, tears at my skin
rocks and twigs and dirt attack
I lean into it, I savor it

I open my arms, welcoming

The rain comes down in dagger sheets.
It pelts at my face, but I will not shield my eyes
I will curse and I'll scream at the skies
a guttural roar
a primitive howl
I'm yelling for more

I'm mocking it now

my voice rings clear above the sound
of lightning and thunder
striking at the ground at my feet

A pain so sweet

The tempest, it throws everything
holds back nothing
as it blusters and wails
continues to falter and fail

down to a rumble
tumble
down to a pitiful bumble

I still stand
hands are fists
I'm covered in mud, soaked to the bone

filled with pride and warmth and glow

I'm Reckless
I'm Brazen
I'm Arrogant

I'm...Triumphant

I survived this storm.  I will survive the next.
I will survive you.
Will you survive me?

When that beautiful smile
lands on your radiant face
When my uncertain hands
find the curve of your waist
When our curious tongues
fill the in-between space

      These are the things
       that make my heart race

Those soft loving fingers
as they trace poems on my chest
Those enrapturing eyes
how they leave me refreshed
Those bountiful lips
and their quiet caress

       All the ways you amaze me
       I may never express

I want a girl who loves like spring
who's fresh and wild
and with eyes that gleam
her heart is open
her dreams are unbroken
She follows them with reckless abandon
If she lets me find her
forever we'll wander
Because life was not meant for standing

I want a girl who loves like summer
who's fiery and strong
with a heart like thunder
her presence is radiant
she emanates brilliant
her passion is hers to control
If it's me she admires
we'll succumb to desire
and bare to each other our souls

I want a girl who loves like autumn
who's sweet and caring
whose empathy blossoms
her smile is healing
her words filled with feeling
She brings me back out of the storm
If she lets me inside
the rain will subside
and together, we will be reborn

I want a girl who loves like winter
who's keen and clever
and sharp as a splinter
her brilliance is palpable
her brightness incalculable
She finds the solution to all of my woes
If she finds me worthy
I'll acquiesce humbly
we'll light our fire and take our repose

I'm looking deep into her eyes

Looking into her eyes...
is like opening a door that leads...
to another door

Wait..really?  OK...I open the door.

This door leads to a long, winding path,
like the winding path of your love.  
The path leads to a third door

O...K. I open the door.

This door leads to a spiral staircase
descending down, down, down,  deep
into her soul.
At the bottom of the staircase is--

A door?

A door.

I open the door

The door is locked.  The key might be under the mat

Seriously?  I check under the mat

Nope, not there.  Maybe try under the small rock next to the door

Oh for the love of...I check the rock

There is a key

Wonderful...I unlock and open the door

Inside this door is a large atrium
the glass ceiling giving way to a
beautiful summer night, the stars
twinkling in the distance.  At the
far end of the Atrium, there is a curtain

Sigh I pull aside the curtain

There is a door

Come on!  I open the ruddy door.

You find yourself in a long hallway,
with fine art hanging along the walls.
Crimson carpet lines the floor.
At the end of the hall is a door  locked
with a combination biometric
fingerprint scanner/retinal scanner

What.

You have 10 seconds to unlock the door
before the hunter-bots de-atomize you

What!?  Ok! I try my fingerprints and eye!

The door unlocks and the hunter-bots stand down.
In the next room are three vials.  Two of them contain
terrible neuro-toxins that will lead to an excruciatingly
painful death.  The third will allow you to continue on
to the next room.  You have 30 seconds to choose before
you are terminated

What the hell is this!?

This is the path to true love hidden deep in her eyes

No, this is insanity!

15 seconds

OK!  Geez!  Umm..Vial Number 2!

You're totally dead

Oh god!

Just kidding.  None of them had poison...was just messing with you

THAT'S IT!  I'M DONE WITH THIS

Really?  There's only one more door.  I swear

...Fine.  What ridiculous thing do I need to do to open it.

It's already open.  You find yourself in a circular room
with a pedestal in the center.  On the pedestal is a hand
written note.  On that note is the key to everlasting happiness

I pick up the note

You smell sweet hints of your beloved's perfume and
notice the care that each word of the note was written.

What does the note say?

My love:

Next Tuesday Only --  Buy One-Get One Free at J.J's Pizza.  Cannot be combined with any other offers/coupons.  Must present coupon upon purchase.  Expires 1/14/14

...An expired coupon for Pizza?

Such a wonderful expression of love!

How do I get out of here...

You see a door
.

You hit me like a thunder clap
                                         snap
                                 crackle
                              pop
                       ­ I don't wanna stop
                          don't wanna quit
                          can't wait one minute
                 We never had a choice
                                  we never had a chance
                              as we dance
                through this second glance
                                                 romance
                                          fancy that
                                I'm on my back
                        You attack
          we both see black
   black and blue
It's always been you
your warm rain upon my skin
                         You'll always win
                               I'll always grin
                   as your storm washes me away
                              to start again
                                     another day

My poetry would improve
If I could write while dreaming

They stared at each other for a very long time.

Such a very long time

He, collecting his thoughts
She, biting her lip

Time slowed like molasses, like settling dust

"Funny, isn't it?" He said

She looked up

"Isn't it amazing how hundreds of thousands of innocent decisions we make from the time we're born mold and shape the people we eventually become?  How one single fluttering thought becomes an unsteady action, which then becomes a rock steady habit?  That habit, repeated over and over again throughout our life until it's merely second nature.  Something that seems so simple to change, so inanely effortless...yet it is not so.  It's become so ingrained in your psyche that your body rejects your attempts to take control and break the mold.  You've become a slave, unable to waiver from the ditch you've dug yourself into.  I'm sorry I can't be the man you wanted me to be.  I'm so very sorry".

She stood there, silently regarding him for a moment.  Her long auburn hair fell across her face as she took a deep breath.

"That's wonderful, dear, but I still don't understand why you can't just learn to put the toilet seat down when you've finished"

I bet you thought I didn't have anything left in the tank.  Bet you thought that I was done giving mind blowing advice on how to approach this crazy thing we call life.  Well...you were wrong.


1.  Often cases, how good a story you end up with is inversely proportional to how good a decision it was that led to it.  Don't be afraid to make some bad decisions every once in awhile, because those are the stories you're gonna be telling for years to come.  Even when you know it's a bad decision.  Sure, you might wake up naked in a ditch on the New Jersey turnpike with a some blurry memories, a hangover, a tattoo of some girl named Francesca on your chest, and an ounce of black-tar ****** shoved up your ***...but you know what?  You started this little adventure at a black-tie dinner party in Santa Monica, so I'm willing to bet some interesting **** happened between here and then.

2.  Don't be someone who never breaks the mold.  When you're lying on your death bed and someone asks you to tell them about your life, do you want to lean over and whisper to them that you always did exactly what people expected?  That you carefully listened for society's cues on how to represent yourself at every point in your life?  **** no.  You want to tell them you broke off the road and went searching for the oddities that this world has to offer. You want to tell them that you gave the ******* to society and did what you wanted because, you know what?  It's your ******' life and you only get one shot at it, so you might as well make it memorable.  Being normal is boring as hell.

3.  Talk to everyone.  Talk to them about uncomfortable things.  Talk to them about their hopes and dreams.  Talk to them about their fears.  Just ****** talk to them.  Real conversations always leave you with something you didn't had before.  Real conversations make you think about your positions.  Get passionate when you talk.  Challenge their views and allow yours to be challenged as well.  Do you think you know everything?  Yeah, I bet you do.  Why aren't you out solving everyone's problems then, you selfish *******.

4.  Whoever you are, be proud of that.  If you're not proud of who you are, chances are you arent happy with yourself.  If you're not happy with who you are, change something.  If you're still not happy, change something else.  Still not happy?  Guess what.  Change another ******' thing. Are you happy?  Good.  Now change something else anyway, because an interesting life isn't built on stagnation.

I hope you've all learned something today.

Also, I'd like to remind you to never take advice from strangers on the Internet.  That's just stupid.

She loves me, She loves me not
She wants me

No, wait....

A second thought

Indecision
Tunnel vision

As she twirls the flower
between her fingertips
              her finger rips
another petal
         Watch it fall
watch it settle
Watch it settle to the ground
Where it never
never ever will be found

Can you see it?
the pile on the floor?
her wilted lovers
her lovers from before

She holds the empty flower in her hand
she simply doesn't understand

Why the spark is there no more
Why she is now so suddenly bored

He's no longer lovely to her eyes
She doesn't fully realize

Why things just aren't quite the same
and
Why she's the one
The one to blame

When I was younger,
as our lips met
I was so eager
to free you
          from your fabric bonds
I was in such a hurry
to liberate you
         from the oppressive clothing
that was strangling your body
                inhibiting your beauty
                hiding the soft curves of your skin
I treated our time together
like a small child would treat a Christmas gift,
Greedily tearing away at the wrapping paper
to retrieve the object of his desire.

Unaware that anticipation can be just as rewarding
as the reward itself

My priorities have shifted
          I've learned

Let me just lay next to you
admire you as you bite your lip
   enticing a kiss.

    Just a small one

Let me run my hand down your arm
as my fingers find yours and
   i n t e r t w i n e

Let me watch as your eyes follow mine
into the place where no words
need be spoken

I want to listen to your heartbeat
                   There's no need to rush this.

I want to get lost with you in this moment

                 Just for a bit

Before we're lost in the passion of the night

I fell off of cloud nine today.

Everyone talks about cloud nine,
but they rarely talk about those
other clouds.

Right now, I'm on cloud thirty-seven,
after making an error in judgement.
Cloud thirty-seven is not quite as enjoyable

Thirty seven is slate tinted and full of regrets.
It's as if everything has been covered in a haze
of negativity.  It reeks of rejection and failure.
The people here look like lifeless shells.  I wonder
what I look like to them.

The worst part, I think, about cloud thirty-seven
is that I can still see cloud nine quite clearly.  I can
still see everyone up there smiling blissfully, save
for the few who are looking down at me with pity.
Faces stare at me almost smirking, as if the same thing
could never happen to them.

I can look up at cloud nine and it seems so far away.
It's not unreachable, mind you, but I know all the
blood and sweat
expended to get up there previously was for nothing.  
I know that to get back up there requires the same
repetitive ******* that I've been through
so many times before.  

Even if I manage to land back on cloud nine, I'm always
just a single mistake from falling from it yet again..
I've been here to thirty-seven enough times where it is
becoming uncomfortably familiar.  
I fear of becoming complacent.

Perhaps I'm fooling myself.  Maybe I need to stop aspiring
for cloud nine and pick a different one.

Cloud 28 might be nice.

I'm off, I'm off to London town
come one, come all, let's drink a round
if you look for me here, I won't be found
Be ready, be set...I'm London bound

The stars in your eyes are exceptionally bright
My  love has nowhere to hide
They light up your path as you dance through the night
while I struggle to keep by your side

The stars in your eyes, they sparkle and shine
they lead me through the darkness and gloom
They gently remind me to cherish our time
They allow something special to bloom

The stars in your eyes, they burn through my fear
My insecurities have melted away
They seem to see through me, as you draw closer near
Those stars, they beg me to stay

The stars in your eyes, they hold a secret
one kept since our love began
Your breath at my ear, you beg me to keep it..
My lips meet with yours, once again

(Warning:  Explicit and mildly disturbing)

The door to the room burst open as two lovers twisted into the
gaudy motel room, causing the roaches to scatter to safety.
His tongue was exploring her mouth as he pushed her up against
the wall.  She wrapped her legs around his waist in anticipation.

They made their way to the bed, ******* as they went.  His brown
leather jacket landed on the back of a chair, followed by his shirt.  Her
blouse fluttered carelessly to the floor.  He pushed against her and then...

a pause

He saw what she was looking at and smiled.  "Don' worry babe, I only use
that on people I don't like.  I like you".  He took the gun out of the waistband
of his pants and set it on the nightstand.  Hesitation, but soon more clothes
were shed until there were no more.   His eyes hungrily explored her body,
preparing for a night to remember.  She smiled and bit her lip as his eyes
looked her over.  "You know what really gets me off?".  He grunted in
response, to which she whispered in his ear.  He laughed.  "**** you're
*****, girl".  He acquiesced, though.  His mouth went on her breast, followed
by a soft bite.  She gasped. He was shocked when liquid trickled onto his tongue.  
He pulled back and looked up.  She was just staring at him, alluring eyes begging him to continue.  He felt slightly light headed.  He stopped.  He tried moving away, but he again found himself at her breast.

Another taste.

That feeling of light-headedness again.  Several times this happened, he tried to start the deed that he had come here for, only to find himself back for more.  He slowly realized that he couldn't move away.  He was trapped.  He now suckled in earnest.  His brain screamed for him to stop, but it was out of his control now.  She stroked his hair, traced her fingers along the scars on his back.  Bullet wounds.  "It's ok, sweetie.  You're a bad man, but we're gonna make it better, aren't we".  His thoughts raced, but there was nothing he could do.  
His body was betraying him.  He was paralyzed.

A shudder

He felt odd, his whole body felt as if he was being wrapped in a warm blanket.  Soothing voices lulling him to sleep.  His body relaxed.  He felt himself slowly shrinking.  He felt all his memories rushing by him, unaware that they were slowly being erased.  He was in his late 30s, yet he now looked to be no older than 17.  He forgot about the first time he'd shot someone in cold blood.  He forgot about his father drunkenly beating him.  He forgot nights in the emergency room.  His body continued to shrink, as his memories left.  He was no older than a toddler now.  He forgot the first woman he struck in anger.
He forgot becoming his father.  He curled into the fetal position. The woman sat
up now, and wrapped him in her arms, rocking him slowly.  "There there...that's better now.  You gonna be a good man this time.  We keep tryin' 'til we get it right, won't we?"

He was an infant.  Newly born.  Finally he released.  He looked up at the woman he would now call mother.  It wasn't the same woman that he had come into the room with. She smiled down at him, earning a yawn from the babe.

"That's right, you go to sleep now.  Things'll be different in the morning"

She kissed his forehead and wrapped him up in his old leather jacket while she dressed.  When she was finished, she looked around the room.  Seeing that everything was accounted for, she picked up the child and vanished into the night, determined to get it right this time.

So
You've found a girl who can hold your gaze
You've found a girl with those sinful curves
                that    girl    with the     lips     that you want sayin' your name

Oh she's beautiful alright.  How did you get so lucky?

Maybe you're not as lucky as you think you are?

Does being
    luscious, limber, lavacious, and alluringly lustworthy
make up for being
    lewd, lethargic, and a lackadaisical liar?

So what that she's
    ogle-worthy, optically pleasing, orgasmically ideal
if she's
    offensive, ostentatiously ornate, and overbearing?

She may be
    vivacious, voluptuous, and sexually voracious
She's also
     vain, vapid, vacuous, a vengeful *****

Don't let her
   exotic, ****** efficaciousness
Blind you to her
  egocentric, evasive, envious  nature
  
Those lips won't look so   enticing   when they're spitting poison barbs into your heart


Wouldn't you rather  have a girl
Who is likeable?
Who is original?
Who is vibrant?

Who is enough to make you happy?

It's all you need

Do I have to spell it out for you?

I sit in her garden
listening to the lilting of the birds
feeling the grass tickle my bare wrists
chilled water of the brook meanders past, satiating my toes
while the flowing shadow of the elm lets in specks of the sun
as the wind steps through the leaves.

I'm lazily following an ant as it crawls upon my knuckle when I hear her

Come and find me, she says

She stands among the red ivy, as it madly creeps up the ancient brick behind her

I stand up and walk towards her

The ivy wraps around her wrists and ankles
It weaves in and out of her hair, flows around her neck
It envelopes her hips
Panic sets in

Come and find me, she cries, as she is finally enveloped

She is gone.
The wall of ivy has stolen her.

I rip at it, tear at it.  I dig in.

I'm surrounded by ivy, as I look back I see a tunnel
a small opening of light indicating where I had started.

It seems miles away
How long have I been here?

It is then that I look at my hands

They are covered in blood

Crimson drops fall from the torn ivy

Come find me

I gasp

"Are you OK, honey?"

She's sitting next to me on the sofa
sipping her cocoa while mine sits
on the coffee table, getting cold

She lays with her legs across me now,
she's wearing a sundress that tempts
but she's unaware.  She tells me about
what our eldest son did while I was working

I should be so proud of him, she tells me

She must be aware of my look of confusion,
as she again asks me what's wrong.

I look down at my shoes as I explain that
I don't remember having kids.  I brace
for the anger, but as I look up I only see

tears

as she cradles the womb
that has denied her happiness

The tears well up, and they fall to the ground
I do my best to comfort her, but she's eroding
each drop taking away a part of her
until only a puddle remains

It starts raining.
I'm soaked to the bone
I'm walking to the bridge where I know she'll be
She likes it because it's falling apart.

She's standing at the edge, looking down.
The ravine is much deeper than you would expect
the bottom is a black pool of water

She's sitting at the edge, tossing pebbles over the side
oblivious to the creaking and moaning of the bridge
trying to warn her away.

She sees me stop at the foot of the bridge, and looks at me
with those piercing blue eyes.  You just don't say no to eyes like that.
They look me over as that familiar feeling washes over me.
I'll do what you want.  Just say when.  Just keep looking at me like that.
A hand beckons me to sit down, I carefully oblige.

We both know what happens next, but we sit in the silence for the longest time

Finally, she takes my hand...and we're falling.

As we plummet, she holds me tight and whispers in my ear

You found me

The bottom races towards us

Blinding light

and I am at peace

You slowly walk down the avenue of normality
Ignoring the side streets and oddly placed alleys

Change, you feel, is strange and unnerving
You stay straight and narrow, no veering or swerving

You look at us weirdos and our strange machinations
you speed up your pace with much trepidation

You're so busy keeping to the road that's more traveled
that you are completely unaware that it's turning to gravel

You're walking alone, and the road has all but decayed
the streets that you passed up, now bustling highways

Your fear of the odd and peculiar, the offbeat uncommon
has led you to become alone, forlorn, and unwanted

Everyone's different
Everyone's weird

Everyone has secrets that no one will hear

You wanted to be normal, and normal you are
now you're a minority, among the bizarre

I feel like I'm chasing
   The shadow
      of a whisper
            of a lost memory
of a thought
    of a forgotten dream
           of the faintest glimmer of hope

Why is it that we fall in love?

Is love a trap, a giant pit that we unsuspectingly trip into?
Do we lie at the bottom peering at the light above?

Is love like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute?
Do we flail helplessly as we plummet to the ground?

Falling is painful, uncertain, and something we try to avoid.
Except in the case of love.

I don't like falling.

I think I'm going to grow into love instead...

When I was but a boy
no older than 4

       I insisted that the number of pickles
       on my sandwich be representative
       of my age.  

4 years.  4 pickles
5 years.  5 pickles
6 years.  6 pickles


This went on for awhile.

    Eventually, though, I felt it was time to end that particular tradition.

28 pickles was getting ridiculous...

On those days
   when my head is full
                of doubt
              of questions
            of frustrations
       of all the things that
  could go wrong in my life

I'll find her waiting for me
and I'll lay my head across her chest
and be greeted by
      a steady heartbeat
       comfortable arms
         soothing voice
            soft hands
                peace

I can't be strong every day
Sometimes I break
It's only inevitable

That's why I need her

It goes deeper than the warmth of her skin
It goes deeper than the lust for passion

I need her love to flush the toxins
I need her love to cleanse my soul
I need her love to refill me
For I've been running on empty for far too long

She's not there when I open the door

I push away the pain of disappointment

as I try to remain strong for another day

Let us fly somewhere terrifying and wonderful
where supernovas explode in the darkness
Name the place
Name the time
Don't forget
to make a rhyme

We'll be there faster than you can say
Allonsy

You'll see

There's no time nor relative dimension in space
That I'd want to be without your pretty face

We have the future, the present, the long ago past
The beginning, the end; The first and the last

We'll trek through the universe in moments so fleeting
You've no idea how fast my hearts will be beating

We'll adventure
We'll explore
If you'd just open
that door

All of them will open, there's no place for locks
One's options are limitless
when you have

A Blue Box

One day, I asked a chef
how he made his food taste
so delicious

He said to me
"It's simple.  I carefully
mix spices with meats,
fruits, and vegetables,
then I combine them
in a particular order,
during which I apply
heat at certain times
and temperatures."

I was awestruck.

Then I asked a painter
how she created such
beautfiful images

She said to me
"It's simple.  I mix certain
colors together, then I place
those colors on specific spots
on the canvas in a particular
order using a various number
of stroke techniques."

I was amazed

Finally, I asked a writer
how he wrote such beautiful
and inspiring lines

He paused and looked far off
into the distance, contemplating
what wise advice to impart to me



Then he took a hit off his ****

"I dunno, I guess I just
write, like, how I feel
and stuff..."

"Totally", I replied, as I bit into a ham sandwich

This poem is reserved
for the love of my life
Its lines are only
placeholders
templates
for what is to come

There is no meaning right now
so don't go and search for it
These are cold, emotionless words
ready to be replaced with fire
when the time is right

This stanza will be filled at a later date
This line will be about her laugh
This line will be about the look she gives me (you know the one)
This line will be about the spark in her eyes
This line...mmm...will be none of your **** business.
It's a private moment
It's between her and I
The one with the reservation
to my heart

One day this poem will mean something
One day these lines won't be empty
Someday

But not today

The mind of the insane is really not that difficult to understand

It's rather simple

You see, when you eat the blue macaroni while
singing "Modern Major General", you must
remember to Stop.  Hammer time.  If not,
the rhesus monkey will shoot lemon rays
at your hampster with dead lifeless eyes.

Those terrible eyes

If that happens, then your only recourse
is to do the Darkwing Duck and hope
that you don't eat pancakes before
noon.  Also, don't forget the most
important thing of all:
Banana.

Like I said.
Simple.

Now go eat a muffin.
It makes you fly.