Leave me a while,
Give me a break from the pain,
Let me get to my feet,
Before you knock me down again.

There are no timeouts,
No chances to clean the blood,
You just carry on throwing punches,
10 rounds in the ring with love.

Thousands and thousands of meaningless words,
Line upon line of unloving verse,
Verse by verse in unfeeling pages,
Pages bound within cold leather cages.

Not free to move and wrap around,
Hug you tightly without a sound,
Feel you; touch you just as they should,
Hold you tight, just as I would.

But line by line I spread my pain,
Flowing through me like blood in my veins,
Page by page I release my love,
And send it up to the stars above.

Scrawling, ink-stained, broken hand,
Scrawling broken-hearted plans,
Words of love in every book,
Written in the hope that one day you’d look,
And see just what you could have with me,
I can love you far better and longer than she.

Alas you are blind and cannot view,
The words that explain what I feel for you,
So away upon the shelf I am placed,
Left alone, there to waste.

A book of loss, a book of pain,
A book of things never to be gained,
A book for those whose faith departed,
A book, a book alone for the broken-hearted.

The inevitible certainty,
The unfathomable truth of it.
The end, the complete finallity,
We can never understand,
When it occurs it is too late.

Death. We can never know it.
But it is the one complete certainty we have.
I could be hit by a bus today,
Or fall under a train tomorrow.
Or maybe it will be decades away
In my bed surrounded by my family
And I will follow my dreams into the darkness.

When your end comes,
When you can feel the life draining from you,
When you look back on your life
Will it be a life you're proud of?
Did you live your dreams?

And what of those left behind?
What will they say of you?
Is it really death that terrifies us
The finallity, the unknown,
Or is it the regrets we may have,
The reality of the life we lived.

Remember the jealous sun
Who burnt you in her rage?
And the rain so infatuated
She covered your every pore.
Remember the moon envious and ******,
She watched you all night long.
And the wind
Who took your breath away?

You think me jealous?
You call me obsessed.
But I saw the mirror
That watched you undress.

Remember the sheets
They embraced you at night.
And your clothes
They tried to hide you from me.
Remember the leaves
That dove at you from above.
And the snow
That caressed you in winter?

You think me jealous
You think me crazy,
I saw you in the garden
With that flirty daisy.

I know that's not how it was.
I know it wasn't so.
But just like Aphrodite
There's flowers wherever you go.

I know that I'm jealous,
And I am obsessed,
It wasn't only the mirror
Who watched you undress.

I love the anonymity
of trains.
Hudreds of people travelling
in the same metal tube.
All trying to reach their destination
Going about their lives
In the busy hustle of the 9-5.
No one caring who is around them
Some dreaming away the journey
Others meeting deadlines,
Or lost in a world of music.
I just like to sit and oserve the herd.
I spot the broken people,
The happy couples,
The business types,
The nuclear families.
I wonder do I register on any radar.
I love the opportunity
That comes with
Anonymity.

You held my world in one hand,
You bore its weight upon your back.
I stood on a precipice,
Staring into the void,
And never feared I should fall.

You held me safe,
Held my world.
My heart,
My Love.
My Atlas.

I see the lonely
I see the lost.
I see the tears that filled these rivers.
I see the broken hearts.
Scattered like autumn leaves.
As the busy crowds crush them underfoot.

I see their empty eyes
And their painted faces,
Their smiles are as hollow
as their hearts.
They disguise their tears as raindrops,
As they walk the streets alone.
Forgotten.

I see the lost
And the lonely.
The tragedy that fills their days.
Unrequited
Unaccepted
Unappreciated
Unrecognised

I see them
I know them
I walk beside them
We, the unloved
Forever in love
Forever loyal.
Lonely
Lost
Forevermore

I am my harshest critic,
And I dissapoint myself everyday.
But you never judge me,
You love me regardless.
And maybe I won't get a job with a desk,
Maybe I won't have holidays abroad,
Or a marriage and a house.
Maybe it will always be me,
And always you.
But I can throw this ball
I can do it all day.
'cause maybe I can't make myself happy,
But I can make you happy.
And you always cheer me up.
You're my Buddy.

I can feel those words
They are rising on my tongue
Like waves ready to crash against the shore.
I clamp my jaw shut,
Keep my tongue prisoner behind
A cage of teeth.

It's too soon to release them,
Too soon to feel them,
And yet they protest and scream themselves
Everytime i leave you,
Everytime I see you.

They are the constant reminder
of how fragile I am,
And how breakable this is.
It seems to me that you are always waiting
by the door,
Ready to leave at any moment.
And I will still be standing here,
Long after the door closes
Alone amongst the echoes of the words never spoken.

You keep me constantly at arms length,
You raise your guard at the speed of a blink,
I don't doubt you care for me,
I only wish i knew how much.
I don't doubt you will leave me,
I only wish I knew when.
So I can prepare.

You listened to my heart beating
And said it was so much quicker than yours.
Maybe so,
But your feet are far quicker than mine.

They were plowing the fields today,
It was a relief to see,
They tilled and plowed and fertilised,
And now they are soft brown carpets
Awaiting seeds.

They plowed the fields today,
Just as I plowed my heart.
Now we are both ready for seeding.
I plant you in my heart as they plant the corn.
Soon there shall be seedlings,
Then sprouts and shoots shall follow,
If all goes well we shall reap a healthy harvest.

I wonder will the sun shine bright enough?
Will the rain fall well enough?
Will the world be kind enough,
For these tiny shoots to grow.
And I wonder will these seeds of ours
Root themselves deep within our hearts.
Will this love grow strong?

They reaped the harvest today.
A strong harvest.
I watched them 'til sundown.
Alone.
My heart is a field whose crop hasn't grown.
Maybe next year I'll leave it to fallow.

I can't look you in the eyes,
Because then you'll see through the lies,
And there,
In the deep blue something,
You'll find me,
Broken, bruised and ashamed
Clinging to my secret,
My love of you.

Drown your feelings,
And strangle your sorrows,
For today is today,
And tomorrow’s tomorrow.

Push it further,
And further still,
I can’t take much more,
It’s making me ill.

Why am I like this?
A pathetic creature of woe,
Where can I run?
There’s nowhere left to go.

I've fallen.
Further
and
Harder
than Lucifer.

From the safety above
to this fiery cavern
where passion triumphs.

Grace was idyllic
But I would jump gladly again
in a heartbeat
Just to see your smile.

Though condemned
My heart still beats
my mind still wanders
and my body yearns.

The bitter sweet agony
the lick of the flames
and the torment of you.

Did i fall?
Was i pushed?
Or did I jump?

Hopefully,
We will be together forever,
She said.

And suddenly Forever
Didn't feel quite long enough
Anymore.

I will always remember that night.
The first night we noticed how dark the evenings were getting,
After the late sunny evenings we had so loved.
Singing out loud in your car,
So comfortable with the enclosed space
And dark roads.

I noticed you looking at me,
And I will never forget the look in your eyes,
That so unsettled me,
The way you looked as if you had only just seen me
For the first time.

The confused expression you wore
As if I was someone new.
A land you had just stumbled across,
A landscape undiscovered
In the guise of the familiar.

What was it you saw that night?
My soul?
My heart?
Or merely the stranger in my well known skin?
I will never forget,
And I will never enquire.

We were happy,
There were moments,
Flashes of light in the darkness,
Like lightening in our stormy night.

You thought you had my heart
And so did I,
But it came with me
When I said goodbye.

It came faithful,
It came to heel,
It came in shock,
But soon will feel.

When it leaves me again
I'll tell them true,
It might not stay forever,
But right now it's for you.

And should it crawl back,
And hide within my chest,
And ask for forgiveness
And time to rest.

I'll pack our bags,
And get us out,
And ignore my head
With all it's doubts.

I am sorry
It went that way,
That you weren't prepared,
And I didn't stay.

I thought you owned my heart,
And so did you,
I had it all along,
Who knew?

I am not the ruler of my emotions,
Nor the master of my heart.
It goes where it likes
And i reluctantly follow.
My heart is reckless,
Uncontrollable and foolish.
My mind so sound and logical
Scolds and chastises
To no avail,
My heart won't listen,
Wont sit and stay.
My heart will run to you
Across a busy road
And will lay down at your feet
And i shall follow it
Shall follow it across the endless desert
The steepest mountains
The deadliest terrains
To the very end of days,
And when it lays foolishly
And loyally at the end of your bed,
So shall I.
And when you send it out in to the night,
I will follow
I will follow until the tears dry
Until the beat dies
Until my heart loves no more.

How dare you apprehend me
With the shackles of your love.
What right have you to blind me
With your beauty.
Who do you think you are
To steal my heart?!

You entered my life
on a summers breeze.
And in the depth of night
You stole away my heart.
In the morning when I awoke
I could not feel it's familiar beat
And I knew it was down to you.

You were gone as quickly as you arrived.
Your depature as silent
As the breeze that carried you.
Taking with you only my heart,
Still beating, and fresh.

You left me behind
Heartless
In a trench of tears.
I loved you
Silently
Instantly, and for more than a night.

I wonder where you keep my heart?
Whether it's on display,
Another trophy to show off,
Or holed away under your floor boards.

Who do you think you are
To show me happiness
And steal it from me
Within a single meet.

Take care of my heart,
Better care than you took of me
Don't leave it to bleed,
in a puddle of love
Trapped in your box
Of broken promises

Hold me,
Like you did before.

I will make a home of your arms,
A haven of your heart,

And discover myself
Within your Love.

You make me feel like there maybe hope.
somewhere in this glittering expanse
of beaurocracy,
amongst the mundane and the dire
hiding amidst the hustle and bustle
of an ever busy, ever unfeeling
world of clinical desolation.
Maybe, together we can find it ...
or lose it all together.

I can be the one you let inside your heart,
For I will not leave you, I will not depart
I will hold you close to me as we watch the day go by,
I can stop that tear, that wells up in your eye,
I can pull that smile up from deep within your heart,
For I will not leave you, I will not depart.

I will be the one who’s there to hold your hand,
Who’s there to pick you up when you feel you cannot stand,
I will be the one who guards you through the night,
Until the sun comes again and we bathe in its warm light,
I will be the one to always make you smile,
When you have given up and life’s not worth the while,
And I will spend my dying breath whispering your name,
‘cause love is for the memories and life is just a game.

All the words i write,
and songs i sing,
will never describe
the joy you bring
when you look at me
and hold my gaze
and walk with me
on summer days.

Isn't it funny how
When someone has given you
Their heart,
They always find a way
Of taking it back
Without you knowing.

Isn't it odd how
the reasons people fall
In love with you
Always seem to be
The very reasons they give
For not loving you
Anymore.

Isn't it strange how
No matter how much
You sacrifice
Or how much you offer
It never seems to be quite
Enough.

And my oh my
Doesn't it hurt.
Isn't it such an extraordinary ache.
Isn't it just like drowning and shattering,
When the love is gone.
No, not gone,
Never gone,
But stolen,
Kidnapped,
Taken hostage.
For if it were merely gone,
The pain wouldn't exist,
The ache wouldn't crush
as much
as it does.

It's the memories,
The memories that drive the pain,
That pull the gut.
It's the memories they should steal.
But no,
Ever the memories,
Ever the pain.
Isn't it funny??

Isn't it ...
Tragic.

I will always love you
And I will never leave,
But when I am gone,
Please do not grieve.
Although I was taken,
Too early and too soon,
I will be your summers day,
Like the one we had in June.

I will be that gentle breeze,
That caresses at your cheek,
And I will be that gentle rain,
That falls when you are weak,
And I will be that blooming bud,
That blossoms on the tree,
For I will be there with you,
Not just a memory.
So although I was taken,
Too early and too soon,
I will be there with you
On that summers day in June.

And I will be there with you,
As you walk among our dreams,
I will keep you together,
And hold you at the seams,
And when you are hurting,
Know that I am hurting too,
For I wish only happiness
And love to come to you.
I will be that sweeping hand
That moves upon the grain,
And I will be that distant wind
That calls out to your name.
So although I was taken,
Too early and too soon,
I will be beside you
On our summers day in June.

I'm happy,
so why are these tears streaking my face,
like the rain on my window pane?
And why am I howling like the wind?
Is it because I already know
That you are going to break my heart.
Maybe not today, nor months from now.
But you surely will,
You will break mine for fear I will
Break yours.

You will be gone,
And I will have to learn
How to get through the day
Without your smile.
Learn how to forget the beginnings
the memories,
The laughter and tears.
Learn how to listen to the songs you love,
Without thinking of you.

You will leave,
As calmly as you came.
Leaving me with stormy seas
And cold sheets.
I will have to learn its not your side of the bed
Anymore.
And this hand you hold so naturally
Will be pocketed out of sight.
I will learn those three words again
Separate from you.

The sheets will be colder,
And the bed so much bigger,
The nights so much longer
When you're gone.
My lips will learn to whisper,
and my hands will learn to stay,
The pieces of my hesrt will mend together,
But will be colder from that day.

You will break my heart
Before you will ever learn
That I love yours so fondly
That I would never see it break.

I though I knew Love.
The way one knows their oldest friend,
Far better than they know themselves.
Love, all roses and dramatic declarations.
Love the knight in shining armour,
The arouser of underlying strength.
Love the warmest embrace on the coldest day
When the bitter chill can't die down the flames,
Or cool the burning blush.

Love, walking barefoot across the city,
Carrying your heels,
To save your broken feet.
Love, flying thousands of miles
So that you don't have to face the tears without me.

Love, the sounds of Puccini
Filling the world with just one kiss.
Love, the small favours and the grand gestures.
Love.

I thought I knew Love.
As vital to me as the moon to the earth.
But yet here I stand, alone.
Injured, weak.
Love my Delilah,
I was your Samson,
Now I sit among the braids you cut from me,
Among the life you stole from me.
Love I never knew you at all.
For who could hope to understand,
The chaos of a woman's heart,
And the destruction of an ill chosen
Love

You told me you loved me,
You swore it to be true,
But just as Tristan lost Isolde,
I lost you.

My memories are fading,
It has all been such a blur,
Love and happiness in abundance,
And gone within a year.

Love is fickle,
As changing as the tides,
Lust is more honest,
But never wise.

For all my effort,
And all my will,
Love was never mine,
But always yours to ****.

I won't believe those words again,
Nor the racing of my heart,
And just like Romeo and Juliet,
My world will fall apart.

I have so many words for you,
That I'm choking on them.

And so many unshed tears,
That I'm drowning in them.

My heart is bleeding,
You're killing me.

I can't keep up.
You keep changing the rules
and moving the goals.
I don't know where's safe to stand,
You are constantly pulling the rug from under me.
I'm tired,
I'm broken-down.
You reign triumphant,
A Cheshire grin on an angel's face,
Masking the heart of a devil.

I cannot remember the words you spoke,
Nor the way you looked before your body broke,
I cannot recall the smile that lit your face,
It’s hard to remember when illness showed no trace.
There’s only one memory that’s clear to me,
It lasts only a second, but it’s enough to see,
That at one time there was more in your life than just a bed,
That one time a better life was led,
That at one time there was a person behind those eyes,
That you used to be able to go outside.
That there used to be more for you than just one room,
And now that you lie within your tomb,
It gives me comfort, just to know,
That at one point you had more, had somewhere to go.
But you faded away with each passing day,
I can’t pinpoint exactly when you went away,
You left slowly, piece by piece, year by year,
And it took so long for me to shed a tear.
It was not you within that bed,
You were somewhere else instead,
It was not you behind those eyes.

I thought I had finally found you,
But you evade me still.
I want to find you,
Buried in my sheets.
I want to map you,
Discover you.
Lose myself in the endless landscape
Of your body.
I want to explore the secret scenery
of your soul.
Swim in your eyes,
Bask in the warmth of your smile.
I want to become a native of you,
Relish in the language of you
And plant my flag,
In your heart.

But more than all this

I want you to love me.

So many of us walk through life
Filling our days with empty actions
Just longing to be loved.

With an admirer in our shadows
Too awestruck to speak up
Too nervous to be seen.

And we too blind to see what we were looking for.

Rage through your tears, rage through the pain,
Rage through all things lost, and all to be gained.
Rage through the happiness, rage through the glee,
Rage through the love, and the loss of me.

Cry like you’ve lost your sun, and your moon,
Cry that I was taken, too early, too soon,
Cry and remember the times that we shared,
Cry and be glad that your life was spared.

Scream and call, and bang your fists,
Scream, it’s not fair that it should end like this,
Scream, and cry, and send me your tears,
Scream at the reality of the worst of your fears.

Sleep baby, sleep whilst you’re sad,
Sleep though the times have never been so bad,
Sleep gorgeous darling, and wait for the sun,
Sleep, sleep, for I am gone.

Smile when you’re ready and your tears have dried,
Smile, be happy, even though I have died.
Smile for me and the times we had,
Smile my darling, don’t make me sad.

Remember when we woke at dawn?
Remember walking in the autumn morn?
Remember how it felt to hold my hand?
Remember my darling and understand,

I am lost into the night,
The endless darkness, in endless flight,
I am lost and shall not be found,
In a world of shadows and free of sound.

I’ll call your name but you shan’t hear,
Do one thing, smile for me dear,
Try not to forget me or leave me behind,
Don’t leave me wandering at the edge of your mind.

I’m lonely here, and scared of the ghosts,
All the forgotten souls and despairing hosts,
You’re keeping me here, in this place of woe,
You’re holding on to me, you need to let go.


Let me move on and set my soul free,
For I am always yours, and you belong to me,
Find someone else, it’s time to move on,
Do not feel guilty because now I am gone.

So rage through the news of my death,
And curse the world with every breath,
Cry through my funeral as the coffin’s brought through,
And just think that once I belonged to you.

Scream through the nightmares as you remember I’m dead,
And think of the very last thing that I said,
Sleep through the sadness, the tears and the pain,
And sleep through the thunder, the lightning and rain.

Smile when you wake and I’m not your first thought,
We lived the life that together we sought,
Remember me baby when you walk through the snow,
Baby I loved you, and now, I must go.

They are bleeding my soul.
Each day is a new leech.
They call it reality,
I'd rather have dreams.

They have taxed our hope,
And mortgaged faith,
They have banned Love
In the interests of public safety.

They are bleeding my soul,
For 'my own good'.
Happiness is an extravagance,
We're in a recession you know.

They're taking colour next,
Monochrome will calm us all.
Then will come sound,
A single drone will be enough.

They are going to take the light tomorrow,
There's no funding for it,
Plus who needs light
When there are no colours to see.

I remember the night they took my dreams,
But I won't for long,
Memories are to be rationed.
I think.

They are bleeding my soul,
And You,
You are my transfusion.

You will drench me in colour,
And play me symphonies
As we remember
And dream.

heart beat racing,
Palms sweating
Incessant rambling.

This drug is causing too much pain
But what a rush there is to gain
To reach and hold
What can't be controlled
To try and pin
Try and win.

The blood is rushing
The sound is deafening
The room is spinning.

I need to sober this emotion
This intoxicating potion
I need to take the reins
Forsake the pains
Sober myself
Observe my health.

The chase is thrilling
The wait is killing
The passion over spilling
My heart is willing

Call a doctor
Get me sober
Bleed me and drain me
This love won't contain me
It's impossible to hold
What can't be controlled.

As deafening as thunder,
and blinding like lightning.
So it began, a whirlwind of energy,
Emotions and hormones in a cyclone.

And after the storm?
We see the destruction
Borne of the excitement.
And once again we grieve.

She
Was the sort of woman who lit up a room,
Just by walking in.

She
Could made the world fade away
Just by looking at you.

She
Filled your soul and heart
With her words.

But when She was gone,

Time stopped,
Darkness fell,
And the emptiness resumed.

I wish She'd come back.

I have to make myself smaller,
To live in your world.
You press me between pages,
And sand me down,
You shrink me and rinse me,
Til I'm suitably stunted.

You hush me,
You shush me,
You say I'm too loud.

I have to be smaller,
If I am to be with you.
You squeeze me into a bottle,
And then push in a cork.
You chip me away,
Until the day that I fit your life.

But I am a mountain,
And I won't bow anymore to you.
I am a foghorn
And will be silenced no more.

It is not the fish that is too big,
It is the pond that is too small.

I once sat upon a bench and listened to the stars,
To their many lives and their stories about ours.
One in particular really caught my ear,
A story about love, loss and fear.
About a girl who gave away all she had to give,
Until she was left empty and no longer wished to live.
Her memories were many and none of them were good,
Until another person came along when she thought they never could.
She shone like the sun, she brightened up the day,
She was like a warm breeze that blew the clouds away.
The story was of you and me and it’s still being told,
I’ll sit and listen again when I have grown old,
But until then remember this, those stars up in the sky,
They are all there watching as our days and nights go by.