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Izze Jan 2020
sadness and anger threaten strangulation

my throat starts to close and i gasp for air, trapped under the turbulent waters of heartbreak

karma’s a *****, but she ain’t no match for me.

the poems i write these days are disjunct and disappointingly ordinary, and i feel they truly reflect my state of consciousness.

**** here come the waves again

my fingers stumble to press play on something i know will make me feel better. music is a panacea, most days

18 is on my horizon, followed closely by the rest of my life.

can’t it ******* get here already?? what are we waiting for, people????
Izze Jun 2020
sweet exhale... sun-chapped lips sing eagerly of love.
you speak with such pure, blissful blindness.

her cold fingers sculpt carefully the heartbreak... but lost is whose heart makes up the rubble crushed beneath her pointed boot.

the hurt i carry with me is inescapable... the universe seldom graces me with smiles.

"loving" someone like that is straight sin: sacrilegious, like wearing jeans to ash wednesday. she doesn't fit.

your stubbornness is infuriating
Izze Feb 2021
warm breath meets wet hair
muted sunlight hits his blond lashes,
and our lips touch to the sound of simple salutations

a square of soft light is a white sheet hung out to dry
his subdued snoring: waves against a rocky shore

in this moment, what is peace to me?
a constellation of freckles; an archipelago
sweet silence
trailing fingers down a naked side

he still reminds me of an Appalachian sunrise
Izze Jan 2020
how would you feel if someone decided

just like that

you are unworthy

how would you feel?
Izze Jun 2020
fresh corn and caprese for dinner
late-evening golden sun

watermelon sugar plays in the kitchen, drowning out the sound of the hand mixer laboring over the whipped cream--

mom sways gently at the sink. strawberry heads fall softly into the drain.


my heart is so warm
i wrote this last night while i was high out of my mind lmaooo i hope y'all enjoy
Izze Dec 2020
i just got home from work, mama

now i understand

i remember wondering why you always had a drink with dinner

now i understand

worked all day long today, till i was exhausted, and i STILL had to go get the eggs and the milk.

now i understand

walked home from the store in the dark, my feet
aching
       burning
                 aching
                            burning
with every step.

now i understand

got my computer out to play music while i cooked dinner for myself, and it was dead. i almost screamed with frustration.

now i understand

this house seems so empty when i'm alone.
i miss you, mama.

i know now why you always had a drink with dinner.
i understand, mama.

and i'm grateful.
Izze Sep 2020
my cat sleeps in the sunspot on my bed. her throat remembers the deep rumbling of content, my idea of yesterday's heaven.

my garden, filled not with zinnias, but with families and friends, reminds me so suddenly of change.

my mom and dad sit in the yard-- his hand resting casually on the arm of her chair, holding a glass of water that's sweating in the summer sun. i can see them smiling from here.

i peek out the doors and windows, camera in hand, anxious to catch every breath, every moment of this day,

just in case my mind forgets
this was a poem i wrote in august when i graduated. the day before i left for college, my parents hosted a socially-distanced send-off party for my twin sister and i, so this poem is about that day :)
Izze Feb 2021
pull-- the only way to describe the motion
eyes locking
coming together like planets moving around the sun
aligning perfectly
something so ancient, so natural, that it had to have been done before
a hundred times. a million times.
an eternal dance

like dust motes, swirling in sunlight
energized by the slightest movement
never resting: nary break nor breather
sort of like the sun

you see, the sun rises and sets. every day.
never tiring
it lights the way for migratory birds
illuminates the dust motes
throws sunbeams into the cosmos...
it touches the planets, who have yet to complete their journey.

gravity. the only thing strong enough to propel this movement--
the only explanation for the pull.

pull-- the only way to describe the motion our motion.
eyes locking. aligning perfectly. never tiring.
an eternal dance-- one that must have been done before.

a hundred times. a million times.
Izze Mar 2020
Izze! Look at the moon
Started looking at the sky,
Only aesthetics

I wanted my own
So I started looking up,
Enjoying life, sky.

I hated myself
Not joking! My aesthetic
Has totally changed.

I love me and life.
Thanks for the reminders, sky.
Thank you moon and stars.
These are some haikus that I just found... I wrote them my freshman year of high school, so it's fun to look at how far I've come as a writer and to see how much my style has changed!!
he
Izze Mar 2021
he
kissed me in the street, softly. in that moment,

a smile poured from his lips like water from a crystal glass,

covering me completely.

from him came sunbeams. Appalachian sunrise

i felt warm again

"artistic creativity escapes me"

he said

but the music that flowed from his hands, seeped from his skin, leapt from his lap--

every note sang differently.

in the street that day, my knees weakened until they no longer lent me any support.

he traced the outline of my lips with his,

and every fear i've ever felt shrank--

small, to the point of near invisibility.
Izze Mar 2021
the sweet summer air is heavy with afternoon storm.

the verdant underbellies of the oak trees seem to hold their breath in anticipation—

waiting for water.

finally! the rain kisses the ground. so soft.

i remind myself that grief is just love that has come up against her oldest challenger

i remember how to breathe.
Izze Dec 2020
to me, she is the throne that she sits upon.

they say love is like religion, so with good days on my mind i fall to my knees and remember the day we met

that day, a colorless husk of who i am opened the door to that hallway where she stood

that day, sound and color poured into me with one word: "hi"

i knew then that i would never let her slip through my fingers

everything about her feels right-- like the first breath of cool air after being underwater for too long.

i know her smile so well i can see it in my sleep.
Izze Jan 2020
it's under that hot summer sun that i sit,

the one that scorches you and turns your skin pink until its blistered and stinging, but you love it anyway.

i sit here, watching the morning glories leftover from the sunrise siesta curl up and wither into dry husks, faded but still colorful enough to remind me of what they once were.

i look up, and the clear blue sky is so bright it's painful, so i close my eyes. the sun dances warmly on my cheeks and i try to remember a time before i knew you.

a gold-crested finch flies by, then two, then four. suddenly i'm with them, wheeling and flitting and dancing amongst the flowers, flirting with the bees and--

there you are. your green eyes, bright like electric limes, pore into mine and express an emotion that i didn't know any human was capable of. except you're not, really.

we sit together in the guava-sunscreen-scented sunshine, speaking in our own language about those birds, and for a second we look at each other. i smile, and we wait for the sun to go down.
i wrote this about my cat, toasty :) hope you enjoy!
Izze Sep 2020
i was born in the year of soft blue baby blankets.

my mother was a summer night with a symphony of crickets, and fireflies dancing in the leaves of her big maple tree.

my father? he was hide-and-seek in the trees and animal sounds and gut-splitting laughter.

so i think sometimes... is it any wonder i grew up to be some kind of funky cross between aslan the lion and the prettiest kind of butterfly?

take a long look at me-- i'm effervescent, like glimmering lights after a ball. i'm warm, like a long hug after too much space. i'm bright, like eyes shining with tears from laughter. i'm beautiful.
Izze Nov 2020
i suppose i find comfort in the next life
whatever form i might take
something to look forward to in the next chapter
Izze Jan 2020
you're right. i could never understand, but

i want to, and

i want you to come back to me months or years later and tell me you're sorry, tell me you've missed me, tell me that this is the year you're going back to costa rica and would i like to come try those mangoes with you?

i would

i want to wake up in the mornings, not punched in the gut with pain and longing when i open my eyes, but by morning breath. i want to relish in the naturalness of bed head and cold feet. i wanna drag myself out of the warmth of the covers and make an egg scramble, just to watch you drown the whole thing in bbq sauce. "it's good!" you say, just

wait

don't worry about being selfish, love. i've been there already and i decided a long time ago that the good outweighs the bad. plus, we all have stuff to work on, right? lord knows that i could definitely work on myself

forever, because

i've already done a bunch of selfish things, and i know that i'll tell you about them years down the road and we'll laugh and cringe and wrinkle our noses. but then we'll get up and go shower and go make breakfast and i know i'll be thinking about how

i want

to go to the supermarket today love, ET and Lucy are staying after school for the 3-5th grade dance, so we should probably pitch in and donate some of those cupcakes we like. the ones with the organic frosting. you'll say, "hey iz? don't forget

to say

goodbye to Colette at the elementary school, even if she leaves you right away for the table of play dough. i know that hurts your feelings but you are the adult and she is the 1st grader". you're right, love, she is the first grader, so i'll make sure i'll say goodbye in the funny way that

i do

anyway, i gotta go now, but i just wanted to say a few things and make sure you knew that you're in my prayers

forever and ever, amen.

! ! ! ! !
i think i do understand. but i also know that everyone always comes back to salted caramel, and that the best pairing is always with vanilla oreo cream.
Izze Sep 2020
sometimes, i sit quietly in the darkness,
alone
sometimes, the sheer size and beauty of the universe
surrounds me
sometimes, the love and the light that i feel wraps me up so tightly
i forget how to breathe
just for a second, i need to go.
just for one second, i need to see
i need to feel
the weight of the inevitable crushes my ribcage
i forget how to breathe
but just for a second
Izze Jun 2020
(trigger warning... mentions of r*pe)


before the law sITs a gatekeeper,

deCider of fates, seer Of truths, and dispatcher of jUstice.

a Lot of people lie, so the gatekeeper guarDs the law, afraid of what

might happen come retriBution day, when an innocent man goEs to

prison.


innocent mAN goes to prison. innocent man. innocent man.


the gatekeeper fears for the man, protects the man. lord forbid an

innocent man goes to jail for something he didn’t do.

“plus, chicks exaggerate **** all the time. . .[theY] could **** [a]

**** and still [call] **** just because [they don’t] want it later on”  


plus, a lot of people lie.


drunk guys always get the benefit of dOubt. drunk womeN do not.

what wEre you wearing? were you flirting? dO you have a boyFriend?

were you drinking?


one in five women are ***** or sexually assaUlted.Seventy percent of

women ages 18-24 are assaulted each year. no more than twenty percent

of ****** assaults are reported.


and yet the gatekeeper sits and protects the law. protects the man.


it could be me! one in five women! it could be me

or her

or her

or you

when will we teach boys not to **** instead of teaching girls how not to be *****?

i don’t want to worry about going to a party or going to a friend’s house and waking up with Him inside of me

i don’t want to worry about going to a festival and putting down my drink for a second, only to pick it back up and feel dizzy after a few sips, go back to my tent and wake up with Him inside of me

i don’t want to confide in friends and family and try to find justice and be accused of lying about something so personal

i don’t want to have the guilt and the shame and the anger follow me for years after, chasing me like some monster from a storybook

i don’t want to have to know that people believe Him over me

i don’t want to see him around town and know what he did and know he could do it again

when will we teach boys not to **** instead of teaching girls how not to be *****?

it could be me. and i don’t want to be *****.
I wrote this after reading John Krakauer's book, "Missoula", which focuses on **** on college campuses and how they're dealt with: rather, how they're largely ignored. If cases are pursued, the victim faces many obstacles and they often do not get justice. I go to college this fall.
Izze Jan 2020
“high school love” is holocaustic, burns you wholly and totally, breaking, screaming, like scraped knees scrubbed with salt.

“high school love” is all-consuming, like fires raging closer and closer until they burn away the freedom and leave behind the fears, the regrets, the ice in the chest that refuses to leave even though the heat is on full blast.

“high school love” is missed kisses weighing on me like lead and even though loving girls is lovely, letting ladies get to me always makes a mess.

“high school love” isn’t a choice for me. i’ve always looked for a forever partner. i should have been born a swan, but here i am.

humans are serial monogamists, my mom says.

she’d know. her dad had 5 wives before he settled down with the right one, and he died before he hit their 25th wedding anniversary.

“high school love” is thinking i found my angel, my soulmate, thinking ‘this is it!!! i’ve found the mother of pearls amongst the shellfish in the ocean’, but Time pushes forward, never stopping,

beating
beating
beating

BEATING ON ME

Time likes pretending she doesn’t hear me cry in the unknown, she likes quieting me to the passing ear, leaving me

searching
searching
searching
searching

searching for the right one, cause if this one doesn’t last forever i can’t waste any more time

i can’t waste any more time
i can’t waste any more time
i can’t waste any more time
i can’t
i can’t
i can’t
Izze Jan 2020
the alcohol hits my empty stomach

the fire there reminds me of what we once had

the dull ache in the back of my throat a double entendre for the crying i’ve been doing recently and the cheap ***** i drank like water after days in the desert

my fingers reach for your name or your hair or your body or anything to comfort me right now but you’re not here

not in body, not in mind, not in spirit

the alcohol hits my empty stomach as i sway to the song of memories we made

memories you’ve forgotten
Izze Apr 2020
when you told me you loved me for the first time, i thought i’d never need to hear the words again

when you said we’d have our dream house, our dream life, our dream kids, i thought i’d never need to plan again

when you smiled with me and laughed at me and wound yourself so tightly around me that i thought you’d never leave, i knew i’d never need to search again.

but when you said that “this just isn’t what i need anymore”, i thought i hadn’t felt pain like that before.

i was wrong, cause

when you said that you’d forgotten what our first kiss was like, you broke me all over again.
and i wanna clarify that i hate you for it. always.
Izze Dec 2020
angry tears threatened strangulation

the darkness crept up on me again and surely it would have kept me captive forever.

there, cold snapped bones like branches-- i was in my faraway place then.

my tears were becoming a sea.

and yet, out of the mist, came a figure. small, blond, abundantly bright.

who DARES to come touch me in my faraway place?

"it is i" she glittered

"it is i" she gleamed

idontknowhowtobreatheanymore!

"here", she murmured, "like this"

i breathed, once. twice.

and slowly, i began glittering too.
Izze Jan 2020
I USED TO LOVE THE SOUND OF MY WINDCHIMES

they blew in that wind and they were always my own special symphony, everchanging, reminding me that the world is never the same world twice and that beauty was always with me when i was with you.

the wind blows so cold now.

all i hear is a cacophony of sounds so ugly and melancholy that they sound like the way my heart broke when you called me that day. the chimes i hear now sound like when dad dropped mom's favorite glass and we spent the whole night looking for the glittery sharps on the kitchen floor.

you threw your watercolor into the fire, sure. but you threw me in there, too. you threw every memory we made , every song we sang, everything i ever made for you or gave to you or did for you in that fire.

and i hate you for it.
Izze Mar 2020
a single sparrow sings, perched atop one of the hemlocks that stand guard over their kingdom.

busy bees buzz around the redbud tree, bringing pollen to their queen.
Izze Mar 2020
a single sparrow sings, perched atop one of the hemlocks that stand guard over their kingdom.

busy bees buzz around the redbud tree, bringing pollen to their queen.

the green garden gate ***** in the breeze, beckoning all with promises of sweet oasis from the summer sun.

the hazy sky and I swap stories,

and the spring peepers serenade us as the night falls, the universe unveiling her silent shadow like blossoms after rain.

the stars told me to say hello
this is supposed to be a chronological journey through a summer day in my yard! the bird starts the early morning, the bees stop by in the late morning, the gate transitions into the afternoon, the hazy sky makes an appearance in the late afternoon when the clouds aren't burnt away by the powerful sun, and the spring peepers say hello at sunset, just before the stars send their salutations after dark. :)
Izze Nov 2020
when we met, the colors and the sounds of everythingness faded away until there was nothingness. it was 11:30 and you were beautiful.

when the early morning light crashed through the blinds and landed on your sleeping face, it was 8:30 and you were beautiful.

when we went to the mountain that day and played in the sky, your smile shone so bright i thought it might never dim-- it was 4:30 and you were beautiful.

the night we had gas-station sushi and you spent hours bent over the toilet, i held your hair and you smiled a thank-you at me with dribble on your chin.
by god... it was 2:30 and you were beautiful.

now i hold your hand, cool and soft and decorated with decade-old kisses from the sun. your eyes are closed.

it was 9:30 when you left me, and you were beautiful.

— The End —