The worst day of my life I admit it's true
I felt a loss that will forever linger
It made me feel the dark will always loom
And I've felt nothing but constant anger
Which makes me thing I'm soon to be doomed

But I then do what you taught me best
When I'm given a really tough test
And that is to pray
It's all I've done for days
At first I was selfish
And felt it didn't work
And that nothing but evil will lurk
But then you helped open my eyes
On trudging through this painful insight

I thank you for everything even the downs
And I know now that your at peace now
because of you is why I'm so wise and it's helped me better to say goodbye
I will never forget you dad I'll remember this day
On a cloudy 16th in the month of May.

The last time you were here you told me you knew.
You told me you knew that I had "feelings, or past feelings" and that you "had multiple sources."
However, you never mentioned that they weren't mutual, never told me that you didn't want to ruin our relationship blah blah blah.
You never rejected them, you welcomed them. Encouraged them when you put your fingers to my pulse to check how fast my heart was beating with your touch.
You laughed when I said there were no poems about you, you were convinced otherwise.
And then the next day when I sent the "only one that existed" you responded with "Woah! So it is a thing! Awh!"
You also apologized for "bringing up the past in that way," and mentioned that it "was wack."
I apologized if my feelings made you uncomfortable in any way and you said "it is what it is."
It is what it is?
What is?
What the hell does that mean?
Why say that?
Why why why?
I love you a lot, but please, tell me soon.
What we have doesn't not mean something, right?
What we have is bigger than everyone's disapproval, right?
I miss you.

When my life is still and hot,
Emotions can weigh me down,
Feelings can tire me out,
And my goals seem unreachable,

When I feel lost in a greater space,
When no one is around,
Like  I'm trapped in an oven,
With the sun beaming down,

When all my joy flows away,
Like water down a stream,
I'm left in this dessert of life,
Left alone to die,

Somehow I can keep on,
Stumbling in the searing heat,
Looking for an end and clinging to,
To some mad hope of mine,

You hit me like a tidal wave,
Suspending me inside your cool,
I was below the surface,
And I had no need for air,

In you I relax,
Unto you I expose,
All the evil inside me,
And the pain my body knows,

Your aura and peace,
Brought me sweet respite,
Like a breaze across my face,
Or the cool wind in my heart,

You woke up that morning and decided that it just didn't feel the same. My eyes didn't light up like they used to, my smile had lost it's width. My words lacked sincerity and my affection was scarce. But what did you expect? You left with my heart still gripping onto yours, having ripped it right out of my chest. You walked away with broken promises, loose ends, and all of my secrets. Why would you have ever asked me to love you like before? Only someone so naive would think that to be possible. Hurt changes a person, it changed me. I had the choice to sink or swim, and i chose to fly. I did loops around the clouds, i walked on the spikes of the sun. All the while i began to love again, especially myself. You would never get that same amount of love back, because things had changed. I had changed. Of course things didn't feel the same.

was this bug was biting me into house and home

/ the baby it was my belief
had come out to give me
a knowing
look  

/ I couldn’t
so to silence

eat my way from a wet paper doll