as i type this out, tears fall from my cheek to the laptop
lately, it seems like I can't stop myself from crying
maybe it's all the alcohol running through my bloodstream that supplies the never-ending tears
as i keep typing i realize, i can't remember what it's like to be sober
to be happy
to breathe
this pain may not be physical but it hurts just the same, maybe worse
when all I ever ask for is reciprocation
and maybe that's too much
this lump in my throat followed by a swig of gin makes me feel less and more simultaneously
all i want is to not feel anymore
to be numb
I only have myself to blame
i guess a toxic trait of mine is putting myself into horrific situations
i just can't seem to learn
when will i?
as i continue typing, i realize words don't do anything for me anymore
it's all about action
but maybe that's asking too much.

will i ever be enough?
crying myself to sleep
tears fill the void just deep enough to drown in it
forced to swallow emotions
sometimes they get stuck like a big lump in your throat
anxiously waiting to be spit back out
whose perfect in this world?
dying to fit in so much that there's little to live for
I guess they were right when they said, "born alone, die alone"
but they forgot to add the part where you go through life alone
I wish there was an option for 'do not disturb', in real life
unless if you count ignoring someone

everyone around as we know it
fights their own demons
whether it be the mind
their body
the people that surround them, constantly
it's so repetitive and yet we choose to ignore it all
why?

it doesn't diminish any priors of the past
the memory can haunt you forever, if willing