when I was a kid I could see life was hard
didn't know it would take me this far
when I was a kid , I didn't know crime
didn't know lies
didn't know who died
and I sure didn't know why mama cried
I was too young but I knew things deep inside

and the next morning she woke
with two black and blue eyes
funny how they looked like mine
but she hid them in disguise
and I didn't know why
not at the time
I thought things were fine

going to school just to come home
never had anything to rely on
never talked about where I was from
living in a hateful world but having so much love

& I grew up but nothing changed
everyone loves to treat life like a game
living day by day, always the same
but when you play the game you get played

I remember back when I was ten
never met my dad so figured he was dead
some days I'd even pretend
dying to just fit in

I got people bringing me down everyday
I tend towards speaking but have none to say
crying at night, I than pray
its not always black and white
sometimes I see grey
keeping my mind open to follow my dreams
that's me being me
searching for something meaningly deep

I guess that's just life.

living dead girl


midnight
the moon shines bright
touches the earth but yet not me
i’m in darkness , currently hiding
but don’t try to find me

a walk along the gravestones
my only friends are ghosts
the real world doesn’t recognize me
somehow i’ve turned to stone

my heart beats
so i must be breathing
then i’m alive
but that’s deceiving
because inside
a little part of me has died

trick or treat
today marks the day of halloween
at last i found a place for me
dress up & pretend to be
anything but reality

a girl is  what you see
a girl is what you seek
and tonight that is what is redeemed
just tonight for a small fee
i’ll be living in a dream

all i see is warlocks & witches
another part of me is distant
& this costume itches

walk up the steps to receive some candy
oops i got drugs , but they come in handy
good thing tonight you can’t see me
it’s dark art & that pleases me

until next year , we’ll rekindle
back to a day where it’s so simple
i bid you farewell
don’t try to find me
i’m really good at hiding
don’t you worry i’m well alive
not yet dead inside.
i bid you goodbye

I've come to the conclusion
I am two parts of a whole
you may look at the glass half empty
or half full
sometimes it's really hard to tell
but call me a Gemini , if you will

behind closed doors
I'm either high
or low
one minute I'm soaring
& the next on the floor

one half of me
battles depression & anxiety
my thoughts are scattered inconsistently
my heart pounds in my chest
the minute you speak my name
just know I'm doing my best
trying not to go insane

other days I'm free
gliding thru the breeze
of my life
energetically speaking
the sun dances around me
against my face, glistening

but I seldom wonder
the thin wall that divides me
if I should ever sunder
two halves of a broken heart
searching for the glue that once held them part

Gemini's are twins
such like, good and evil
an angel and a demon
dancing on my shoulders
dragging me farther and farther away
so in the eyes of the beholder
I sense the middle becoming yet much colder

judgment is given on the evil side of me
I'm distant , I admit it
at times , fairly resistant
a poor trait one must receive
nothing more than a peeve

alas I did not select this trait
nor must I choose to accept it
my slump has taken its toll
I do not wish to see anything as it is but dull
I may be present and alive
yet inside, negatively drains my mind

I pray that good outweighs the unfavorable
that you may overlook how I'm unstable
my bright eyes & tinted cheeks
how I simply ignore my urge to be weak
for in that one moment
I've experienced a whole heartbeat

ultimately, there is no escaping
no path could lead me elsewhere away from thee
no debating
I am not one but two parts of a whole
one day I hope I am in control

Gemini
the twins
its me
& I am them

I've built myself from the bottom up
tried so hard but I ran out of luck
I pushed myself when I was stuck
why do I feel like im not good enough?

I get beat and burned to the ground
I scream yet I make no sound
one minute I'm above water and the next I've drowned

it always happens to me, it seems
I try to much just to get defeated
broken and beaten
what is my reason...
to keep on being.

‪invisible
miserable
yet disguisable
and amongst peers, admissible.

ironically
happens constantly
hidden sardonically

life is nonetheless comically
to me

‪it all felt like a dream‬
i woke up still feeling the same
look out to the window pane
the weather seems to match my mood
a little dark & clouds with gloom
raindrops pitter patter on the glass
i can't continue to wear this mask
although i wear it well
everyday conversations couldn't tell
my heart weighs heavy ,
my souls drifting away
this pain feels deadly
much like decay
maybe one day i'll be like you
i'll look out the window all sunny & blue
smiles & laughs , grinning cheek to cheek
at least that's what i view, so to speak
if only others could see me clearly
right thru this melancholy i continue to wear
but nobody sees bc nobody cares.
i can't seem to speak up , nor wouldn't dare.
& maybe that's life , never fair.
but i continue to wish waking up from this dream
at least that's what it feels like running thru my bloodstream
only emotion i ever posses
only one i never forget.