Only cause you want me to,
I will move on and find someone new.  
Only cause you want to,
I will forget the sound of your voice.  
I will forget how you could make me smile and smile again on my own.  
Cause you don't want to make me smile anymore.  
I don't want you to just be a memory,
but cause you want me to
I'll leave you behind.  
And one day down the road,
we will see each other and smile awkwardly at one another.  
You will be with someone new and I will be too.  We will look back at each other as we walk away
I will wish I was her and you will wish you were him.  
Then we will both remember that you got what you asked for
We will carry on as some forgotten memories, and some old cute pictures of you and I.  
We will just be a thing of the past.  
Cause you wanted me to.

When he stayed out late at nights
I cried myself to sleep.
Put on a fake beautiful smile everyday.
While he cheated and lied,
Missing his children's recitals and birthdays.
I put on my fake smile
And covered for his selfish ***.
While he broke me
Destroying my happy ending.
While I pretended he was still the man of my dreams.
He told everyone how low I had fallen,
He made a mockery of me.
While I cried and I begged for my world to stay the same as it was.
He walked away, ignoring my screams and cries.
I clung to his leg begging him not to give us up.
To save his family, to cherish what we had.
He kicked me off him into the dirt
He never even looked back.

Then, when he missed me and was alone.
I took him back and I tried
I tried to rebuild the trust, to regain the love.
But it was too late and it just wouldn't work.
He had blown out the flame that we had.
And there was nothing either of us could get it back.
And when I walked away, he did the unspeakable.
The unforgivable.
The ultimate shot to my heart.
He had my children taken and that was the end of who I was.
He had broken the last piece of me.

I cried for months and months,
Couldn't talk, work laugh.
I was just a body, my soul had vanished
Too broken to carry on.
My heart was shattered.
And I survived by numbing myself and escaping into another world.
Where my babies were not taken from me.
Where I was good enough and where I wasn't broken.

Now I am the broken one,
The less responsible choice for the very beings I lived for.
Now he cuddles my baby every night.
Now, the baby who left and never cared when she cried in the night.
The baby I held every night, the baby I cherished
The baby I would give my life for.
The baby that he never cared about.
He has,
And I am lost.
And once again,
Karma doesn't seem to exist.

Remember Ingrid,
I tell myself.
This story hasn't come to the end.
Don't give up yet
A happy ending may be just around the next corner.

I want to go home, so badly I want to run right back there.
I want to jump into a time machine, before I broke.
I want to take back every bad choice and I want to be sitting there again.
Staring at two perfect little beings laughing and smiling, feeling total and complete happiness.
There is a place in my dreams where this still exists and every morning I wake up is just a painful reminder.
So I try to stay awake, and I try to stay numb, I try to forget everything I was,
I try to forget everything I was.
People hate me for it, they don't seem to understand that I hate myself far worse than anyone else can.
I am lost, and my home doesn't exist anymore
I am so afraid that the only happiness I  see in my life is in my past.
I am so afraid to try and stand up cause I don't think I can stomach another fall.
I have nothing here, nothing I was, no one to lean on.
I am too afraid to try and find home again alone.
Sorry doesn't even begin to cover what I want to say.
Sorry I am broken, sorry I am so scared to break anymore.
Sorry I was not strong enough to keep the only thing I wanted.
I tried to stay at home, I only wanted everything I had.
I just want to be home.

I guess it is over before it really had a chance to begin.
Maybe that is for the best in the long run.
Maybe you leaving if a gift for me.
So I don’t have to hurt when you would leave me later on.
Cause you would leave me later on,
No one ever stays.
Maybe this feeling in the pit of my stomach will stop soon.
This water always sitting behind my eyes will dry up.
And thoughts of you that seem to dance through my mind,
All day and all night long will finally stop.
Maybe you are not thinking of me now at all.
Perhaps you have totally forgotten about me by now.
Maybe you get my letter, and feel nothing but pity for me.
I could possibly be just another silly girl,
That you put under a spell,
Making me feel like such a special gift to you.
One that you cared and never wanted to be without.

All of those times I would be staring out the window.
And I would look over to the driver side,
To see you looking away from me quickly.
Maybe you had been staring at me,
Thinking I am beautiful, thinking you were lucky.
Maybe you  did and maybe you didn’t.
Emotions change memories,
Times certainly does too.
Defense mechanisms protect damaged hearts and souls.
So you and I will remember us,
The way were drawn to each other like magnets.
The way our lips would find each other,
And calm the chaos of the world.
The way you helped me search my soul,
To show the world me again.
The way once we would be away from each other.
We would just want one another beside each other again.
Text messages, little calls, excuses to see each other.

Feeling content, driving with the windows down,
We were free.
We were sitting there smiling at one another.
You pulling me in close, kissing my forehead.
Scenes from your favourite love story,
Ours.

There is boy that is stealing my heart.
More and more everytime I hear his voice,
I turn into a teenage girl.
This boy has eyes that stop my heart.
And his face is one of the nicest I have ever seen.
This boy makes me laugh, and smile
He makes me smile even after he leaves.

But this boy that makes my heart melt,
and makes my mind wander in fairy tales.
Hopeful possibilities that end with him and me.
This boy could be the prince of my story.
But maybe I am so ****** scared of any love story.
I am terrified of any possibility of any idea with him in it.
Cause this boy is much more broken than I am.
He lives in a much darker place than even I am used to.

He knows rejection, failure, heartache,
and he knows what it feels like to never be good enough.
He knows what it is like to be a disappointment.
We are no different him and I.
We have both given up almost entirely.
We are damaged, a million little pieces clinging onto
Memories, waiting for a life that is gone.
To maybe come along again.

He scares me, cause I care about him.
He scares me cause I can see he is just as fragile as me.
He scares me, cause he can leave me.
And he will leave with my heart.

You stood up for me.
When I sad you were there.
You didn't let me cry alone.
You told me the perfect thing,
your lips on my neck
felt like magic.

You made sure people respected me.
You wanted nothing in return.
You wanted better for me,
than I was giving myself.
You gave me butterflies.

No one has done that for me
No one has cared about me like that

He is a true bad boy, and he has a motorcycle.
He just got out of jail,
He is the boy I warned my best friend about.
I never saw it coming, never thought it possible.
That he could have me questioning,
Everything I thought I knew.

That boy swept me off my feet,
and he held me close.
His kisses were gentle,
His touch sent shivers through me.
How did I miss how special he was.
How special we were?

He defended me,
He didn't talk **** behind my back.
He told me I was special,
and I believed him.
Other boys would tell me,
and I knew it was just a line.

He would touch me,
and rub his fingers
along the inside of my thigh.
He would look me in the eye,
to show me his soul.
He understood my pain,
I didn't need to explain,
why I hurt.  

He was just there,
He held me close,
He kissed my forehead
He wiped my tears.
Then just as fast as he turned my world upside down
Faster than he stole my heart,
They took him.

I was left with a memory.
There he was,
sitting on the curb,
apologizing to me.
As I tried not to cry.
Knowing I needed him,
to touch him,
to kiss him.

We were in the same place,
handcuffed and kept apart,
Now, he is just this empty feeling in my stomach
A yearning for a phone call.
He is just a memory,
for now, for always.

I am his brand new ride or die.
No amount of officers,
or cuffs or bars.
Or friends telling me he is no good,
will change my mind.
Or erase my memories.