I first saw the world, when you opened your eyes.
I first met true love, holding you in my arms.
All of a sudden, my dark world was filled with love.
Emotions like anger, jealousy, envy and resentment
seemed pointless, a waste of precious time.
No one else mattered to me, you were my one and only.
The only thing that was important to me,
was knowing you knew how much I loved you.
And to protect your innocence.

I watched you grow, and walk and smile and laugh.
You amazed me with everything you did.
I smiled all day long, whether we were on walks,
or snuggling on a rainy afternoon.
Your opinions on the way the world should be,
were so full of love and peace.
You, to this day are the brightest most beautiful star
I have ever seen.
You my sweet girl,
will forever amaze me.

I am sitting here alone now,
with all my regrets and mistakes, my sorrow and pain.
I am wishing I could look up
see your face smiling at me.
Your sister and yourself, sitting hugging,
laughing loud.
I have never felt more peace,
happiness and unconditional true love,
as when I just sat quietly back.
Watching the two of you be sisters to each other.
Loving each other, enjoying each other,
having each other.

I can never apologize for what happened,
I could never try to truly measure the lengths I fought
For you, for your childhood, for your life.
For your sister, her childhood and her life.
For our families memories, for your perfect life.
I am struggling, every day to find a reason to keep going forward.
To keep trying to do right by you, and your sister.
Because you two deserve that.
You are my heart, my soul, you are the reason I breathe.

It is so hard for me to know,
that I just lost it all.
I fought so hard for you, so you would stay the same.
But every battle got harder and harder.
And I was my only defence, and I am ashamed to say,
a mother broke, failed, let down her children.
Knowing I did this, makes every day a struggle,
and I cannot forgive myself.
My heart is yours, your sisters as well.
I love you,
you are the reason I breathe.
You are the reason I try.

I keep falling,
and I get knocked down alot,
but I will show you how much I love you,
in how many times I stand back up.

I am already feeling the resentment towards you.
I am wishing that I was anywhere but here right now
I don’t want to waste my time anymore here,
I don’t want to be a second choice.
When I have the ability to be so many men’s first choice.

I am not gonna sit here, while you don’t want me.
I am not gonna let you bring me down.
I know what I am, I know what I am worth.
I know there is far better out there,
than what you have ever offered me.

So, I am saying this only once to you,
If you would like to be with me,
It is time you said something,
It is time you made a move.
Unlike yourself, once I am gone
I am gone forever.
No longer to be disrespected by someone like you.

You will call me,
You will expect  me to pick up.
I won’t though,
Doing so would merely be a waste of my time.
You will realize at some point you care,
When it will not matter to me anymore.
I will be gone, and you will be alone.

I will be far more on my own.
Than I am right now,
This silliness of feeling low about myself,
Because of a man,
who is gonna lose the best thing to possibly have happened to him

It is your loss,
your problem.
You will one day feel how I feel now.
It is a shame that we did not feel the same way at the same time.

No matter what is I have done or what I do,
You will not leave my thoughts.
No matter how many different ways I try to tell myself you are no good.
There you are, in the back of my mind 24/7.
I want to forget about you, cause I doubt you don't feel the same.
You easily wander off without me,
with different girls, in different cities
Who insult me and try to make me a joke.
Like a silly teenager I still miss you, still want you close.
I still want to kiss you, still want you inside of me.
I am trying to forget you, I am trying very hard
Yet I can't.
So I sit here desperately wishing you will care about me.
The way I care about you.
You told me you loved me the one morning as you drifted off to sleep.
I  wish you had meant that.
You leave me so confused and I am not sure what I feel.
Although  I am certain I don't want to let you go.
I am certain I could turn out to be the most loyal girl.
The kind of girl you deserve and you need.
Is it too much to ask the stars above to just let you feel the way I do?

I hurt you, something I never wanted to do.
I ruined us it seems,  before we even truly began.
We sit here now in silence and I am completely lost for words.
What I want is to have my smiling, caring adorable guy back.
But instead you just seem angry, so over all my ****.

I want you beside me on this couch.
I feel I don't even have the right to ask you though.
I want to stop the clocks and time.
I don't want you to go.

I'm not gonna let you know how much I miss you.
I am definitely not going to show you how hurt I am.
How much I just wish we were laying there together.
Or that I could be looking into your haunting eyes.

I'm not anywhere near you though.  
I'm here, you're there... With her.
You talk with me, I feel pathetic for talking to you still.
Yet, here I sit every day for over a week talking away.

I don't get why I just can let you treat me like this
From the first time I saw you, you had my attention.
I was drawn to you, you easily draw me in with the slightest glance.
You're like my personal quicksand, the more I try fight it the worse it is.

In a mere instant it felt like to me, you wanted me,
Then someone else.
That shook me.
So quickly and without warning we went from falling for one another
Where your lips constantly were on mine,
Then you,  were just gone.
You were with her.
I guess I just didn't see it coming and I still don't understand.

You say it has nothing to do with me
That what you felt, and what you said was not a lie.
None of it was planned.
Your explanation is a simple "I don't know I'm just ******."

You worth mote than that to me, you were more than just a ****** up individual who walked away from me.
My very common mistake, a lesson I never seem to learn.
People don't value me as much as I value them.
I sit here feeling like shift,
Hoping you would incessantly call me again.

Because besides me taking this pen to this paper,
Sitting here pouring my heart onto the page
I don't have much else to do.
Even less that makes me smile.
Not much can make me smile like just your presence does.

It was good while it lasted
I wish you could have been as happy as you made me.
I will be over you, I know this it isn't my first time catching feelings.
I know how it goes, all this will all be out of my mind shortly.
Someone new will come along and maybe this one will want me the i wanted you to

Maybe he will miss me as much as I miss you.
Maybe I will get as lost in his eyes as I do in yours.
Maybe just seeing him will make me feel like I am thirteen again
Just like everytime I saw you.

Until then I'm just gonna sit here, hurting
Hoping you change your mind
Asking fate to smack you upside the head
Hoping you could find everything you want and need in me.

A girl can hope can't she?
Even i know it will never happen.
For this moment I feel a little better.

I am not gonna write you again
I am not gonna cry
I am not gonna think of you
Because you won't be thinking of me.
How you just dropped me like a bad habit
Makes me feel like trash
Once again a gentle reminder of everything I have been told
Once again i was not worth honesty loyalty or respect
Never was i worth care
Or understanding of what I had just survived
I was stupid to think someone would care.

Since the 26th of December,  you were thinking of me constantly it seemed.
You were constantly calling me, you were messaging me.
We spent almost two weeks together inseparable.
I fell for you I guess and it was all my fault.
You were with her when we met.
I guess I just believed you when you said that you wouldn't play me.
Maybe when I had asked you to not play me
And you said you never would, you were just high.
How did I not know that just three days ago,
That when you said  you would catch me if I were to fall.
It was nothing more than a line.
My friends say I deserve more, and I am too good for you.
That you have too many problems, too many ghosts haunting you
But I don't feel like I am good enough for anyone at the moment.
I shouldn't have ever gone around you and I should haven't got lost in your eyes.
I should have taken the hint that it wasn't me that you wanted.
You made it clear in the nicest possible way.
I should have known better than that.
I still feel like crying though,
And I still miss you
And I still wish we could have been happy.
I wish I would have been what you wanted.
Good enough,  just once.
Oh well another lesson to learn
Another bridge I guess I will burn.