Every day is a new challenge
Every corner a bridge to burn
Yet I still stay hoping
That one day I'll be heard
That I wont be held down
To be made felt guilty

I struggle.
And every minute that passes by
I struggle
Digging my self deeper
Hand bleeding on this shovel
And I can no longer climb out of
What I have made myself out of
Who I surround myself with
None of it feels like my choice anymore
It all feels like a struggle
Eating and clawing away
Until what I have left of who I am
Is gone.

How I felt with you near
Rapid heartbeat, unnecessary fear
I could swear I saw it in your eyes
As clear as the sunny skies
If only I could just forget
Then i'll no longer be this upset
These uncried tears
All these years
I love you
And I wish you knew

It isn't something you do.
Say what you have to say to me.
Tell me what made you write to me.

I feel like I have so much to say yet nothing at all..
Why did you do this to me..

Why did you do this to me
Open up so effortlessly
I waited four ******* years
For you to say you that you missed me
And here we are now
I'm steady starrin at the ground
Watchin the world spin around
And it's not like it's even real anymore
How am I supposed to know
What your saying is real anymore

If only you really knew
Everything we went through
I truly did it for you
I never cheated
I couldn't even fathom it
But I was kicked to the curb
And covered in spit

Some how I could never let you go
I would start seeing you
in everyone I know.
You were my rock in my times of need
And it was you in my veins
that wouldn't let me bleed

You were my rock.

He grew up with me. My childhood crush but I never had him for myself. He moved then told me He liked me. I left killingly and went to qmc first thing I saw was him. He has that smile that just makes you feel better. His parents we're spilt and he had nothing.. He got caught up in bad things but go away from it all. His dads a druggie and his mom refuses to talk to him. My house gave him somewhere safe to be.. He loved it for so long. But I can't make him happy. Only Mary Jane. He wants to **** himself. I know what that's like. And he needs somebody.. But everything I do is wrong. I love him I have for a while. I want to be happy with him and I want him to be happy too. But I'm not sure what makes him happy anymore.

I don't know what to say. I thought of you every day but it took four years for you to talk your way but only a minute to walk away. You truly were my first real love. I thought we would be the high school sweethearts that we wished we'd be. Everything that you said just now. I believe it. It was your fault you left.. I tried so hard to keep you but it just wasn't worth it. I became more and more depressed.... And after you all I was to a man was somebody to hit and sleep with. I lost my virginity to an abusive boyfriend.. Hell his name was even Justin. it made me cold and bitter with no trust. I believed that I wasn't good enough for you or anybody. And I still feel that way. What am I to do. If you told me four years ago.. It would mean more. You don't have to know your reason for leaving it was me that was depressed and having seizures who would want to be around that.... My heart sunk.. So much reading what you wrote. I lost my old account log in so I made another just to talk to you about it. I never forgot any part of us. I still can't forget and I never want to.. I loved you and I still do. I always will and after 2 years with my boyfriend living in my house.. I still don't want to let you go.. I never wanted to let you go. But it was what made you happy..

I'm glad you're back,
The space you left while you were gone was cold,
I wasn't quite sure if you would talk to me,
But the choice you made was very bold,
I love to see you move along,
With terrible poems....
I miss being close, but its just a secret now,
I wish you knew all of this some how....
So be my secret friend again,
It's nights like these I've missed,
Nights like these that have no ends.