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4.0k · Apr 2014
Stressed.
Jane Doe Apr 2014
Do not. Think. About. Him.
I’m really ******* stressed, he says get dressed to cover the scars of the lies they’ve placed upon your head with sounds of the still screaming dead.
I’m really ******* stressed, because I have a million things to do and a million and one reasons to stop thinking about you.
Do. Not. Think. About. Him.
Your breath still lingers on my skin, and I can still feel you within me.
Do not think about him.
Your gentle fingers pulling at my hair and I’m here alone in this small town and I’m about to drown in the memory of your hands.
I’ve got to study, I’ve got to write, I’ve got to type and try to figure out the differences in my head between wrong and right.
Do not think about him.
I’ve drunken too many shots to fire anything close to fire into your iced over veins
I am trying to restrain myself from sounding too much like a sap, but perhaps there’s room enough in your heart for two beside me, besides her, beside you.
I’m likely to linger in this this place for too long. I’m more than likely going to hold you down with my tongue and torture you until you give in.
Do not think about him.
he’s out of your league, he can’t see your bones but he can feel them between you two.
I’ve still found myself in cased in chaos and caring too much about what you think, when obviously you don’t.
Because if you did you’d have stayed, if you did you wouldn’t have left me if you did I wouldn’t be standing so close to the edge because you wouldn’t have mapped out a way for me to get to it, you wouldn’t have plugged the location into my GPS and locked the doors on my car, no if you cared you wouldn’t have asked me so quickly to get dressed, ******* I’m stressed and I can’t win..
Do not think about him.
you’ve become a mantra, a saying to keep myself warm, you’ve become the warning sign that carries with it nothing but harm, because like previously stated you’ve sedated me into driving myself of a cliff and  my unconscious body can’t swim.
Do. Not. Think. About. Him
They say I write about myself too much, they don’t know that you’re my crutch. They’re right, I’m willing to try and branch out and stick myself to the source of my issues but of course I know what that entails and the extra miles between your heart and mine have been tearing me apart, but if we had this discourse it would be about discording and according to you I’d be getting too close for comfort, and I’m still losing myself in the opportunity of something more and I can’t hold myself up with these hands . I can’t stand the idea for loosing you and unwinding but I suppose that’s what it’s come to hasn’t it?
I’m all over the place at this point, I could spout out more rhymes but honestly, you were right when you said you were running out of “time and gin,” like it’s a big thing, like it’s more important for me to be there than for me to be thin, and the sin that keeps us together has been the same since the start, and the extra miles between your heart and mine is what’s keeping me together, you’re keeping me together. You’re tearing me apart.
I started with a bad deed, and now I’ve got about nine, I can’t count the amount of times I’ve tried to stop myself from tying off the loss ends and starting again, and it’s about time I stand up for myself it’s about time I start to think things through. The only things that are separating us, is me and I and you.
Hold on to me for another minute, hold on to me for another day, I can’t promise you forever because nothing good ever stays. I can’t reach you while you’re falling, but if it helps I’m falling too.
The only difference is the traps I’m not falling for, mainly the ones set by you.
3.3k · Apr 2014
Consent is sexy
Jane Doe Apr 2014
They used to call me the shoe less poet, because even though my mind was never quite in one place, my thoughts always knew where to fall, and I walked with a steady pace. When I called someone’s bluff they didn’t stuff around and after all was said and done. She had come undone and I was the only one there to listen, so with burdened hearts and heavy lids, she bid me welcome into her bed. I kissed her ripped skin raw, and she saw just how gentle another human being could be but she didn’t see how I could possibly respect her if she said no, because a certain time ago a wolf in hot boys clothing had stolen into her heart, but not before ripping her apart.
He had said, consent is ****.
She was 17 with her heart in her chest and just trying to do her best with the subject of objectification and recommendations from her friends to go for it, when he rounded the corner and saw her and saw that what she was was beautiful.
only two points pretty and three points potential love partner, he’s heard stories of what she’s done and how with a certain touch she comes undone, she came undone under his thumb and now the thing is he doesn’t even know what he’s done, but instead he’s said.
Consent, is ****.
So get on your knees, she doesn’t need another reason to heed her mothers warnings that boys will be boys who will beg and plead and lie, but she’s still trying to come terms with idea that she might actually be worth a second glance, another chance, a single dance. He was never supposed to be anything more than a single pleasure, but he put pressure on her bleeding parts and now part of her feels inclined to decide to let him lie down beside her and hide from the monsters inside.
He said. Consent is ****.
Like her ***** is a wave he can ride until the tide of her mind comes to terms with the lies he’s presented her with. ****, like maybe if you stopped to check, when her thighs opened it was because of his vice grip, when his lips met with hers it wasn’t with love, but lust and he must have been drunk because surely a sober man would know better than to force a 17 year old girl to hurl as he shoved himself inside her, hiding his guilt with the lilt and the tilt of his head and his killer line, “consent is ****.” Baby, it might be, baby it can’t be. Because she’s trying to say no but it’s hard to mutter words when his face is curled into every positive memory about this place, when she has to drink her weight in *** to over come the memories of a misshapen youth, you can bet shes begun to become undone, but it’s not in the right light, her brown hair doesn’t shine in the same way that she has in past and the last thing on her mind was the way you grasped her behind and told her that.
Consent is ****.
Like, maybe if she just said yes she could stop bleeding better yet, make a bet that basically says that she’s useless without his hand to help her stand, perhaps if she just said yes and moaned a little louder it would block out the bleeding passage of herself that is begging and pleading and trying to lead herself to show her true colors, which is red. The shade of shame spread on her bed spread. So when I kiss her wounds and slowly wound her around my wrists, I have to take things slow so that I can’t hurt her and puncture her soul because she’s been mangled tangled around lies and this mistruth that was presented to her when you said.
“Consent. Is. ****.”
trigger warning, ****
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Notes from a broken heart.
1. It’s always easier to write poems in list form because you can always just rhyme the words with the numbers, like one and fun, and sun and undone and ***, and oh.. and um…
2. When seducing someone who is only in it for the physical don’t tell her that her cheek kisses give you butterflies, the power will go to her head and instead of wanting to ******* she’ll just want to cuddle and huddle around her favorite book and you don’t want that. Or maybe you do, but she doesn’t want that. Or maybe she does, but that’s beside the point because she can’t have that, and neither can you.
3. Never fall in love with the cute girl who is leaving, it’ll leave you heaving for air and she crushes you with her inevitable departure here after she’ll be nothing more than a memory and you haven’t shed a tear for her yet don’t lose that streak
4. I can still taste you, and I know that I never will again and I will never utter your name to anyone but the insane as a mantra to the boy I deserve better I can still feel your cold hands against my back you taste familiar like someone I used to know, and I wish it would snow outside I’m trying to hide from the fact that heart ache brings out good poetry and not very good studying habits no one is going to know this section is about you except you and that’s okay because I don’t even know if you’re going to hear this part, because these are just stupid notes from a broken heart that’s trying to mend.
5. I’m still alive, I’m still breathing even though I’m lonely I’m still smiling even though you’ve driven me crazy and I’m still shining because in the end there is nothing between me and the things I can’t do but a door way and if it’s locked I will hurl all one hundred and twenty… thirty pounds at it.
6. *** is never as good as friendship.
7. I can’t tell the difference between the pain I feel and the emptiness I enjoy
8. I don’t hate you though I think I should
9. I’m a diamond that you won’t be able to mine anywhere else. I’m a rare breed but you see you can’t have the cake and eat it too don’t be greedy. Behave.
10. This needs to end.
1. It’s much more fun for me to lie about you then it is to say that you wanted me to stay, because I spent all semester ogling about you when I should have been focusing but I get a clean slate now that I’m in control I made my bed and I will be more than happy to sleep in it because even though you ****** me over it’s not really me you messed with is it, no. It’s yourself.
2. This poems slowly becoming notes from the other woman, when really I only ever wanted to know what your lips tasted like
3. I can’t see past the lust in your eyes and the inside of your mouth where you hide your demons and you swallow your pills. The hill from my dorm room to yours is frozen over if I slip and fall there’s a chance I’ll land face first in the small river that flows under the bridge.
4. Did she know? Did she take one look at you and say “*****!” did she feel your guilt as you moved inside her? Did she hold you closer because she knew another had already touched you
5. I took three showers after I left your house I thought you were the one with OCD
6. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that he hurt you, I’m so sorry that I played along I’m so sorry that we let ourselves get caught up in the idea that we could be something that wasn’t a one night stand hold my hand and feel my pulse.
7. It’s beating just like yours.
8. It quakes when he touches me, does the same thing happen to you?
9. In time this will heal over I don’t know you but I know you deserve better
10. I can’t show this to anyone.
2.8k · Dec 2013
smut
Jane Doe Dec 2013
For your hand I untie the laces of my corset to disclose the eternity of my mind and body on the cold cement floor. For your eyes I remove the molds which ever so carefully holds my insides in tact and allow them to flood the careful corners of our existence. For your mind I caress your knots, untie your passions and pry at your past. For your soul I allow your mouth to wander the brief and quick passages of my short exiled being.
for your heart I cut out mine own and press both thumbs on your disjointed limbs.
Severe heads and pass into the point of no return.
Jane Doe Aug 2016
I have been listening to terrible poems all day because you don’t deserve a good one.
You don’t deserve the spit that hailed the ground from my mouth when I screamed about pride and privilege you do not deserve the ground that I stamped on, hollow breaths escaping a tiny mouth.
You thought you were helping me to get louder but I have lost so many voices since I heard you scream.
You do not deserve to look at me! I am going to be so much better because I left you, you do not deserve to think about the way we used to be, you do not deserve to miss me because if you did I would not be writing this about you.
Instead of miles would be mere meters between us. Our ginger hair would still be tangled in the morning light, your body breathing beneath mine.
If you deserved to love me, you wouldn’t have loved her. You wouldn’t have let her slip her fingers around the cracks in the foundation of our house and hold you.
If you deserved to miss me you wouldn’t have kissed her, you would have told me about her the moment you got home, still dripping with sweat still casting off bets still letting me call you my best friend and lover, you shouldn’t have loved her. You shouldn’t have loved her.
But you did. Dear ginger, did you taste her? Did her sweat linger on your naked body like the shame that should have lead you to tell me. Did the courage it took to take her body wash down with the rain while you walked home. Did you feel any pain? Dear ginger, when you knew we were over – when we felt it like the fog which covered the rental car as we inched closer to home, why did you let me feel so alone? At what point did you not recognize me as the person you swore to protect? Dear ginger, when did I become a stranger, when did I become someone you wanted to hurt? At what point did you start taking dating advice from my abuser?
Dear ginger why didn’t you just leave me? Dear ginger the ***** were always in your court. Except when they were in her mouth. Dear ginger, did you stop her from ******* you off or was that a lie too. I don’t actually know anything about you? I’m sorry am I being unfair? Dear ginger did she run her fingers through your hair? At any point during the two encounters did you maybe think that, while you were inside her. “Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t ******* cheat on my partner!?”
I must be over this, because I’m laughing about it. I must be over this because I’m bringing up good jokes, or maybe that’s just how I cope with a situation as ridiculous as this one. In truth, I’m just done.
I wrote a poem about you called plan bee, about a bumblebee who was too fat to fly. It was wordy, I was nervous because I had never written a poem about someone I loved before. After I read it to you we cried together and made love on the ***** kitchen floor. You made me feel like a small puppy, I was always excited to see you. Even lately I’ve been catching my breath when I met you on the street and when our eyes meet I want to believe that you’re the person I could trust and I’m your little bumble bee. But you don’t deserve to see me, and you don’t deserve to make me happy.
2.3k · Dec 2013
Jordan
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I’ve got a paper cut
you’ve got his girlfriend’s scars.
I’ve got a caterpillar’s sleeping bag
and you’ve got my mind.
He’s got your secrets.
I’ve got them too
I’ve got my wishes.
I’ll always keep from you.
You’ve got lost lovers
and I’ve got time.
I have your mind
You have mine.
So pass me the lighter
and treat me to the fighter
when we get lost in our own disgust
I’ve gotten bored
and you’ve gotten sick
Again
again
Again.
Tell me that I’m stupid
that pride gets in the way
I’m not tired, I’m just insane
but you’ve still got my head
on a platter


I’ve got metaphors that reach to the moon
and back again, things to make you seem
okay
or maybe its better if I just write.
Get out of my head
get out of my head
get out of my head
get out of my head
Stay.
2.0k · Dec 2013
don't piss off a poet
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Don't ******* a writer.
Her thoughts will be validated upon paper,
her eyes will cry tears of ink that sink into the pages forming words never quite forgotten,
your past together will be an anthem to young girls who suffer in the same,
when she spits out her blood soaked poetry the guilt will drive you insane.
Don't. ******* a poet
Because at three thirty in the morning she will write an angry piece about how perfect your eyes looked when the rain splattered your windshield, how your kind words melted the barricade, and when you were safely inside you lit a match, just to see how many things would catch
Dont break a poets heart,
it will not break her pen and when she sends the message across the web of how you hurt her,
the sound will resonate across the night clubs and everyone will know you shattered her like good china, smashed underfoot by a mad man, tension she couldn't bare, and drunk text messages unsent about how much she cares.

We, were an unfinished painting the artist got bored with, A Mona Lisa on an etch sketch,
you curled yourself around me and tucked yourself underneath my tongue,
you said when I smiled your limbs came undone, and you fell in love with me every time I sung to you,
well maybe I should have sung louder, because my message is now falling on deaf ears,
I want to hear the words, I need you, I want to see you, I miss you.
Instead I'm glued to my screen trying not to send you hate mail so obscene,
I never meant to get this attached to you, and maybe that's why you're running away.
If I asked you to stay would you bother? Or just run faster?
I promised myself I wouldn't write a poem about you, because if I did that I would have to open my mouth,
and I'm scared now that you've jumped out, and have found safety in another girls arms, how did I not realize this would cause me harm, I never wanted to fall for you.
Don't make empty promises, to poets.
We will never forget, because we produce the highest form of lies known to man, I can make words in languages you'll never understand, but with a flick of my hand and the right stance I could make you fall in love with me after the second glance. So don't try to lie to a writer, buddy I've been there. You think hearing "I hate you." hurts wait until you wake up to.
"Your eyes make mine want to bleed, your voice crackles up my spine, and shake me to the core. Every time you look at me I think of how many different ways I could feed your organs to starving children in Africa. Your pancreas I'd send to Guam, your heart to Ethiopia. Lead you into the depths of hell and keep you locked up. In case I wanted to play with you later, no. I'm not bitter, what makes you say that."
Or better yet, imagine waking up to silence. I cannot speak for my words are numb to the bubble of hatred in my centre. If I let it escape I will never stop screaming, I've been meaning to tell you that I could never regret anything we've done together.
1.6k · Dec 2013
How to be a Whore
Jane Doe Dec 2013
How to be a *****.  Step one, find a lover, preferably one of the same gender and do not render yourself completely helpless against her charm, don’t hold her too close because her eyes are fire and you must be the moth dancing seductively close to the flame but don’t mame yourself with her words, don’t forget that she’s leaving in a month and you the moth only lives a few days don’t fall in love with her, that would be gay.
Step two, get another lover, preferably one who is awkward and cute, someone who can flip you on your back and pin you but doesn’t because he is gentle someone who fills himself with your smile and takes solace in the fact that just because you’re **** buddies doesn’t mean you’re not making love, but soon he’ll discard you, not like a broken glass he won’t smash you. More like an apology an epilogue to a song you didn’t know you knew the words to. He will remind you, you are human,
acquire a third someone poetic, you know these are just safety nets in case the first one leaves you, you heave through the pain of every meeting but you still worship your first as if she wasn’t your curse but your lover, but you can’t love her.
Step four; have *** with them, this might seem like an obvious choice but if the voice in your head says it’s a good thing that this fling isn’t fool proof prove them wrong you’re allowed to say no sometimes
Step five: Stay alive amongst the bodies huddled close, don’t fall in love with the first, she is not well rehearsed or as well versed as the third don’t miss your second, not the way he beckoned you closer and don’t hold her, don’t hold her don’t love her, don’t kiss her, don’t miss her just **** her she’s your *** toy and you’re hers don’t fall for her.
Step six: solitude is simple, measure the space between his dimples on the off chance he’s ever smiling, the timing is perfect but you can’t purchase another round of bullets for this gun, it’s all fun and games just don’t lose it, don’t love it just like the flame
step seven: minutes in heaven is your new best friend, because a new pair of lips will remind you that you’re not as alone as you know you are
step eight: debate telling her how you feel and throwing away the third, but then say no because after tomorrow she’ll be gone and your hands will be tied to his bedposts where they belong
step nine: cry. Because you couldn’t stop yourself from falling and calling her name as you felt the soft grass beneath you.
step ten: send a quick message to the second, thanking him for showing you that it is possible for you to mean something to someone without hurting them. Let him know that before this you thought that destruction was your only coping mechanism because you have destroyed so many before him and now things have changed.
Hold her. You know deep down inside that you can’t hide from the way you feel you can’t exchange your emotions for a safety net you just have to let the pain sink in.
1.5k · Dec 2013
Let me write you a poem
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Let me write you a poem, not because I can but because I have to
Your name drips like candy off the tongue, in a world that seems empty of all else your pulse feels like drag racing on a highway.
Put your hands on me.  Bluntly and stop, thinking and start feeling me. Crawling into your bed and holding your head up so I can peer into your mind, to see what I can find.
I want to remind myself of how much I mean to you
and how late nights are form fitting dresses on an anorexic,
Sugar pills given to diabetics.
red markers given to cutters, or braces given to people who stutter.
You, are every if and or but I’ve ever ignored. I implore you to understand me
my nooks and crannys, my would’s, should’s and can be’s.  
I want you like ****** coursing through my veins.
I can’t contain myself.
Skip town on a bus, to find your way into my room on my bed under my sheets, my skin, my heat. Beat me, leave bruises on my thighs so when my lovers see them they have to ask why and I have to hide you, like a drug addiction and bad breath in the morning, you feel like global warming against my skin, when you literally lift me up I’m reminded of how small I am in comparison.
Let me write you a poem, not because I want to but because I’m in love with you.
Had you fooled didn’t I?
Let’s get one thing straight.
I hate the way you make me feel.
I’ve taken too much time to heal these wounds and you remind me that they’re still fresh.
My body feels like it’s in love, I can’t think of anything else when you’re around
except the sound in my own head.
I fell in love with you like a razor blade cuts across fresh skin.
Quickly, and with the malice of a thousand swearing tongues
I found your name on the end of a list too many times to forget.
and I hate it.
Because I never write poems for people I am not in love with.
So forgive me if I can’t come to grips with the idea that I have
fallen for you like a snow storm, like the rain that shatters glass.
Kicking and screaming, on the soft grass.

Let me write you a poem, not because I can, but because I’m afraid that I have to.
If I don’t write these memories down then I might forget you.
and I don’t want to.
1.5k · Jun 2014
Cereal Killer.
Jane Doe Jun 2014
Snap, crackle, pop, *******, maybe one day our way of life will match up, maybe someday you’ll shake the sad and sick way you sound with your face buried in the ground, snap crackle and pop, snap, crackle and pop.
Snap, like snap dragon, like fire breathing flower beating pollen from bee stings, letting you insert your syringe in, snap, my neck to keep me stagnate, snap your tongue as I walk but, cackle and cat call, call me something derogative, like *****, snap, my negotiative nature has me nearly kneeling on my knees screaming at the stars, snap, because I’m snapping out of this phase, faking it until I’ve made it am I manly enough yet? Binding my breast, walking with my legs apart holding inside the pains of a broken heart until it leaks from my pores, shorter hair and it’ll seem like I don’t have a care in the world, snap crackle pop *******, maybe one day your say won’t matter, maybe someday I’ll shake off the need to impress you when all you’ve done is oppress me. Impressively I’m openly opinionated still, despite your
Crackle, like cackle, like a catapult of insults, like injury that has no bruises, like being lost and found and the sound of your voice, is crackling. Caressing my nape with knives, making the demons inside harder and harder to hide from when they hide inside your hide, your skin, which you stick to me like crackle, snap crackle pop *******, maybe one day your opinions will be shattered by someone who’s louder. Maybe someday someone will smother your power. Maybe someday your soap box will be lit on fire. Snap, crackle, pop.
Pop, like gun shots, like self-entitled macho misters, mysteriously gliding into plain sight, entitling themselves heros where the title terrorist is more fitting, letting themselves let loose and losing themselves in the blood bath created by a society which values machismo over women saying “no” pop, like people placing bets on how many lip stick rings they can get around their *****, pop, like men making markers holding us down with words which pop our ear drums and drum us silent, like silently held hand guns hidden in plain sight, like women lined up to be killed where men should be lined up to learn, where girls are hurled under the bus because our skirts are too short and our voices too shrill, where we **** ambition that grows like snap, like a snap dragon, a fire breathing flower found beautiful but dangerous, like crackle, the cackle of your cat calls and like pop, like gun shots sounding into the streets, like the silence of the women we never knew we needed to heed. Snap, crackle, pop. Stop, holding your tongue and stay your hand, take a silent stand.
Snap crackle and pop *******, because today I can’t afford to let your words matter.
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I like you, like I think you’re cute, like I wanna kiss you, like I wanna go down on you… Wait, sorry.
Hey, I like you like, I think you’re pretty, like I want us to get along, hey! I really like this song wanna dance? I like your tight pants, I don’t mean to stare it’s just kind of there like Wow, sorry that came out wrong, Hey I’m Esther, nice to meet you, cute shoes. Who knew converse would create this kind of tension. Do you watch Dr Who? You hate Moffat? Me too.
I’m sorry this is supposed to be a love poem and I’m blabbering,
Hey! I like you, like I think  your finger tips are spider webs the way you pull me in, Andrew Garfield, spider man, have you seen that one? I’m a huge fan.
Hey, I like you, like I think you’re cute, like I wanna  take you out on dates and hold your hand in parking lots and line ups, like your laugh is contagious and your eyes are outrageously beautiful.

You’re pretty, smiling eyes and nervous laughter, not quite caught up in the moment.
I’d sing you a love song; I’d walk ten thousand miles. I catch my breath when your lips part to smile.
Your eyes sparkle when you see something you love; I wonder what it feels like to be the subject of your stares? The object of your affection.
So, I think you’re adorable; it’s deplorable how much I wanna kiss you.
Hey Tight jeans! Was that rude? Because I can be crude, and kind of mean, in the sense that I say what I think and a lot of people say I’m forward…
Take me out tonight; the stars are just bright enough for me to see your features, I’d paint pictures of your hands if mine would just stop shaking. I’m afraid,
because you’re just a little bit older and more bold than I’d have expected you to be, but you see it’s not written in the stars that we should be together, here I see in your eyes that you’re excited because you don’t realize this poem is about you, you idiot.
See what I mean, I’m not cautious. Torturous really I couldn’t stand to see you saddened, because  you’re beautiful which is trivial, I mean a man who looks like you must know this right?
Do you like romantic? I could say your eyes are waterfalls and your temples are the gaps in the sidewalks where puddles huddle.
I want to get to know you, I want to hold you while it’s raining, straining to keep my eyes on the movie we’re watching but your face in the half light is ignited
Your nose is the bookmark in the middle of my favourite story, marking the points before the hero has to leave and after he’s realized he can’t stay.
I can feel your heart beating from where we’re dancing, every inch of your body, I’d memorize, your curves and lines like you were my times tables and I wasn’t ever able to get those down so I might have to go over them a few more times before you’re committed to memory.
But now, in the blissful morning after sunrise, you lie.
sleepily kiss my forehead and mumble “I have class”
and I spend the last few seconds before you leave my room admiring your a-
… eyes.
1.3k · Dec 2013
Nameless poem, nameless boy.
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I question the laws which are shared among our youth during these hard times; we have no great war, no question that burns the nations to their knees blaring. We simply have our poverty and power, our endless struggles and our eating disorders.
                We are the nation of winners and runners; we are the hypocrites of our father’s religion. Welcome to America, so jam packed with fast foods and cigarettes that you can hardly taste the reality before it has bombed you down.
                And then there’s you, and you’re sitting there, staring at the screen… laughing at the mother with the black and white face have her daughter slaughter and eat her, and I’m laughing to, trying to hide the little girl inside me screaming.
                “Kiss me,” I’ve had enough broken hearts and sleepless nights to know what it means to have a hand to hold and a body to cling to when the street lights flicker and people ponder about your past.
                Talk to me, open your mouth and share with me the secrets of your mother, tell me what tragic car accident brought you to this position and how far you’d run to hold her hand. Question my beliefs and my relationships. Chose kind words over replaceable concerns, fight for my attention, and question my devotion. I want to watch movies with you, discuss some kind of universe beyond my mind, and our boundaries, hold me close while the lights in the theater are dim we’ll dance behind the stage. The lights will be our stars, predict my future with your soft hands and gentle grin.
                Because you’re a stranger, I can get away with wanting, because you’re new to me, I can fantasize, holding your hand in mine, resting my head on your chest, listening to your heart beat as you sleep.
                Because I’m alone tonight, I can ****** a thought, fish for a chance to be on my own with you. Tell me something; open your mind to the possibilities of me and you.
Of course, all this is wasted on time, and I’ve tried to send you signals, I want to be your friend, I want to talk to you into the late hours, stand in the midnight man’s circle sweating, calling out into the darkness, sharing songs and secrets until the dawn shatters our dream.
Then the bell rings, and you move, get up and leave, go outside to smoke, and my mind goes blank, the thoughts and dreams of the tomorrows that we could have spent together have disappeared, into nonentity. The audacity of my fantasies have brought me nothing, so I move back to questioning the laws which are shared among the youth of these hard times, and I am shaken into a reality of obesity and anorexia, of Christians and Muslims fallen in line with the atheists, I don’t mind, because tomorrow, we’ll meet again and I’ll smile and you’ll nod, and I’ll dream while you giggle.
1.2k · Apr 2014
Blood moon.
Jane Doe Apr 2014
The sun rose with your name dripping from her lips this morning
every inch of myself itched with the burning imprint of your fingertips.
and with every moment your teeth scraped my hips.
My cries were a symphony that clashed with symbols of my satisfaction.
Our mumbled blessings cursed with the morning light.
Our memories washed by the whiskey of the previous night.
in this haze I can’t think
Of the difference between wrong and right.
4:00 am has never shone so bright.
and you and I aren’t bound for life.
I doubt we’re even bound for tonight.
But she and I and I and you
have stuck through tougher things,
with bound hands and stick like glue.
but if you lose yourself.
I will find you, underneath a blood moon.
1.2k · Dec 2013
Whore
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Sunlight; you’re out my window.
Smiling; I look down and see a friend, a lover
The perfect match.*

But my window is closed and the curtains are drawn, someone is laughing
But it is not me
My tired eyes scan the room
My dream has imprinted itself to the skull of which I cannot break.

Poems that do not rhyme,
Songs without rhythmic time
Footsteps and dollar store wine
Wall mart rings, of promise and other silly things.
The one that was laughing has left
And I feel she was part of the theft
Of the beautiful thought I once had.
I’ve gone mad.
1.1k · Dec 2013
Ghost in the Machine
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I am the ghost in the machine
You raise the curtain and what Tim Burton told you would be there is
I will feast on your Innards and cast without regard to your suicidal aunt
a hand gun and tell her to have fun
I am the devil and it's not evil I seek it's retribution.
Join my clan; you don't still believe you're part of some godly plan!
Ahahahahah! You're so cute when you’re terrified. Go on try and run, you'll never hide.
but behind your eyes I smell desperation.
And any chance at rehabilitation would be *******
And yet you have hope behind those eyes. Your mind racing with possibilities that I might be lovable and changeable.
But I’m the devil and hell is my navel
I control the universe.
Your dog got hit by a car.
Blame me,
He looks better as tar
he makes a great floor mat. Should have trained him in hand to paw combat.
Your mum is terminally Ill
Send me the bill.
You best friend dies, hate to say it but did he even try.
I control and contort; I do not send hope or
Comfort. I am the devil. They say third times the charm
Maybe this Time you'll remember I'm here only to do harm.
I'm the ghost in the machine.
But I'm only as strong as you make me seem.
1.1k · Dec 2013
Prose and Cons of kissing.
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Nigel had said a lot that day, he spoke of old love and Jesus and other such fun and ****** things, he swore only once, and the lines from the poem stuck out like bright pink bubble gum on the soul of a black shoe, special lines.
Sunday was a long day, I didn't think anything would come of it but he still made me nervous.
We went to the skate park and he sat across from me and we were together and talking about the terrible person who had broken his heart, and how he never really loved her, he loved the idea of her.
I thought of how dumb it was to think you were in love with someone and then only like them for who they seem to be.
The windswept us under a skate jump and we just sat away from it all tucked away, then it started, he was annoying,
His hands found my extremely ticklish sides and he wouldn't let them go. At one point I tried to get out and he pulled me
Onto his lap, I was sitting on him and every inch of my body was screaming about something, about how much I loved this man and
How on Monday nothing would change and we would just go back to being friends, then he grabbed me and we found ourselves cuddling
Out of the wind and my lips were too close to his I opened them as if to prelude to a kiss, that day he had been licking his bottom lip
Lip which was a sign that he wanted to kiss someone, My lips parted and I spoke the line that reminded me of everything I wanted,
"I wanna kiss you like a traffic jam."
He smiled and laughed without moving his head back, "I wanna kiss you so badly, I am willing to chop of my own head and throw it at your lips"
I taunted him, my nerves tingling. This was wrong, or was it... it felt to good to be wrong,
And yet...I challenged him.
"Bring it."
And then we were kissing.
A story about how my ex and I got back together a few years ago, we've broken up since then but this story still makes me smile, we're quite close friends now. :)
Jane Doe Sep 2016
To the author of the Huffington post “article” We Are The Generation Who Doesn’t Want a Relationship you’re wrong.
We Are The Generation Who Doesn’t Want to Be Straight, but you won’t let us.
I want domesticity like a fish wants a bicycle, which is to say that it would be nice but not useful.
I want the next boy I date to be able to flirt with the bar tender and to be tender and kinder than the last one. You keep putting us in jars with labels and naming us after stars and hurricanes but when we want to tear down your system you just say “shush now, just listen.”
I don’t want to hear your voice anymore – I don’t want to be told that I can’t love who I always have.
I don’t want any more halves, I want whole people to love me and make me more than the person who got called ***** all through high school because they couldn’t keep just one partner I don’t want to be an outsider anymore.
My darling says she wants someone to hold her hands when the world ends. You’ve put the fear of God in her and it makes her cry so much louder. My dearest says he wants to bring smiles to the people on the street and when he sees someone he thinks is cute his whole body goes mute I want to help him speak.
We keep swiping right like gamblers hoping for a chance at more than a second glance, we don’t want divorces or anymore court cases we don’t want second or third bases we just want patience while we pick up the pieces you dropped in front of us.
We want to keep believing in what you lost. We want pumpkin spice lattes and lately I want ladies, but not always because his smile drives me crazy and we don’t want babies.
We don’t want “consent is ****” we want control over our own bodies. We don’t want binaries we want multicolored beanies and maybe, just maybe, we want nothing but to be gay.
I read this trash article about how millennials don't want relationships and it made me a little mad.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/we-are-the-generation-who-doesnt-want-reltionships_us_572131a5e4b03b93e7e435d8
Jane Doe Sep 2016
Simon Timothy, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways!
You look like the sun, like daises smiling up at the moon. You make me swoon with your bad punch lines and imperfect rhymes.
You look like bees swarmed around honey pots soaking in the greatness of what they’ve created and you sound like serenades and smokers cough. And I want to be coddled by you. You smell like musky post rain September. You are so special and so patient, like you have been waiting for me to love you since we met and I bet when you look up faithful in the dictionary Simon Timothy will be smiling back at you. I want your name entwined into every line so all of our friends know I need you like a barricade needs people to hide behind it.
Like a breath needs a word to follow, like a bird needs a tree hollow, swallows need the breeze like birds need the bees like Simon Timothy how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
You bring out the best in me (more like the breast in me?) you bring out my worst jokes and my best one liners, you dress like an old timer and it makes my heart go wheezy like it’s a diamond miner. And your vest is fresh air. I’ve been drowning.
You, who showed me survivor and wrestling, you with your adorable obsessing. You, with your brilliant mind and the most charming laugh you, my rude dude with attitude.
Sarah Kay says: “you are the worst thing, that has ever happened to my poetry.” And it must be a twisted form of prophecy because I’m full of lovey dovey feelings I’m still reeling from the last time you told me you loved me, because I am broken at best. My body has cracks and crevices like an old rusty car and you still want to see how far I can drive. I want to thrive with you, I want to express every emotion I have ever felt, you make me feel secure like a seat belt but I am the buick beyond repair.
No matter how much mold is in there you still hold me while I’m crying and trying to tell you you deserve so much better but you don’t listen.
You, with the brilliant blonde hair I love running my fingers through, the one who kisses me like he already misses me even though I’m not going anywhere, you. Who lets me love whoever I need to because you know I need to and that I will always come back to you, you.
You, Simon Timothy. How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways!
Psst. This super gay poem isn't about a guy names Simon Timothy...
1.0k · Sep 2014
The Man
Jane Doe Sep 2014
Once tall, he now sits stooped over a stool.
drool, dropping from his lips.
pen in hand and hardly a smirk to share
where he once mocked.
the clock now ticks
louder.
He’s still regarded as a ****.
by everyone but her.
and it sticks like gum under
table tops, and flips
and flops, because he once had a confident air.
Now there is a blatant obnoxious stare.
A history of charm does less good
and more harm than it should.
989 · Dec 2013
company to keep (warm)
Jane Doe Dec 2013
He says I am dangerous, like I am not a woman but a flame, black eyeliner and a course vocabulary. He says that he keeps his vices at arm’s length, and that is all I will ever be. You see I am not his princess, I am not life giving or presently persuasive. I am simply charcoal used to cure poisoning. I am nothing to him but a warm blanket to store until the winter months settle in. He would have me fester and burn on the floor of his dorm as the wind whispers our love into his ears.
I would be his wool blanket, hand knitted and stored in safety until his warm hands clutch mine in the moonlight. I would be his cigar in the pale dawn of Sunday, I would be his eye contact.
Don’t look away, stay focused on me. Here on the brink of destruction we stand, and I would band to you like hot wax melting against my back, attack the vermin which subsides in the history of our people. We still hold dear to the ideals of that period. However, we haven’t grown out of our britches yet.
929 · Jun 2014
Blood moon.
Jane Doe Jun 2014
The sun rose with your name dripping from her lips this morning
every inch of myself itched with the burning imprint of your fingertips.
and with every moment your teeth scraped my hips.
My cries were a symphony that clashed with symbols of my satisfaction.
Our mumbled blessings cursed with the morning light.
Our memories washed by the whiskey of the previous night.
in this haze I can’t think
Of the difference between wrong and right.
4:00 am has never shone so bright.
and you and I aren’t bound for life.
I doubt we’re even bound for tonight.
But she and I and I and you
have stuck through tougher things,
with bound hands and stick like glue.
but if you lose yourself.
I will find you, underneath a blood moon.
922 · Jun 2016
I Like My Body.
Jane Doe Jun 2016
I like my body when it's without your body.
It feels longer, stronger.
More complete.
I am not trying to compete to be the object of your affection anymore.
I am more than just your cutlery or the metal albums you hoard.
When I roar: The ground shakes beneath the feet I once thought needed to be so small.
I can call on my inner strength.
I’m renewed and rejuvenated

I’ve debated going back to you, fighting to get with you.
But you’d never go to war for me.
I see now that there is a sea that separates us
How little there was keeping us
Together, so I let her.
Be the boundary between us.
(She deserves better.)
But you broke us. Bent me backwards. (Buried me beneath sand.)
Now I stand on it: I heated my grave make glass, I thought we’d last.

But we’re passed now and I prefer my body; when it’s without your body.
It’s longer, stronger and more powerful.
I was a prologue to a burning book.
A shattered tea cup.
I like my body when it’s without your body.
Because it’s mine.
879 · Dec 2013
She's not yours.
Jane Doe Dec 2013
her tongue tastes like ashes, her voice cracks when she’s lying.
you throw imperfections, because you know you can’t have her.
If you say it out loud you can’t keep denying. You need her.
you can’t go to sleep without envisioning her beside you.
Her hands entangled in your hair, she’s screaming.
her soft brown hair looks red in the naked moonlight
Your mind plays games, you awaken and she’s gone.
You’d give anything to taste her lips.
She’s dying to pass your way.
her size five feet dangle on the edge of infidelity.
while you wait for her to sway.  
Or stay.vigilant.
in your mind, you can hear her sighs from the next room.
Let’s pretend for a moment, she’s sighing for you.
*ah
825 · Dec 2013
Jamie
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I’m tired of trying, I just want to rest.
If you want my body, go on and take the wreck,
I’ve made myself into something I despise and if it works for you then I guess that’s fine.
By the time you read this I’ll be gone, and your sick memories will become one.
A dream I’ve been haunting, and keeping inside. In a desperate attempt to hide
I’d like to take all the things you taught me to see, bundle them up inside me.
Cry myself a river to let it all out. Then punch my ticket and with it take a razor to a clean arm.
You’re the abuser and the user the king and the accuser.
“Careful follow my instruction, and I will show you self-destruction.”
it’s criminal how you can consume me, how the thought of you makes a muse out of me.
I thought you were my friend! But there is nothing left to mend, but a sickness and the ability to bend.
I’ve been losing my mind, and I tend to assume you’re right I’m wrong, can I do anything but not make this choice?
I used to say I miss your voice, but I’ve become so custom to hearing it so loud that it blocks out any and all sound. Even if you’re not around
I’m floating in a sea of lies, and I’m deprived of the basic need, to feed. Food is too simple I need something more; help me forget the pain of remembering her.
Now that we’re alone together
can you help me forget her?
I can’t help but want to fight you
I’ve been through shades of blue
but this is an entirely different hue.
Keep me close, hold me here.
Whisper in my ear, you’re not who they say you are,
I don’t want to believe how much you’ve been hurting me
But it’s over now I’m all dried up, the ocean I was swimming in has become un done.
And I’ve been tired of trying for so long now. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t doubt you.
802 · Dec 2013
Hold
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I stumble out of bed
Taking dream out of my head
Running razors across dead hairs
As they fall like the leaves in my back yard
I feel naked in my skin, basking in my sin
As I fall back down
Will you turn me around
My face to the ground
Hold me alive, I don’t wanna die.
I don’t wanna die
I understand your disappointment
As you stare blindly at my scars
I find life hard to bear
I find love hard to care about
when I’m clouded with doubt.
about you and I.
Jane Doe Dec 2013
If his eyes were stars she would wish upon them.
Perhaps then, he would look to her the same way.
If his breath were a poet she would hang upon it’s every expression.
Wishing for a day where her remarks would take his breath away.
She drinks in his breath, as if it would give life to her dull bones.
If he could tell her how she made his life light up like a Christmas candle.
She would blush at every line.
Her lips puckered with ****** request.
It was the most innocent of caresses. She held onto ignorance
with no wish of letting go.
Because when she’s with him, the voices don’t cry so loudly
she could write ten thousand poems about his gentle eyes.
Describing every part of it she would sweep with her damp burnt, licked lips.
Drawn into a line to stop the flow of words she wishes to whisper.
So she doesn’t open her dark bat filled mouth to his spring filled questions.
In the obscurity, she imagines his soft hand next to hers.
She sings a lullaby into his ears, and he wishes he could kiss her.
And she wishes he could too.
As of now, she’ll cry out to the voices to hush themselves.
And the dusk to enlighten her,
She cannot see the light at the end of tunnel; this façade is blocking the way.
All she knows is that she needs him closer.
If he could tell her a thousand times that the sun shone down from the heavens and through her expression.
She would glance down at the floor and hear.
He’s lying. ҉
Jane Doe Dec 2013
You like the hiding behind closed doors smile
Don’t you
You like the Shushed, Hushed hub bubs
Don’t you?
You like the long silences and awkward pauses
Don’t you
You like the “Shh, don’t tell anyone what. We. Did”
Don’t you?
You like keeping secrets and letting people say
Don’t you....
You like locking people like me in closets, knowing that my clothes will never be closed to people like you and your sick twisted...
Don’t you’s.
Well this virus isn’t going to go away, thats right I’m here to stay and nothing is going to get in my way so baby sit tight cuz it’s only going to get harder, better faster and finally stronger.
Don’t you
think that this is getting old, maybe we should try something else, maybe you should get over it and let me go, from this fun house mirrors
Don’t you
wonder if one day I’m going to realize that you are not.
Who you want me to be
Who they look up to
Don’t you
Know I’m going to take the edge and step from it
I’ve out grown all my briches and
Brunt all my bridges and
Cryed all my rivers
I’m trying to get over it but
You don’t know how hard it is to let it.
Go.
You like the “Quiet timing”
Don’t you?
You want me to stand back while you
Hurt me?
Here we lay,
broken at best
Shattered Pieces
Shattered Rest
Left alone
Dead beats in my chest
Cold and hard
lest we let go
Lest we rest
Lest we think over this terrible mess
Don’t you
Know about the ending the finish
Don’t you?
Think maybe we should give up
while we are ahead...
744 · Dec 2013
Fox
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Fox
i dont miss you like i used to. it's not there all the time

but when it is there i cannot sleep

he said i felt sad like someone feels sunburnt or frost bitten

like you had somehow smothered me and infected me with your touch

you truly are fire and I have melted beneath you.

I doubt I will freeze again but if it's all the same.

I don't think I want to.
736 · Dec 2013
Dolores on the dotted line
Jane Doe Dec 2013
When i see them together my heart drops
such a distance between my throat to my lowest point
my mind believes she’s worth more
but who am i to question her price
when i too have stayed.
her hands tingle when she walks.
the distance between her self worth
and her incomparable lust
trumps his long gaze
his wide lips
his thin eyes
her small hips.
shrinking sickly.
one more package.
smoke them quickly.
735 · Jul 2015
Milky bones
Jane Doe Jul 2015
I do not exist.
I have translucent skin,
I insist on the breath I take, I am responsible for no one.
muscle structure is a modern myth.
my bones only move on your command.
There is control in your touch.
and your memory is holding me down.
726 · Jun 2016
Not your doll.
Jane Doe Jun 2016
When a boy asks you to structure yourself,
break his fingers.
Find his weakness
and will
them against him.
hold him to the standard
that all that is not structured shall snap.
Sharpen yourself to a point and pierce him.
Jane Doe Jun 2016
Laugh, because he looks just as unassuming and non-violent as the day you met him.
2. Contemplate swiping right.
3. But don’t
4. Contemplate swiping left.
5. Close the app
6. Don’t eat breakfast, remember how much he liked you thin.
7. Contemplate smashing the phone.
8. Re-open the app. (close it again. Close it again.)
9. Remember his voice, calming and challenging.
10. Wait for the weight of it to come crashing down.
11. Feel the relief of knowing how much you’ve moved on.
12. Say his name, softly to yourself in your bed.
a. Naked sunlight shifting through your freshly clean hair. (The same style you had when he had you.)
13. Put on something cute, feel yourself filling your clothes with the shape of your body.
a. The one he claimed, time and time again.
14. Walk down to the coffee shop, the last one you saw him in.
15. Sit out front.
a. Baiting the shark with a ****** nose.
16. Think about the red head who told you he loved you. (Think about him lying too.)
17. Think about lying on top of him, about playing with his brown hair.
18. Think about the gentle moments, the silence between you.
19. Think about how his clothes looked on you, think about how little you felt next to his taught chest.
20. Think about the moments which make you smile, when you wonder if he ever really hurt you.
21. Scream.
22. Open the app.
23. Close the app.
24. Run from it, like you ran from him.
25. Listen to the music he recommended.
26. Enjoy it because you don’t connect it to him anymore.
27. Remember his hands.
a. soft and hard.
b. He was soft and hard.
c. And fast and slow
d. And hot, but so very cold.
28. Drink coffee.
29. Drink water.
30. Eat something.
31. Breathe.
32. Scream.
33. Open the app. Close the app.
34. Laugh, because he’s not a house you’re ever going to visit.
720 · Jan 2014
Paradox.
Jane Doe Jan 2014
A sleeping river freezes
The fire that is lit at her base goes out and she's left there.
The hot coals will melt in imprints on her skin.
The residue will surface and those who depend upon her for warmth and solidarity will perish as soon as her body relaxes.
But we are not a river, the cold air has repelled that thought, I am a woman with a burning body leaping from the building in attempt to quell the flame.
You sir, are the smoke that rises from her melted contorted corpse.
Because falling is easy, jumping too.
Landing is difficult, when there's no one there to catch you.
718 · Nov 2015
Pass me.
Jane Doe Nov 2015
Your tongue could start forest fires
With the songs you sing, you could spring winter forward.
You could taste like tomorrow, your trials could all be amounting to counting sheep next to me.
Your little words wrinkle foreheads and cause the catastrophes of nations.
You with little breath bring forth the wildest of worries from the wandering minds.
You of little touch take armfuls of truth and tackle the tortured.
You with mostly full mouth make magic when you tap your tongue against the roof of your mouth
Your rough and ragged hands rust around the edges like the sounds you make when the laugh escapes your raging soul.
You hold onto hope like masters picking up pieces, you could make peace with your mouth piece.
Picking at the scabs on your fingers, focusing on us.
On the ground they avoid you.
You with the sunken skin and swollen eyes – ******* on the end of that cigarette.
You’ve convinced yourself it’s all a good dream.
Days musty like the back of your car when we drive on the high way wondering which way we go.
You with time tattooed soul – sulking about the little time you have.
Holding onto the fear you foster under your ribs.
You with the smile I’d rush rivers to keep under my pillow
You twist your tongue around my image – wake to find me further from grasp.
Smoking grass holding onto the hash.
Hoping you have an interest in me.
Jane Doe Jun 2016
I love the parts of my body which you loved.
Even more, now that you can no longer touch them.
I can bring myself ecstasy.
I belong to my body.
I am my own lover.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMpFmHSgC4Q
701 · Dec 2014
Fragmented.
Jane Doe Dec 2014
There are no hammers in my room.
No tactical advances which need enhancements.
no broken bits of furniture in need of further
assessment.
There are no screwdrivers.
no holes filled with crack filling nothing willing to be cut.
destroyed.
nothing blotchy or broken.
or to say this house is less than homely.
There are no hammers.
no holes filled with crack filling nothing willing to be cut.
destroyed. Deconstructed. Detonated.
No little lines on the carpet, no rusty pipes beneath my sink
There are no razors in my bathroom
nothing which brings blood from my retinas
nothing stinks of mold, nothing sinks in the carberater
escaping excavation
measure the short comings of my
makings, and takings, and tasks.
There are no dust mites beneath my bed
there are nothing but soap and cleansing masks.
sleeping with the boogy man, sharing his head
space,
no naked, termites in my walls.
skeletons in my closet.
nothing that would appall an exterminator.
nothing which says this house is less than
homely.
My mind is not nearly this neat.
700 · Dec 2014
Necessity of loss
Jane Doe Dec 2014
I lose people, it's what I do.
While my friends lose car keys or pairs of socks.
I'm stuck losing people.
Tripping over shoe laces and old belongings.
Longing to look back and see familiar smiling faces,
instead I'm left with my own star dust, which rusts in the rain.
Inspired by my realization that my two most recent exes have deleted me off of facebook and Elizabeth Bishop's One Art.
687 · Dec 2015
Cough Syrup
Jane Doe Dec 2015
cough syrup
drops: from your sullen mouth,
gapes and invites the flies to make their
home. Your mind is a maze
making me yearn for it,
How do you tick?
What lyrics stick in your head?
Where do you hide your dead?  
Flies flicker, stuck to the sweetness
of the syrup bottle
I am similarly enamored
captured, struck by your
****** in, by the potential for sin.
for the taste of the sickly sweet
cough syrup on your skin.
675 · Dec 2013
I am not your lover.
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I am not your lover, I am not your sister, I am not your friend I don’t depend on your for knowledge I’m not in college to listen to your lies if I try hard enough I can still see you standing there with her.
Do you remember when we met? You told me in Latin that our hearts beat in syncopation and that the trepidation underfoot was caused by the ****** tension. That the earth quake that made my hands shiver would melt like winter into spring if I sprung myself onto you but here’s the thing it didn’t. Of course that didn’t stop us from trying I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t love every second of it.
I can’t say that I never loved you, and I can’t tell you that you were the closest to heaven that I had so far felt but that doesn’t stop the fact that I wasn’t your ******* therapist. I couldn’t fix you, you told them all that I made you fall in love with me just so I could dash your dreams like I enjoyed hearing you scream, darling I’m not that mean. You fell by yourself and I tried to catch you but I couldn’t hold you up to the bar on par with the mentally stable, I wasn’t able to fix you.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t try. When you cried about the darkness I held you in my arms, when the sunlight shone too brightly I shielded you from harm and your rigorous charm melted my cold heart inches apart from where I let you in.
I am not your sin, I am not your sanctum, I am not your addiction, I did not tie you to this post and beat you, I didn’t cheat on you and I didn’t lie. I cannot begin to pretend that I am someone that I’m not for you anymore. You hold me down and call me a ***** but I’m just here hoping you’ll let me walk away from you untouched because I’m not your enemy or your hatred. The battle that is going inside of you has nothing to do with me, can’t you see that?
I’m sorry you’re hurting, I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through it’s just that I throw myself in front of trains for you and you’ve never ushered so much as a thank you. So here’s my response, ***** you! I’d scream from the top of buildings and beckon down the doors of the palaces. I want you to know how much I don’t like you.
675 · Dec 2013
Beautiful
Jane Doe Dec 2013
I hate the word beautiful, but it’s all that I can think of right now, there’s the sounds you make when I grab you and the color of the bites on your neck but there’s nothing in between the rapid heartbeats in my chest and the next best thing sitting beside me, you could hide from me, put yourself in a little parcel and package your mind up for sale until you’ve sailed half way to Australia, you could have lied about your past and cast aside a shadow of a doubt but instead when I settled down beside you, your unexplainably soft lips touched the tips of my fingers and lingered on my hips and dipped beneath me whispering beautiful.
I hate the world beautiful, its cliché. Thesaurus’ are made for a reason, I’m caught up in the changing of the seasons and it would be treason to say there is a more fitting word that I’ve heard about you but… I’d really rather not admit to thinking your be-
When the snow softly falls on the lit trees in the moonlight, or the message lights up the screen on your phone and the butterflies in your stomach start to scream. There really isn’t another word for your eyes blood shot and captured by passion, I only have some idea of the way you taste but I’d hasten a guess that it’s sweeter than sugar. That! Was cliché, but hey… please say you’ll forgive me for being so **** forward.
The smoke in this room makes my eyes squint, if you could take a hint instead of taking a hit we’d be a lot closer than we are. Thanks to Mary Jane, and if it’s all the same to you I’d like to say that you are handsome, attractive, be-
I dislike the word beautiful because it’s trivial, of course I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t think you were hot. Because ******* do I? Not a volcano, you’re molten lava, after the fires of Pompeii. You’ve single handily wrecked me, crashing into your shore I’m sure you still stretch out your arms to heal the burns left by your fellow man. I can’t stand when I’m around you, my knees quiver and I shiver from head to toe. I must really think you’re beautiful
And I am not about to deny that for every word I’d rather use the word you like best is the most appropriate. And it’s a scientific fact though it’s not backed up by experiments but experience; I’ve found a new way to exercise my right to use something redundant. Here’s my poetic licence, you can check the date of its expiry, I’ve hardly gotten to know you but I know I want to hold you while it’s snowing outside and hide with you from our not quite forgotten fears. So here I am, standing quietly. Stripped of my superfluous splendor and you still look at me in awe, everything is still in this darkness and this snow, I’m not trying to be an actress for you, this isn’t a show I’m just here so you know that it’s true. Your tongue traces your lips and you murmur.
beautiful.
660 · Oct 2016
Desert Water.
Jane Doe Oct 2016
She says the best revenge is being able to say “you are gone and I am fine.” That in time all love passes in one door and out another and that there will be another and I look at her and sigh and I can feel her love as it passes me by.
I saw you at the bus stop today. I held my head high and my eyes burned holes into your skull, I felt a certain lull in the self-destructive thoughts which patter around my brain like the September rain. You, are no longer the man who helped me stand. I am my own light house in the storming sea you told me we could whether together but when the weather got too tough you jumped ship and I am now waist deep in my own psychological ****, still spiraling around in circles about all the things you said to me and all the places you’d promised you would be with me.
But in that moment before I turn to get onto the bus I forget about that. I feel your lips part to smile and then you wrap your arms around me and everything is going to be okay. The dragon is sleeping inside me and you are keeping it cradled in your arms I can tell the difference between what helps me and what causes me harm when you tell me I’m beautiful I believe you. And you bring me so much joy I could cry, but I don’t. I don’t even try.
You board the bus the moment melts and I’m back to being incarcerated by my own thoughts. Which are daggers lurking around the dungeons of my subconscious I am digging my nails into my skin I am trying to claw you out of my mind my hair is scattered across the pavement my movement is staggered and my breathing is haggard.
I am barely alive. I am trying to tie you to a tree in my back yard I am trying to teach my tongue to say someone else name next to I love you. I am trying to touch myself in a different way than you did.
I am tying you to the tree with the twine I cut from your brilliant red hair I no longer care what you think of me. I am no longer care if you think of me, I no longer care if anyone thinks of me ever again.
I want to be rinsed in acid and washed in your blood. I want your babies to be named after me I want to stop screaming your name into the night. I want to hold someone else tighter than you ever held me. I want to be angry without being told to keep quiet. I want to be able to trust myself with my own misfortune. I want to be able to tell the difference between good people and bad ones because you tasted like rain water and I was being burnt alive when I met you I miss you, like a dessert misses rain
That is to say that I have adapted to being without you. I have buried everything we built together, like the house we shared and the bed we made love in every night until my body was a well you’d wrung dry I want to be able to say goodbye to you.
I want to be rid of the sin which bound us forever.
I am tying you to the tree in my back yard and I am burying everything we built together.
“And when your fourth love leaves you, you will want to **** yourself. But you won’t because you no longer think of suicide as a house you will build one day.” – Neil Hilborn Future Tense.
660 · Dec 2013
Drunk again, sleepless
Jane Doe Dec 2013
As the liquid rolls down her cheeks.
She shakes her eyes and weeps.
For she has voices screaming her name
And creatures of her nightmares live inside her brain.
“I love you.” they taunt her
“I hate you” they haunt her.
With failures and science
With fears and with doubts.
But we can’t leave the phrase.
“god isn’t here” out,
Once she’s sleeping she’s safer
When she’s alone its okay.
For dreams are for sleepers.
Where little girls play.
Jane Doe Nov 2015
There is a soft throb to this.
All my poems have long names.
My heart is always racing; it's also
always aching.
Beats like a clock. Tick. Tock.
Emptys me like a bottle of wine.
His kisses, like nails, like teeth; against
my spine.
heat, like heavy breathing, like unbelievable pleading; pierce my mind.
His memory. Like sand paper. Like pierced lips. Like skinny dipping. Like unmade memories. Like a life I've led before. Like lies, like keeping score. Like being scorned.

Like cuddling before dawn. Like being safe and being warm. Like being scolded and being  warned. Like being allowed and being torn. Like being kissed.
Like being missed.
Like being kissed.
Like being kissed.
And kissed.
Like heat.
He's, like promises of enjoying defeat.
Of relaxing into new sheets.
Like being kissed.
There's a soft beat to this.
Like being scolded. Like being kissed.
I have a dumb crush on a dumb boy and I want him to kiss me again.
645 · Dec 2013
Pass me Sue (icide)
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Kind of a tickle
Sort of a trickle
Tastes like rust
And broken nails
I’ve given in, fail.
Slit a wrist,
Take a piece of glass.
Don’t worry this too shall pass.
trigger warning: suicide, cutting
632 · Dec 2013
Spider and Rabbit
Jane Doe Dec 2013
When the spider and the rabbit dance.
The tiger never wins.
The spider has his webs of steel and gold
the rabbit his tunnels and the stories he spins.
the tiger runs to his princes defense.
but the spider has a tighter hold
though the rabbit knows his way around.
the story’s left untold.
The time has come the walrus said
To talk of many things
Of shields and ships
Of ceiling wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings.
- Lewis Carrol.
627 · Dec 2013
Oxy
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Oxy
I was created to destroy
resurrected to ****
and where I hailed I was known as the rain
and now that I’m here I’ve been named.
Ashamed, but what is in a name?
What is called blood, by any other name would still taste as sweet.
And cause me to retreat into the darkness
leaving behind my sick mess and
your body,
rotting.
I was destroyed to create
killed to be resurrected
Where there is rain, I pelted like hail
Now that I am ashamed, I am but a name

Your body is nameless and stripped of it’s existence.
618 · Dec 2013
bluffing
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Sweet blade sink in.
Think thoughts, think thin.
As the end sinks in
Sweet blade cut deep
Rivers  of tears weep
Oceans of blood deep
Sweet blade cut long
Sing a sweet sorrowed song
He’s been gone too long
Sweet blade sink in
As the depression is deep
And the night is long
The force is great.
trigger warning: cutting
Jane Doe Dec 2013
So it’s 11:46 and she’s dreaming.
curled up beside me like fingers around luke warm tea.
I would kiss her head if I could
hold her in my arms, like I should.
but my mind belongs somewhere else
a seeping darkness pulling, pushing, pursing me.
To stay around, but not.
With her.
Just sit a little, she had said.
You need a place to rest.
That was three weeks ago,
Now I need to move
away from her beauty, as it intoxicates me.
Her smile as it fills me with dread.
I’ve been here before
it’s so easy to stay.
maybe I should just say…
“I’m not hungry.”

She starts, awake in me.
she stretches, like she’s been asleep for centuries.
“It’s nice to see you again, old friend”
I wish I could say the same to you.
I should get up, I should go…
but she’s so tempting…
I guess in the end I
am alone again.
trigger warning: anorexia, ednos
608 · Jan 2014
Solus, Seul: Solitude.
Jane Doe Jan 2014
Do you know what I have just realized? Do you know what has just crossed my mind? I cannot have you.
Not like I'd like to, not like I want to. I can't have you because she does.
Which is fine, because you can't be mine.
I'm sad.
Which is okay.
I'm hurting.
Which I will get through.
For now I just need to write some poetry and draw and cry and hopefully soon.
I will wake up, and your voice won't choke me.
The memories won't ******* me.
I will get through this.
One.
Day.
At.
A.
Time.
608 · Dec 2013
Remember me?
Jane Doe Dec 2013
Turth hurts me.
I’m tangled in your golden hair as that scene I never watched is played beneath my eye lids
Careful camera angles, make it hard to breathe,
But I’m no where to be seen, in a jelous **** stars dream.
I hide behind the smiles, pretend Im over it, but if I was allowed to, I scream and throw a fit.
Hurl things at your battered skull till it burst
Force my mouth on your wound so I know how it hurts
I’m not even at the worst
Stop,
Breathe… It’s just a jealous dream.
He screams…. Like he can tell them from reality.
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