dont take that wrong
i know you will
don't cry right now
i know you will
are you even listening to me
you never will
just calm down
i never will

bitten tongues
grow with time
mouth swollen closed
i try to mime
and i try to push this off
another day
i'm too tired
to play your game
but if i forfeit
you don't feel like you've won
somehow doing nothing makes it worse
so i must go along

back and forth
is really back to back
you really talk to yourself
i'm just there to throw the words at
so you don't look weird
yelling at yourself
all that lack of self awareness
unloaded on someone else

just to still feel bad
must be repetitive and sad
living like that
*projecting your worst qualities won't bring the happiness back

i don't know how to be honest with my feelings
or share my distress
don't wanna be burden or feel like i'm whining
but i always wanna give everyone my best
why can't i let myself be helped
why can't i feel okay for once
when will this spiral i've found myself in
finally be done
it's so tiring holding it all in
millions of issues pushing at the door
trying to keep it shut
you needn't know any more
let me be okay
let me be as strong as i was
you ask what you could do
nothing and its just because

did you hear that
i said i'm sorry
take my
apology
i'm not the kind
to make amends
or regret
things i did
but i can see
that i ****** up
know when
enough is enough
so i'll leave
this here
swear i'm being
sincere
i acknowledge
my faults
i guess that
is all

it's misplaced hatred
but blame me if you want
i couldn't be the idea of the person
you wanted to believe in so bad

dont't worry though
you let me know it too
how i was the worst
because i couldn't love you back

in the same way
i still care even now
but that doesn't matter
and i don't know if i will ever reach forgiveness

all i can hope
is that you learn to find happiness
in yourself and not rely on others
to be the cure of your human sickness

i didn't know who i was
but you wanted me to be your everything
i was always gonna fail
because it's impossible to fulfill such fantasy
for years i doubted my decisions
because i felt horrible for not being who you needed
your selfishness no longer has its hooks in me
still even now i'm fighting your demons

tell me how the **** is that fair

just one question lingers
what did i do
to deserve the misfortune
of knowing you
and i say that
with a conscious lack of regard
i was led on
for no reason but harm
so it's hard to consider much else
in the aftermath
and it's even harder to sympathize
with a sociopath

recycled memories create fresh wounds
i should have paid more attention the first time through
i wish i pulled away when i saw the signs
i should have believed the emptiness i sensed in your eyes
i should have listened to the voice screamingNONONONO
i think all of these things as i still feel shame finding control
cause as unseen transgressions unfold
and i learn how things actually ran cold
i might hate myself for being naive
but i also finally get to grieve
you couldn't get what you wanted from me
and i still don't even think you know what that is
i don't even think you know why you did what you did
or why you do what you do
but one day it'll catch up to you

imagine the whiplash

you don't trust me
you think i am weak
since you don't understand
you shut me down before i speak

you think i am evil
you think i'm gonna fail when i'm alone
but you don't understand
that i'm better off on my own

you think i am emotional
you think i cry too much
but i'd like to inform you that
i express myself just enough