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everything reminds me of something else
i'm always missing somebody or some time
it's so easy to fill the empty spaces
with your sunken face

it's true when they say time is not your friend
that you got to love them while they're still here
you think you have forever
endless chances to be together

until you get the call or find out through the others
when's the last time you remembered to say i love you
now i'm always afraid to forget what's most important
to the point that my peace has become thwarted

and i don't know where youre buried
and i won't ask any questions to those who might know more
because i'm probably low on the list of those grieving
though my threshold for loss is teeming

i won't stop remembering you
even though it would easier to call it and cut my losses
i couldn't even if i wanted to
how could anyone forget about you
lost a coworker recently and i think it's affecting me more than it should. hoping his family can find peace and that he is somewhere better
I hold tight, my reasons why
And use them as I choose
With all my might in broad daylight
Explaining them to the likes of you

Hardly makes sense to the layman
But don't worry, there's no need to fret
The reason why is why I have
Reasons why to begin with

I hold them close for comfort
To help explain decisions made
Shining a light on the reason why
I often say the things I say

If you too need a reason
I've plenty to go around
Some of them don't make much sense
And on that batch, I've long lost count

If I need to find a reason why
I open my mind and just let loose
I might pull several at one time
To help explain them to the likes of you
A poem just for fun...do I really need a reason?
Yet here I lie at the bottom of the hole I've dug
I don't need her
At least that's what I tell myself
Until I'm either dead
Or believe it
i never said i could walk on water
or that my feelings wouldn't be a bother
but you cant hide your disappointment
as i get swept into the current

as the tide crashes it swallows me whole
and i dont think you've ever been this cold
just watch as it carries me away
bitter to the very last wave

blaming me for what i wouldn't be
acting blindsided when i never missed a beat
trying to tell you how to steer back into safe waters
you couldn't even bother

so as you spit on an empty grave
cursing those who speak my name
remember who hurt who
the person you should be projecting on is you
not trying to be insensitive with the title. think exasperation 🥲
the meaning of life changes
every other day
i missed you for a while
but i didn't miss the pain
i wanted to live freely
before i knew of shame
i wanted to love deeply
until it was easier to blame

so i stare into the puddle
and splash my face away
life would be easier
if i wasn't the same person everyday
if i didn't have to live by
what i died for yesterday
the muscle memory of trauma
the pit of doubt left in your wake

i'm not saying i'm not grateful
and i'm not trying to play a game
i'm not special or above it all
i succumb and i flub and double down on mistakes
i forget what i can't reconcile
i let words form sentences i should never say
and thats all to say
today was a pretty sad day

i want to help
but there's nothing i can do
play your broken record
if it makes you feel better
make love to your favorite lie
enjoy it if just for the night
before the sound of joy crashes
and we're sweeping up ashes
make yourself comfortable in the world you forged
before it crumbles away and there's nothing left to morph

the pictures behind your eyes
words that wet tight stitched lips
a boundless universe inside your closed off mind
when will it finally be worth the risk
if you say yes
if you say no
it won't change what happens in the end
maybe let what's never been said out
and don't be afraid to sound pitiful
that's the human experience baby
the universe must have some sort of humiliation kink
all these stupid ******* things keep happening to me
shouldn't let it knock me over but it's a lot to conceive
so much to do and fix and be
but i'm so tired of being angry
of hating everything that hates me
fighting things they cannot see
to keep the castle from crumbling

but **** the castle
and the walls they want
i'm bare on this altar
and ready to bleed
the only reason i hurt
is because i care for you
and when i don't want it anymore
you cannot keep me here
when it isn't worth it
i charge forward
you cannot hurt me anymore
this is what they mean
when they say
forgiveness is for yourself
you dont know me anymore
and that's gonna eat away at you until you die
maybe that's just enough for me
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