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I don't remember how to be with someone now.
I remember it was nice.
But today...
I wouldn't know how to share a bed.
How to wrap someone in my arms.
I wouldn't know how to fit my hand into another.
I've forgotten why I miss her.
I remember it was warm, and safe, and happy
But I don't remember how.
I remember our naked bodies used to fit together like halves
Every curve of hers in every valley of mine,
I remember her skin on my skin made us both something new...
But I don't remember how that felt to me.
Why it was so special, so spiritual, so necessary.
I don't remember how to listen to the slow breaths of another person in the early hours of the morning.
I don't remember how to walk down a street hand in hand
Or kiss good night
Or truly look into the eyes of someone else and see the soul inside.
I've forgotten.
It...went.
So quickly.
And now I am in bed alone and I am not sad, or lonely, or angry.
I am just bewildered
That I don't remember how it feels to love someone.
-
-
******* for making me look down
When you deserve to suffer under my gaze.
I know why I love horror films
I just never say it.
I love them
Because I am tortured by feelings
By empathy
By kindness
And I'm looking to learn
The kind of safety that comes with ruthlessness.
I'm looking to glance up just for one second into my own eyes in a mirror
And see nothing at all behind them.
Just once.
I think people who love as hard as I do always long to feel nothing.
You can long to be a super hero-
I'll be your villain,
And you can be cruel
And I'll be kind
And you can be proud
And I'll be
Free.

Upside down and backwards-
We are so opposite
We're almost the same
And you
Can't
Stand it,
Can you?
Oh honey,
You can have your God,
Somehow, after knowing you, I've got my sympathies for Lucifer:

I see your shiny new cross
And raise you a pentagram.
.
.


I lit a fire once
spent hours feeding it
fanning the flames,
stoking the embers
just so I could watch it burn
until I got bored
and decided
to watch it die
she gave me warmth, comfort, and love and in the end, I didn't even give her enough to keep going
Wrapped around her finger
Metaphorically and physically
The way she looks in my eyes
Heavy breaths exhaling desire
Light reflects off the sweat on our skin
I take a hit off your hips
Inhale your passion
Trace your curves with the tips of my lips
Grip your throat delaying your breaths
A sudden gasp as I explore your love

Follow me into ecstasy
“Give me the winner, this time! Last week you played me like a fool. I’m done ripping up these tickets, guy.”
The man behind the counter laughed, a big billowy kind that would bring forth rain clouds.
He printed out the next ticket and wished her good fortune. She walked away, bow-legged with a grin on her face. She knows it this time. She feels it, the adrenaline radiating through her weak body, worn down from all the pampering and dry-cleaning she had done for other people.
Other people. How she longed to be other people. The other people had a home, a simple life, songs from their time blasting through their speakers. I can’t keep up with this, she thought to herself. Her dreams were shattered forever and eternity ago. She was going to go places, boy, did she have it all figured out. Planned, organized, obsessing, obsessing, recycling herself like a ***** grocery bag to squeeze every last drop of glimmer she had left in herself.
This is the winner. She knew it would be. She’s aged oh so much more than she had anticipated, her skin dragging lower and lower, as if the devil himself was pulling her to hell, her destiny. There isn’t much time left for this one life, this only forgotten life.
She kept on walking, chin up and tears surfacing. As always, the clerk dutifully waiting until she could no longer see him, if she ever did at all.
“See you next week.”
I'm driving on a road that leads me to your house and I feel your presence on it and the prints of your tires.
You fill up my head. Now all I can think about is what if I call you right now and tell you that it's easy for me to reach you.
But I don't. Because I have to find home. I have to go home.



- LynnAA
"She didn't know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home."
- Beatrice Sparks

"I knew then that I wanted to go home, but I had no home to go to--and that is what adventures are all about."
- Trina Schart Hyman

100th poem.
31/10/2016
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