Tell me what to say
*my mouth is no longer mine

A little cut here, a little cut there.
No one will notice.
No one cares.
Hide the scars with band- aids and sleeves.
Cutting is the only time I feel alive.
I wont do it anymore I promise, lie.

I was dead before we met.
I was born again when you fell in love with me.
I lived while we were together, somehow even when things ended between us I find the strength to keep going.
But some days are hard and I struggle to even get up,
I don't lay on your side of the bed to make it seem like your coming back.
I keep your clothes in the closet even when I don't have enough room for mine.
I love you.

When I ******* I try to think of straight guys,
I think about you though.
I don’t want to; I know it’s wrong.
My mom will judge me, even though she says she will be ok with whoever I end up with.
My family will think I’m wrong.
I have a hard time of going to church, because I think about what they would say if they found out.
I don’t want to be labeled.
I wish I didn’t feel this way, I don’t want these confusing thoughts and have to worry about what people will say.
Will you look at me differently once you find out?
I don’t know who to tell, I don’t know how to say it.
I think about her, I love her.
Is this normal? will I ever think the way I once did again?

I loved drinking water on an empty stomach I waited for the water to slip down my throat.
I'm empty,
I’m cold, in a warm room.
I’m fat.
I want food, no you don’t need it. I love not eating.
78 calories 1 large egg.
95 calories 1 medium apple.
45 calories 1 small orange.
Eat it, throw it all up after.

Put the key in the ignition, check your mirror and adjust your seat.
You’re ready to drive right?
Turns the radio on and switches the channel to rock and roll.
Rolls down the windows, I’m ready to drive.
I  pull out of the driveway, I said I’ll see you later to my parents I told them I loved them.
Ding, Ding, Ding what is that sound?
Is it a new message on my phone?
A sound outside maybe?
It’s the alarm telling me I don’t have a seat belt on, it doesn’t matter nothing will happen.
I said goodbye to everyone, no one will miss me if something does happen.
My brother is in the car though,
I crash my car it’s over.
I yell and scream help my brother.
Blood is dripping down; the windows are smashed.
He’s dead, my brother is dead.
I should have told him to wear his seat belt. I was his big sister; I was responsible for him.
I'm sorry.

Why do people only use me?

I held her, I pulled her close to me until she felt safe.
I whispered in her ears telling her I loved her, did she feel safe with me?
I told her she was leaving this world, she asked am I going to a better place?
She died in my arms.
I looked in her eyes, she was at peace.
I love you Chloe you meant the world to me.
I know I wasn't always the greatest towards you.
You will always be in my heart.

The mirror is foggy; I can’t see my naked body.
I suppose that’s good, at least I don’t have to hate myself in the mirror this morning.
But when the mirror isn’t foggy anymore, I will have to turn around so I can’t see myself.  
I’m ugly, who could ever look at me and love me?