If you were a shrub, you would be a good shrub!

Hello! SNIFF You smell different when you're awake! (Courtesy of Kollitiki)

I hate a lot of people, but you are not one of them. I also hate ducks. WOW do I ever hate ducks.

Hi there! Will you marry me?

Wanna come over to my place? I'll show you all 89.3 of my cats!

Hey babe, you wanna buy me a drink? Oh, no just water. I'm not allowed alcohol in this bar since the chainsaw incident last month with my exboyfriend....

Look babe, I know this sounds like one of those fake sobs stories made up to get you laid, but how about coming home with me? I have a terminal illness and it would just make my life complete if you would come home with me. Thank you so much baby, bless your soul. Oh, what illness? Ummm ...leprosy....

Tries to be seductive with scalp and elbows

I LOVE YOUR FAAAACE!!!!!!! (Courtesy of the ever brilliant Spencer Craig)

Your left eyebrow is ****.

I don't care about my dates having good hair or a lack of BO, so you and I should date.

HIIIIIIIII I BAKED YOU A SALAD!!!

Here is a fire extinguisher gorgeous ;) .......Sorry for lighting you on fire...

Hey babe, did anyone ever tell you? Your eyes are as green as um those green sticky note thingies they sell at Walmart, and your hair is the color of frying pans.

Hey cute thing, wanna hear a fun fact? It is physically impossible to lick your elbow. Well, I mean, for you. I meant to say it is physically impossible for YOU to lick your elbow, I could lick your elbow if I wanted, that would be physically possible. (demonstrates your ability to lick the "cute-thing's" elbow) HEY WAIT COME BACK!

HEY! WANNA SEE MY SNOWMAN COLLECTION???????

I have your name tattooed on my ****, wanna see? (Courtesy of The Girl Who Loved You)

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you look a little banged up... (Courtesy of The Girl Who Loved You)

~Christmas can be seen everywhere.
The green Christmas trees and the winter air.
You can smell the candles burning, hear the reindeer in the snow.
See the streets decked with light, a familiar glow.
On a night like this,
My mind isn't
Set on Christmas.
Because this Christmas,
I won over your heart.
It's been a year of waiting,
A year torn apart.
I watched you hug her,
Making me feel small.
I should've known I'd end up with you after all.
It's been a year torn apart,
A year without you.
I heard you left her,
I couldn't help it when my heart flew.
We talked all day,
Talked all night,
Now it's Christmas,
In every sight.
This Christmas will be different though.
This Christmas I will be yours~

you didn't realize it, but our souls were intertwined. when you hurt, some part inside of me felt that same pain; even more so than you did, because it hurt me to see you hurt. and when you were smiling, my heart filled with warmth and happiness, because I knew how much you deserved that moment of serenity and joy. but when you changed, and disappeared suddenly, all I felt was nothingness because when you left, you took a part of me with you.

~I am young, probably younger than most of you, in my early teens. If someone asks you to send a **** pic of yourself, PLEASE don't do it, no matter how much you love them! I know you're smart and think you wouldn't do this, but someday you may have a tough choice. My friend ended up committing SUICIDE for sending an inappropriate pic to her bf, who posted it on instagram. Please, if you get the choice, PLEASE PLEASE don't do it. It will risk your life.~