Honesty is
doing a perfect job
on a blind woman's
hairstyle.

I'm holding it together all day long,
I'm wearing a smile so it looks like I'm strong,
I'm good at pretending nothing is wrong,
I don't need anyone to help me along.
I've got all this pressure but no relief,
I'm so locked up when I want to be free,
I didn't get in a fight, and yet somehow I'm beat,
but I'll always stand tall, no need to be weak.
I'm getting quite good at being alone,
no reason to feel above or below,
no one to try to change me or control,
no one to see my highs or my lows.

I'm alright with being alone tonight,
I just need to be told it'll be alright.

Meaning is entirely
subjective in a
world where
some
starve &
others *******
& someone,
somewhere,
breaks an iPhone.

How do I find unanimity
in the midst of spectrums,
ranges, & degrees in which
one
falls?

Who is like me?
Who is like you?

The world will not stop
spinning for me,
not ever.
The birds will not be
mute for me,
not a chance.

The only thing that will
stop for me
is a heartbeat--
for I am too
small of an amazement
for the traffic,
the rain.

Though, I do not
expect the world to
cease in the moment of
my passing,
my mysterious disappearance.
(an empty body,
an empty shell).

Being a part of this
world means being
disposable.

Knowing you means that
I wish I could love you more,
perhaps differently.

Knowing you means that
I will finally know loss.

I will not cease to pause for you.

I want to cry, purge my body of the hurt - I feel the toxins in the air.
But I can't make a single tear come out, cause I know you just don't care.
And I wait for love all snuggled up in bed, while visions of demons dance in my head.
And they're asking me why I don't give up the fight,
   cause nobody loves me round here tonight.
And even though I know better, I'm thinking that they're right.
I don't want to sound emo, but I want to cut my wrists.
And not just for the fact; I haven't had my first kiss.
That sounds ridiculously stupid, trust me, I know.
But under this rough exterior that's how I want my life to go.
I guess I'm just a dreamer, wanting happily ever afters to come true.
And I really just want my own, so tell me what I have to do.
I want to meet the perfect guy
And have the perfect life.
Then ride off into the sunset like Cinderella, or Snow White.
So how does all this happiness fit in with a girl like me?
I don't know either, I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I could take
belligerent opposition
to Others in everyday life,
or I could be an Adult
and **** it up,
my judgement and my hubris,
and see where Others will go
if they get their way;
in fact,
I'll try to help
in any way,
if I can.

Perhaps
they will learn a lesson,
or perhaps I shall;
but, regardless, I hope
in turn,
all shall be wiser.

I try to remain calm
Simple conversation fuels curiosity
My focus is acute
I want to be reckless
I attempt to seem distant
I am hiding
Like a predator circling prey
I am waiting
Leaping prematurely could be costly
My hunger justifies risk
I want to be reckless
Outside influences
Compel me to behave appropriately
I am screaming
Secrets disguised with lies
I am hunting myself
I want her exposed
For I am exposed
I am vindictive
I want to pull and rip
S+rip her of shame
I am burning
I want to take her in front of the world
I want to be reckless

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved