I can claim it
as Australian
back then
when
it was fashionable
to steal people
from their homes
for trying to feed
their children

****** English curs

riding roughshod
over people herds
sending them
to the 'Colonies'

Oh, Irish I might be
except
that the English
had no problem
dealing the same fate
to their own

No, I don't claim Irish
for that alone
I claim 5th generation
Australian, on a Paternal side
Dad never was one to hide
the fact we were born
of a Bushrangers lot
I never forgot
where my Maiden name
came from

I married an Irishman

I am a Doogan
(spelling changed
when coming to this land)

I don't claim Irish
but am proud to be
a part of a heritage
that lives to be free
That just wants freedom
to have their own day
Not to be oppressed
by a country that has no right
to suckle at its breast

Happy St Patricks Day

:)

I actually like
Black and White
Tangerine dreams
are so Yesterday

White pages, Black dreams
silent words scream

Describe the word Blue
without it coming to play...

It's something born,
denied its first breath
It's skin from cold water
It's the first blush of Death.
It's the cloudless sky
that mocks the tears
in my heart.
It's the only colour
in my Rainbow
when the tears depart.
It's the colour of ice
that floats in my drink
which resides at my elbow
drowning my ability to think.
It's the colour of flame
that blazed beyond heat.
It's the reason I'm blind.
It's the colour of my feet
that walked through the snow
following your glow
to lose the path
with no retreat.
It's the colour of my mind

I repeat

I like Black and White
the colours of Nothing
Ink blots on paper,
a pinch of Blue,
and the murky Grey
becomes something
I once knew.

There are three ways to get to the supermarket
Two ways to get to the beach and four ways
to get out of town when your heading for
the city lights and at least one of those ways
each way, goes past my yard and everyday
he was off to somewhere different but he always
always stopped to admire my roses.
I'd started growing them six years ago
when my Dad started exhibiting a less than
normal glow and I wanted to bring the colour
back to his cheeks, the joy back to his mind and
the simple beauty of life back to his damaged soul
And when the time came to say goodbye there was
12 dozen roses, a rainbow of soft glowing petals
drowning his coffin so I couldn't see the long
wooden box that held my heart as I said goodbye
The sea of colour lives on in my yard, year after year
and the young man that stopped everyday
just to look at the beauty that lived there, being
magnificent, all perfumed and soft and dewy
never said Hello to me, even when I was just wandering
through the aisles of Yellows and Whites and Reds and
the Blue Moons and the Apricot Dreams.
He just looked at me and while I smiled at him
he'd just shake his head and continue to walk on
to the supermarket or the beach or to catch the bus
to the big city. But he never, ever spoke to me.
Not in words anyway...
One day I realized, it had been a little while since
that young man stopped by my yard to gaze at the roses
So I asked around and found that he had passed away
just the other day and that afternoon a young lady
paused at my gate and for the first time somebody
opened it and stepped through to talk to me...
I'm sorry to intrude... but my brother... you see
he was captured in combat and tortured and he
came back different and just recently he started talking
about roses, and how all the colour was gone in the world
except for the one place, down by the sea where life
was a rainbow and if ever he had to go away he wanted
to be covered by the roses down by the sea...
She stopped suddenly with tears in her eyes and waited
and I just silently cut 12 dozen roses to pile into her arms
When the colour goes out of the world and black and white
is more than just reality, when colour blind people can't see
the beauty in a world that is grossly unfair in what it takes away
I whispered into my heart
*Dad if you see that young man with a rainbow of roses
like the ones you held*
make sure  you look after him for me

and I was
just standing by
when you just
caught my eye
and as I watched your lips lift
feeling like the ground would shift

you just looked away
taking the sunshine from that day
and now it's dark, I can not see
where'd you go, so far from me?

Because I will
follow you
until the end of truth
you will see me
sitting alone
waiting for you to
come on home

cause you just
walked on by
with a sad smile
that would not lie
tucking your unhappiness
inside yourself
not wanting to share it
with anyone else

don't take that
path for me
I'm right here, can't you see
I'm right there
standing by
You're not alone even when you try

*Because I will follow you
until the end of truth
and you will see me
sitting alone
waiting for you to
come on home

You asked me if
I could remain?
I asked you if
you felt the same?
You asked me if
there was another?
I asked you if
it would be a bother?
You asked me if
you were a start?
I asked you if
you had a heart?
You asked me if
we had time, or space?
I asked you if
you knew the perfect place?
You asked me if
you could be my friend?
I asked you if
you were perfect at pretend?
You asked me if
We should just kiss goodnight?
I asked you if
you thought it would make it right?
You asked me if
things  could be different?
I told you
*Get bent

That was fun!* she cried as she clapped her tiny little hands. Her long red fingernails clicked against each other as she bought her hands together, making a sound like a beetle scuttling across the ***** concrete floor. It echoed in the almost empty space.
Lets do it again! she whispered and the smile on her face eclipsed the gloom in the cavernous waste and the echo of her laugh rose to the high corners vibrating in the long forgotten cobwebs.
He lifted one eyebrow at her delight and the corner of his mouth twitched but he remained silent at her joy.
He turned away and after careful consideration, chose his most favourite piece of apparatus, and came around slowly as a strangled moan caressed his ears and the sight in front of him lit into his pupils, staining them red.
She draped herself over his back, her fingertips lightly caressing his chest, he turned his lips to tickle her earlobe and asked,
*Which finger, or toe, next my love? Or perhaps, I could give you, their heart?

Crashing Down

Crashing down
and the world has lost
another pilot

Crashing down
seems there's no way
to deny it

Crashing down
shredded wings become
a liability

Crashing down
blazing glory is
its legacy

Crashed and burned
charred beyond repair
a small piece of resistance
barely enough to care

Crashing down
the concrete layers
become so thin

Crashing down
amazed that players
can't admit their sin

Crashing down
amid flames that burn
oh so bright

Crashing down
knowing death already
claims the night

Crashed and burned
charred beyond repair
a small piece of resistance
barely enough to care

Crashing down
was the only way
to have survived

Crashing down
means flying high enough
to have tried

Crashed and burned
charred beyond repair
a small piece of resistance
barely enough to care

Written to the music of Passenger: Let Her Go... how apropos ;-)

may you never
know the strike
before it
becomes a blow
may you hope
to escape before
it starts to snow
hope you will never hate
what you've never known

may you only hope
that it will someday end
may you wish
you could only bend
may you never hate
what you've never known

and you've never known

Staring at the bruises on your face
one day you loved and the next you hate
but reality comes slow and you've grown so fast

You see yourself through your own eyes
and one day you'll wonder why
you prayed silently every night

may you never
know the strike
before it
becomes a blow
may you hope
to escape before
it starts to snow
hope you will never hate
what you've never known

may you only hope
that it will someday end
may you wish
you could only bend
may you never hate
what you've never known

Catching tears in the bottom of a glass
bleeding internally, drinking emptiness so fast
but the world won't last

But you see them truly when they rise
rolling so they don't spy upon your thighs
bruised so deep, fingerprints you will keep

may you never
know the strike
before it
becomes a blow
may you hope
to escape before
it starts to snow
hope you will never hate
what you've never known

may you only hope
that it will someday end
may you wish
you could only bend
may you never hate
what you've never known


and you've never known

in the moment you realise
that crazy glue is useless
staring at the shattered shards
wondering out loud
whats going to fix this?

somehow, I don't think crazy glue
can put this **** back together
I'm think maybe it needs silicone
or a big arsed concrete cement mixer

looking at the pieces that spread
like a big mess that makes no sense
I shake my head at the crazy glue
in my hand and whisper
*you're just not up to this task my friend

What a hearts thinks?

What it really feels?

** L O V E
         O
         L      
         A
         T
         I
         L
         E

The mind is such an empty place
Where ten thousand people roam
They sing softly in one voice
chanting in the only voice we own

Silently we stare with our eyes closed
whispering into the blackest night
forgetting we were almost there
telling ourselves it’s gonna be alright

Did we never care for ourselves?
When did we stop trying to cry?
While we sit in absolute silence
our soul escapes from our eyes.

The path we took held our redemption
Yet we trampled it beneath our pretension
We pretended it was an easy road
We followed where others showed
It was okay to walk, if you didn’t talk
If you only whispered with your mouth closed
Don’t see, don’t hear, don’t ******* blink
and no one will ever know

How hard it is to breathe underwater
How hard it is to stay afloat
How difficult it is to hold your head up high
While every bone in your body is broke.

When we look into another night
with blind eyes and kaleidoscope sight
We see visions of no one there
Where everyone gasps, but no one cares
and we lay our head upon a pillow of glass
and ask ourself if anyone lasts?

The cuts, they bleed, mixed with the icy river of tears
They wend their way through grooves of time
Carved by age and the incandescence of all our fears
But where they rest, on the face of a mirror
I can only claim them as mine

If only I had known, how the thorns would of grown.
How did they wind around my heart to pierce my eyes?
How did they survive?
Without sunlight, to make me blind?
How did the cancer grow?
I guess I’ll never know.

I watched a video once
about a song competition
Where artists were invited
to send their masterpieces in
The winner to be recorded
for eternal prosperity
because even if the world
Hated it, it would still be out there

Obviously in this technical age
many online videos arrived
what they didn't expect was the envelope
that cost less then a dollar to mail
it held their interest without fail

Fred was 94 years old
and he'd written a song
for his wife, his sweet Lorraine
neatly hand written and mailed
he had nothing he wanted to gain
Just to tell these people
of his sweet Lorraine

75 years they shared a love
that would most of us shame
the year of the the competition
He lost his sweet Lorraine
and even though he couldn't compare
to the incredible musical talent out there
The music studio visited Fred
and said
We also love your sweet Lorraine
and we want her to live, for you, again

And they wrote the music to Fred's words
and sat with him as he listened
as his old heavy eyes glistened
he just nodded and said
Yep

What makes me cry
is this emotion called Love
While joyous moments are undeniable
the lows must be spoken of
I'm more afraid than ever
of the deep abiding Love
I share with other half of my soul
the one who truly knows me
the only one that will really care
Then when I go before him
his heart will shatter
but Love will still beat
with nobody left to share it with
and only memories in retreat

So yeah, Love makes me sad, makes me cry and I'll always be afraid of it, even as I own it

Cupid came to me one night
to offer me a proposition
but I’d spent all night
drinking Tequila shots
and I was too drunk to listen

I forgot that I had called upon
the God
that could make it happen
Then everything turned
surreal
By the time he turned up
I was too out of it
to understand what was real

I gave him the once over
with a look that would have burnt
most Witches at the stake
He sat next to me
and ordered another round
but I noticed
as I took the next shot
he did not
And he refused to partake

Then the conversation went like this ~

Drink up you ***** I said
He came back with
My God, your such a lush!

Well that that didn’t hurt by far
Much!

I gave him a shove
and stuck my nose in his face
and proudly declared
You don’t fit well in this place!

He picked up a drink and downed it
in just one swallow
And then another, and another
then another did follow

By the time it was over
Cupid was able to slur

I’m so sick of being alone

So I tucked him under my arms
And I took him to my home

The next morning, bright and early
I gave my house guest
Bacon and Eggs
All I got as a Thank You
for my hospitality
was an arrow full of Lead!

He:* What's happening to us?
We're dying!

She placed her hand
upon his chest and said,

We're not dying!
We are already dead,
it's just our hearts
that won't stop trying

If you see them

With their tongues
down another's throat

Through a red haze
as you choke

Standing outside
the clinic
having a smoke
Planned Parenthood
or checking for STDs

It's a sign

you see???

don't take my friend too!
It's true
He's just sitting there
to prove
he's crazier
than you
But you can't have him
He's got a lot more
to do
Dear Matthew
please just
pass on through...

Your loss is unique, to you... but just like everyone else, the pain of loss is pain. I've felt it, I've grieved uniquely over the years, I've felt it from both sides, suddenly I don't have my only brother anymore (car accident) suddenly I don't have my cousin (who was my other brother) anymore (he lit himself on fire, literally and died 7 agonisingly days later in hospital) I don't have my Dad anymore, watching him slowly die from Cancer... I laid at the end of his bed in the last week talking to him, he'd fall asleep in mid sentence then wake up asking why I was crying and then ask if I had a gun would I shoot him... Death ******* ***** for those that have to keep on living. For those of us that think we should have gone first because it would be easier for the ones who died first to cope... ******* *******... Those that would be left behind would grieve just as hard for us as we do them and we dishonour their strength by falling apart completely. There is no concrete end date to this life. We can only live with, love and cherish those who choose to spend time with us, if it's their time to 'shuffle off this mortal coil' without us then it's up to us to ensure their memory is golden, not **** the world off with anger they are no longer here but to gift the world with their memory. You are here, they are not, you can't bring them back but you can make sure they are not forgot.

It holds us tightly in it's grip
and grins at us
so tight lipped
It hugs us with a frown
while smiling
upside down
We journey in our living
to the non breathing side
where we sit, reliving
where we want to hide

We never want to know up close
the personal
the utter waste!

But Death,
it can be personal
sitting right there on your face!

You know Death?

It's that awkward party friend!

It's the one that never leaves
*Sticking around to the end

is that even a word?
literaturely?
who cares really?
It is now, to me

I have oft complained
the seductive heat
of tar and ink
that has literaturely
clogged my veins
and in turn
gummed my brain
often touting screams
that proclaim
NOT SANE
is here to remain
but I was wrong?

When last I cut my wrists
the pain ran Red
and inside my head
I literaturely turned Blue
Who knew?
that all things unsaid
are put to bed
on a razors edge
cutting my soul in half
that never once
turned on you

I literaturely turned gray

I paled beneath dying embers
of forgotten burning fires
dulling as ash coated remnants
of long ago desires

I now step back
from the fray
I've had my weak
my day
and upon the hour
where the clock strikes
the 780th minute
13 leaves a sour
taste in my mouth

turning all good things South
swimming in blackness
in my new ruby red
bathing suit
that literaturely
turned white
I literaturely died
tonight

Now a mute
blood red in vane
I sit and stare
at the bones
of my soul
that remain
A ghastly caricature
of a misspent life
that can't negotiate
the road at the bend

I literaturely can
no longer
comprehend

Asmodeus* is left to breathe nothing but sand

Belial is trickery and is partial to Man

Charon is only influenced by what is paid

Dagon will bake whatever can be made

Erebus guards his own darkness under his own tree

Furfur  his army is more legendary as a legion to see

Geryon his sentry at the gates ensures leaving is not right

Hetu-Ahin even whole at Dawn you are not safe at Twilight

Itzcoliuhqui is the ******* of all that is cold

Jezebeth is articulated as all falsehoods that are told

Kasdeya wallowing 5th in line to never be king

Lilith who Adam thought would make him sing

Mephistopheles not the true leader just a fawning servant

Nyx Incestuously in love with her brother Erebus

Orthon can take on any or other form

Philotanus will assist when the fortress is to be stormed

Qanel is alone in a canal of strife

Raum his command means Furfur is under the knife

Seth Rules the Egyptian underworld with an iron fist

Tando Ashanti Takes seven on seven and will never miss

Uphir will ensure that all Demons stay well

Vetis will make sure all that Holy comes to Hell

Wele Gumali is as black as the darkest sin

Xaphan makes sure that all are comfy and warm within

Yama has dogs to take care of all the junk

Zagam** is just a drunk

She may have closed the door
but you nailed it shut
You refused to hear her weeping
while you sat upon your ****
Your back against the door
Where you occasionally bang your head
Needles hanging from your veins
Demons not waiting for you
To. Be. Dead.
She sat upon the other side
listening through the door
her good eye against the keyhole
until she heard you breathe no more
Along an empty hall of dust
that ends in a pit of flames
that carries centuries of souls
to their everlasting shame
She sat upon that dirt floor
thinking she was the one to blame
if only you had turned the ****
or just whispered her name...

Yesterday my sister visited me
and remarked on the dozen
blood red roses in a vase and said
how lucky I was to have someone to bring me flowers
I didn't dare tell her they were an apology, I didn't dare tell her they represented the blood I bleed,
I didn't dare tell her she could have them because if he came home and saw them missing...
He'd know someone came to visit
and the tones of the tune would be bass deep and in the end only I would weep to a song that would never end
and the roses would die inside the vase
while I quietly hid my face
Then the daisies would arrive
and once again my sister would visit
only to see fresh flowers in a vase
and sigh in heartfelt delight
but she'll never know, that the flowers
that continue to show up in the vase
represent my fear of the coming night.

Ten thousand exhalations permeate
every corner of a room that is filled
with only thirteen people
an unlucky number for some

once upon a time the skirt was
looser
once upon a time the fangs were
shorter
once upon a time the prey was
easier
but no one ever gets younger...

I don't want to be Thirteen

I want to be one half of the dozen
that found their dream, and I've
been waiting
a really long time

So our conversation goes
breathy sigh
Would you like a drink?
a frown, what do you think
I like long walks on the beach
I really hate sand, and the heat...
I believe in fate and destiny
a scowl, what's in it for me?
I'm scared of the dark and of
being alone
I'm one half of nothing, do you
have a number I can phone?
I can go one better, I have a place
that I call my own
contemplating true facts such as
we are both on the wrong side of
ever being young again
Well, all the right words have been said,
*Shall we begin?

I don't think we did

I know we both remember
those nights so long ago
when all our  limbs would tremble
as we thought we would know
... it wouldn't last

but it did

Still we face another day
and skin to skin we touch
Our hearts remember
We belong together
but only by so much

I thought we did

Did you forget the Summer night
we camped out by the stream?
Nature blessed us with a beautiful night
and blessed me with a dream

I remember it did

Did you forget about the night
on the sheepskin on the floor
Eternal love is when I look into eyes
of our Daughter created that night
who we both adore

I know you didnt

No two lives are ever the same
and for that I won't take blame
We're opposites but a perfect match
we got lost inside the game

I think we did*

Laying next to you
in the dark of night
is the only thing
in this world
that keeps me sane

Vows whisper across skin
beneath our fingertips
asking you and me?
and the answer would be,

*We will never forget

Did we not just sit together
and dine upon thy own hearts?
Did we not just sit across
from each other
as we fed upon
each others 'left alone' parts?
Did we not just sip upon
each others open vein?
Did we not just smile a ****** grin
and decide to not assign blame?
Did we not just pick apart
the carrion of the past?
Did we not just lick our lips
at the end of a remarkable repast?
Did we not just sit together
and enjoy just chewing the fat?
Did we not just dine together?

*I doubt that...

did you know?
That at 15 years old I was *****
in the back of a car?
I was not alone, next to us
lay another couple, limbs entwined
like mine, but no tears were found

did you know?
For the next 5 years I had ***
with any boy that said to me
I love you because, *** is love...
right?

did you know?
I only really fell in love once
in a life where love is rife
I fell in love with a boy so completely
wrong for me
but made me feel.... nice?

did you know?
that boy gave me back my voice
helped me scream into the void
and sat and held my hand
as the screams echoed back
inside my head and made me
understand, how I had a choice

did you know?
that boy became my universe
my sun, my moon, my dark, my light
who gifted me little star babies
that feature in my dreams at night

did you know?
The boy became a man
became a agitated, muted clam
after careening head first into flight
remembering that he had others
in his life, he needed to fight.

did  you know?
that 26 years later
that boy, who became a man
and saved me from being a hater
lies next to me in a sleep
that escapes him most of the time
He slumbers as I massage his scalp
whispering how I was grateful
for his help at such a crucial time
how I was happy to find
someone that didn't just want
to take advantage of me

did you know?
He's mine