There I go again
I was dragged in
Inside that chamber
On the 6th floor

Heart thumping
Wild, about to burst out
This worst feeling
Seeping into my guts

I'm about to throw up
What butterflies?
These are dragons inside my stomach
Devouring me from inside out

Then it started
As I expected
I was handcuffed
chained all over, down and up

It echoes, the incoming footsteps
I shivered as I froze
'Cause I know what will happen
Then, the doors were locked and closed

There it is, The Ghost
"Why me?"
"Because it is you I chose,
and I know you chose me."

It pierces my chest with its hands
It dug my heart out
Torture, this is torture
Nothing can compare to the hurt

I am screaming in pain, crying
But I cannot let out a sound
Under its rules, I am bounded
To express, I am not allowed

If I let out even a soft sob
I will receive a million jab
Because to express is a taboo
And probably to be human too

But who is it to blame?
On the 6th floor, it is me who came
I came knocking, searching
The Ghost only accepted my pleadings

Because this is what I wanted
I'll have to heart-fully accept
That I'll repeatedly succumb to the torment
On the 6th floor chamber

Because The Ghost is right
From the start, the decision was mine
I know I cannot go back
*Because I chose to love

I remember you
from your beautiful smile
your cinnamon scented hair
your contagious laughter
your nail-biting addiction
your pointless insecurities
to our silly inside jokes
our dumb little fights
our peculiar bets
our goofy text messages

through tears and smiles
you were the only one who understood
my unspoken words
my concealed pain
my unexpressed happiness
my puzzled feelings

counting your days
we recalled our mischievous memories
when we danced in the rain
when we rang doorbells and ran away
when we pranked the gullible ones
when we stole Ikea pencils
when we fangirled over stunning guys
when we were together
everything turn into excitements
moments with you
I remember them all, Grace

it was a week before December twenty-fifth
when the monstrous cells stopped your heart
a glimpse of smile
appeared upon your face
as you're being taken
far away from us
skin turned pale
body stiffened
tears flooded my sight
there were wailing across the room

time flies like a bullet train without you
it's a rainy day today
you've always loved rainy days
sinking my knees in the dew-wet grass
raindrops whisper in my ears
as I brush off the gray snow from your stone
I still remember you, Grace
I still do

terrible night of blurred arguments
young and reckless
my words hurt you like silver bullets
passing through your chest
this is just one of those nights
where I recall the wounded past

you used to call me your angel
yet I took the halo for granted
you told me I was your happiness
yet I turned them into sorrow

two years flew
the same question still lingers around my mind
I really did love you
you made me the happiest, I swear
I never wanted to put you through that pain
but why did I?
I bet you're happy now, with her
I bet you think I moved on

you have no idea
it takes everything in me not to reach you
you have no idea
I regret hurting you
but they say never regret anything
because at one time it was what you wanted
so its probably better off that way

and here I am admitting
that you are my best guilt

2.18 AM

The couple next door are shouting and throwing things, the cries of children can be heard
I'm awake from my uncomfortable sleep

A middle-aged lady is sobbing on the bench, palms over her face
Thinking why is love so cheap

Almost unconscious, the brown eyed girl stares at her wrist on the bathroom floor
Maybe she have cut too deep

The heartbroken freshman stood at the border of a mountain *****
Not caring that it is steep

As her phone lights up, she buries herself in the blanket
Ignoring the beep

2.19 AM

I'm lost in my thoughts, wondering
Why can't people just be happy for a second?