it's rained all week
grey drop
after grey drop
the city is crying
the bums rush to shelter
in doorways
and under bridges
the people sit with their feet up
in their comfy sweatpants
and hoodies
drinking warm cups of tea
the animals
are out in the wet
grinning
and howling at the moon
drinking up the tears
of the crying city

it's too late to call for help
once you're already underwater
it's too late to miss somebody
once the tide has already gone out

I could stay with you
I could give myself to you
put my tender frame
in the palm of your hand
like a newly hatched bird
you are the only one
I could ever be vulnerable to
yeah
I could stay with you
but It would **** me
far too footloose
the curse of a nomad
with no where else to go
and it's not you
I hate myself for not
being able to commit
but I think I have a responsibility phobia
or a fear of letting you down
I don't know
and try as I might
I can't change
and I'm not sure I want to
we live in different worlds
and I don't know when I'll be back
so I'm going to leave you
and it won't be the last time
and if you were smart
you'd throw me to the curb
for good
and you are smart
but love is blind
all I have to give you
are moments
which I will always cherish
and bittersweet memories
to wash away
the pain of the day
I hate to leave
but trust me
I don't have a choice

Gone are the times
when we feared
the monster in the closet
no,
now we fear
the monster in the mirror
these forehead wrinkles
where did they come from?
(Probably from a pack a day)
The cynicism,
when did it infect the veins
the arteries which run through
the hallways of our body?
Overnight we made the leap
from boys to men
girls to women
growing up
can seem like
one big ******* nightmare
but for every nightmare
there are numerous dreams
beautiful dreams
and the mark of growing up
is being able to see the choice
between living a nightmare
or chasing a dream

You were standing there
so suddenly in front of me
in the dark, sweaty basement
where strobe lights broke through the fog like lightning
and digitally enhanced thunderclaps shook the support pillars
It was a surprise
you were alone
as was I
and in the midst of people seeking shelter in each other's bodies
it was only natural
I was the match
you the gasoline
lost track of time
then again, I was drunk
but I think you were too
But then we were outside in the cold
your arms wrapped around your frame
my arm draped easily over your shoulder
walking back to wherever it was we were going
we shed our jackets and made pillows
on our backs
shoulder to shoulder
I turned my head to the left and said,
"Nice to meet you"

I know I shouldn't smoke
a pack a day
I know how bad it is
and how much money
the whole shebang

and I know I shouldn't drink
more days of the week
than not
I know that I do stupid things
like loosing in a drinking game
and being forced to sprint
up and down 6 flights of stairs
I know that I get all sappy
and promise girls
things I can't give
I know it's bad
that at the end of a day
I crave a drink
but sometimes
you just need to
get good and drunk

I know that I shouldn't smoke ***
spending most of my day high
up in the clouds
taking a nap
but it relaxes me
and it makes everything
seem so **** nice
and I know it's bad
to not be able to sleep
without toking up
I know it shouldn't be okay
to be bored
but hey
it makes ****** movies
a whole lot better
which is huge service
to people everywhere

I know the lifestyle's not too hot
and trust me
I know you know
and that you only want
what's best for me
but sometimes
you just have to make
some really bad decisions

I think if April were a person
it would be a young mother
Loving and kind
and sometimes,
kinda ******* nuts
but that's why I love her
I woke up this morning
and overnight
the tree outside of my window
up and decided to get pretty
green foliage
becomes emeralds in the sun
and transluscent

April means birth
and it also means rebirth
April is cleansing
and nourishing
and in my opinion
the best month of them all
but then again
I'm an April baby
so I'm probably
more than a little biased

freedom is a ten year old boy
who just got out of school
for summer vacation
and has a long plan
of climbing trees
and skinning knees

Freedom is sitting on the beach
as the tide comes in
and the sun sets
because you have nothing better to do
than wait
for the sea to lick your feet

Freedom is propping up in a hammock
with your favorite
beaten up paper back
listening to crickets chirp,
and birds tweet,
and watching fireflies ,

Freedom is finding that one thing
which encompasses you
so completely
that you couldn't imagine
doing anything else
for the rest of your days

Freedom is letting go,
letting the small things slide

It rained today
The sky was blue
The sun was out
And it was sickly humid
I mean ****,
It was raining sideways
Soap opera tears coming from seemingly nowhere
It just makes you think
Maybe god didn't want me to go outside and get anything done today
If I am made in god's image
Maybe he's as lazy as me

I sometimes feel bad for writing happy poems
or silly poems
or love poems
It seems as if people only want a pained poet
like a sad clown
they want tears to make themselves feel better
the selfish little....
but I grew out of my metal head phase
a couple of years ago
and I'm sorry to say
but sometime this life is just
positively ******* awesome
okay okay I get it
a lot of the time it isn't
but that's just as awesome
how many good books have you read
where everything went fine?
we're the stars of our own movies
sometimes we take issue with the script
or get ******* at the director
but ultimately
the performance is up to us
and at this very moment
I feel like Brad Pitt ******* it
so you may have to wait a while longer
for the return of the pained poet

It's time to pack **** up
When that bad habit
Becomes dependency
When dependency
Becomes addiction
It's time to pack up
But I forgot my suitcase
So I'll take another beer

Let's be honest people
I write too many of these **** things
for all of them to be any good
I know that the notifications from Harry J Baxter can get annoying
the only thing is
I'm not whole yet
and each poem I write
****** or great
removes a piece of me which is deemed
unessential
Pain is weakness leaving the body
*******
pain is the body leaving the idea of weakness behind
one minute
two minutes
three minutes later
I'm dealing with ten views and one like
which is fine
eat me up
I taste like ****
but I'm nutritious
that's for ******* sure
read my three hundred and something poems
and try to tell me you know my life
you'd still be wrong
working on working towards being completely honest
but a part of me cries against the crimes of obvious weakness
that's fine
patience is a a part of my best part
I can write ****
until there's no **** left to come out
that's the goal
aim
desire
I can sound similar at times
but don't fall asleep
this ocean runs deep
and is ready to explode
hold your friend's hand
a tsunami is brewing
and I'm in the mood to drown

I've been losing my mind
When I meet somebody new
I question if they actually exist
Or if I'm finally
Completely
Bat **** bonkers

I'm on my way to see you. Sailing through the in between parts of our state. Hay bales and horses. small town auto shops. Men and women with tired eyes. I'm on my way to see you. Open up the box wine. Open up the *****. I'm on my way to see you. Remember all those times that I never measured up? I track my progress by the path of raindrops. You are the only person I think about on a daily basis. The only person to have ever left me tongue tied to the train tracks. Play me my favorite song. Sing me to relief. If I had the courage to be everything you wanted - believe me I would. But day fades into night just as I fade into my many costumes. I've never felt less than the sum of my parts, but you are the missing piece to the jigsaw I've been slotting together since puberty. I come on strong. Only because I need the warmth of your bravery. Generally, I avoid the mushy stuff. However - I'd be just as mushy as you want. This rant doesn't come close to the thought left under lock and key. And yeah I do want to get into your pants, and yeah I do want to get under your skin, but I'd be the parasite you wouldn't be without. I'm on my way to see you, and I don't want tonight to find the full stop.

I swear to God
This girl made me feel like I was 11 again
at the school disco
back in *** **** England
asking for a dance
like a real gentleman
only to be given an eye roll
and a pair of freezing cold shoulders
She was standing over by the fence
smoking on a cigarette
looking as disinterested
in this party
as I felt
I asked her if I could *** a smoke
she said she didn't smoke
said that **** will **** you
then she took another drag
and blew a mouthful of smoke vaguely in my direction
well ****
isn't this a pickle?
because now if I pull out a cigarette
I'm going to have some 'splainin'  to do
but I heard the female folk sometimes
appreciate persistence
so fighters touch gloves for round two  
so what's your name?
I don't like guys who dress like that.
Whoosh Smack
it was a hay maker
I was down for the ten count
One last shot
did you know I'm from England
My Dad is Scottish.
well that was it then,
I was well and truly shot down
I'd just go and find a girl
who thought that my English accent
and my name
are "So cool,
just like Harry Potter"
how fun

nothing in our pockets but dirt we picked up along the way
she carries a locket with her
and it’s empty inside
she says she is waiting for the perfect moment
to fit between the fake gold
old souls in foolish bodies
smiling because it was all we had
he drinks in the woods after school
because the lesson plan never quite clicked
so he’s all sheets in the wind
as the time bomb ticks
one looks for the love she was
convinced she never deserved to give herself
they are all looking for the next fix of life
experiencing the world in ounces, milliliters, milligrams
shouting protests into the mirror
he is running away from reality
until he finds the life which suits him best
he flinches away from touch and contact
with eyes glimmering with eye drops
nothing in our pockets
but the baggage we picked up along the way

she taught me how to love
an angel from up above
who came by chance
to put my demons in a trance
to make me stop and think
to take it all in
like a drink
when I'm lonely it's her name I'm calling
falling
awoken from my dreams
her absence rings like screams
the only person who made me feel like
I could grow to love me
potential shining like a light
she told me what I could be
But I'm too scared to approach
too scared that
maybe I'm a cockroach
feeding on the fat
I can't let you in right now
I'm afraid I would fail
because I don't see how
I could give what love entails
she taught me how to love
but never how to forget

I knew this girl once
I think I knew her
but who can ever really know?
Nothing ever came of it
always too late
too scared
too scared that you couldn't want me
and who could blame you
I never have
She went away to college
and I was busy
doing my own thing
But I never forgot
the way you would blush
and hide your smile
when I said something nice
And maybe you never forgot
all the times I made you laugh
always something stupid
I remember how nervous you got
in the center of attention
maybe you never wanted it
but you always deserve it

And I know
that you're going places
big cities with dazzling lights
endless tall buildings
never sleeping
but dreaming of you
And I'm heading off
to places of my own
hoping that our trains
are heading towards each other
so that just for
one moment of disaster
my body may fly pas yours
and I would smile
or wink
or nothing at all
perhaps I would just look

The worst part about it
is I would throw it all away
so that I could get back
all of the too lates
the too scareds
and all of the stupid stuff
which I haven't told you
but you wouldn't want that.
To be held so responsible
for the machine gun rhythm
of my heart beat
So I don't
my time machine left empty
I trudge one
doing whatever the hell
It is that I do
while your star
only burns brighter
I live in a breath of hope
hoping to feel your breath
just one more time

how's it going Harry?
how do you feel?
I'm not sure if it is going
the hands on my clocks
haven't budged an inch
in a long time
how's it going?
I hide from certain thoughts
my mind
no longer a place of safety
an intellectual get away
the world has invaded
and taken up a residency
which I hope isn't permanent
My wallet has been empty for a while
unemployed
no degree
and I only have three cigarettes left
how's it going?
I can't complain
I could
but it would be useless

I don't think I'll make it
until I know how to not fake it
until I learn how to break it
until I let them take it
the it factor
Harry J Baxter
because unless I can give me
then I'm just like that tree
that fell in the forest
through the safety net
with nobody around
to hear it yet
A sick dog without a vet
without a vestment of hope
will they like this? nope
is this really you?
your where why and who?
because people have
great ******* detectors
and unless you're the director
nobody is buying tickets
no more white pickets
see that bucket? kick it
like  a mangy mutt
kick it right in the ****
these rhymes are simple
I never had much skill
never got such a thrill
from fitting into a style
maybe in a little while
but I don't want to hear it
I just don't give a ****
if these long lines of words
leave your eyes feeling hurt
and your poetic sensibilities inert
It never stops
and I might take a shot
at making this poem
be needlessly long
an ugly song
sung by an ugly swan
or is it a duckling?
who knows? who cares?
It just leaves me scared
to think that I'm not
who I am
when I write

hit the road Jack
and don't you come back
no more no more no more no more
walking like a blind man
who lost his dog
hit the road Jack?
don't worry
I don't want to come back
how could I
this wasn't love
it was necessity
It was survival
and it was rightfully wrong
Don't worry about seeing me
ever again
the road is the only mistress I need
the dust on the cuffs of my jeans
tell my story
far better than any poem I pen
any song you create
So I'll hit the road
but with a love tap
never to come back
no more no more no more no more

these jeans aren't clean little lady
a months worth of nights forgotten still clinging to the denim
and no
I don't know what that stain is
but you keep twirling your **** back side
to the back end of the beats of this song that I don't know
and yes I do have an accent
came here tonight from all the way across the great big Atlantic ocean just for you
just for tonight
just for tonight let's pretend like we've known each other for a lifetime
no,
no costume for tonight
I'm a college drop out wannabe wordsmith with a tongue sharper than this wit
Mr. feet never been cold
I like my whiskey neat
and you look messy
let's take a midnight stroll back to my place
and yeah it's messy
what's it to you?
I don't like the way my bed feels when I make it
or when I hit it alone
like the voice in the back of your head
TV white noise
radio song stuck in your head
I'm a hard habit to kick
so keep kicking the game that your spitting out of your mouth like one too many shots
and I'll show you a me time

The moon hung lazy in hazy city sky
the air silent and pure - untouched
and she was the anima to your animus
that pretty little thing you sat in an empty parking lot with
talking until three AM
she was touching her hair a lot
and you remember reading something about body language
which said that means she likes you
courage isn’t being born standing tall
courage is knowing when to follow your love off that cliff
courage is faith that somehow she will be there
waiting to catch you
a safety net made of shy smiles
and a nervous mouth filled with run-on sentences
and paint stained hands on your ribs
a soul isn’t some ephemeral entity trapped inside of you
a soul is the anger and lust and passion that directs you
all of these words are silly little fickle things
pigeons which take flight the moment you get close
all of these actions are breathless, frail things
old men and women determined to take the stairs
she told you that you she had fun
you said me too
and I want to see you again
she said me too
sitting there in that empty lot
the heater barely on in the car
beneath a canvas full of long dead stars
you took a leap off of that cliff
and for a moment
you forgot how to drown

"I shouldn't be drinking really,
my family is full of alcoholics
so I try not to drink"
It was the first thing she had said to me
then she downed her ***** cranberry
and smiled devilishly at me with her eyes
a demon girl for sure
best to keep my distance
but I'm coming down from the mushrooms
and I'm well on my way to being **** drunk
So I asked,
"what's your name sweet thing?"
and she smiled
and shook her head
"my lips are sealed"
then she kissed me on the cheek
fill up my cup
because teenagers and sobriety
haven't been on good terms for a while
and yeah it was kind of annoying
when you called me Harry Potter
but at the same time
I could already tell
that soon enough we would be sharing a bed
and sure enough
a couple minutes later
you whispered in my ear
"let's go to bed"
and we did
and it was my first time
and it was more than a little awkward and clumsy
and I'm sure it wasn't good
and to be perfectly honest
there were so many drugs inside of my system
that I never quite made it to the finish line
but I was relieved
because in high school it was a big deal
which I had finally gotten out of the way
and tossed to the side
to rot in the gutter
and I never saw the demon girl again
never even learned her real name
and if you asked me today if it was worth it
well I guess I'd say no
but deep down
I'd say yes

The clocks all struck midnight
but that’s okay when you work nights
for a pocket full of singles
and a paycheck which never seems quite enough
come buy the painkiller
the rain won’t stop falling
until you do
and at times when grey cloud curtains
part to show you that
heaven isn’t
you’ll be glad for that liquid encouragement
and those knee pads
because this parking lot is gravel
and that small lot will never be a park
where kids can play without stepping on
the shards of broken hail mary prayers
for all the times the hands pass go
and collect their 2000 sea shells
not much has changed

The wind blows through the trees
knocking blood, gold, and rust
to the concrete pavement
forest floors beneath a blanket of pine needles
to the side of highways across the country
no matter what
the wind still blows through the leaves in the fall

I am like a camel filter
you know, the brand i smoke
you said that you loved the smell
but hated the taste
I'm a bad habit
that you don't want to start
because while i'm killing you slowly
I'll whisper reassurances in your ears
and long after your lungs are black
and you stand face to face
with death
I will still be here
looking for a new victim to poison

It's a nice day
Cool enough to wear jeans
Warm enough to wear a shirt
Mid sixties to low seventies
Even the Mosquitos don't bother me

Last Friday we were ******
Walking through the art district,
Looking at all the galleries
Listening to the music
And the street preachers
I got stopped by sister Michelle
She was a Mormon on a mission
Or something like that
She asked how religious I am
I said debate doesn't matter
I'll live my life the way I want
If somebody is watching,
So be it

We drifted off
Drinking their cup of free lemonade
As they looked disappointed
But the air tasted good,
**** good
And the energy was right,
One hundred percent
A+
And I went to sleep
Dreaming of broad street
All lit up and full of life
And I figured
Everything was going to be
Alright

If you walk into the coffee shop
where I like to work
or watch
you can look around
at all of the faces
and you just know
who the regulars are
with faces baring more years
than age would show
and five o'clock shadows
they come in with their shirts
not ironed and untucked
their fingers stained yellow
with everything they run from
people don't ask their orders
they just nod and sit down
a tribe of people with something to say
but nobody to listen

I am scared of the dark
not because I fear the lack of light
might let all of the monsters out
and will make the skeletons chatter
I fear the dark
not because it's violent
but because it's peaceful
not because it's chaotic
but because it's calm
I am scared of the dark
because I am left alone
with myself
with my mind
which can be the worst monster of all

there is a man
sitting in front of me
drinking some fruity coffee drink or another
with three cellphones
laid out before him
a different color case for each one
pink, yellow, blue
and ever minute or so
one starts to ring
an obnoxious ringtone
but aren't they all?
and he has to figure out which one is ringing
he then talks on the phone
for a few blunt sentences
in a language
which sounds middle-eastern
and I'm thinking
this guy must be
one hundred percent
out of his ******* mind
nuts
because I've always had trouble
keeping up with one cellphone
let alone three of the ******* things

whale ***** is in
every cigarette smoked
we inhale Jonah

Animus,
(Noun):
purpose,
intention,
animating spirit,
mind,
courage,
passion,
wrath,
living rather than simply being alive,
it's my favorite word

The girl who played guitar
had me in the palm of her hand
from the moment she started playing
my hands began drumming
a rhythm on my thighs
which I didn't know
I was capable of

And when she opened her mouth
The songs which came pouring out
contained paradise
within each note
each syllable
and she sings with her eyes closed
just alone with the music
no longer human
but a vessel for beauty
I think that's what heaven is.

I saw her today
busking in the streets
and I couldn't help but grin
and go over
standing in front of her
throwing my everything
into her guitar case
I listened to every single
god ****** song
and before I knew it
Hours had passed
she stood up
put the old acoustic
back in its case
and left me
standing there
stunned

once all the leaves have dropped
we stand eternal
like the dead
falling from withered branches
which once carried so much life
time has a way of taking these things from us
life
love
passion
hate
anger
Time is the great thief
time is relative
making everybody relatively
scared shitless
time is the relative
that the family merely tolerates
always on
and on
tick tock
tick tock
with two broken hands
wrapped in a ***** kitchen towel
I'd like to throttle
father time

I didn't expect it
but in that dark basement
of some strangers house
coated in a blanket of dance rhythms
veins running with fire
arteries pumping chemicals
you chose me
we danced until I can't remember

but then I found us outside
walking back to your dorm
my arm around you
protecting you from the cold winter night
I never wanted that walk to end
cars rushed past us,
and could see how happy I was
we got back to dorm commons
our small party the only inhabitants
she got on the floor
flat on her back
so I took our coats
rolled them into a pillow
and place them under her head
with my arm comfortably back around you
my favorite muscle memory
looking at that ceiling
not speaking,
not having to
caught in the magnificence
of stars which
were for our eyes only

Give me **** kicking string pickers
give me harmonica headgear
and bluegrass heroines
Give me the Southeastern porch nights
beneath stars which flicker like wind burdened candles
Give me you - swaying lazily to the rhythm of cicadas
toss me to Atlantic shores
the geography of this passion knows no borders
Give me your flaws to toss as skipping stones
the sun outside bears down on us like
infinite overzealous mothers
but the ground is nothing but black ice
slowly melting into midday
by this time tomorrow the trees will dance with life
rainbows spouting from lonely buds clinging to long dead limbs
Give me the picturesque green lawns of academia
reaching out to caress the breeze
Give me overcrowded coffee tables
and long talks about nothing with good friends
Just know - that if you could give me Christmas
I’d spend 12 days writing you 12 thank you notes
each one more genuine than the last
Give me all of this
Give me none of this
either way I will give you
as much of myself as I can

Walking in the rain
it has this cleansing quality about it
so I walk with my face pointed up
and open mouthed
hoping to wash away
the sins of yesterday
with a one two step
I march down endless concrete sidewalks
counting each drop of water
as it splashes against my untied shoelaces
laughing like a little kid
splashing in the puddles
because rain means new beginnings

I'm an old western gunslinger
but in my old big irons
slung low down on my hips
I don't load metal slugs,
I load slugs of apathy
ink, irony, and bitterness
and I always keep one bullet
tucked away for myself
but as for the rest of them?
well, it's people season
and I'm one hell of a shot

the rain comes to wash away the sins of yesterday
so that new life might bloom
droplets of water clinging to bare limbs
become paintings of flowers by the morning
and you could use a little rain right about now
head as heavy as your sleepless eyes
stomach as tight as your constantly clenched fists
at night you get lost within the trappings of your mind
a dark maze of funhouse mirror illusions
and you pray for relief
prayers which do not come with answers
so you you search for something to hold on to
just for a little longer
but these solutions are lead weights disguised as floatation devices
and those water wings melt beneath the unforgiving sun
you so tired
you so willing to let go
so willing to be saved by whatever arms may find you
the couch is laughing at you
the TV is egging you on
and that girl who just walked by -
I think her name is nothingness -
looks so **** good
that you are way past the point of seduction
another day goes by only to become weeks
to become months to become years
to become a life of “if only”

do not be fooled by those
who only profess wisdom in times of darkness
these wolves dressed to be lambs
these monsters under your bed
they are not your friends
a match is useless without a strike
and a blazing fire is irrelevant in the absence of cold and darkness
take these times and wear them on your sleeve
let them be the reason you shine so bright
so that you might light up another’s darkness

A steering wheel is freedom
as much as another step down an
unfamiliar path laden with that new car smell
Headlights break through the fog
and we pass each other with a nod
and a raising of the hand
pilgrims chasing our own shadows
as the sun slowly fades behind
scarlet horizons
The ocean is calling me home
and I feel the oncoming wind
in each blade of grass
taste the lightning in the air
and feel the thunder in your
beating heart
the rain will come down in buckets
and we will dance beneath
our eternally blissful ignorance

Don't be a human being
be a human doing
inspirational fallout
raining on the students of my high school
human doing
it's a funny notion
viewed in plain sight
it meant Carpe Diem
it meant go to college
your valuable brains
crammed with academia
get a job
work your way up
it's the American dream
it is your
Manifest Destiny
meet a swell girl
take her to a chapel
cracked church bells
shattered stained glass windows
now knock her up
you've got a family
better start breaking a sweat
get that promotion
buy yourself a nice suit
because you earned it
******* it
pay your taxes
keep on climbing
up up up
the tower of babel
rack up some zeroes to that pay check
vacation time and comfortable insurance
plus you get dental
year after year
and before you knew it
you're an old guy
your belly has grown
far more rotund than you planned
your wife resents you
because she relies on you
and you don't understand your children
the job has grown bitter
a double shot of cheap bourbon
only it doesn't burn as sweetly
on the way down
and when you feel like
you're enclosed in a tar pit
black liquid creeping down your throat
and up your nostrils
take comfort in knowing
that you were a human doing

Give me poetry.
Life splashed over
Blank page after blank page
Time over lust
Are you ready?

Time is the enemy and the instrument. Time's hands always ticking away like laughter. It was that same laughter which led me drop out from college. The same laughter which keeps me up to the early hours of restless nights.
It's hard to live a life of uncertainty. It scares me to think about the breaking point. Even though I don't know where it is. Will rock bottom be made up of steel or quick sand?
I feel the need to connect with other people. But other people can be fickle, annoying things. It doesn't matter. This life I've found myself in requires solitude.
I fantasize a lot about piling my clothes and belongings into my car and skipping town. where ever you want to go ahead of you. All troubles, responsibilities, and worries behind you. Just you, the gas pedal, and the roar of the black asphalt rushing beneath you.
strange times are ahead. Good and bad. tragic defeats and well earned victories. And all of the kickings which come with. I am **** excited

got my bags packed,
about to hit the road
looking for different pastures
the less green
the better
give me gray
and thrashing black
explosions of red
like heart attacks
not a quiet moment
for the man who never sleeps
we have the city nights
so walk down dreamer alley
and find the ***** kids
smoking funny stuff
and throwing back fire
you can buy any type of shot
down at the gun shop
and for five dollars
you can buy a kick in the head
in wine form
so let's get
even more lost than we already are
and wait to be judged

can you taste the iron on your lips?
acid reflux creeping up your tongue
as you swallow another soul whole
sweat stains on a pillow
all of this surrounds us
time will tell us as legends or monsters
we aren’t in control of the wheel
tirelessly we maraude the alcoves and nooks
of an indifferent planet
they call the thing we’re looking for love
we call it whatever gets us through today
but if this shriek of pain sets your teeth on edge
just know that it should
just know that even the smallest island
is connected to the most landlocked country
through an underground railroad of humanity and history
the bedrock is constantly shifting and warping
but it’s key elements remain eternal
tattoo my address on your forearm
should you ever find me lost you’ll know what to do
with the baggage I carry like heartbeats in a ribcage
do not burn the bridges
regardless of how rundown they might become
do not convert drift wood into an idol of the sun
because time is relative but the moon will always have it’s moments
eclipse your protests with apathetic motor oil
manifesting the robotic machinations of another man shackled
tethered to anchors which set out not to drown him
but to keep him on the precipice of high tide
all of the great words in the world couldn’t paint a picture
of what this all means
so why do we try so ceaselessly
to see the face of God

Turn your music down
stop listening to that stuff
are you taking drugs?
I wish you would talk to me
blah blah blah blah blah

Go to school
you can't be in a band
Take this seriously
******* it
do you want to be broke?
do you want to throw your life away?

Maybe, what is it anyway?
for the land of the free
We aren't given a lot of choices
you go to school
you go to college
or you get a job
you contribute
That's a joke
it's not contributing
It's slavery
well not me man
not me

*** Drugs and Rock 'n Roll
that's my life
and I have to fit the part
Besides
It's not like my parents
check the liquor cabinet
I'm going to make it man
going to be the next legend
Woah this stuff is strong
and I'm feeling sleepy
so... sleepy...

I've loved it ever since
I was a young boy
sitting in the car
heated leather seats
as my dad steered the car
in twists and turns
throughout the night
He could get that car
to move so fast
smoking his menthols
the smoke wafted out
like a cartoon
it formed a finger
and entered into my nostrils
I was hooked ever since

"Look what I stole from My dad"
Martin was vibrating with the deed
A card pack
colored red and white
filled with instant bad ***
"You have to inhale
when you light it"
"I know that jack ***"
the cherry sparked up
and I took the first drag
It was like inhaling
boiling hot ocean water
cough cough cough
holding it out
Martin took it carefully
like a black widow
and put it to his lips
basically the same reaction

We smoked a few more each
and got sick
I walked home
sitting on my bed
the biggest head rush
crashing against my skull
I passed out on my bed
lights on
fully clothed
and in love

One day at a time is the mantra of the sickly beggars I call my people
oh addiction, such a hot, edgy topic, look at you breaking down barrier after barrier
no not this one
this one's one for the people who took the road less traveled
only to realize nobody walks that path for a reason
the bushes buzz with flies looming over dumped ****** victims
women sell their trade for a feeling of being loved
and the monsters don't fear the dark
one day at a time
this will all be worthwhile in the end
the end.
it never comes really
you think it's just you? your ignorance makes me laugh to sickness
give me a runners high over a drug any day
like there's an actual difference between the two
like one hundred years from now we won't be sharing the same plot of dirt?
my awful lungs and liver and kidneys and heart
your slightly less awful organs
One day at a time
every day of the year
tally marked against white walls with posters of the things we took for granted
one
day
at
a
time
time to get up
it's a new day
roll the die
play the game
hope you get lucky
one day at a time

Sometimes I'm afraid of sounding pretentious
But don't get me wrong
I like *** and drinking and drugs
and a whole bunch of other dumb crap
and I will always find
farts to be funny
So there
I'm not pretentious
just a little kid
trapped in a pretentious body