Your ***** failure came to visit
My schizophrenia recited it's coils
Thoughts of anxiety
And writhing in my own skin.
I wanted two different things.
For this to work, my love flow to you
And yours back to me
Uninhibited
That free flowing connection I seem to have with so many people.  
Because I am strong and loving and patient.
But your ***** failure came to visit
And it brought revelation
In such a narrow minded translation
And you both preached of death
And evil
And releasing all suffering
Once the body stops beating.

I tried to show my rhythmic patterns
I wound up all my music boxes.
I said I thought we should appreciate
Each moment we are breathing.  

You both seemed offended.

I waited for you by the window
Wanting hard for you to stay
But when you both walked in the door
It was clear we were not the same.

We never were.
My mother, and then the grand
The lineage of my ancestory.
But how am I so different
From anything you'll ever be.

Wrapped to tightly in bible paper
And the law of the land.
Fantasizing about the day you die
So you can be with God

And you tried to tell me bad news
And I told you i already knew
I was not effected by the chaos
But you had more speech to ensue
And you spewed
Oh you spewed
Of every terribly saddening thing.
And I laughed out loud at your struggle
At your death mind writhing.  
And you looked to me as if I were trouble
Laughing at tragedy.
But I responded to you gently
With every body dies
And you went back to your speech
Of how only the good rise.

Aren't we all just holding so tightly
to these bodies
that we pray for an after life
I'm learning to appreciate
the life that I was given
And to trust that I've already risen
From the compounds of pleasure
And the lust from your wombs
And In the end
We will all have our tombs.

Stinking stingers electrocute my brains
burn my flesh and the smell is profane.
I always loved you
but i was never sane
So just for you
I will now refrain.

Hold my judgments
I'm not trying to wrong your rights.
I just want you to soothe inside.

Hold your judgments
its not me who doesn't care.
I just try to be aware.

I wanted to protect you
I wish you could stay a child
forever
and i could take care of you.
you would never have to cry
you would never have to try
i would do it for you
I would give it to you.
You would never have to hurt yourself
you would never have to suffer
I would destroy myself
I could be tougher.
If things could just be different
if you could be less damaged.

If i could have prevented
any of it from happening
anything that harmed you
I would have.
I had no control.
I wish you didn't blame me.
Just because i was all you had
doesn't mean that's how it was suppose to be.
We both needed something,
we both needed someone.
and you had me
but i missed our parents
and you had never known them.

Fantasy living

Fantastically giving

Moving through the ocean
of air.

How much space falls quietly
in between us.

Or do we even care.

Can we measure empty space
and say its truly miles in between.

when Reaching out is all it takes
to sew in a seam.

and the bridge would never fall
unless we burnt it to the ground.

We'll be living in all the oceans now.

Whisper softly,
no need to raise your voice.  
I'm Here just like always,
that is my choice,  
and I'm listening to you,
just like everybody's wanted.
You finally found some one to tell
all those things thatve left you haunted.

We are enclined to hide
yet we find comfort in exposer,
we are wired to lie
at the risk of some one getting closer.

But I'm tired of garments
hiding my truth
I'm tired of guilt
staining my youth.

And I want you to know,
that you can be free.
If you just let go
and put your trust in me.

Trance state and calling
Why I pain my own flesh
Why I excruciate each thought.
Who am I reacting to but myself
Do you want to give me my release
Or am I just here for you.
Some days I feel hung
Others not so
And then in that
I taste selfish on my tongue
Can I realize my pain for what it is?

Suctioning out the blister leak
The wounds infected again
And I tried so hard to keep it clean
....
Didn't matter in the end.
....


Exactly what do you mean,
This was avoidable?

Why don't you just cough on me
Enough of this down your sleeve
You breath on me
Your exhale is sweet
We share spit and we share drinks
But
There you are coughing down your sleeve
I know youre scared
Is just Human instinct
But I'm not scared of your disease
I know your failings I know your needs
I know your sickness
I watch it bring you to your knees
I'm just not so weak
My immunity is high
And if you cough On me I swear I won't die.

Send me the memory of
Everything you thought I'd be
Send me your memory
Of what I was meant to be
Cause I keep on forgetting

Your eyes....

Are so beautiful
If I could see what they see
Maybe life would be meaningful
Oh your eyes, they are so beautiful
If I could see what they see
Maybe I would be meaningful.

Shadows kiss me good night
Dancing before my splayed lids
How could I ever ask them to leave.
So assembled so straightforward.
I can barely shut off the view
Of light wave after dark rolling cloud
Swallowing space
And then itself.
Patches of brown
Red
Black
Shadows kiss my eyes good night
Which is why I never sleep.

Shadows cast across the cracks
Show me all your stories
Etching all your glories
In sandy imperfections
Scattered on your skin
In subtle expressed emotions
Emerging from deep with in.
Your ugly is so unflattering
But your give is so  adorning.

You flatter me In sacred scents
Something primal in what pulls me.
Dancing thoughts
Flooded emotion
Drive to become at one.

So simply I can't understand
Why we have two bodies.
What's the use in separation
If we ate only driven back into eachother.  
I dont know

Sweet Golden rung
You expel such beauty
then when day is done
Its like you never knew me.

Cradled glitter
Your left with out air
You night time sitter
Dew drops in your hair.

Bitter orange pulp peel
You tiresome fool
No time to heal
No time for you.

Echo Golden cast
You play life so stride
You live so fast
you've got nothing to hide.

Sweet golden rung
Your prepare such ember
When day is done
You never remember.

these eyes have never seen
what these skies have done to me
and i guess it never was as easy
as i claimed it to be.

these eyes have opened up,
but the sky it closes shut.
And home is all but nothing
I've held to for ages,

and it all comes crashing down
just like i always said it would.

Because they sky's don't know the meaning
But the eyes can see the point
that the life here that i'm leading
is living in joint.
and us we are all bleeding
Waiting for our anoint.

Your Solutions to my emotions
Become frustrating
Like I can't feel
And I know I do the same to you

Broken parts want mending
in catering to your sentimental
and making grave stones
To hold the weight
Of your greif.
I want not judgment
Or thoughts of what could have been.
But the acceptance that my wombs fruit
Decayed
Before it could be
Displayed
and my heart will never beat
In my fruit
Not that fruit.
Pray for new fruit
Someday fruit.
But not that fruit.
It decayed in the dirt
And I'm sad.
But I hold my grief
In wind chimes and grave stones
And sentimental is my pain
For the imaginary happiness
If things had ripened.

You fragrant thoughts
Swirl all around
My head
Such sweetness
From with in the mind
Of something
Quite like an angel.
I'm moved by your tendency
To try.
You have something so
Powerful.
Your efforts never swayed
By your failures.
Oh you know how to live.

If you've got something to show me
Well I would Love To go,
And if you've got something to tell me
I would love to know

Your every movement catches me
I'm curious you could say
And every day I follow you
Becomes a better day.

If it were possible to say something
More or less peneatratable
Would I have the conscious ability
To decipher how to reach
The furthest depths of you
Or would I choke under the pressure
Of getting you.
Would it just stop me in my tracks
To understand
I could change you as a person
With the right combination
Of some made up language
Which our ancestors have been evolving
For centuries.
That gives, let's talk a whole knew meaning
What am I doing to your mind?

Steam pressed cheeks
Mine to yours but think
Polorized.
You couldn't give me any more of your face.
But I would take beyond time
And hope you can breathe.

Soaking in all that you are
Bringing memory to me
Of every time that you move
And everything that you be.

Astounding, is the night time air
Only when it crawls through your hair.
Pressure is the feeling I get
With you in dew grass that's wet

I want nothing else
But to stand here
I want nothing else but to stand here
And watch the world spin round
In your face  
right here on the ground
I am watching the world spin round
In your face
It's all there....

Beckon me in to the stratosphere

show me all the way

I never wanted to be so near

to the never ending day.

But this one moment

has pulled me in.


Im sick of yesterdays
pulling me back
and tomorrows
pulling me forth.

But this one moment has pulled me in.

Im sick of past tense memories intruding

on this one moment thats pulling me in.

I'm sick of relating old to new

this one moment

I'm sick of everything that gets shoved in the way
of this one moment.

Winter has been aching .
For the lives it's been taking.
All in reactionary course
Reverberating universal remorse.
Echos in the ice cannon  Of the wrongs we commit
Crying to the winter for a one time requit.
But all in reactionary course
Humbling us with tradition of remorse.

You destroy me
I think of every time you have ever hurt me.
I have been living my life in guilt
from the moments i lose my temper.
You push my buttons
tear me down,
you don't even see the damage that you do.
You don't even realize how much i love you.
You have always dominated me.
You have always controlled me.
I wish i could have controlled you.
I lived my life wanting nothing more
but for you to be perfect
and i could carry all of our damage.
if thats how life worked

Dressing tedious
an easy pie
her black night Shimmer's
Controlled Sublime
I ask myself why
Who are the edges of my seams
rip up what's supposed to be underneath but I don't like it there anymore and I don't want it there
Black Knights Shimmer
It is in her hair
Blue Notes of Tangerine only when they're under moonlight
My qualities are growing dimmer my time is passing by me
but her Black Knight Shimmer brings me back
The water softens and Echoes the reflection back into the sky and I
I always ask myself why
And who are the seams that Hold Me Together and where did the dreams come from and where do the ideas come from and where does the mind come from and what is my mind truly trying to do and what is it trying to grasp and why is it why is it why is it still trying to survive

Your subtle expressiom calls me
Devoted disciple
Anything to heal you
I feel the change in your weather
Son gone astray
Mind gone loose
But there's still hope
As you're
Reacting to my every move
So I take charge
You could say I control you
Or do you control me?
I move in accordance to your shifts
I am aware of your expression
I find ways to change you from
Worse to better
With my own actions
All in love I say all in love.
Decisions made to better your day
Who am I to sway you
From your independence
But a lover full aware of your dependence.
We all need guidance
And you hold my lead on the other end of the field
But today your losing footing
And I'm carving stairs at your feet

So don't fear treading further up
This mountain we call life
I will always be one step ahead
I will always be in your bed.

I'm not addicted to drugs
I'm addicted to being high.

Choke me out
cause i love to die.

And then come back,
all electricuty...

sad to say noone ever knew me

Like I know me.

I'm not addicted to drugs

I'm addicted to being high.

I promise you that

I could never lie.

Its just that an altered state
is what I am seeking.

Those are the seeds I sow
and with luck, what I'll be reaping.

No, it doesnt take drugs
to alter the mind
and Im still learning
but im sure I'll find
what I've been yearning

and this this pain
from the constant burning
will go away

Santa Clause was never real for me..
I guess it was just instinct...
It was to hard for me to think
about some one always watching me.
And I guess that's probably why
I've always been scared to die
cause i dont want to think
no one will remember me.
© 43 minutes ago, Halley

Open up my ovaries
Expend the life inside of me
Into the cavern in your skull
In to the songs you sing in lull.
Bring me to your center fold
My blood and guts and getting old.
Show me how I age with time
And how you note my every sign.
It's easy here to stay with you
Whe love is seeding
Love is bloom
And I always point toward you
On yonder nights
Toward the future.
I'm looking to ya.

I'm shimmering reflection on liquid glass,
Looking deep into its own eyes.
My substance softens into
Abstract understanding
And it couldnt be any other way.
Just when you thought you could explain it, you realize just how limited language is.
Comprehending more than could ever be truly explained
We put our faith in parallel's made through parables, hoping another mind could see in between the lines
To the less defined image of what reality could be
If it wasn't just instinct.

Favor to your heart
My bleeding ribs
I kept you whole.
Favor to the heart
It's shooting blood.
My body begs for whole.
Sometimes I can feel the seams
Shredding at the finger tip
And when i touch up on this world
I mostly expect to bleed.

Washing the innards
Which have accumulated
Plac
From every wound that ever tried
To heal.

I nurture my disease in the corner of my mind
Bruised lids appreciate sight
More
Suffering for my enlightenment
I wonder how it would feel
Just to lay down on a hot bed of coals
Slow burn with the soul
Can I rush myself into coma
Be pleased with the empathy that comes from my heart for my self
And the guilt my mind carries
For my body.

You seek me out
of everything
To shy so i don't find you.

This universe works
in some pattern way.

Where the things that i struggle with
find me day after day.

You flea ridden animal
You blood stained flannel.
You needle in my bed of hay.

Funny how the things you hate
find you day after day

My second guessing played the lead roll

in all i ever did for you i never did for me

My ego always tried to play the soul

In all i ever tried to do its never what i meant to be

life has this way of turning things around

and I find its hard to keep my barrings in a crowd

Your presence seems to change me to something so profound

But still I get a little eager when your a little loud

I've never been so sure about anything
and yet when i think
I realize I'm not sure about anything
but you make me want to think

That nothing bad ever happens

Not to us, not to us

and nothing bad could ever happen

if we just love.

I used to shove needles in my arms.
Now I don't.
And i have to be honest
I'm having a bit of a identity crisis.

Who the **** am i
and what should I do?
I get up.
I clean up.
I wash up
I try.
But it really seems,
that I'll probably still die..
and if thats the case,
then whats the ******* point.
When the most fun you have
is when you hit the joint,
but dont get me wrong,
I like it just fine.
Just seems something stronger
could maybe ease my mind.
Like really what Im seeking
is a deep undead bed
where the breathing in my lungs
slowly comes to a stop
and before i know it
the whole worlds better off.
Like whats the point of living,
if you'll only ever die.

These are the things i think of
when i'm staring into the sky.