Vestal ****** ******* ***** in the temple;
Asian Paris Jack gun winding ode to the
broke & crazy sitting w/ the wrong drunken
fool walls teaching the hills to reason
catching waves of Denisovan park wide
clubbing of skinny gods; beating leather
stupid & genius that devil Mary lived
soundly in the Middle Ages turning drugs 
into partying hearts of reality literally dating
& talking to Telegonus & Einstein over
computer; flying desert dying passing
leaves & sand; changing & waiting to win
the singing competition; starting mankind
w/ honey sacred to the growing muses; 
the hidden thing happened to return magically
bigger than language the prophet leading
the plastic cops in riding the hopeful mom; 
what news of the centuries killing Bettie;
holding onto *****'s state ******* media
like early Dylan' older person corporate &
human like an Italian of course; the bleeding
sense machine is a robot torn by chaos 
into bearing its nature sold to the ants; its
existence a century of darkness I swear

I guess I don't have a conscious
I don't care what they say
I'll do things my way
even if it hurts someone's feelings

I sleep without thinking
did I hurt you
I just don't know

the sun reminds me of my ego
so prideful
all I ever see is me

I'm sorry
I can't hug you to sleep

I'm sorry
I'm sick
that I'll never
understand

I really haven't learned

It's bizarre
I fell too far
so close to the light
I wonder what's behind
to see the stars that don't shine so bright

mangos and apples
we screamed for hours
smiles from flowers
my legs are shaking
I can barely make it

I'll see you again
not today
I'll speak to you differently
I'll pretend

for now
I stay behind
let others be ahead
I want a deep breath

don't know what to say
need a signal to stay

we keep driving each other away
it hurts to love

the heavy feeling
in my heart

signs
that aren't mine

should I leave tonight
wonder if we ruined another day

feels like a burden
I can hear your hurting

smoke another cigarette
close enough

don't you know
this isn't love

more than anything i seek
validity as who i will become
because i am still becoming.

in all fairness
i have need to seek further discovery
of this strangeness that is life

and must accept,
for now,
a sort of misunderstanding of my soul's caliber

from those who view me
but even as i accept
i do not assent to constancy in this

i still feel mercurial
maybe it's the coming-of-age they all lament
the loss of kiddish ignorance

but above all
when the waters of my life finally settle
i seek validity in who i am

I wish you weren't afraid,
I wish you didn't have to be,
I wish the world were different,
Different so you could be free,

I wish that people were different,
More accepting, maybe,
That they were less narrow minded,
That  they could actually see,

You are so amazing,
So wonderful to me,
So good, and kind, and loving,
More than some people will ever be,

Who you love doesn't matter,
All that matters is that you love, really,
And you have so much love in your heart,
I wish that you were free.

I do not know what the trouble was that caused this.
It was soft, supple, and bright.
It was whole, and I watched it all I could,
My mouth agape with love and joy.
I hugged it closely to my *****, like a babe,
And felt the fluttering thump of livingness.
I held it as it dried to dust.
What loss! What dissolution!
What betrayal of trust!
I am soiled with the ashes of what once was
And what could have been.
I wash these blackened hands again
And again, yet the smell,
The burning stench of rot
Has soaked into my very flesh.
I tote it now, like a badge, the black hands.
I am a murderous brute.