I'm sorry for the way you were treated
When I was thirteen, fourteen,
Fifteen, sixteen

There is no excuse for bad behaviour
But have you ever spent so many years thinking
That death was better, that your life was fleeting
Of living, dying, and endless crying
Of an ache so bad it shut your mouth,
It stopped all the words that needed to come out
The pain of starving to lose a pound
The torment of feeling as though you had drowned

Have you ever looked up
How many painkillers it takes
To stop your heart,
To end this race
Have you ever clawed
At your skin
because your soul was trapped in a prison
Have you ever thought that before sixteen
Your life would end silently?

There is no excuse for the way you were treated
Only an explanation into why
I stared through you for days on end
I was too busy contemplating suicide
I am sorry for the times I opened my mouth
And only cruel, harsh words fell out
I am sorry for the days that started off so good
I am sorry for the lies, you did all you could
I never noticed the looks you gave
To each other when I began to cave
I never heard the words you spoke
“she’s not talking today”
I had given up hope

Now today we are older, still friends
Yet we hardly talk
I made it end
But I had good days, even then
And I look back fondly

Depression is a mist of darkness
It ruins friendships, blinds partners
I can barely speak of it now,
How close I was to the end
I can only say I'm sorry
and I wish you were still my friends