i'm tired of trying
trying to feel okay,
to even look okay.

it's so draining

there's no point,
you told me to try for you, if not for me.
i'm trying SO hard for you

im exhausted

i'm slowly heading back into that darkness-
that emptiness
the sinking feelings inside
the feeling of being lost
the knowing
the knowing that there's no hope for me

you said if i tried hard enough
i'd be happy

im trying my hardest,
and i haven't found him yet.
i haven't found the happy me.

you told me to stay for you
you told me i belonged here still

is this what you asked for?

you asked for me to stay.

the me that's here isn't what you wanted back.

i'm empty,
and i can't keep kidding myself.
i can't keep kidding you.
i can't give you the happy me you wanted back.

you told me you didnt feel loved,
so i tried to give you more love than i was supposed to.

i did too much.
i gave you too much affection.
i made too many mistakes,
and,
i guess,
my efforts werent enough for you,
or maybe they were too much for you

i did almost everything you wanted me to.
i tried to be myself,
i tried to be funny enough,
i tried,
for you.

i was too much for you,
too many emotions,
too many thoughts,
too much hurt,
too many problems,
too much darkness.

i tried to be a positive part of your life.
and i only ended up hurting you

and for that,
im sorry.