Sometimes
I decide to open up to you
But then
As soon at the words are out
I instantly regret
And I want to
Take them back
But I can't
And it makes my heart hurt
Because I'm vulnerable
I feel naked
And you know,
So then,
Of course,
Instead of telling you why
And possibly helping you understand
My fear of opening up
I cut off the conversation
It's gone
No use in talking to me anymore
I'm gone
And I stitch my mind and heart
And I run
Then you feel like you did something
Wrong
But you didn't
You were right
So right
I'm wrong
Then I go home
And the loneliness is back
And...
Where are my blades?

Im not sure who
I am
I don't know
Im disconnected
Who is this girl?
I don't know
Who is she?
Who knows?
I don't know
Im disconnected
We all think each other is
strong
But were not strong
The hard part about being "strong" is
That no one ever asks
"Are you okay?"
Nobody asks
We're disconnected
"Do you need help?"
No.
"How are you?"
Im fine
"Are you sure?"
Yeah im good
Nobody thinks
She could be dying inside
We're disconnected
Im fine...
Im fine...
I'd rather be in a casket
Than walk around one more day as this
Zombie
One more day
One more day
One more day
I just need to get through
One
More
Day
Then I realize
Its my fault
Im the cause of
My own demise
Im the
Artist
Architect
That builds these walls
These walls that I call
My home
or is it my
Prison
Cause im locked in this cell
And I have every tool to
Break the walls
But my mind is too
Clouded
By the storm
I don't see the
Rainbow
Forming
I've been
Living a lie
I want to be real
Authentic
Genuine
If im not real
I might
As well
Die
As Christians
We
Can
Not be
Fake
Plastic
Dead
I don't want to
Just exist
I want to
Build up relationships
That's what we're
Called
To do
its been such a long road
Been a
Wrong road
Acting like nothing is ever wrong
Sometimes
Its easier to love
Strangers
Than it is friends and families
Don't get it
Twisted
I
Love
Them
But I fight
So I don't get another
Wound
That I
Cant
Mend
What would happen?
What would happen if I showed you my
Scars?
Would you run?
Would you scream and
Say
Cover them
Because we all have scars
We've been trapped behind bars
That we Cant escape,
Or we didn't know
We had the power all along
To escape
But we buy into the lie that we're
Powerless
Hopeless
Worthless
Not in the eyes of
Jesus Christ
I've been searching for
Approval
Since my earthly daddy left me
And my family
I always wondered
What he saw in me
That would make him so
Angry
Desperate
Hungry
To leave me
Abandon ship
I want to make people
Happy
I live to
Please
I want to be noticed
Yet not noticed at all
This pain
Its like a disease in me
And I think that's true
For many of you
Not just
For me
what kind of useful
Is a church
With
A disease?
Do we want to poison?
I want to
Help
Not please
I want to love
Not make people happy
With myself
Do you see?
make them happy
With the only one we should Ever try to please
"God did not give us a spirit of
Timidity
But a spirit of
Courage"
Power and courage
Anger
Born
From
Pain
Needs to be
Released
Im sick and tired
Of being in pain
On this road
Solitary
On the surface
I have it made
But if you looked
Inside
Im drained
I haven't been
Fine
In a long time
But in the church
If you release
The truth
Its a crime
When's the last time you heard someone
Speak up with
A prayer request that was
Confessing an
Affair
Or fantasies
Or homosexuality
Rare
But it shouldn't be
I can assure you
This kind of adventure is
Reckless
Crazy
Daunting
But it is so, so
Worth it
Lets be refined
Like silver
Purified in the burning fire
We're walking on a tight rope
Holding on for dear life
Afraid to look down
Afraid to fall
But if we lost our grip
And started to fall
Our father
Is
Right
There
He
Never moved
We're tired
Trying to keep ourselves admired
We weren't meant for this
We were
Made for more
More than a vicious
Cycle
Of
Fear
Speak up.
Women of faith
Speak up.
Men of courage
We don't give ourselves
Permission
To feel
We wear the mask
We let fear
Control the choices we make
It conquers our lives
Fear is a snake
A snake
In the garden
That we need to
Hate
Lets be
Transparent
If we're
Transparent
There is no way
To be accused
Of being a
Hypocrite
Be who you are
In
Christ Jesus
He knows
Everything
About you
Already
So
You
Have
A
Start
its much more
Lovely
When you can see the
Landscape
The sunrises
Sunsets
Flowers
And nature
Instead of
The dark
Grey
Dismal
Stones
Of the walls you built over the
Years
take his hand
Grab your mat
And
Walk