Ghenwa: Poems

Ghenwa May 2013

facing each other
this is what they made of me
where they drowned me
my dreams and hopes
my fears and my lies
they drowned my ambitions and my happiness
so i guess this is it
what they call life
and you're just another one
another one
in their sick little game
their sick little machine
you're not the first
or the last
you're one in millions
manipulated
manipulated dreams
ambitions
desires
wants
and
needs
this is what they do to you
and me
and everybody else
we're just actors in their absurd scenarios
we're just dolls in their hands
we're just unimportant to them
they **** us
one by one
but they already made us
all you do is die
day after day
unimportant, forgettable
that's what you are
and that's what your death will be

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Ghenwa Sep 2019

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and then,
there was missing you
between the drunken times
and the fake smiles
i found myself thinking
of the way way you used to hold my hand
the way you used to hold me
the way you enjoyed being around my friends
sometimes, on nights like these
i miss the way things were
on nights like these
reality hits
hard
and the weight of the world falls on my shoulders
it’s a good reminder to be around people you love
people you care about
some people you cherish
some people who feel the same about you

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Ghenwa Jan 2017

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I've felt the words, pierce through my veins
From I love yous to goodbyes
You are the reason there is art in me
The kisses you lay on my skin
And the way you paint me with your hands in the dark
Navigating from my eyes to my cheeks
And tracing my lips with your fingers
And you stop at my neck,
To feel my pulse and maybe if I'm still breathing right
Because by now I'm not
And you kiss my cheek to say something funny in my ear
To make me smile

I've felt the sting of words when you said I'm good enough
But left me for her

But you know and I know, she's much better

I've felt the sting of words and I love you,I love you, I love you
From the way you looked the other way around when i said it

And I've felt the sting of goodbyes
When you didn't look back

And I feel the sting in every unexpected hello
When we meet in a coffee shop
And i dread to look at the person behind me
every text, once in a while
When I fear to fall back in you arms
You're the vicious cycle I can't escape
My sleepless nights and shaky hands
Tearful eyes and mascara cheeks
I'll say that once again and for the last time
I love you
I miss you
But you're no good for me

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Ghenwa Oct 2017

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I want you to see me in a pretty dress
something that’ll please you
or a high bun that I put down
I think that’ll tease you

hey baby
i want you on your worst behavior

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Ghenwa Oct 2021

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the ones i love most, scattered around the world.
London, Paris, Dubai, Montreal etc.

the ones left here go through waves of anger and sadness.
their loved ones are scattered around the world.
and they’re looking to join them.

and everybody asks me when my turn is coming, assuming that i’m joking when i say i’m not leaving.

but there’s a simple answer,
i love it here.
it’s my home.
i can’t be think of myself being anywhere else in the world right now.

vices

Ghenwa Apr 2014

vices

let me introduce you to my dearest friends,
addiction;
sweet serenity
pain and passion
desire and love,
depression;
sadness and melancholia
nostalgia
the weight of the world bringing you down
the thoughts about yourself
anxiety;
your fast heartbeats
your breathless minutes
the time you think it's over for you
when you close your eyes
you're ready to say goodbye
the feeling of never being good enough.
i have those vices, i have those problems
end up crying in the middle of the night,
hoping no one hears a sound.
trying to make everything better by believing
it would get better
giving myself hope
when there could be none.
i have died so many times
inside of my head
i have tried too many times
to get out of my head
but it never seems to work
now let me introduce you to my worst enemy;
time.
ticking by so fast,
taking every breath of mine
ticking too slow,
when pain knocks on my door
letting the nights of happy moments pass by
and the night of suffering endless
but a second is always a second,
and a minute a minute
and time will tic-toc
tic-toc
till you run out of heartbeats,
happy or not
but it's all in your head
when you take your moments too fast and too slow,
it's all in your head when time passes by so quickly
it's all in your head when you die before you do.

but is what's in your head real?
because reality doesn't exist
and nothing else does,
everything is how we create it and see it
nothing is too real to our eyes and nothing is too surreal.

i know i think too much,
maybe it's because i think too much
that i have so many vices
and fears
but to get rid of those,
you'd have to give up thinking,
would you?

vox

Ghenwa Dec 2021

vox

It is in the midst of insecurity
weakness and pain
that I found my voice
resonant, loud
not lurking in the shadows
It is in the darkest of times that my creative soul emerged
embraced me in its warmth
and gave me a sign
a forever reminder
that I can carry a world with words
that my hands were made to create
a forever reminder
that insecurity will not eat me up
it will not consume me
it will not overpower me
my power lays in words, needle and thread
most importantly
my power lays in a burning passion for what i do
a burning passion that will not dim nor fade away into the uncertainty of insecurity

#insecurity #depression #strength #voice

warp and weft

Ghenwa Oct 2021

warp and weft

my world has spun around you as its orbit for way too long
i choose to distance myself day after day for my own sanity
as you have woven so many parts of me and it became way too hard to untangle
so i choose to leave them messy
a reminder of the love that turned into self damage
i’ll weave them together slowly and with time
thread by thread
weft and warp
it will not look the same as it has once before

i choose to distance myself from this love,
to heal from the pain it has cost me

as the world stops to spin and revolve around you
i find, slowly, happiness i’ve missed
i know there was happiness and that there will be more of it
as my heart gets woven back again into the pieces i thought i had lost

why won't you leave me

Ghenwa Jun 2016

why won't you leave me

our bed has turned in an ice cold battlefield
as the days pass
and our hearts grow more distant
we start to slip off slowly
into nonchalant habits
that lack all sorts of love that we had

and even if
any of us could have opened the door
left to seek no return
we haven't yet

so many times did you try
not intending to leave

but when i ask you to leave
you stand at the door half openhalf closed
looking at me
like the world just crumbled down your feet

leave me,
and the monsters in my head alone.

leave me,
we're both too messed up
to be together
to be in love

oh but honey we are

the screaming and fighting
made us want to throw things at each other
but never did
we're not violent
and each time it was over
you'd touch me slowly
as if
trying to heal me
as if touching my wounds
as if
as if you scratched me
with a red red rose's thorn

so now you're standing at the door
one foot in and one foot outside
and in your eyes a question;
'do you really want me to go?'

and as i sit on the floor
i whisper with tears in my eye
and a sting in my throat
'why won't you leave me?'

words

Ghenwa Oct 2013

words

they say i'm good with words
but i was never good at anything
i chained myself to the thought
of being left behind
and it haunted me
until i learned to let go
when i found out
that words
are the strongest weapons
the most hurtful swords
they build and break
guess i'm friends with words
they say what i think
tell me the truth
make me feel okay

You, are greatness

Ghenwa Jul 2014

You, are greatness

Today, my mother gave me a hug.
It's wasn't just one of those hugs,
it was a hug that said
'I am proud of you'
It was a hug that said,
'you're a woman now,
you almost made it through'
And as the years passed
I never thought I'd be where I am now,
I am just trying to find myself.

Today, my family said some nice things about me,
it was nice,
because I never would have thought,
ever,
that I'd be the person I am now,
I never thought,
I'd be able to go through it all,
the shyness
the bullies
the scoliosis
and still be alive
But guess what?
I am.
I am alive and kicking
like a baby wanting to get out
during the 9th month

I am alive and kicking like a soccer player
who desperately needs to win a match

I am alive and kicking like every drop of blood in my body
kicking through my veins
and keeping me the way I am

And if I could send a message to who I was,
I would say
'You might not think much of yourself today,
but tomorrow, you will be proven wrong,
because you are worth it,
you are worth a fight,
you are a fighter
and you will fight to be a great person,
or at least to seek greatness in yourself
and in everything you do'

you're human my darling

Ghenwa Jul 2013

you're human my darling

with a small smile, i said to him
the truth is gonna hurt you
words are gonna wound you
missguided souls are gonna haunt you
but darling,
you're human.
and after all
let it go my love,
because one day,
in the storm
i'll be here to keep your feet to the ground
i'll be here to watch the sunset with you
i'll be here to watch you go when it's time
i'll try to keep going.
i'll let go soon enough
i'll have to say goodbye, the way i said hello
because after all we're human and i have to let you go

— The End —