Witches brewing evil **** in the cauldron
Mamas itching to get her hands on it
Fill up the tin and she forgot who her kids were again
Too high chasing butterflies and dancing in the street
Not enough money for the children just to eat
cause she sold her ebt looked me in the eyes and said pretty please
Forgive me baby, please don't cry
Never will admit for the reason why
I smoked dope when I was 17
Maybe that's why I found the sympathy she needs to repent for her sins she commit way back when when we were still pure but not much of that lasted we grew cold
And I grew older, enough to realize what's behind her sad dead eyes
Because the fallen angel still hums to me at night  
Bringing me back to that time in the broken RV when she handed me the pipe and promised I could fly and i did
But I crashed and burned and I yearned for more
And more I needed it I took it and I smiled and I laughed because I was free from the shackles that held me grounded
And my head flourished  
And malnourished I became because I sold all my work to buy more fine power
The voices grew louder and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't silence them
The evil had taken me and till death I was due to live a life just needing one more hit

if you were a drug i wouldn't have a sober vein left in my body.

It's a strange thing to notice.
Youve known me for more than just awhile now but still know very little about me.  

You have not seen the inside of my mind
When the only thing that gives me the slightest satisfaction
Is the thought of the world without me.
But that would mean you'd be without me.
Well, I'd be without you..

Its just that
I'm a mess and I don't know how to fix myself.
Since meeting you I've began wishing for more time
Apposed to wanting less.

I fell asleep at 3:24am whispering things  only the sun knows now.
I told the man on the moon about you. I hope he's good at keeping secrets.

I let him touch me for the first time last night

And for a minute it felt like you had come home.

knotted hair, an empty, cigarette stained smile, lost in denial.

I've lacked to act like myself lately, and im sorry.

I get high off the thought of you and crash when i realize you’re just a memory i still cling to

I want to kiss you
a deep kiss showing my passion is true

I like expressing my
feelings towards you
I dont know if you actually give a ****
And dont care if you do or not but thats how bad you got my heart

You are a novel that I crave to read
I want to memorize every page
Read you over and over again
In hopes that one day I can appear in your lovely story again

I put the cigarette to my lips
Inhaled deep
I felt the smoke invade my lungs
I knew it would **** me over time

I put the bottle to my lips
Poured it down my throat
I felt the alcohol settle in my empty stomach
I knew it would **** me without moderation

I craved to put your lips to mine
All worries put aside
To feel your hands intertwine in mine
This is killing me now

My mother told me you can't fix glass once it's broken
She told me this when she found me locked in my room at the age of 6 trying to fix her vase I knocked over playing ball in the house
She told me you're suppose to get the broom and dust pan and clean it up
Disgaurd it in the trash where it belongs
And that's why I call you an idiot when you say you love me
You're only going to end up with a chest full of shards and a few open gashes
You don't try to mend glass
Onces it's broken you can never fix it completely
No matter how much glue you try to use

they say you accept the love that you think you deserve,
and i wonder what love  that belongs to me
and which i accept  and maybe deserve.

We all know nothing solves insomnia
Like a nice warm glass of regret, depression, and self loathing.

You could tell me that the sky is red
And I just might believe you
Because with that voice
All my doubts were silenced.

I've never be able to compose my thoughts or feelings before my eyes, but if I could I'd assume it'd go a little like this.  

Its the kind of thing that will leave you wide awake, unable to sleep at 12am.
Your voice.
It provoked a feeling of warmth.   With that voice, my deepest doubts were silenced.
You are a work of art.
Intriguing and unique.
I am infatuated,
With this masterpiece I see.

And again i lay in bed.
It seems I cannot drift to sleep.
Its been happening more lately.
Countless thoughts racing.
With a mind like a highway.  
Its 12:02am and I'm listening to songs that remind me of you.
Every lyric shoots Into me like a bullet with your name on it.

I've always noticed the way your face creased when you smiled so perfectly.
Wondering if I was ever the cause of it.  
My cheeks flushed when you looked at me
I knew that much.

There's something about you in those moments of subtle bliss
Your body is alive,
There's a light in your eyes
Something that makes me happy.

Its a weird sensation like this,
But its pretty awesome that we can feel this way about another human being.

Summer is so peaceful
it is the loudest season of them all
If you listen closely you can hear the wind wildly blowing through the fully bloomed trees
You can hear the birds conversating with each other so gracefully
they too long for summer for they can finally come home
the chatter of your neighbors as their family come to visit them
Summer is so  beautiful
Its a shame the days get shorter

As a wave of nostalgia crashes upon the sea of depression,
It makes staying afloat harder.
The struggle starts to intensify,
Your breaths become shorter.
You start to drown,
All you see is red
As your wrists are kissing razors.
Your tears are a storm approaching,
Your thoughts are the lightening.
You have drowned completely.
You're too deep under to swim back to safety.
You can't breathe,
This is it.  
Its taken over you.  
The sea is now above your head,
Surrounding you.
There's no way to escape it.
It has control of you.

I cannot find myself to believe that something can last forever.
If things were meant to last forever
My cigarette wouldn't burn out.
Our conversations wouldn't end.
Feelings would stay the same.
You would still love me like you claimed you once did.
And maybe I would have been blinded from the truth forever.

I missed you for a long time in too many ways
That it became just another part of me
Engraved deeper into my heart with the passing of time.
I would wake up
stretch, breathe, and miss you.
They told me to let it go
To let you go
And I would say:
You cannot simply will your heart to stop beating
That no matter how long you hold your breath for
You cannot hold it forever
And i could only stop missing you
If I stopped being myself entirely.

You begin to haunt me,
I can't seem to draw you out of my thoughts.  
You're trapped there.
The question is
Do I want you out?
Every time I gazed at the stars
I craved to gaze into those eyes
That make me feel alive.
Do I want to break free from this
curse you've set upon me?
I'm not ready to let go.
I don't think I'll  be ready.

Your eyes say a lot about who you are beneath your guarded surface if the right one is looking
The nights spent aching over a deminished love, tossing and turning, holes in your heart burning
The pain you hide so well is revealed  when they take a good look into your dull eyes
The circles from the sleepless nights that your makeup won't cover, they will know and they will love you
They will understand the secrets your eyes have vaguely told and they won't speak a word about it

These pills aren't going to fix me
They only bring a temporary bliss
Fake happiness I've been medicated to feel
Why would I want to be dependent on a drug to be happy?
I miss one day and suddenly the thoughts of suicide reoccur more vividly
I choose to just deal with the mess I've made of myself
Instead of being convinced this magic pill will take the thoughts away

To be forgotten by you
Would be worse than death

Its pathetic, really
Love, lust, longing and all
Allowing someone to invade your mind
Creeping into your soul
Every thought you have involving them
Those stupid butterflies and goofy grins
All for what?
Wasted time?
What's the point?
We aren't really sure in the end.
It was beautiful at first  
Until realization kicks in
The truth starts to hit.
Your name isn't  relevant to them
Yet the nostalgic feeling of what once was refuses to leave
You know you should let go
But that glimmer of hope that once day they will love you again keeps you dreaming.
So foolish.
Yet so addicting.

Can we start over?
Can we become strangers again?
Let me introduce myself
And relearn the things we already know
And create new memories
And give each other another chance

You are the person
I'll never stop looking for
In a crowded place.

They'll tickle your spine with their fingers
Scrape their teeth against your neck
Whisper sweet nothings into your ear
Pinch your hips
Laugh in your face
And say
Baby, you didn't mean a thing.

I have never met a person that could make me feel so empty
Yet so full of life all at once
And it scares me to think you are not a constant in my life
But I cannot get enough of you

Sadly, you are the sun
And I am the moon
We can never really be one.

It is a curse
To feel everything
So deeply

But how can I move on
When your fingerprints are still on my heart
And your voice still resonates down to my toes
and that smile still lives in my eyes
And every time my mind wanders it goes to you?

Why would you choose a hurricane over  sunshine?

im sorry i cannot paint you extravagant pictures
because the beautiful things in my head
cannot be translated.

im sorry i cannot write you wonderful love letters
because  my mind races too fast when i think of you
i couldnt jot the thoughts down fast enough.

i cant do anything that would be worth your humor
but i can promise to stand by you for however long you need me to
i will be whatever you want need, girlfriend, friend, or gone with the wind
as long as you keep that beautiful smile on your face that warms me within.

My eyes have just seen the littlest bit of the new day.
My lips just touched the morning cigarette.
My body barely functioning as I stretch away the night before.  
You hit me like a ton of bricks.
Your name and the past filled my head again.  
So early this time.
You didn't even give me a chance to fully grasp the daylight.

I'm a little drunk  right now
drowned the butterflies you gave me with whiskey
the alcohol isn't numbing away my feelings towards you
Nothing left to do
besides drink until I have the courage
to tell you all the things that are past overdue
I'm drunk enough to blame it if you don't want me
And drunk enough to pretend I've forgoten in the morning

It corners you at night
and every time you're alone
It slowly gnaws away any fragment of happiness
you allow yourself to obtain.
it eats every  last shred, until there's nothing left
except pain and eventually death.

why must you ache inside?
praying for someone to come along
to stay up with you until three in the morning
and listen attentively as you list your worries and passions
and burdens, to be envious of your attention
and hold you close without judgment
to be there with you when you're feeling most alone
to assure you everything will soon be okay once you forgive
and remind you that every sunrise and crashing wave is a chance to make things right.

you must realize that no one will be waiting there with open arms
ready to replenish every empty space in your heart.

no one will see you perfect, especially with those crooked teeth that you hate so much.

Where has magic gone?
Not a person, not a man
My father taught me young, that there were very few men I could trust
That it was better to sit pretty, to smile; this would be a weapon later
But he was right, it was one of the few things he taught me
Through example, through bared teeth laughter despite anger
I think he was the one who showed me how to pray even though this faith didn't quite fit him either
I wish I could remember what God felt like back then
If it made suffering easier
If there was ever a day where I didn't feel like I had my name on a waitlist for hell
I know I never hoped for angels
I've been waiting for the evil witch instead

i can’t decide if i’m okay with the way you stay on my mind
all the time or if it really bothers me because
you’re wonderful to think about
but awful to consider
the best part is that you have no idea
or maybe you do and i am the one left clueless and in awe of your kind face
sometimes i’m underwater
and you’re my surface
and other times you’re the water that fills my lungs so fatally well
because sometimes i think we’re on the right track
and others i fight the upward battle
and sweetheart
i’m losing

i live in a state of constant anxiety
where taking a full breath is highly unlikely.
i always fear doing things wrong,
would you love me after i proved i was unstable?

We slept, body’s twined together
fingers tangled
legs knotted
your breath filled my lungs
and mine filled yours
in sleep, we were unbreakable
The days pain could find no cracks to linger in between our pressed flesh

I lay in the grass
As the alcohol creeps on me
Completely gone from reality
Lost in the sky
Away from my mjnd
And yet,
You've still found a way to taunt me
Not so much you
but the memories of you and I
Once again I can't ******* escape
No matter how much I try
Or how many shots I consume
I'm wasted thinking about the past again
I can't run and I can't hide
Even when I'm lost in the sky.

You grew flowers in the darkest parts of my heart
And im apologizing now that I'm incapable of accepting them
I can't breathe
I hope that one day you find someone who will water the flowers for you instead of picking them one by one

What are you scared of?
Crashing and burning again?
Did you ever reconstruct at all?
You've seen this
Neutral face in the dark listening to the faint whispers start bashing through your skull not knowing what to say back
Oxygen hit your veins they're turning red again
The serpents coming home
Drowning in the dejavu, you've seen this all too many times.

It burns so much to think that his hands touched another girls' the way they touched me
I waited for him and he took advantage of me never being able to say no
and I couldn't smell the cinnamon whiskey on his breath because I was already drowning in it
but he could never touch me unless he threw a few back

you cant just avoid me and use me for your own pleasure
then tell me you miss me knowing id extend to desperate measures
just to make you mine again and bring us back to january
when i was your sanctuary
but now the image of us is nothing but imaginary

Broken down, battered and confused
you left me alone in your arms
I fought to rebuild and revise
and I stopped justifying the lies
and I started to relapse
I was weak, a crutch kept me up but your venom always wore it down
I'm stronger now but my heart still ached when i saw your name blink across my screen
and now I'm lost
laying in bed with a lover thinking about you
I packed a bag and I'm ready for my cue
please just tell me you want to need me again too..

once nostalgia begins to creep
i think of how the good in our goodbye was a lie
because it has been nothing but tears ever since

I measured the miles with the love that I had given to you as my heart traveled mindlessly across the thin telephone wire and countless text messages.
I lost sleep over the thought of being able to touch you one day.
I lose sleep over imagining the feel of your breath across my neck as you held me like I was the only **** thing that mattered to you .
I see you in the midnight stars and in the empty crosswalks and in the scrambled words that litter abandoned buildings
the words are a mess just like my thoughts are whenever I talk to you.
I hear your voice in the back of my head constantly repeating the words i love you
it's like a ******* record that is scratched and it won't stop no matter how many times I try to turn it off.
I heard your laugh ring through my ears until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I'm sorry for taking so long, it was the traffic.
so keep waiting for me—keep waiting, alright?
i’m not far off. I’m only a half hour away from your heart.

it blows my mind to even think that after we are both gone, no one will remember our special moments
no one will be around to tell the story of our first kiss that opened my wounds and healed them*

lets lay in the grass when the light goes dim
lets have a good time by laughing the seconds away
lets sit close so that nothing can break us
and let the night swift its way

lets sit hand in hand
promising to each other
that to the day we give way
we will never let go

He said
"You're independent and its kind of scary, i want you to need me
I want you to want me
You're so cold
Why can't I slide in,
Mentally, physically, emotionally"

"Because his finger prints are still on my body
The warmth of his breath is still on my neck
The only thing missing is the hickey on my chest"

Just talk to me
I want to know if you've been aching lately
Is there a void you've been trying to fill?
What's her name?
Have you been drinking to haze some pain?
Can I tell you about how I've been craving your warmth?
Summer is very nostalgic to me
The season of your embrace
Let's talk, I crave real conversation with you