How pathetic is it
That everytime I hear the roaring
Of a diesel engine
I turn around to glance
Secretly hoping it may be you
But you sold your truck,
And you no longer come out
To this part of town.

How pathetic is it that everytime a sad song
Creeps up on me
On the radio
My heart begins to pound
And the sound of your voice
Swirls around in my brain
Like a never ending vortex
And I'm reminded
Of everything you once said
The song may be over,
But I still remember it word from word
And I always seem to find it
Still stuck in my head

How pathetic is it
That still to this day
You're the only soul that's ever gotten
To me
So deep you pierced my heart
Your mark is within me forever
And it never will heal
The scar will forever be noticable


How pathetic is it
That when I lay down at night
I replay the whole past in my head
I remember every word
Every detail
And the exact way you said my name
And If you said my name
One last time
I then could die a happy girl

How pathetic is it
That you control my every day
Yet I have not seen you in almost a year
And you are always there waiting for
Me
In my dreams
I just can't seem to escape from you
And once I awake
I'm left feeling as if a hole was punched
Through my chest
I feel so empty

Maybe tonight I'll be able to
Get you off my mind for a little
When my blood is flooded with alcohol
Even then,
You cross my mind and I feel
Myself wallowing in my own sorrow
Dreaming of the future we could have had
And wondering where it all went wrong


Its beyond pathetic knowing
I'll never get over you
Even though you're over me
And long gone
Never to return to this part of town

I'm pathetic and I'll admit it
Only because maybe you'll see
I need you
And come back and save me

the soft snow bed
that lays on top of  the mountains
melting down
into the frozen lake
with soft slippery rocks
that feels good to drown your feet in
and feel the cold water dig under your finger nails
your hear beat,slowing down
you feel the clouds move
and you feel your skin streching
and for the first time
the trees became your best friend
the wind becoming music
to your brain

you slowly open your eyes
and slowly part your dried lips

you whisper in a sleepy voice
"i never felt so alive"

It's better this way.
I'm better off as a
spectator to the
way everyone
else finds happiness.

They dress their
best and pray on
sundays.
I drink in stale
clothes and laugh
out loud in the
open park in
the dead of night.
High and at one
with the
thieving masked  
lords of the night.

Theirs are goals
and mine are troubling
questions that cause them
discomfort.
I try to pull on
the  answers
no one wants
to really
hear,
not even
myself.

They all long for
love and praise.
Heart shaped
chocolate filled
boxes is what
represents their
artificial idea
of love.

I touch not on
this subject.

I chase away my madness
while drunk and too
high to keep up with
my own shadow.

You'll find me in
the darkness if I let
you.

I'll have the pistol in
my pocket, a bottle
in my hand
and this dead
end love on
the mind.

I sat on a hill one morning
6:00
One morning

The foggy blue sky
Became
A melting red strawberry
With a pinch of peaches
And coffee cream
Painted on the sky

The grass freshly wet
From the morning dew
Oh I wish I could put it in a tea cup
I would sip it all up
Down my ribs it will go
Painted on my lips
That'll do...
A sad tree leaning on its lover
All the others looking
Jealous
Of the love they hold
On the tips of there wooden fingers

The sun coming up slowly
Burning everything with the word
"Beauty"

My fingers sinking in the soft dirt
Reminding me of my morning coffee
Riding up to my nails

The morning of the day
Putting the haze and daze
In my eyes

I think of her
And her green,brown,beautiful eyes

And I drown
In the earths tears